Happy New Year!!

Awww, it's the last post of 2011! As you read this, I am headed to ATL. Can you believe this is the first year ever that I'm doing something to celebrate the new year? Crazy, right?! Anyway, I wish all of you a fun and safe New Year's celebration. May 2012 bring you peace, prosperity, love, and your heart's desire.

(P.S.: If you are making resolutions, check out my article on Suite101.com on SMART Resolutions for the New Year!)

Google Friend Connect is Going Away

Ever since my days on Blogger, Google's Friend Connect has been my favorite way to follow blogs and see who is following mine. Unfortunately, Friend Connect is one of the products that Google is planning to cancel. By March 1, 2012 all non-Blogger sites (such as this one) will not have access FC. Instead, the hope is that people will start using Google+ to connect. Ummmm, problem: I don't use Google+. I do have a personal G+ page, but I couldn't tell you the last time I used it. The same is true for the few people I know who even bothered to sign up for it in the first place.

I said all of that to say that I hope those of you who follow KinxnQuirx via Friend Connect will use one of the other avenues to follow, including:

1. The KnQ Facebook page, which is updated whenever there is new content

2. An RSS feed that lets you follow through your favorite reader or receive posts in your email

3. Twitter: blog updates plus my personal randomness

All of these options (and some) are available to the right side of the page, so feel free to hit that follow button! I'm removing the Friend Connect widget, but if that is the method you use to follow you should still see the site in your "Sites I'm Following" list until March.

I genuinely appreciate each and every reader, whether you avidly follow the blog or just stop through occasionally to see what's new. Thank you!

Update on the Online Dating

I figured Id give a little update on the whole online dating thing. It was interesting, to say the least! My time on Plenty of Fish lasted about two weeks total. Within that time I exchanged messages with a few people, but only two got my number. The experiences with those two guys were about as different as they could possibly be. Seriously, I got the extremes of the spectrum! So, here goes.

The bad Awful HORRIBLE >_<

I gave my number to a guy who said he was moving to the area in January to go to school. From the messages that he sent online, he seemed like a decent guy so I figured it would be okay. From the minute I sent my number, he was texting and calling. Pressedness isnt cute at all, so that got the side-eye immediately. But I let it slide and talked to him once. Almost immediately his conversation delves into what he wants to do sexually. It really caught me off guard. Everyone knows I'm not shy at all about sex, but daaaang, I was not ready. After I finally got him to take the convo in a different direction, he asked if Id ever been in an interracial relationship. After I said no he told me that hed dated a black woman once and loved it because the sex was amazing. *sigh* Then he makes the fatal mistake of saying there's something so mysterious about black women and black women just know how to ride dick better because of their fat asses. DUDE, ARE YOU FUCKIN SERIOUS?! To avoid going all the way off on this fool (he really wasnt worth me getting a headache over) I got off the phone to do some work. As I'm trying to go, he starts asking begging me to send pix. But not just any pix; oh no. He wants to see how big those tits are and how fat that ass is. And even after the firm no he kept asking, on some please, baby, please shit. I dismissed him and got off the phone. And the icing on this WTF cake? The second we got off the phone, he sends an unsolicited dick pic. WHHHYYYYYY?! and since he sent it I feel I have the right to critique it. One, if you have to hold your gut back to see it, you shouldn't be proud enough to send it. Two, if you have a small member, it would be wise not to have a whole forest around it, as that only makes it look smaller. Three, it was pink, and pink penises disturb my soul. I almost threw my phone. Soooo yeah, clearly that was the end of that.

The Good Great Wonderful ^_^
I'm not gonna go into a whole lot of detail since he may read this one day and I don't want his head to get any bigger. LOL This is the guy that I said had potential in the last post. Mr. Madrigal (yes, he already has a nickname) was one of the few guys that sent something other than a hey when he first contacted me. We pretty much clicked from jump. I really like that we share some of the same life goals and beliefs. So far he appears to possess all the attributes I need/want in a man, which makes me very happy. But since were still in the getting to know you phase I'm trying not to get too excited too soon. That's hard for me, but I'm trying! But I do hope that Mr. Madrigal is around for a (long) while.

Sooo yeah, that's been my experience so far. If things don't work out as I hope, I may try online dating again, but not Plenty of Fish. I'll be taking L. Michelle's advice and trying a paid site. But *fingers crossed* I'm thinking that wont be necessary.

We Have A Winner!

Before I announce the winner of the Unbuttoned giveaway, I want to say THANK YOU to everyone who entered the giveaway. Not only did you show your support by liking the Facebook page, but you helped me out by leaving your comments and emails with product suggestions. Y'all made me feel special! ^_^

Now, on to what you really want to see. The winner is... *drumroll*

@Es_Curls!

You will be contacted today so we can get started on your custom earrings!

Again, thank you to all who participated. This will not be the last of the giveaways, nor the last you hear of Unbuttoned so stay tuned!

If I Were A Middle Class, Middle Age White Man

This past Monday, Forbes.com posted the article "If I Were a Poor Black Kid." (read it while you can, they took it down once then reposted. Who knows how long it will be up this time.) As you can imagine, it was not written by a poor black kid or someone who used to be a poor black kid. It was written by Gene Marks, a middle class, middle age white guy.... Yeah. Anyway, here is my brief response scribbled out this morning. Anything further may cause me to go into convulsions.

If I were a middle class middle age white man

-I'd probably know nothing of institutional racism and how it impacts the "poor black kids" I seem so concerned about

-I'd probably jump on the "what's wrong with black folks" bandwagon just to gain some notoriety. After all, where is the 15 minutes of fame in calling out the "power players," the ones who create policies that could potentially help (or harm) these kids?

-I'd think that simply working/studying hard is all it takes to be successful, because that's all it took for me right? I mean, the privilege that comes with melanin-deficient skin surely didn't have anything to do with it

-I'd assume that the crime found in many "lower class" neighborhoods had no effect on those not directly involved. After all, the thugs are on the street so the good kids should be at home studying! Never mind the psychological impact of fear of violence, fear of not having the necessities, having to work to help their families out, etc. may have on a child.

-I'd make grand suggestions (which are really just the same old bs on how to achieve the "American dream") with the assumption that "they just don't know" and need a savior to lead the way

-I'd probably not have any true interaction with these poor black kids I speak of, never volunteered in a school or mentoring program. But I know enough from what I see on TV right? Besides, I've given them everything they need in my article... And if they can just walk to a library in their neighborhood with decent up-to-date technology (which surely they must have) they can read all about it....

-I'd probably have the best intentions... Or at least I'd be able to convince you that I did

Where Are the Posts?

I could prattle on and give you a list of excuses about why I have not been posting much lately. But we know what excuses are and who uses them, so I won't go there! LOL When things are a little less hectic around here, I will be back to a somewhat normal posting schedule. Hopefully that will be next week, when work (usually) comes to a crawl. *fingers crossed*

But until then, remember to enter the Unbuttoned Accessories custom earrings giveaway!  Yes, it's still on and you have until midnight Friday to get your entry in. You knoooow you want a pair (or your girlfriend/momma/cousin/bestie wants a pair) so get to it!

Tori D. Does Online Dating; Romance Does Not (Yet?) Ensue

About a week ago I decided to join a dating site. There was nothing in particular that prompted the decision, I just wanted to see what was out here. After all, its kinda becoming clear that Mr. Right isn't roaming the halls at work or coming down the aisle at church I'm not trying to seriously get with Mr. Lemme Holla At Ya from the club. This couldn't hurt so I figured why not. I joined Plenty of Fish because I'm cheap and its free so I felt like I had nothing to lose. Set up my little profile almost immediately I started getting messages. Hey, not bad, right?

But what I found was... Well, the same thing I found offline. By day two I was talking to an English teacher who seemed pretty cool down to earth. He hadn't been in an interracial relationship before his profile said he was divorced. But that night his wife--who missed the divorced memo her husband was sending out to others--let me know she was not pleased with him chatting up black women for potential relationship. Considering my propensity to unknowingly attract married men, this wasnt surprising.

I can't count how many messages I've gotten that only said "hi." Of course those got no response. I've been propositioned by an Irishman who wants to do a big black chick. I've run across some profiles of folks who sounded great... except that I already knew them. One particular profile really got me; the profile pic looked nice, dude had on shades. But after looking at other pix I realized that he was a former teacher of mine. *retches at the thought* And I've seen more profiles of men 30+ who list their professions as "hustling" or "I get money" than I anticipated. (I mean seriously, isn't there an age limit on that type of foolishness?)

It hasn't been all freaks and geeks though. One guy has potential: he's cute, we've been having good conversations, no weirdness so far. He falls into two of the three strikes category off jump--he's younger than me but not by much, and he's a good 4 hours away which is creeping into long-distance territory--but I still wanna give him a chance. Hopefully he'll give me a chance though; turns out he is not a fan of tattoos. *looks down at my four-month old tat* Welp...

And there's another guy who meets all the requirements as far as I know. His picture may or may not have been one of the deciding factors in me signing up for POF. He sent one of those "I want to meet you" messages they have, and I finally worked up the nerve to write him back. But I'm just not into this whole Imma-send-one-message-a-day-so-it-may-take-a-year-before-I-get-around-to-asking-for-your-number thing he has going on. No rush and no pressure, but it just doesn't seem like something one would do if they were interested in getting to know someone. So there are no expectations there.

Will I continue online dating? Meh, we'll see. I may be too critical of things like spelling and grammar to be successful at this. After all, I don't think we can be together if you don't know the difference between quit, quite and quiet. I'm judging! But I will give it a decent try. Wish me luck!

Oh yeah, three other little fun facts:

1. Guys, it's okay to smile. For some of you it will make you look friendly and attractive. For others, it will make you look less like someone who ties people up in a basement and set their arm hair on fire. O_0 So work on that.


2. I know many of you like to hunt (this is the south after all), but pictures with dead animals just make me sad. And a little nauseated if I can see the fresh bullet hole. Let's not do that.


3. So damn near everyone that has messaged me claims to be 6' or taller. So why do I always run into guys my height and shorter? Hmmm...

Have any of you tried online dating? Did you find the man/woman of your dreams or a freakin' nightmare? What are your thoughts on online dating?

It's Giveaway Time!!

There is something that I am excited to share with y'all. I have started a new business, Unbuttoned Accessories. It launched on December 1 and the response has been overwhelmingly positive! Unbuttoned is a line of affordable, handmade accessories. I wanted to create something that was simple but still stylish. After all, super-flashy isn't always the way to go! Sometimes you need something that's a little low-key, but still reflects your unique style. Right now, it consists of only earrings, but I will be adding other items to the collection very soon!

To celebrate and share my excitement with you, I want to give away a pair of earrings to one lucky reader! The winner will have a choice of design and size. Entering is very simple:

1. Like the Unbuttoned Facebook page
2. Leave a comment (on this post or the FB page) stating what accessory you think should be next (rings, necklaces, headbands, etc.) and your email address

That's it! And if you want an additional chance to win (after you've liked the page and left your comment), just tweet the following:

Hey @kinxnquirx, I want to win earrings from @unbuttonedacc! http://www.kinxnquirx.com/2011/12/its-giveaway-time.html #giveaway

Entries are due by Friday, December 16; the winner will be announced on December 19. The earrings should make it to you just before Christmas! I look forward to seeing what you decide will be the next product in the Unbuttoned line!

RIP Patrice Oneal

[caption id="attachment_1911" align="alignleft" width="248" caption="at the roast of Charlie Sheen in Sept. 2011"][/caption]

Yesterday I got some sad news. Patrice Oneal, comedian, passed at age 41. Patrice was hands down one of my favorite comedians (who, in my opinion, didn't really get the shine he deserved). He was irreverent, sure to piss someone off, and always funny. If you've ever watched any of VH1's "I love the" series, you can attest to that. I first came to know about him from the short-lived Shorties Watching Shorties, a 2004 Comedy Central show featuring Patrice Oneal and Nick DiPaolo as comic-critiquing babies. His smart mouth made me want to see more from him. Fortunately he would go on to be featured on a number of shows, and in February 2011 he had his first one-hour special, Elephant in the Room. Just a few months ago I turned Bartender on to his comedy. We would sit there laughing until we cried at his completely raw standup.

Patrice struggled with diabetes for years, and died from complications of a stroke he had in October. He will certainly be missed, not just by his family and close friends, but fans like me who loved his work and in some way could relate to his battle.

Morning Quickie: The Grind vs. The Flow

Several weeks ago a series of tweets caught my eye. Here I am almost two months later and it is still at the forefront of my mind.



I know a lot of people use the now cliche "rise & grind" to indicate they are working, hustling, something productive. Occasionally I've done it too. And yes, sometimes work for me definitely involves some pressure and friction! But I don't want my life to be about grinding. Why should it be? Not to say that "flowing" will always be smooth. Anyone who has seen or been down a river knows that there are calm points where you simply float along and some rough waters where you have to give your all to keep going. But the water still follows the path that it's meant to take. My goal is to do the same. "I'm pursuing my goals and I FLOW in my Purpose."

 

featured image courtesy of jefflynchdev.wordpress.com

Things My Future Husband Should Know: About the In-law Situation

Okay dear, there are some things we need to discuss about our families. Since I am an only child, marriage is an opportunity for me to (hopefully) get the family I didn't have growing up. I'm praying that you have at least one cool sister, preferably around my age, who will be more of a sister to me instead of just a sister-in-law. I want us to bond like my mom and aunts have. In my mind, I see me and your sister(s) having girls' night out, taking road trips, and shopping like teenagers.

And maybe, if I'm lucky, your parents will be fun-loving, wine-drinking, friendly folks who would rather have a good time enjoying our company instead of arguing and fussing. That way we can go to my parents for dinner on serious, religious holidays like Easter and live it up at your parents' parties for Christmas and New Years. And your mom can show me how to cook your favorite dish from your childhood so I can surprise you with it on your birthday.

Yup, that would be nice.

Of course I know that kind of luck may not come my way. You may be an only child like me, or may have a bunch of brothers, or your sister may not like me because she's a raging b*tch for some unknown reason. And maybe your parents are super-conservative like mine (I pray this isn't the case though) or just don't like to do much. That's fine. All of that is really not important in the grand scheme of things. But there are two things that will cause us to have major problems.



1. Blatant Disrespect
I've been fortunate enough to get along with most of my exes' families. And out of all the moms I've met, only two didn't like me. (Admittedly, one of them did have just cause.) That being said, I have always tried and will try to stay respectful and cordial to your family even if we cannot be close. It's just how I was raised. But should I feel disrespected unfairly, I expect you swiftly to put your foot down. (And don't question it when I tell you about it. You already know I want this fairytale ending; why would I make something like that up?) Otherwise, I'll be forced to show that other side of Tori that I've kept hidden even from you. Nobody wants that. Oh yeah, since I'm going out of my way to be nice to your family, I expect the same. Even when I vent about them, that doesn't give you an excuse to down them unless it's legitimate.

2. Popping Up Unannounced
Since you've made it to Hubby status, you already know how I am. I enjoy my uninterrupted time in my space. I don't want to be bothered before 10 AM or after 9 PM unless we're having a party or something. And if you're there, who knows when and where someonething may go down. Literally. That being said, make sure your family knows to call before they visit. I will not be very hospitable if they arrive while I'm trying to. (See what I did there?) In fact,  I probably will not open the door. Yeah, it's rude I know. So if you don't want your folks to get their feelings hurt, make sure they know the rules about visiting.

If we can avoid those little things, we're good! I know I'm marrying you, not necessarily your family, but I want things to be as smooooth as possible. Don't you?

Morning Quickie: A Little Humor for a Gloomy Monday Morning

I've been in a little funk lately. (that's usually the case when my posts fall off. Sorry 'bout that.) But I can always count on something online to tickle my funny bone. And since I'm a bit of a nerd when it comes to gadgets, this video gave me a little laugh. So I had to share it with you! Enjoy!

[youtube E_n5GCZ3Nwo]

Morning Quickie: To Cut or Not to Cut?

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="203" caption="my short hair inspiration"][/caption]

Lately I've been obsessed with short hair cuts. (And purple hair, but that's a different post.) Maybe because my hair is at a length now where I have to take serious care of it & put thought into styling or it looks a hot mess. Maybe because by the time I did the big chop, I was already past the TWA (teeny-weeny afro) because I transitioned for 10 months. Mostly I think it's because I miss those wash & go days and the time when one bottle of product lasted forever!

Anyway, I'm seriously considering whether to cut my hair next spring/summer. Even though it is growing like crazy (length check coming soon... probably) and I love long hair, I'm just not feeling it as much as I should. So I wanna switch it up. The drawback? People's reactions. For many of us, long hair is equated with beauty. I've previously discussed my own hangups with seeing myself with short hair after having long "pretty" hair be my redeeming feature for so long. And my father and grandmother both exclaimed that I "look so much better" with long hair and said "promise you won't cut your hair anymore" after I got rid of my permed ends. I didn't make that promise, and I know neither of them will have anything positive to say.

But hey, at the end of the day, it's my decision. Other people's long hair hangups don't have to be mine. My only concern at this point is finding a cut that fits my full face.

Are you all "long hair, don't care," "short hair everything," or "whatever works"?

My 7 Link Challenge

Last week I received a challenge from Q (of Thank, Q! and the Talk2Q radio show) to share seven posts that you may have missed. With all of these gems I write, how could I possibly narrow it down to just seven?! Okay, okay, let me stop acting brand new.

I decided to reach all the way back to 2010, when I was still hosting two blogs on Blogger. I've imported the posts from The Eclectic and The Good Hair Diaries to KnQ, but since there are so many I'm sure some have gotten "lost." So here are a few that I want to highlight.

Faking It
No, it's not about that. It's about choosing authenticity, not being a knock-off.

The Talk--America's Doing It Wrong
Yes, this is about that. I was surprised to see the effect of attitudes towards sex in America versus European countries.

#Thingsblackgirlsdo and Other Self-Deprecating Bullsh*t
Basically it's just what the title says...

Could You Be a Sisterwife?
Based on a series of conversations with friends.

A Natural Newbie's How-To Guide
A few tips to help those who are going natural avoid mistakes.

Tori D.'s Guide to Interviews & Job Fairs
Written after having one too many WTF? moments at job fairs around the state.

"Addict"
I figured I'd throw a little poetry in there.

 

Hmmm, now who do I want to pass this challenge along to? There are a lot of great bloggers that I follow, so it's hard to choose! But I'd love to see posts that I may have missed from the following:

3_DOLLS of D.O.L.L.S.

KurlyBella of K is for Kinky

LidiaAnain of Lidia-Anain.com

If they decide to share their 7 posts, I will be linking back to it here so that none of you miss it!

Big thanks to Q for including me in the challenge. This little trip down memory lane has been fun!

Thoughts on the Mississippi Elections

On yesterday, Mississippi voters came out in surprisingly high numbers to cast their vote. It is speculated that the proposed initiatives are what boosted voter turnout. Here are my brief thoughts on last night's results:

Initiative 26: The Personhood Amendment

Y'all already know how I felt about this. I wasn't sure how this would turn out; after all, Mississippi is a really conservative state in the middle of the Bible Belt. So it was a relief to see that MS 26 was defeated with 58% of voters rejecting the idea. Actually I'm surprised the numbers weren't closer. Mississippi is showing some progress! Although I don't think we've seen the last of these amendments to essentially make abortion illegal, the rights of women and families are safe for now.

Initiative 27: Voter ID

This one shocked the hell out of me. Mississippians overwhelmingly voted in favor of this amendment, which stated that voters would need to present a government issued ID to vote. How overwhelmingly? Try 62%. 62%. I have to wonder what was going through the minds of those who voted for this. Of course there were some that knew exactly how this would affect future elections. But I have to think that the reason this didn't pass is because people were unaware of what this really means. I believe that many people simply bought the "voter fraud" excuse (which, by the way, has failed to materialize) and thought "well we have to show ID at other places (businesses) so it's the same thing." They didn't consider the disenfranchisement on those who do not have government-issued ID (which happen to be way more blacks and Hispanics than whites). It's proof that you can't just blindly go in and press yes or no. These issues are important and need to be taken seriously; due diligence must be done.

Gubernatorial Election

I can't say I was disappointed here. To be disappointed means that there was some expectation, and as much as I wanted Democratic candidate Johnny Dupree to win, I knew the odds were not in his favor. Republican Phil Bryant won with 61% of the vote. (Sidenote: he has such a slimy, sleazy, "good ol boy" vibe. Which means he'll fit right in with most of these politicians.) One thing that did amuse me was the fact that so many people thought Dupree (who was the first black mayor of Hattiesburg and first black candidate for MS governor) would have won if all the black people in Mississippi had voted. This kind of thinking is similar to those who felt that African-Americans "won" the vote for President Obama. As of 2010, African-Americans only make up 37% of the state's population. So even if every eligible black voter came out and pressed JOHNNY DUPREE, it would not have been enough on its own. And guess what? Not all of them would have voted Democrat! Shocking (and confusing), I know, but it's true. In fact, I know a black man who said he doesn't vote along party lines and voted for Bryant because he felt he was best suited for the job. Again, I didn't understand it, but it just goes to show that you can't assume that all black people are voting Dem, or for the black man. It is what it is.

However, I will say this: the fact that Mayor Dupree made it as far as he did and had such a strong grassroot campaign (pushed by younger voters) shows that we are making some strides. And I am thankful for that.

So those are my two cents on the matter. Feel free to share your thoughts and feelings on this election (or the elections in your state).

Occupy Wallstreet: Where Do We Stand?

This post has been severely delayed, mainly because I am not quite sure of my feelings on it. When it comes to Occupy Wall Street, I admit to talking out of both sides of my mouth.

On one hand, I think its great. For far too long, large corporations and big banks have thrown money at politicians to have laws worked out in their favor. It appears that favor can be bought and sold, to the highest bidder of course. This leave those who don't have a couple extra million to spend out in the cold. The Occupy movement calls on government to be responsible to its citizens, not corporations.

But then again I have to wonder why these protests were nonexistent when it was mainly minorities that were suffering. After all, poverty and high unemployment (and underemployment) is nothing new to the Black community. African-Americans have been the victims of predatory lending for years. Many of us have been unable or barely able to pay for medical treatment, student loans, etc. In the all too common "laugh to keep from crying" way, dodging bill collectors has become a running joke. Yet the majority of Americans turned a blind eye to what was going on, or they felt (like many of the bankers and big businessmen feel today about Occupiers) that we were just too lazy and needed to simply get a job.

And then I have to wonder where someone like me fits in. I'm nowhere near the 1% but my story doesn't compare to many of those who proclaim to be the 99% (and there are some tearjerkers there). True, I am basically living from check to check, can't quite afford to move out of my parents' house (at least, not into the kind of place I want). I don't make as much money that it seems a Master's degree would afford me. But this doesn't surprise me. I was prepared as a child to face this because I am black and I am a woman. So even though I am frustrated with the situation, it's not as if it's something new to me due to a down-turned economy. It's just life...

So are the Occupy movements just a momentary outcry from those who were once spoiled by privilege? Will there be any benefit to those who have been the victim of corporate greed for years and not just in the past year or two? Or will they be forgotten when/if there is an upswing and the protesters are pacified with jobs? Time will tell.

A Sickly Tori Cannot Keep Up

My apologies for the woeful lack of posts last week. The sniffle season struggle is real! I was housebound and feverish for several days last week, and my attempts to get posts (or anything) written were total fails. Now I see the importance of having a couple of days worth of posts ready. And if I were the type to write ahead oaf time instead of procrastinating on everything, that wouldn't be a problem. I'll try to work on that y'all. In the meantime, this is whats going on:

I've decided to start making and selling button earrings. Pix will be posted soon to TGHP  so getchu some.

I'm sorta kinda doing NaNoWriMo. Probably should've gone into it with some kinda plan, outline or something. Instead my story is just kinda going any way the wind blows. Really if I just make it to 50,000 words by November 30 Ill be proud of myself.

I got a promotion! Really its just a title change to go with my increased duties that I've had for several months now. But I'm excited anyway. I'm not quite so entry-level anymore. ^_^

Okay, this whole post has been me me me. What has been going on with you guys? Tell me something good!

My Personal Reason for Voting NO on MS 26

Apparently I was not meant to make it to choir rehearsal on Saturday. One of the choir members, who is a patient and friend of Dr. Freda Bush, tried to do the Jesus guilt trip to make rudely persuade others to vote yes on MS 26, otherwise known as the Personhood Amendment. I try not to act a fool within the confines of a church, so like I said, it was meant for me to be absent.

There are several reasons I'm against this type of legislation. One is a very personal reason. I was raped when I was 17. He did not use a condom and I was not on birth control at the time. It was a harrowing experience, but what I feared even more were the potential consequences. Being a teenage mom would've been bad enough, considering my very religious family, but to be carrying the baby of a rapist? Unbearable. I would not have been able to stand the accusing looks of strangers and church members alike who didn't know (or believe) what happened and assumed I was just another "loose" girl. It would have been a financial burden on my parents for me to have the baby (even if I did give it up for adoption there's still the cost of prenatal care). Every kick and movement and bout of morning sickness would have reminded me of the attack. I would have hated that baby as much as I hated that man. Even though I felt like abortion was wrong morally, I began making preparation for it. I thank God that my rape did not result in pregnancy, but if it had I would have gone through with terminating it.

So yeah, touching story and all, but what's the point?

MS 26 would in effect make abortion illegal because it would be considered murder. It has complete disregard for a woman's situation, whether she is the victim of rape or incest, or if the pregnancy could be fatal to the mother. This proposed amendment is an attempt to legislate morality. The problem with this is that morality is an individual matter. Whether or not to expand a family is an individual matter. MS 26 would take away the individual rights of a woman when it comes to her own body.

Your beliefs on whether abortion is right or wrong should only affect your decisions. Don't let lawmakers push their selective morals onto you.

NaNoWriMo 2011 is Almost Here!

For the uninitiated, NaNoWriMois short for National Novel Writing Month. It has been held every November since 1999 and hosted by the Office of Letters and Lights. The goal? Writing one 50,000-word novel from scratch in a month’s time. It sounds a bit daunting, but doable. Last year, 30,000 of the 200,000 participants completed the task. This year, I plan to be one of them!

I have had several ideas for novels come and go, but one in particular has stuck with me. It's been tempting to simply write it as a short story, since that is what I am most comfortable with. However, I don't feel that I can do it justice as a short story, so here I am, ready to dive into NaNoWriMo to get this thing started! Now my thing is figuring out how to go about writing this. With short stories, I have a general idea in mind and write (and re-write) as I feel the need. It's really just a freestyle thing for me. I cannot do that with this novel. The problem is figuring out just how to plan for this. I don't want to go into this completely unprepared (after all, I want to use those 50,00 words!) so I'm looking into novel outlines and such. Writer's Digest had an article a few days ago about preparing for NaNoWriMo, in which they suggested asking yourself the following questions:

What’s going to happen in the story?
What does the character want?
What will the turning points be?

If you can nail these down, you will set yourself up in a much better position to write something meaningful and (potentially) publishable.

Sounds easy enough... But is it easier said than done? We will see in a few days!

NaNoWriMo starts November 1, so you still have 4 days to register if you want to step up to the challenge. And if you do, connect with me on Twitter! I want to start a list of NaNoWriMo writers so we can touch base, help each other out and keep one another focused and encouraged.

Downpayment Registries for Newlyweds: Would You Do It?

from realtormag.com:

Forget the toasters and champagne flutes: More engaged couples are doing a different type of wedding registry that allows them to collect cash for a down payment on a home, according to a recent article in The Washington Times.

Dana Ostomel, founder of Deposit a Gift in New York City, says that about 15 percent of their registries are to raise down-payment funds for a home and another 15 percent are for home-improvement funds to pay for upgrades like a new roof or furniture.

"Given that 75 percent of today's engaged couples already live together and are older, very often they are already established with the household basics that you find on a traditional registry," Ostomel said. "What they want is the gift of big-ticket items and longer term goals, like the gift of home ownership.”

The FHA permits gifts from a wedding to be used as a down payment, but lenders are required to document that the funds are gifts. About 27 percent of first-time home buyers use gift money from relatives and friends for a down payment, according to a 2010 National Association of REALTORS® Profile of Home Buyers and Sellers survey.

Source: “Registries Raise Cash Gifts, Avoid Etiquette No-No,” The Washington Times (Oct. 20, 2011)

In the past, it was considered in bad taste to ask for money instead of the traditional registry items like china, silverware, etc. However, in recent years it has become more common to see a note asking to forgo gifts and give cold hard cash. Considering that today's couples are getting married when they are older and more established, they likely have at least one toaster and coffee maker. Why ask for more of the same? The idea of asking for money to use towards an investment such as a house (whether it is to purchase a new home, make repairs, or accumulate rental property) is a sound decision. But could you buck the long-standing rules of etiquette and ask for money on your big day?

Missing Child: Have You Seen Jahessye Shockley?

Five-year-old Jahessye Shockley was last seen October 11 by her three older siblings at their Glendale apartment in suburban Phoenix, AZ while their mother was out running an errand.

Glendale police believe Jahessye left the home through the front door but don’t know what happened next.

They have no suspects, evidence or promising leads despite search efforts that included more than 100 officers and volunteers canvassing the area within three miles of the girl’s home. At this point, police do not have any suspects in Jahessye's disappearance. There is an $16,000 reward for information leading to Jahessye. Investigators have no concrete evidence indicating that Jahessye was kidnapped, but they are following up on every lead they get. Anyone with information is asked to call 623-930-HELP (4357).

Jahessye is African-American, approximately 3 feet 5 inches tall, 55 pounds, with black hair and brown eyes. She was last seen wearing a white T-shirt and blue jeans, and had her hair in long ponytail.

 

For whatever reason (although the reason seems pretty obvious) most of the mainstream media has not given this story attention. Regardless of this child's race, socioeconomic status, family history, etc. she deserves the same effort to save her life. Please pass this word along!

Hat tip to Slaus at O Hell Nawl for the link on missing white woman syndrome.

Carol's Daughter Has a New Line: Chocolat

Y'all know I'm really not a product junkie. I have a few staple products and only experiment from time to time. However, I am excited about the launch of a new line of products from Carol's Daughter: the Chocolat Smoothing Collection. From huffingtonpost.com:

The 3-step collection (Smoothing shampoo, Smoothing conditioner and Smoothing Blow Dry Cream) of sulfate-free products is designed to physically rebuild hair structure from the inside out. Whether you chemically treat your hair of have natural tresses, the products will work on all hair types...

There are hints of Ylang, Iris and vanilla to help round out the sweet chocolate base.

"It's a very wonderful experience when you're blowing our your hair to have this chocolate floral thing going on. Usually you just smell hair when you blow out your hair, but with this you have a really great sensory experience in the shower and out of the shower," Price adds.

[caption id="attachment_1708" align="alignright" width="246" caption="Impossibly Smooth Curly-to-Straight Set"][/caption]

On the Carol's Daughter website, there are several Chocolat sets to choose from. The one that I'm ready to try? Impossibly Smooth Curly-to-Straight. It includes Smoothing Conditioner, Smoothing Blow Dry Cream and Macadamia Heat Styling Hairspray. Here are the claims:

 

Deep-conditions and tames curly hair for an Impossibly Smooth blow-out that lasts

This collection straightens out all the frizzy issues that usually come with naturally curly hair—from having parched locks to flaky product buildup. The main ingredient Cacao, found in the deeply nourishing Chocolät Smoothing Conditioner and Blow-Dry Cream, adds extra moisture to each strand to fight unruly flyaways after a blow-out. Finish and protect your new tresses with Macadamia’s lightweight styling spray for added shine and control.

Added bonus,they give instructions on how to properly use the products included for the desired results. That's great for someone like me who tends to buy things and then ask "So what do I do with this now?" (Don't judge me!)

Sounds promising! Since the weather is cooling off (OMG

it was in the upper 30s this morning y'all!) I'll be wearing my hair straight every now and then. Considering my past problems with straightening, I'm looking forward to seeing whether this will make a significant difference in the results. I've only used one other Carol's Daughter product before, the Black Vanilla Leave-In Conditioner. Since I had good experiences with that, I have high hopes for this line.

Anyone else excited to try this line? Already ordered it? Share your experiences with Carol's Daughter products.

KnQ is 500 Posts Strong!

 

And that's not even counting the posts sitting in draft!

I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to everyone who reads this site. Whether you drop in from time to time, are an avid reader & commenter, or even if this happens to be your very first time stumbling across my page, you are appreciated! I strive to write pieces that will cause an emotional response: laughter, determination, meditation, anger if that happens to be your reaction. I want my words to stick with you, not just because they are mine, but because they are meant to make you reflect on your own thoughts and actions.

There are many things that I would like to see happen with this site, and they are happening (slowly but surely). One of those things is more interaction with readers. After all, what blogger doesn't want comments? But more than that, I want your comments and suggestions on how to make this blog one that you would visit daily. (Just keep in mind that I don't have Oprah money, so I can't give away cars and such... yet.) Another thing that I am ready to do is feature YOU! Not just guest bloggers, but artists, young business people, entertainers, and naturalistas as well. I am reaching out to some folks to get this started, but why not reach out to me? You know you've got something to share with the world! Why not start here?

Again, thank you for reading. It has been a pleasure to spill out my thoughts on this e-canvas. Here's to 500 more!

So I Kinda Spazzed Out On My Doctor

I really didn't mean to, I swear!

I had an appointment this morning and was told to fast. So I'm sitting there in the office, finally (after waiting forever and having a ton of blood drawn for labs) and the chick is asking about what I'm eating. Which is not a whole hell of a lot. Salads, mostly. And chicken; not fried, of course. Anyway, she notes that I weigh the same as I did last time so I need to cut back. Again. Hell I'm already not eating half as much as I was because everything I like has been banned. And I'm sitting there thinking "the first doctor told me he wasn't worried about the weight, just the level of sugar in my blood. Now you wanna flip the script?" But I say nothing. My numbers were down from what they were, but for some reason she still feels the need to double my dosage, which means paying double for the medicine. She mentions that my blood pressure is up, which it has never been until after the diabetes diagnosis. Even at the doctor's appointment a week before I came to her office the first time my blood pressure was normal. As much stress as I've been under about work, finances, my health, and my relationship, I can't say I'm surprised it was up. She accuses me of not telling her everything I'm eating, then decides I need a prescription for that. "Great, more money gone," I think. But I hold my tongue. Then she asks about the gym and I tell her. She suggests I get a personal trainer. I told her that wasn't an option right now. Then she goes on into this spill about this is life or death, I don't need to be lazy, a trainer can help me exercise even when I don't feel like it... Finally I couldn't hold my tongue anymore. "Are you gonna pay for my personal trainer? Because I'm scraping up the $28 a month to go, I dayum sure don't have an extra $200 a month for their trainer! I don't even know if I'm gonna be able to afford all these prescriptions. So how in the world am I going to afford a trainer?" For a minute she didn't say anything, probably surprised that I'd gone from 0 to 100 in a second. Then she says, "Okay, well I need you to try to lose five pounds in two weeks and come back to see me" and makes for the door. "If I can pay for it," was all I could reply.

 

Moral of the story: I need to move to Canada. Here, I can neither afford to be sick nor to get better.

Jesus Loves Me... Even If I Don't Forward This Email

I'm not sure why, but I've never been a fan of those cutesy little forwarded emails. Not the ones about how we're all sisters so let's bask in our girl power. Not the generic forwarded prayers. Not the kittens in baskets (although the puppies and babies can get me a little misty-eyed, depending on the time of the month). It's not that I'm completely cold-hearted, they just seem like a waste of time to me. But the thing that irks me most is when people decide to send these forwards to my work email.

Why?!

There is such a thing as email etiquette, and it is especially important at work. Certain things are simply frowned upon, and for many employers, this is one of them. So if you are a forwarding fanatic, you may want to take the following precautions:

1. Don't send every forward you receive
I promise Jesus will still love you, you still love your country, and your luck will not suddenly spiral. There is no reason to flood someone's inbox with forwards. This is especially true at work, and doubly true for coworkers with whom you don't even regularly associate. Which leads me to...

2. Make sure the receiver wants your forwards
A lot of people do like the little inspirational poems and animated squirrels dancing, but there are some like me who don't. Try not to end up in someone's spam list because you decide you want to share with the whole company. At best, folks will just delete it. At worst, you could end up being reprimanded for abusing company email (depending on the policy there). But there is an easy way to avoid that...

3. Send forwards from your personal email to the receiver's personal email
If you have a couple of people who you share non-work emails with, why not get their personal emails and send them there. That way you get to maintain professionalism on your work email account (which is most likely being monitored anyway) and still share a smile with your friends. Everybody wins!

Are you guilty of being the forwarding friend or coworker? Has it ever been a problem where you work?

Quote of the Day

Like many people, I have been following the #OccupyWallstreet and subsequent Occupy movements. While I am in support of the movement and the idea behind it, I have some conflicting thoughts about it. (More on that to come in another post. I swear.) But these protests, along with uprisings all over the world and those in Catching Fire which I am sooo into right now, give me hope. They show that many are not willing to be sheeple. They want their voices heard. They want their rights realized. They want a fair chance from those who have been elected to look out for them. Many of the people taking part in these movements have little or nothing to lose. Do you know what this means? It means the powers that be are losing their grip and their control. After all:

“You only have power over people so long as you don't take everything away from them. But when you've robbed a man of everything, he's no longer in your power - he's free again.”   -Aleksander Solzhenitsyn

Sometimes, It's Just Sex For Us Girls, Too!

Every now and then, something happens that has me literally laughing out loud and shaking my head. I'll run into someone who I previously *ahem* had relations with. And when I say previously, I mean years ago. Yet, when we see each other again, they automatically assume one (or both) of two things: 1) because we messed around in the past, I must still want that, and 2) I must've wanted (and still want) something more, like an actual relationship.

I don't know why this is. I'm gonna chalk it up to male ego. But may I let you fellas in on a little secret? Sometimes, women just want sex. GASP! Amazing, right? To think, a woman could simply use a man to get her rocks off! I know, I'll give you a moment to compose yourselves.

Why am I making a big deal out of this bringing this up? Well I thought about J. Cole's song "Work Out" and a tweet that one of my sorors sent "So I'm listening to Work Out - J Cole why can't a female tell a dude alla that and not be judged." If you're unfamiliar with the song, J. Cole raps/sings

Straight up, now tell me do you really wanna love me forever
Oh, oh, oh
Or is it just a hit and run
(Well, hey)
Straight up I tell ya I just really wanna cut when we together
Oh, oh, oh
Come here girl, let's get it on

I went through the recent and not so recent songs that I could recall. Although there are plenty of songs with women singing about sex, I could not think of one in which a woman explicitly announces that she is only using a man physically. (If you think of one, feel free to let me know in the comments.) Yet there are plenty of songs out there about guys being after the pussy and nothing more. Despite the sexual revolution that we have undergone, society still shuns the woman who acknowledges her desire just for sex from a man. We have a love/hate relationship with female sexuality. A woman can enjoy sex, talk about it freely, but if she doesn't attach some type of emotional desire to her paramour she's considered a slut. Meanwhile, guys are excused because "that's just what they do."

Maybe that's why men automatically assume that there is some sort of desire burning for them in your heart. LMAO For my former "buddies," let me be clear: You served your purpose. If there were repeated hookups you obviously served them well. But if I wanted more from you, the nature of our relationship would've been totally different. You simply had the anatomical tools (no pun intended) to take care of the job. Don't expect an automatic rehire.

Breast Cancer & Diabetes

Last week I was diagnosed with diabetes. It didn't come as a surprise, as a few relatives are diabetic, and I'd been exhibiting some symptoms related to the disease. Initially the doctor said it was type II since my body is still producing some insulin. However, at yesterday's consultation the nurse expressed concern that it may be type I due to my age and the fact that the level of insulin that is naturally produced by my body is low. So they will be running labs and all that good stuff in the next few weeks. Doesn't really matter I guess; the end result is the same right?

So yeah, I have to change my diet and exercise more, all that good stuff. And that's fine. The real fear for me is the possible link between diabetes and breast cancer. For years, scientists have looked at a possible link between breast cancer and diabetes. It has been suggested that high levels of insulin may increase the risk of breast cancer. Diabetes research shows that women with diabetes have a 20% higher risk of breast cancer than women without diabetes. One study suggests that high blood sugar increases the risk of breast cancer even among pre-menopausal women. Not good news for someone with a history of breast cancer on both sides of the family.

I must note that it has been difficult for scientists to determine whether diabetes is indeed a risk factor. After all, obesity increases the risk for both diseases. And significant weight gain (more than 55 pounds since age 18, or 22 pounds after menopause) can also increase risk of breast cancer, even in women without diabetes.

Breast cancer is most effectively treated when it is detected early. The American Cancer Society recommends taking the following preventative measures to help ensure good breast health:

• Begin having annual mammograms at age 40 (but if you have a family history of breast cancer, you may need to have them done earlier, depending on your doctor's recommendation).
• Your doctor should be performing a clinical breast examination at your regular health examination or gynecological visit. For women between the ages of 20 and 39, this breast examination should be performed every three years; women 40 and older should have a clinical breast examination every year.
• Women as young as age 20 should perform monthly breast self-examinations to familiarize themselves with the normal feel of their breast tissue. This can help you identify changes or problems. It is important to report any changes to your doctor right away.

The Mayo Clinic recommends taking the following tips, which are especially important if you have a family history of breast cancer and diabetes, to help prevent diabetes:

• Lose extra weight: Diabetes is highly associated with obesity. If you carry extra weight, try to lose it as diabetes prevention hinges on weight loss.
• Skip fad diets: low-carb, low-fat and high protein diets work only for the short-term and provide no value in long-term weight maintenance.
• Eat plenty of fiber: fiber improves blood sugar control.
• Swap white bread and refined flour breads with whole grains: at least half of your daily intake of grains should come from whole grains.
• Lose the sedentary lifestyle: regular exercise not only prevents weight gain, it helps maintain healthy weight, improves your mood, encourages heart and lung health, and promotes better sleep.



Since November is Diabetes Awareness Month, I'll be posting more about it then. Til then, ladies and gents (because men can develop breast cancer too!) be sure to check yourself. If you feel anything abnormal, talk to your doctor ASAP.

Reed Between the Lines: Will You Be Watching?

This week, BET is once again delving into the original programming game with Reed Between the Lines, starring Tracee Ellis Ross and Malcolm-Jamal Warner. According to BET.com, the former stars of Girlfriends and The Cosby Show, respectively, are teaming up to tell the story of "Alex, an English professor, and Carla, a psychologist, as they navigate life’s ups and downs with wit and humor." BET recently added brand new seasons of The Game and Let's Stay Together. The latter was scoffed at and had sagging ratings from jump; the former was widely watched, but BET was accused of ruining the original storyline and characters.

[caption id="attachment_1620" align="alignleft" width="275" caption="image from theloop21.com"][/caption]

Even though I think BET airs straight from the Devil's taint due to its lack of quality programming and horrid award shows (even though they are a guilty pleasure of mine), I will be tuning in. Why? Well there are a number of reasons. The first is that it stars two veteran actors who have proven their worth. Both Warner and Ross have been integral parts of highly successful shows, so this is not unfamiliar territory to them. They know (or at least should know) what it takes to keep audiences engaged and entertained. (I am assuming they have some creative input on the show, but I don't know that for sure.)

Another reason I will be watching is that, from the premise, it appears to be a "smart" show. Young Black adults in professional roles? Check. A realistic (as in, not over-the-top dramatics) married couple? Check. Cute black kids to complete the family? Check! To me this looks like the story of a 2011 Cliff and Claire, and I approve!! There has been a void of such shows, as lately the most you will see black people on is reality TV fighting over men that aren't even theirs even though they claim to be "wives." Call me old-fashioned, but I'd much rather watch a show that proves Black television can be entertaining without being demeaning.

The show premiers Tuesday, October 11 at 10PM/9PM central.

What are your thoughts on Reed Between the Lines? Will you be tuning in? Do you think that this could be the start of a "rebirth" of sorts for BET?

RIP Steve

Just a few days ago I was proclaiming my love for Apple. The first computer I learned to use was an Apple: my aunt & uncle's computer with the green pixellated screen. Today I have a MacBook for my heavy-duty work, I read on my iPad and my iPhone never leaves my side. I've even got my mom addicted to her iPad.

All of these things were a part of Steve Jobs' vision. Crazy & far-fetched as some of his ideas seemed, he brought them to reality and literally changed the world. It's amazing that he was able to do so much in such a short life. His drive, vision, talent and genius were to be admired. Although most of us did not know him personally, he will be missed, as he has touched so many lives. Below are three of my favorite quotes from Mr. Jobs.

"Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do."

"Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything -- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. ... Stay hungry. Stay foolish."

Not All Home Inspections Are Made Equal

by Zoe Eisenburg

A home inspection is a crucial component of making a smart home-buying decision. According to Jay Gregg, director of marketing for Pillar To Post, not all home inspections are equal. Gregg, who has experience in home inspections, sales marketing and as a previous Pillar To Post franchisee, believes Pillar To Post inspections are the most detailed in the industry.

Pillar To Post takes measures many other companies do not in order to ensure clientele understanding and satisfaction. “We prefer to have the client present [at the inspection] if possible, which is the difference between a lot of competitors who prefer not to have that distraction,” says Gregg. Pillar To Post inspectors find that having the client present allows them to answer any questions and concerns directly, while still on-site. A typical home inspection lasts around three hours, and can cover as many as 1,600 items, including windows, doors, ceilings, basements, attics, roofs and more—so clients are bound to have questions that are easily answered with the inspector still present.

While many home inspection companies offer only handwritten notes at the end of the inspection process, Pillar To Post inspectors—who are required to complete an intensive two-week training course that includes a combination of both classroom and in-field training—end every inspection by printing off a computer generated report.

“We take the time at the end of the inspection to print the report and walk the client through it,” says Gregg, “so now they are educated about the house, and if they have more questions, you can go and show them right then and there.”

This report, which features color photographs, is included in a binder for the client to keep. A filing system for bills is also included in the binder, and a copy of the printed report can be emailed to the client in PDF form. The binder contains vital information about the property, including the age of the house and roof, any major deficiencies and maintenance suggestions, as well as a cost estimate guide that shows the national average cost for any type of necessary renovation. A seasonal maintenance checklist is also included, and the inspector takes the time to show the client the main shut offs, including gas, water and electric. “The inspector will tag the shut off right then and there so that the client feels comfortable and acquainted with the property,” says Gregg.

According to Gregg, after a Pillar To Post home inspection, clients will be able to make a more informed buying decision. They will have a better feel for the property and know exactly what they are taking on, allowing them to budget for future expenses and benefit from maintenance suggestions. “The home inspections can definitely improve buyer confidence,” Gregg confirms.

At the same time, the inspections can benefit the seller. “Presale inspections are a growing trend,” says Gregg, who continues to note that more and more sellers are getting inspections so that they are aware of any issues and can price the home accordingly. Plus, the cost guide that Pillar To Post provides allows sellers to understand what maintenance issues they are facing, and enables them to decide if they would rather fix them or reduce the cost of the home.

For more information, visit www.pillartopost.com.

Quote of the Day

It is October. Earlier in the year I just knew that by this time I would have gotten a raise on my job, been selling houses like mad and have my book of poetry published. I'd be looking for a house so that by Thanksgiving I was celebrating in Casa del Tori. But no. Things have not gone as planned, which can be a downer. However, I have not given up on anything. Instead, I keep the following quote in mind:

“Circumstances may cause interruptions and delays, but never lose sight of your goal. Prepare yourself in every way you can by increasing your knowledge and adding to your experience, so that you can make the most of opportunity when it occurs.” - Mario Andretti

No matter what circumstances may have prevented you from doing or getting, don't think that it's all over. Use the additional time to prepare yourself. I am confident that success will be even sweeter for it.

iOS 5: What I'm Excited (and Disappointed) About

I hate to admit it, but I am an Apple fangirl. I got a Macbook in '09 (when they still had MacBooks with the aluminum unibody, not just the Macbook Pro), an iPhone 4 in 2010, and an iPad 2 this year. And I really want a desktop Mac even though I know it would really be a waste because I don't wanna sit at a desk all the time and hello, the laptop is for the house! Yes, Apple has its hooks in me.

So it should be no surprise that I am one of those folks who anxiously await iOS updates and the latest and greatest gadget announcement. I have been following everything I can about iOS 5 and iPhone 5 (even though I won't be able to get one... but I'm looking forward to the iPhone 6). There are some huge improvements, but also some things that are still not quite there yet. So I've laid out the things I am most excited about, as well as what has disappointed me.



Enhancements Worth Being Excited About

1. Improved Notifications
OMG I cannot tell you how annoying it is to be in the middle of a video or game and get interrupted by that big blue box about something that I usually couldn't care less about. Now notifications will show up at the top of the screen (much like Android) and won't interrupt activity. Huzzah.

2. Automatic Syncing (iCloud)
Since I am trying to be more organized, I am using the calendar functions on my iDevices more often. The problem is that I don't sync them every night because I rarely even turn on my laptop anymore unless I have real work to do. The ability to automatically sync calendars (as well as contacts and apps) is a definite plus. (Sidenote: a few weeks ago I started noticing that if I downloaded an app on my iPhone, it would show up on my iPad and vice versa. Don't recall that happening before. Perhaps Apple was testing some of its iCloud features? IDK)

3. Tabbed Browsing for iPad
This makes much more sense than having to completely go out of one window to open another one. Seems like this would have been a feature from jump, but I guess it's better late than never. Hopefully it will allow for more than nine tabs (the current Safari browser only allows nine windows; open a 10th and something gets lost).

4. Improved Picture Capability
With iOS 5, we'll be able to edit pictures and organize pictures in albums. Jeez, it's about time! My Treo could do this way back in 2006.

5. To-Do List
Again, why wasn't this standard to begin with? Finally I can keep track of what to do, shopping lists, etc. on my phone (without the assistance of crappy apps) instead of on random scraps of paper that I always seem to lose until after I need them.

I Would Un-Jailbreak My Phone If It Had These Features

1. Locking Apps
I know this would probably not happen as an app, but Apple developers are capable of creating an option to lock apps. It seems logical. After all, many people (like me) have apps related to their business or personal finance. Although I usually have my phone in hand at all times, it would be nice to have the added security of password protection on those apps should my phone fall into the wrong hands.

2. True Tethering
I know iDevices already have tethering capability, but this is still at with the additional expense of a tethering plan from providers. If there were some work around to tether without the additional charge, I would reverse my jailbreak. After all, I'm paying for an unlimited data plan, I should be able to use it how I want to! But, I know this has more to do with the carriers and not Apple itself, so this is a pipe dream.

3. Way Better Email Handling
Yes, I know better email is a feature of iOS 5, but I said way better. As it, Blackberry-level better. Yes, the one thing I miss about my Blackberry Bold is how awesome the email was. I loved that I could customize settings for each account. I cannot stand that the signature and "sent from" name is the same on all of my accounts. Considering I use one email for real estate, one for blogging, and one for personal business plus one for random coupons and debauchery, I don't want to have the same info showing up for all of them. Maybe this is something that is addressed in the update, but I haven't seen anything hinting towards it.

So that's my list. I cannot wait until the update is released (although I'll probably have to wait a few days for the untethered jailbreak version). Let's see if it's all it's cracked up to be.

Are you hype about the new iOS? What features are you looking forward to? Are you a hating Android user? If so, let me know which one you're using and why you think it's so great. I'll listen, I promise!

Product Review: Kinky-Curly Knot Today

This should have been posted last week. I wanted to show y'all a before and after video using the Knot Today, but my video editing skills are.... Well, I don't have any video editing skills. So I'll just have to go with words for now and add a video should I ever be able to get it like I want it.

Anyway, I finally made my way to Target not long ago and remembered that one of the products on my must-try list was Kinky-Curly Knot Today. Last week I decided to wash and twist my hair, so there was no better time to try it out. I washed it with my usual shampoo (Shea Moisture Coconut & Hibiscus) then sectioned my hair off to make detangling and twisting a little easier. I applied a little of the Knot Today (maybe a nickel sized dollop? Or quarter? I don't know) to about a fourth of my hair and worked it in. Y'all wouldn't believe the look on my face when I was able to finger-comb my hair. I've always had to use the comb after washing because it tangles up like crazy, even when I deep condition and detangle with the conditioner in the hair. But this time my fingers slid through with ease. I was definitely amazed. I even had to go show my mom, who couldn't believe it either!

(This is where the video was supposed to go. Just imagine my hand being stuck basically at my roots, then magically gliding all the way down my tresses. Yeah, that's what happened.)

Knot Today is great, but not without its drawbacks. Once I got to the last two sections, my hair had dried significantly. Although the Knot Today still made it easier to detangle, I noticed that 1) it was not as easy as when the hair was dripping wet and 2) it made my hair feel a little sticky. So even though the bottle says "leave-in" I don't think I'll be able to use it in that capacity. Now that I have taken the twists down, I also realize that my hair is not as soft as it is when I use something like Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie. Don't misunderstand me, it's not super crunchy or anything, it's just not super soft.

Overall, I have to say that this product really impressed me. The complaints I have are minor, especially when compared with how much easier and quicker detangling was. Knot Today made the most dreaded part of my routine go a lot smoother, so that makes it a win in my book.

Have you tried Knot Today? Or any of the other Kinky-Curly products? What was your impression of this line? Yay or nay?

Hot Links: 10.2.11

Woohoo, we've made it to another month! For the past two weeks, I've been reading, researching and studying more than writing. That includes catching up on my blogroll. There are so many good posts that I've just gotten around to, so why not share them?

There have been several posts on Clutch Magazine that caught my interest. First was the post highlighting 4 books every career woman should own. Surprisingly I only have one of the books listed, but I plan to read the others in the near future. I've been deep into the business and professional development genre lately, so this is right up my alley.
Sky Obercam reported a story of the violence that is now rampant in Mexico. I knew that things had gotten bad, but I underestimated the extent of it. The fact that schools are having to close because it is too dangerous? Unimaginable.
Friday's post, "Revenge of the Nerds", puts a lot of today's music in perspective. I'll let you read for yourself, bujt here's a snippet:

Entitlement is a MF’er. You see, it isn’t that the vengeful nerds wanted unattainable women back in the day. It’s that they felt they should have them. And now that they can, they act out... May the Black nerd continue to shake up the game, but let the next breed come with a reverence (or, at the very least, basic human respect) for Black women. Get past your bitter past and tip your hat to the brown skinned lady with the wide rimmed glasses. She’d probably like you if all the new found ‘cool’ disappeared.

On From Ashy to Classy, there is a great post titled "Not Having Sex Before Marriage is a Setup for Failure." I'm sure some will see this as an "excuse" or justification of premarital sex, but if you read it with an open mind and applied logic, it really makes a lot of sense. Waiting til marriage when folks were getting married as teens made sense. Waiting til 30+ (since marriages are happening later and later for many Americans) doesn't seem as logical. There is also another titilating post "Rethinking Relationships: Is Monogamy Natural or Cultural?" Considering that I've been having this conversation with the BF and a few others, it was pretty timely. I especially loved the breakdown of the different types of monogamy.

OneChele at Black 'n Bougie had a minor rant where she went in on all of these so-called relationship experts. And she laid it out step by step so that you too can tell women how to catch a good man, no education/experience/good sense required!

Finally, this is the funniest (in a sad-but-true kinda way) response to the diversity bake sale held by a Republican student group at UC Berkeley. "What they don't tell you about those diversity bake sales" is witty and straight to the point.

Tight Standards Make Mortgages Tough to Get

By Julie Schmit, USA TODAY

Home buyers such as Bob and Janet Zych have fueled the U.S. housing market for decades.

They have excellent credit with scores that top 800, lifelong careers, and investment portfolios that have set them up for a comfortable retirement, they say.

But this year, “after faxing a ream of paper” about their finances, they got so fed up applying for a home loan that they simply wrote a check for their new $85,000 vacation condo in Phoenix.

Trying to get a loan “was just a nightmare,” says Bob Zych, 65, a manager for Mohawk Industries in Omaha.

Following the greatest housing crash since the Great Depression, home lending standards have tightened to their strictest levels in decades, economists say. And people such as the Zychs and others nationwide are paying the price.

Tight home-loan credit is affecting everything from home sales to household finances. Many borrowers are struggling to qualify for loans to buy homes. Others can’t take advantage of some of the lowest interest rates in 50 years because they don’t have enough equity in their homes to refinance. Those who can get loans need higher credit scores and bigger down payments than they would have in recent years. They face more demands to prove their incomes, verify assets, show steady employment, and explain things such as new credit cards and small bank account deposits.

Even then, they may not qualify for the lowest interest rates.

The NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF REALTORS® says lending standards are too tight and are hurting the housing industry’s recovery.

The lending industry counters that standards are where they need to be, given still-falling home prices and the shaky economy.

“It used to be anybody with a pulse could get a home loan. Now you have to be an Olympic athlete,” says Guy Cecala, of Inside Mortgage Finance.

“The pendulum has swung too far.”

Read more: http://www.houselogic.com/news/articles/tight-standards-make-mortgages-tough-get/#ixzz1ZHMjxE2T

NO on MS 26

Like many people with liberal leanings, I am pro-choice. Although I only agree with abortion under certain extreme circumstances, it is my belief that every woman should be in charge of her own body and make her own decision concerning whether to carry a child to term. It is neither okay for me to impose my own morals onto someone, nor for the government to mandate what a woman can and cannot do to her own body. Of course, this gets into the argument about abortion being an act against another and at what point a fetus is considered a person.

Under the proposed Personhood Amendment, a fetus in Mississippi would be considered a person from the moment of conception. The proposed amendment would read:

Be it Enacted by the People of the State of Mississippi: SECTION 1. Article III of the constitution of the state of Mississippi is hereby amended BY THE ADDITION OF A NEW SECTION TO READ: Section 33. Person defined. As used in this Article III of the state constitution, "The term 'person' or 'persons' shall include every human being from the moment of fertilization, cloning or the functional equivalent thereof."

While this may sound well and good for those who are anti-abortion, consider this: the amendment in question would also undermines access to safe and reliable infertility medical treatments. After all, for in vitro fertilization (IVF), embryos are created (at which time, under the proposed legislation, they would be "people") and frozen. If an embryo is considered a person at the time of fertilization, IVF would be virtually impossible to administer in this state. Resolve.com, the site of the National Infertility Association, ask these questions:

• If one or more microscopic embryos from an IVF cycle do not develop normally in the lab or fail to result in live births after transfer (all natural events), could the physician, lab, and/or patient be criminally liable?


• Would non-IVF treatments such as simple inseminations be threatened because they carry a risk of miscarriage? (5)  Would clinics with high miscarriage rates after inseminations be at risk for criminal liability?  Could the miscarrying women be subject to criminal charges?


• Not all frozen embryos thaw successfully.  Could embryo freezing be prohibited as too risky?


• Will patients be prevented from donating their frozen embryos to research after they complete infertility treatments?


• Will patients’ medical records be subpoenaed to ensure that no one violated the embryos’ constitutionally guaranteed right to life?


• May women who live in states where personhood laws pass travel to other states for IVF, or would their embryos still be restricted by the law of their home state, such that doctors in no other states would offer her treatment?  Would she be forbidden to move any currently frozen embryos to another state to continue her treatment?


• If infertility patients in personhood states cannot afford to live in another state during treatment, will they simply have to forego the dream of having a family?

There are other issues as well:

Under state law, there are many places where "person" is referenced.

If more than five unrelated embryos/persons are housed in a single building, will it have to be licensed as a child residential care home?

In Pearl, there is an ordinance limiting occupancy to two persons in a bedroom. If a pregnant woman is two people, can she be in the same bed as her husband?

Moreover, IVF is not the only medical treatment that could be prevented by passage of the Personhood Amendment.

Effective treatment of tubal pregnancies, severe preeclampsia, and molar gestation could be prevented.

New stem cell treatments for patients with Parkinson's, Lou Gehrig's disease, and cancers like leukemia and choriocarcinoma would also be at risk.

If a physician is faced with the choice of saving a woman's life or refusing to harm an embryo/person, could he or she be sued for malpractice no matter what choice was made?

Do Mississippians really want more lawyers interfering in a family's personal medical decisions? (source)

On November 8 I will be voting NO on MS 26. Not just because women deserve the right to terminate if that's their choice, but because women should have the right to have a family even when natural means of doing so are out.

What is the Takeaway From the Troy Davis Case

As most of you know, Troy Davis was executed at 11:08 PM eastern time on September 21, 2011 in Jackson, GA. I won't rehash the details, as the whole thing has made me physically sick. If you're unfamiliar, a Google search will bring you up to speed. The question now is what do we do, what have we learned from this? Since this type of incident is nothing new, I don't feel that there are any new lessons, but we are reminded of some important facts:

1. We must be vigilant about doing our civic duties. We cannot rightfully complain about how unfair our justice & political systems are if we skip out on jury duty, fail to vote (for someone who actually represents what we believe, not just a party vote), and don't actively get involved with groups/organizations that are trying to make a difference in our government and communities. And it is important that we hold elected officials accountable. Remember the stance they take on important issues, then let it be known whether you support that stance by voting to keep them or boot them out of office.


2. Sometimes, the call for action needs to come sooner. Troy Davis was convicted in 1989. I only heard about the case in the last two weeks. While I'm sure something was being done on the local level from the very beginning (I was only 4 years old at the time so I have no idea), what kind of strides could have been made if more people knew about it sooner? What if more churches, community groups, etc. had been able to spread the word and garner support for him sooner? We can't advocate for things we do not know about (which is why I wanted to knock some sense into those who berated folks on Twitter about "bandwagoning" because they learned about it at the last minute). Given that we have such a widespread and immediate forum via social networking, we shouldn't hesitate to use them.


3. Being in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people could be a death sentence. This is especially true if you're Black in America; doubly true for Black men. We already know the odds are stacked against us and sometimes the only thing you have to be guilty of is being black. Knowing that, we should be conscious of our actions and associations. This doesn't mean that we live in fear; rather, it means being smart enough to survive.

In the end, it boils down to something that I retweeted the night Troy Davis was murdered: They won't give a sh*t about us until we give a sh*t about ourselves.

Going Green? Consider the GreenSwitch

These days, it's all about the green. For some people, saving green means saving money; for others, it means protecting the environment. Now there is an opportunity for savvy home owners to do both. GreenSwitch is an energy saving mechanism that puts you in control of your energy usage. From their site:

We all know our homes quietly drain electricity that we pay for but don’t actually get to use. There are those lights in the basement that we always forget to turn off, or thermostats that are heating or cooling unused spaces, or doing so at the wrong time of the day. And there is “phantom power”– electricity flowing to electronics that are in stand-by or “off” mode. GreenSwitch offers a simple and affordable way to control household energy that saves you time and money!

One convenient slide of the GreenSwitch puts you in custom control of your electricity usage. With GreenSwitch, you designate which outlets and lights are affected and you set the personal settings for your programmable climate control. Single-control outlets let you customize each outlet, allowing you, for example, to turn off the TV in one plug while keeping the digital video recorder in the other socket of the same outlet on and recording.

I chuckled when I read this, because I thought about my dad always fussing about us not unplugging the microwave when we were done. He was concerned about that phantom power usage! And if you are curious about how much "phantom power" is used by common household and office appliances, there is an interactive section on the site to show you. You may be surprised!

Since every home's energy needs and usage are different, GreenSwitch's site does not list prices. However, the site does have a Savings & Payback Calculator to show potential savings. The company also offers a free Home Analysis, in which you answer a few questions about your home and a representative will contact you to discuss (you may also call them).

Whether you are buying, selling, or content in the home you are in, I would encourage everyone to look into GreenSwitch. And if you're not ready to make that investment just yet, there are still ways to save energy and money. Just check out this Energy Savers Booklet (PDF) from the US Department of Energy.

Disclaimer: Tori Whitley is not affiliated with GreenSwitch and did not receive compensation to endorse this company.