Justice for Trayvon

"What do you call a black man with a Ph.D.? Nigger." - Malcolm X

What do you call a black boy with Skittles & tea? "Suspicious."

If you don't know the story of Trayvon Martin, here is the quick and dirty: Trayvon was a 17-year-old boy who was walking back to his dad's house on Feb. 26 after going to the store. He was followed by George Zimmerman, self-appointed neighborhood watch leader for the Sanford, FL community, because he "looked suspicious." Although he was warned by the 911 dispatcher on the phone not to follow the boy, he did. He accosted him. George Zimmerman shot and killed an unarmed boy who was almost half his size and trying to get away from him. (more facts on the case along with sources here)

George Zimmerman has not been arrested.



 Zimmerman has claimed self-defense, and police have cited Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law as an excuse for their inaction. The Stand Your Ground or Shoot First law is an extension of the Castle Doctrine, which states that the home is a person's castle & they have the right to defend it using deadly force if necessary. Twenty-eight states have this law. In addition to that, 18 states have "Stand Your Ground" which extends outside of the home and eliminates a person's responsibility to try to walk away from a potentially threatening situation. If you have "a reasonable belief" that your life and safety is in danger, you can use force to defend yourself, even deadly force.

However, in this case, that is bull. Trayvon carried nothing but snacks, no weapons. He was walking away from the man. According to ABC News, a friend was on the phone with Trayvon minutes before the shooting. She recounted the boy trying to get away from a man who was following him. Does that sound like a threatening situation to you? Only if you see Zimmerman as the threat. To pursue and harass a young man--still legally a child-- accost him and then shoot him when he yelled for help & tried to defend himself, and then claim self-defense is sickening and a slap in the face to common sense. Even sicker is that this man is being taken at his word, with barely a peep from the local police department. Fortunately, public outcry has prompted the Department of Justice, US Attorney's Office and the FBI to investigate.

Although I heard this story last week, I figured surely the police would do the right thing and arrest George Zimmerman. Yet here we are, nearly a month later, and no arrest has been made. The thing that put me over the edge was hearing the 911 calls from neighbors. Three neighbors called about the brewing confrontation, and you can clearly hear this boy calling for help seconds before the gunshot. Hearing that last desperate cry moments before his life was snuffed out broke my heart. It made me think of my cousins, nephews, frat brothers. Men who, whether they have on a hoodie & jeans like Trayvon or a suit and tie, have that unmistakably "suspicious" brown skin. So even if they are somewhere that they have every right to be, they still have to be on guard against others who feel as if they don't belong there. And yes, the same is true for black women as well, we catch hell too. But not as violently as our brothers, it appears.

This case has the potential to set a dangerous precedent, especially in the states that have this Shoot First law. If we turn a blind eye to the violence against this one black child and let it go under the ruse of self-defense it could open Pandora's Box. While some may say "This was just an isolated incident. Zimmerman was crazy, most people aren't like that" I would like you to ponder this. Despite the claims of America being "post racial" after 2008, instances of racially motivated violence, hate speech, discriminatory legislation and racially insensitive behavior in schools and places of employment have increased. Make no mistake, the monster that is racism never died, but the "fear" (of what? hmm) and hatred felt by many now outweighs the political correctness to keep their prejudice under wraps (at least in public). For some, the hatred is so potent that they would attempt to follow in Zimmerman's footsteps if they felt they could get away with it.

None of us want to believe that we live in a country that claims "freedom and justice for all" but lets a huge injustice like this occur. But how can we deny it when we've seen it before? And we see it now, staring us in the face, daring us to do something about it. So help do something about it. Along with signing the petition for Zimmerman's arrest, here are three other ways we can help bring justice for Trayvon Martin.

Quote of the Day

  “Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”    -Unknown

I don't think about death much. After all, it's another part of life. But here I am, still feeling all sorts of ways about the passing of my grandfather this weekend. On one hand, it's terribly painful knowing that I won't get to see him again, hear some of his stories or be teased about getting fat. On the other, I'm glad that he isn't in pain and is at rest. And I'm proud to be a descendant of such a wonderful person. They say the good die young; I say the great outlive most. He died just a month shy of his 102nd birthday. RIP Robert Davis, Sr. You will live forever in our memories.

 

Things My Future Husband Should Know: About Being the Head of the House

Dear future hubby,

It's early on a Thursday morning. You know how I am when I haven't had my coffee yet, so sorry in advance if I ramble.

I had a little epiphany (although the word "epiphany" seems too epic to describe as little, so let's just say a moment of clarity) this morning in which I realized what I want from you concerning this whole "head of the household" thing. That phrase has always kinda rubbed me wrong, even though I've been taught from a child that that's how it's supposed to be. The thought of someone controlling me made me want to hit something and yell, "You're not the boss of me!" After all, isn't marriage supposed to be a partnership?

But I know that I've always liked it when a man takes charge. That's probably due in part to my own indecisiveness, but it also adheres to the confidence and (hopefully) wisdom that I envision a real man possessing. A man who waffles is a liability, IMO, and is likely to get cut off. Since you've made it to being Mr. Tori D. (lol) that's obviously not the case, so congrats.

Anyway, the realization that came was about my part in the equation. Once I actually thought about it, I discovered that my roles in relation to you are the same that I've been playing for others most of my life. Sounding board, out-of-the-box thinker (there has to be a better term for it than that), and cheerleader. On important issues I
want
 need to be in on the decision-making. I want to hear your ideas and share mine. Hopefully we will both agree on the course of action and go from there. If not, it's your responsibility to make the final decision and to live with it. My responsibility is to support that decision. If it works, I'll have the "you were right" cheer ready. If it doesn't, I'm going to rag you a little bit (hey, no point in lying) but then we'll figure out how to regroup and move on.

You being head of the house doesn't lessen my position. It doesn't make me your maid, your secretary, your cook or your pet...
unless we're role-playing but that's for another letter
. We are indeed partners-- in complementing, not competing, positions. Making decisions concerning our finances, kids, worship, household responsibilities, etc. shouldn't be power-plays. Becoming Mrs. Whoever-You-Are means that I obviously trust your judgement, which is why I'll have no little problem letting you take the lead.

The Anti-Social on Social Networks

I'm on too many.

 

 

 

 

(What, is that not enough? Okay, fine.)

I think I've OD'd on social networking. HighSchoolClub.com was my first taste of it, and was quickly followed by CollegeClub and BlackPlanet. The idea of "meeting" new people and learning about them without having to actually open my mouth and talk to them was intriguing to me. And I could keep up with my friends even when we weren't at school without spending all night on the phone with them. Sweet! This introvert was pleased.

The number of social sites I joined quickly ballooned. Y'all know me; I'm always after the "next big thing" when it comes to anything dealing with technology. Social networking was no exception. There was MySpace, then Facebook, several Ning sites when they were still free, and probably hundreds of little sites that I easily forgot about. Now there's the Facebook page plus two fan pages, this blog, four Twitter accounts (which I just brought down from five--how the heck did that happen?), four Tumblr blogs (but one is for business!), LinkedIn, Pinterest, Google+, Instagram, GetGlue, StumbleUpon, Flickr, YouTube...

Enough!! 

oh mr. faceless guy, how did we get here?

 

Now I'm making cutbacks. Already deleted FourSquare (which is a creepy little thing, now that I think about it). GetGlue will be gone after Once Upon A Time & Desperate Housewives season finales (what is it about those little stickers?!). Twitter and Tumblr accounts are being consolidated or deleted all together, and one by one I'm unjoining sites that I'm sure I'll never miss. And there is a reason for it all.

 

One thing that has me a little frustrated is trying to create unique content for each site. It's difficult, if not impossible. I'm friends with a lot of the same people across different sites. I know how much I hate checking my Twitter timeline, then seeing the same comment on Facebook. It's annoying! So I avoid doing that, but there's really only so much I want to share with everyone.

 

Another issue I have with social networking is that many people--myself included--are distracted from the real world by it. Even when we do venture out (IRL!) often we are uploading pix, checking in, and tweeting about who we see. Instead of, yanno, actually focusing on the experience. It's not uncommon to go to dinner with a table full of people and have minimal verbal conversation because everyone's eyes are glued to the tiny screen of their phone. Which basically leads to my biggest gripe.

 

Somehow, social networking has enabled me to be even less social (who knew that was possible?). And I suspect the same is true for many others. Who needs to call when I can tweet you or send a message on Facebook? We don't have to "catch up" because I can see your whole life online. And now, I've gotten to where I barely comment anymore! I simply like, retweet, reblog, repin or +1 it. Even I, in all my anti-social glory, see a bit of a problem with this.

 

All this new-fangled technology be darned! I am going to make a serious effort to start reaching out to my family and friends the old-fashioned way. I'm going to pick up my phone... and text.

Quote of the Day

(Quotes, actually.)

At work we're reading a short book called Habits Die Hard: 10 Steps to Building Successful Habits. It's full of tips and quotes and ways to overcome bad habits and turn them into positive habits, which can be applied professionally and in your personal life. My chapter is "Assess the Risk" (arguably the most boring chapter I could get, considering that it instantly put me in the mind of some of my business classes). Although the info in this chapter was pretty basic, it did have some quotes that I like, and they do apply to some aspects of my life now. Since I felt like they were good little bits of inspiration for me, I had to share them with y'all.

"It's not because things are difficult that we dare not venture. It's because we dare not venture that they are difficult." - Seneca

"Fear is a powerful de-motivator. It limits us. It entangles us in the status quo."

"If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves." -  Thomas Edison

For Anyone Considering Starting a Creative Business...

Ugh, it's a dreary Friday evening. Who wants to talk business? *raises hand* I do.

It's become painfully obvious to me (and probably to you if you've been following the blog long enough) that a regular 8 to 5 isn't really for me. In fact, no "traditional" job comes to mind when I think about the things I would love to do. Yes, I am still applying for jobs that seem "realistic" but what about the fantastic? What about the idea that I can put my creativity to work with my years of business education to make a living for myself? After all, others have made it happen, so I should be able to do the same... I think.

Since there aren't many options for a creative professional in most companies, starting a creative business is the most practical solution. So the challenge is where do I begin? Fortunately, one can find a wealth of info on just about everything online, so that's where I started my search. When I started looking for "starting a creative business" the first sites that came up were tips and advice from people who had done just that. Perfect! One of the best was a post on Blacksburg Belle, where 9 creative entrepreneurs shared the challenges they faced when starting their businesses. I can definitely relate to their experiences, especially the one about figuring out exactly what you love. There are a lot of things that I love, which mean a lot of potential businesses! But realistically I can't do everything. So that's a biggie. The question of "will there be enough money" is one I have too, but at this point I think that's a legit concern considering that right now there isn't...

I also found 10 tips for the creative entrepreneur on Ladies Who Launch. If you're a right-brainer who is struggling with starting your business (or even if you're not struggling but looking for ways to improve/make the process easier) this is a good read. The right-brain business plan is one that stood out to me. I never considered that my plan didn't have to be the standard plan that I learned in business school. That may explain why I've had such an ordeal trying to get it together! Now I'm researching alternative styles to determine which one will be best for me.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="400" caption="Note to self: This is probably the book I should've gotten from jump!"][/caption]

Finally, I found an awesome guest post on Leslie Laughs from Tahni, a photographer and artist. It's a realistic but encouraging look at what it's like to be a creative entrepreneur (really any entrepreneur for that matter). In it, Tahni basically says: you have to pay your dues, don't beat yourself up if/when you fail, and it's a roller coaster. Of course she said it a lot better than I just did, so read the post.

I've found plenty of information, some useful and some not, and I'll be sharing it here from time to time. Are you, or have you considered, starting a creative business? If you have insights, resources or your own story that you would like to share, let me know!

Q&A with God

My mind was wandering one day, as it often tends to do, and I imagined what it would be like to get to sit down with God, ask a couple of questions & get an answer. Not just a "read the Bible, it's in there" kinda answer, but an "I see His lips moving & hear the words so I know it's real" type answer. Off the top of my head, these were the questions that I came up with.

[caption id="attachment_2142" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="IDK where I got this or who said it, but I like it"][/caption]

1. There are over 800,000 species of insect that we know of. Were you just really bored that day & decided to see how many weird creepy crawly things you could make?

2. Why does the "good" stuff not taste as good as the "bad" stuff? Why didn't you make veggies taste like ice cream?

3. Unicorns: fact or fiction?

4. What was your take on the whole permed vs natural thing? We made much ado about nothing, didn't we?

5. Did you make me fat because you knew I'd be half-naked all the time if I was skinny?

6. Those times when I tripped but didn't see anything, did you put something in the way? Did you laugh?

7. Why didn't my sex drive come with an on/off switch?

8. How many times did I miss out on something that should've been mine because I was too scared to make a move?

9. Thank you for letting me dodge the bullets I managed to dodge. I won't even ask about how many there were. I'm just thankful.

10. What is my life's purpose? Was it/is it being fulfilled?

So if you could have a tête-à-tête with God, what would you ask?

Black History Month: 97 Years of Pissing Off White Folks

It's the year 2012. We are about halfway through Black History Month and I am still hearing the same complaints that I've been hearing for years. And it isn't just BHM that folks are complaining about. It seems that the privilege and entitlement that comes with being White just isn't enough for some. (But really, when is having it all enough? /sarcasm) No, privilege isn't complete unless others are without. And if others have anything, then that certainly infringes upon that entitlement. At least, that's the impression given from the following statements.

1. "When is White History Month? If we had WHM they'd say we're racist. That's reverse racism!"



There is a whole Tumblr blog with idiots repeatedly asking this same question. They somehow conveniently ignore the fact that the contributions of Africans and African-Americans (as well as other minorities) are largely ignored when children are taught about world history and US history. If most public school books are to be taken at face value, one could easily conclude that Blacks disappeared after slavery and reappeared during the Civil Rights era. We learn of Martin Luther King Jr. and Rosa Parks; occasionally the story of George Washington Carver making peanut butter is thrown in. That's it. If the full, rich history of all people were included in the education we receive, there would be no need for BHM. Instead, all we get is how Europeans "discovered" America (not how they raped and killed natives to steal their land), "brought" Africans to America (not the true brutality of the Atlantic Slave Trade or how they felt justified in doing so because of a false sense of superiority) and how they "built" America (conveniently leaving out the exploited minorities who actually did the hard labor).
By the way, while there is no "White History Month," there are several months celebrating those of European heritage. Irish American Heritage Month: March. Scots Heritage Month: April. Jewish American Heritage Month: May. German American Heritage Month: mid-September through mid-October. Italian American Heritage Month: October. Considering all of this, plus the fact that every month that school children learn history is "white history month," I consider it more than fair that African-Americans have 28 days to recognize our history.

2. They can have all-black schools and all-black organizations. Why can't we have all white schools and organizations? Reverse racism!

Hmmm, what is the history behind HBCUs and Black organizations? Oh yeah, it was the fact that African-Americans were being excluded from the then all-white institutions. So instead of just not receiving higher education, Blacks created their own colleges? Instead of bowing their heads and not trying to attain anything Blacks created unions, professional organizations, Greek-letter organizations? How dare we decide to create for ourselves what had been denied from us!
And point of clarity: show me one HBCU that is 100% black. There are plenty of white kids taking advantage of those diversity scholarships and affirmative action that so many White people hate. The same is true for many traditionally Black organizations.

3. You have BET but no WET? Racists!

Same as #2: Poor (or no) representation on mainstream channels. So while there is a channel that specifically have "Black" in the name, channels such as ABC, NBC, Fox, CBS, etc. comprise WET. I know, not White-specific enough for you, but somehow I think you'll survive.

4. You can say "nigga" but I can't?! Even if I drop the -er? That's not fair!

Life really isn't fair, is it? There are so many double standards and inequity in this world. For example, I can't go into a nice department store and shop in peace. Instead I'm followed around suspiciously, even though 70% of people arrested for shoplifting are White. I'm more likely to be the victim of police brutality, false arrests and criminal conviction because of my skin, even though I am a law-abiding citizen. As a Black woman I am attacked in the media on a regular basis, for everything from my appearance to my attitude to my education to why apparently I can't get a man. If I climb the corporate ladder, it is assumed that I am only there because of some "Black quota" that needs to be filled, even though I have had to work twice as hard due to my race and my gender. And you can't say "nigga" without a Black person being offended. Yes, the world is unfair. Boo-fucking-hoo.

5. What's wrong with White Power/White Pride when they can say "Black Power" or "Black Pride"? I can't be proud to be White?

Of course you can be proud to be White. Everyone should be proud of whoever and whatever they are. (Unless they're like a pedophile or something; no one should be proud of that. But that's neither here nor there.) There is a very real, legitimate reason why people are leery when they hear "White Power" or "White Pride." When African-Americans (and other groups) speak of pride/power, they speak of recognizing their own self-worth. It is the affirmation that "I may not fit the 'standard' of beauty. The world may not acknowledge my talent or my intellect. I may be regarded as less than, but I know I am not. I come from a line of proud, resilient people and I won't let anyone shame me for who I am."
However, this is not the message that is conveyed with White pride/power. Instead cries of "White power" are often associated with violence towards anyone who doesn't fit a certain look or ethnicity. White pride is used as the basis to attack others, physically or otherwise. The phrase white pride is a euphemism for a false sense of superiority, the same pseudo-superiority that was used to justify raping, killing, enslaving and degrading "savages" that they did not even attempt to understand.

Even as I typed all of this, I know that the people who need to read this won't. After all, ignorance to the truth is the same as justification for those who want to remain bigoted.

Oh, one other thing. For those of you (Black and White alike) who believe the conspiracy theory that Blacks were "given the shortest month of the year," click here. You're welcome.

My Subconscious Is Out To Get Me

I am convinced that my psyche has declared some kind of war on my mental stability. That is the only semi-logical explanation for the strange dreams I have. Truthfully I have always had rather... interesting dreams, I should say. Several places pop up over and over again. I usually dream about Mr. Magic Voice whenever a big change is coming. And I have a recurring dream about an argument with a family member that, over the years, has gone from ending with the silent treatment to ending with murder. O_O

Over the last three or four weeks, I have had almost nightly dreams featuring my exes, almosts, and boo thangs from about the past five years or so. In most of them things are almost normal between us, even though in the dream I am well aware of what happened between us. In some of them I get revenge in one way or another (usually its by being so fine they can't contain themselves & I sing "Neva Gonna Get It." *shrug* Don't ask). And a couple of the dreams would even make Pinky blush. But more often than not, I'm wondering "what the hell are you doing here?"

[caption id="attachment_2115" align="aligncenter" width="319" caption=""For real you guys, y'all can't just loiter in my head like this...""][/caption]

That was the case last night. I was at my 10 year high school reunion catching up with old friends when someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was SupaBlack. He still had the same starter locs that he was wearing a few years ago. He said he wanted me to meet someone named Chris. Chris looked just like him, down to the baby locs, dark skin and square glasses. He was a few inches taller than SupaBlack, but still wasn't as tall as me. I gave him the once over, then looked back at SupaBlack to ask "Ummm, why are you here?" And it was a logical question, considering that 1) SupaBlack graduated two years after me, 2) I went to school in MS & he was in VA and 3) he would have no reason to know jack squat about my reunion. But when do dreams ever follow logic?

People say that dreams are the results of your brain trying to process all of the information you take in and emotions you experience in your waking life. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Don't even know if I believe that. After all, it's not as if I spend time thinking about these folks. I have actively tried not to think about them when necessary, and have done a pretty darn good job of repressing most of those memories. But that old subconscious just won't let me be! And how do you even fight back with... yourself? I don't think you can. Or, maybe you can, but you'll probably go insane in the process. So hopefully soon I'll go back to dreaming about crazy church folks or running from the cops. (Don't judge me!) If not, I'll know for sure that my subconscious is definitely out to get me.

P.S.: I also dreamed about Mr. Magic Voice. In the dream he & his wife were visiting my Big Momma. The next day I decided to look up his wife (who I'd never seen). I found a picture of her and she looked JUST like the woman in my dream. Creeped me out! Google is the debbil.

Afternoon Quickie: Someone Like You? No Thanks.

Y'all probably don't know just how much I love Adele. (Ironically, "Rolling In the Deep" began playing as I started this post. Pandora be knowin'!)  Her voice is beautiful, and the whole "I'm gonna just sit on this stool and sing, and you're gonna like it" vibe is everything to me in the midst of all these part-time strippers who just happen to sing.

I belt out all the songs on 19 and 21, and when things w/ Marcus (he doesn't deserve the mr. madrigal nickname) suddenly crashed & burned, I found myself all in my feelings with "Someone Like You." It was the perfect theme song to what had happened. "Nevermind! I'll find someone you" I sang through a face full of tears and snot. I don't need you; I can get another you!

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn't want someone like him. After all, he turned out to be emotionally immature and--how do I say this nicely--unable to effectively communicate in an honest manner, even when presented with the opportunity to do so without consequence. (That's a pretty nice way of saying "liar," right?) So why would I want someone like him? To deal with that mess again? Umm, no! But I would like someone like his representative. You know, the person I met before I saw the man behind the mask. Someone with his positive traits, as well as the things I liked about some folks from the past. Someone not at all like him; instead, someone who is his own man who can fulfill the lingering promises of love.

"Someone Like the Person I Thought You Were" isn't really a catchy title, though.

"But What Will They Think?"

I’m a purple-haired rebel. In my mind, that is. The person inside me has plenty of visible tats, a couple of piercings, and an in-your-face attitude. With a name that has both an X and a Z. Oh yeah, the Tori D. no one sees is a real badass. But the “me” that folks actually interact with is quite the opposite, at least to their knowledge. People really only see the quiet, agreeable side. I think it’s easier for others to accept the reserved, so that’s what I give them. However, this poses a problem when it comes to expressing myself creatively.

Supposedly, I've been working on a book of poetry for several years now. I say supposedly because even though I have been writing and have plenty of pieces to choose from, I haven't done much toward getting the book started. The same is true for several of my short stories and ideas for novels. The premise is there, in all its raw, original glory. But not much has been put towards it. Do I want this? Of course I do. So what is the problem?

Well, the issue is how much of myself I expose in my work. What I write is drawn mostly from my own experiences, interests and imagination. Sharing that is a very naked experience. And while I don’t have a problem with that when it comes to strangers (aside from the usual anticipation of critiques) it is not something that I’m sure I want to let those who “know” me in on. My relatives, church members, classmates, coworkers, sorors… The question pops up in my head with every dark detail that I write: “But what will they think?”

It’s the reason I haven’t told many of those that actually know me about my blog. Or my past. Or some of my more prurient proclivities. The dread of being rejected or rebuked for simply being who I am has been a barrier for me. As comfortable as I have become (or at least say I have) with who I am I don’t know if I am ready to handle that kind of judgment. My circle is already very small as it is. Can I deal with people walking away because I’m not who or what they think I am? And perhaps they wouldn’t walk away at all; however, I’ve heard their condemning words for folks they didn’t know who were more like me in ways they would never imagine. So what else should I expect?

Eventually I either have to say, “This is who I am. Love me or leave me alone,” or I have to stifle my own creativity to keep up the façade. I don’t see the latter happening. The real Tori D. needs a release somewhere! And I think the time for that is approaching faster than I thought.

Originally posted on skirt.com

Product Review: TGIN Shea Butter Line

For the past week or so, I've had the privilege to try out the TGIN Shea Butter Sample Pack. If you didn't know, Chris-Tia Donaldson, author of Thank God I'm Natural, has launched Thank God It's Natural, a line of natural bath, body and home products. Included in the Sample Pack: a 1/2 oz. jar of all natural organic shea butter, 1.5 oz. bar of olive oil Wild Lemongrass soap, and 1 peppermint shea butter lip balm. So here is my breakdown of each product.

[caption id="attachment_2089" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="The TGIN Shea Butter Sample Pack"][/caption]

 

Organic Shea Butter
From TGIN:

Our 100% Natural African Shea Butter will keep your hands, feet, lips, and hair soft all winter long. If you like shea butter, you're going to love our all natural organic shea body butter, which has a smooth and creamy texture, no grit, and a light and pleasant scent.
Rich in both vitamin A and vitamin E, shea butter can be used to treat dry skin, sunburns, cuts, rashes, eczema, psoriasis, chapped lips, dark spots, scars, stretch marks, blemishes, diaper rash, dark under eye circles, and fine lines and wrinkles as part of your night-time beauty treatment.
An ultra-nourishing spot treatment to soften even the driest skin.

Since I didn't have enough to use daily on my entire body, I used the shea butter daily primarily on two areas: my feet and elbows. I was instantly pleased with how rich and smooth it was. Trust, you don't need to use a ton of this stuff! It was a great addition to my nightly pedicure routine. After a little buffing with the pumice stone I massaged my feet with the shea butter before slipping on my fuzzy socks. Now they're nice and soft--sandal ready! On my elbows the shea butter helped smooth the spots that rub against the arm rests of my office chair. I also began applying it to a scar that is forming from a recent (and nasty) fall. I'm hoping it will help lighten that dark spot. Overall it worked great, did just what I expected it to do. One word of advice: if you're like me and tend to sweat in 20 degree weather, you may want to avoid using this on your face! In a rush one morning I forgot my moisturizer and thought "well this will do." Honey I looked like I washed my face in Crisco. No bueno. Otherwise, this gets a thumbs up from me.

 

Olive Oil and Shea Butter Wild Lemongrass Soap
From TGIN:

Our luxurious Olive Oil soaps have added organic Shea Butter. Our shea butter soaps are amazing and rich in olive oil, coconut oil and plant botanicals. They produce a rich  lather and will keep your skin soft and supple all winter long.  Contains no preservatives, animal products, petroleum products, parabens or lauryl sulfate.

I didn't really have high hopes for this particular product. After all, soap is soap is soap, right? Wrong! There is definitely a difference with this soap. As soon as I lathered up, I could feel it moisturizing my skin thanks to the natural oils infused into the soap. After the shower, my skin wasn't left feeling tight or dry like it normally does with regular soap. It made me think of the Dove soap commercials, where they show how it's supposed to moisturize your skin. Well I've tried Dove, and TGIN's soap has it beat, IMO.

I do have two minor complaints though. I hoped that this soap would work for my face so that I could possibly skip adding an additional moisturizer after washing. Instead, the soap ended up breaking my face out. Must have been the oils. No biggie; after a day of going back to my usual Clean & Clear my face was back to normal. The other thing was the scent. I think I'd rather have had an unscented bar than the lemongrass scent. If you've never smelled it, it is a crisp, earthy scent. Not bad, just not me. I will be ordering the White Tea & Hibiscus or Ginger Peach scent next time.

 

Shea Butter Lip Balm (Peppermint)
From TGIN:

100% natural lip balm, made with shea butter, coconut oil and olive oil.

The biggest issue that I have with lip balms is that most of them simply sit on top of the lips instead of actually moisturizing them. Fortunately I did not get that feeling with the TGIN lip balm. It wasn't heavy or greasy, which is always good. Would've been nice to get the little tingle that I was looking for, but it's only peppermint scented. It didn't do any miracles, but then again I didn't expect that.  Overall it's a solid product that I would use on a regular basis.

I really like TGIN's shea butter line. Whether you are a stickler for using 100% natural skin and hair care products, or if you just want products that work, I would recommend that you give TGIN a try.

Why Should Celebs "Come Out"?

This is something that I have been thinking about for a long time but just recently boiled over. Maybe the final straw was the article where some new rapper took it upon herself to "out" certain entertainers whose sexuality many have questioned for years. Or perhaps it was the onslaught of people who were outraged that Paula Deen--queen of all things buttery, sweet, and fried--didn't reveal that she was diabetic until now (coinciding with her becoming a spokeswoman for a diabetes drug).

[caption id="attachment_2067" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="We are celeb-obsessed, but where does it end?"][/caption]

My thing is this: why do so many people feel that celebrities owe them an explanation of... well, anything? True, their professions are in the public eye, but don't these people deserve private lives too? (Note that I am talking about real celebrities, not those who acquired their fame from reality tv or who they slept with. Those folks have already sold a bit of their humanity and privacy, IMO.) We are really that entrenched in the lives of people who know and care nothing about us that we feel entitled to every bit of personal information about them, huh?

We've all seen enough to know that many of the people in the limelight are not role models. They aren't immortals. Their fate doesn't determine our own. Yet society obsesses with what they do, who they love, how much or little they weigh, what's wrong with them, etc. How many of us have the same kind of interest in the lives of our loved ones, those that actually affect and interact with us on a regular basis? Often times we shy away from knowing too much about them, from fear of TMI and not wanting to get involved. Yet we readily gobble up any gossip we can get on our favorite (or not so favorite) star. And in doing so, we feel that they are not allowed to have any personal, private matters. If they refuse to discuss their love lives, they must be in the closet. If they don't publicly discuss all the details of their weight loss (or even if they do) we feel they must have had surgery. If they don't reveal they have some kind of disease then they are doing some kind of disservice. If they speak out and admit it while promoting something that can help, they are pimping us.

In conclusion to my mini-rant, they don't owe you, me, or anyone else a detailed account of their lives. Just as you aren't expected to go on air and announce that you are flat broke, or that you aren't sure who your baby's daddy is, or that it burns when you pee O_o you shouldn't expect celebrities to share their personal lives with the world. If you just need to know something, find out how your coworkers are doing. See if you can help your neighbor with an issue. Or, best of all, look at your own life and make some much-needed improvements.

Quote of the Day

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

 

 For the past few weeks I've been putting off a big decision because I'm scared to make the wrong choice. Some of my business ideas remain simply ideas out of fear that they will either fail or be too successful.

Self-doubt is a monster, but it is not unconquerable. Look back on past victories that initially seemed out of reach. Draw strength and encouragement from the fact that you have overcome odds and done "the impossible" before, and you can do it again. Know that even if you make a mistake, you haven't failed; you've simply found out how not to achieve your goal.

Yes, I am preaching to myself this morning, but hopefully these few words will encourage someone else as well.

Confession: I Stan for The Hunger Games

This was not supposed to happen. I was not supposed to get into a story like this. The Harry Potter books never interested me. The Twilight series made me laugh. And even more laughable were the followings these books and movies produced.

So it took me by surprise when I found myself actually wrapped up in a young adult series. I read The Hunger Games for a book club and was instantly hooked. I guess I shouldn't have been so shocked, considering the dystopian setting. (Dystopian fiction, the "anti-utopian," has been my favorite sub-genre since high school when I read The Handmaid's Tale.)

This is the synopsis from The Hunger Games' website:

In Suzanne Collins’ riveting tale of life in North America after its destruction, a powerful Capitol emerges as residents of its twelve outlying Districts individually struggle to survive under its bleak rule. Living under the constant reminder that the Capitol obliterated District 13 when the people incited a rebellion decades before, 16-year old Katniss Everdeen quietly carves out a path of meager survival for herself, her younger sister, Prim, and their widowed mother under the Capitol’s strict regime.

Each year, the Capitol assembles its Gamemakers to create an elaborate arena filled with deadly trigger points and calls upon one girl and one boy from each of the twelve Districts to play in its nationally televised Hunger Games. On the Day of Reaping when 24 children are selected to fight to the death, Katniss is whisked away from her daily quest for survival alongside her friend Gale, and thrust into the elaborate Capital as she is prepared for the Hunger Games.

In this world of instant gratification and superficial people, Katniss contends with her drunken, disengaged mentor, Haymitch, and wrestles with her feelings about her co-Tribute from District 12, Peeta Mellark. Growing up apart from Peeta in the same District, Katniss struggles to determine if Peeta is the boy who once showed her an act of kindness pivotal to her family’s survival, or if his actions are motivated to keep himself alive, as the Capital will allow only one Tribute to survive the Hunger Games’ treacherous arena.

In the days to come, Katniss must fend for her survival against the natural elements and the vicious Careers, who are Tributes who’ve trained for the Hunger Games their entire lives. Katniss meets a young Tribute whose likeness to Prim tears at her heartstrings and she continues to process what Peeta’s motives could be as the end draws near. Should she kill these two or be killed? If Katniss wins, her family will be handsomely taken care of and her District will receive the additional food it so desperately needs to survive.

Deep inside the Hunger Games, readers are treated to the witty, young mind of Katniss Everdeen, a survival-savvy girl who yearns to trust in a world that has shown her nothing of the sort.

 

Intriguing, right? I promise, from the first page, I was hooked. Usually I end up getting a little bored with a book and putting it down for a while, then coming back to it. Not so with this. I read it in a matter of days, then read the other titles in the series (Catching Fire and Mockingjay) back to back. It was actually a little sad to finish the last book, knowing that was the end of the story. There is a quote by Paul Sweeney that says, "You know you've read a good book when you turn the last page and feel a little as if you have lost a friend." That was the case here.

So how bad is my fandom? Ugh, I almost hate to admit it! But it's kinda serious. Besides the obvious fan moves of following on Twitter and liking on Facebook, I have followed every THG Tumblr I've found (even though it's a little redundant considering they all reblog each other, but no matter). I'm constantly looking for new trailers from the movie (coming out in March y'all!) and even though I have all three books on Nook, I really want the collector's edition (so far, only the first book has been released). Also, I may or may not have plans in the works for THG inspired jewelry. Whaaat, don't side-eye me like that! Especially if you were caught up in Twilight. Don't judge my life! LOL

[caption id="attachment_2044" align="aligncenter" width="200" caption="the Mockingjay, which may be on an Unbuttoned bracelet"][/caption]

But yeah, if you're looking for an easy read that has a lot of action, a bit of sci-fi, a little romance and plenty of twists, I'd suggest this for you. My only wish is that I'd seen the movie before I read the books. Hopefully I won't be in the theater yelling "that's not what happened!" If I do and you're in the theater, please look over me.

Haley Barbour Pardons Murderers & Rapists... And I'm Not Surprised

Yesterday, most of the country read in absolute shock that former Mississippi governor Haley Barbour pardoned over 200 convicted felons as his last act of office. Yes, Haley of "let's merge all MS HBCUs" infamy. The Haley who publicly stated that the White Citizen's Council (a hate group) was for integration (wrong) and that he doesn't remember the Civil Rights Era as "being that bad." (source) The Haley Barbour who only released (not pardoned) the Scott Sisters due to health conditions and on condition. This man, who was an early favorite for the Republican presidential nomination, decided to show how many damns he didn't give by not only letting these criminals--many of whom were convicted of murder, manslaughter, and rape--go free, but by not even speaking with the victims/victims' families.

[caption id="attachment_2040" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="former (hallelujah) governor Haley Barbour"][/caption]

It is unclear why he chose to give the pardons to the people he did, and he has not released any statement concerning the pardons. It was announced that ten of those who received pardons lived and worked at the governor's mansion as trustees as privilege for good behavior.  Pardons were also granted for Karen Irby, a wealthy white woman who killed two doctors while DUI in 2008 and Ernest Scott Farve (Brett's brother) who killed his friend while drunk driving.

My speculation? Payoffs. Do I have any kind of proof to back that up? Nope, that's why it's speculation. Others have said he did it to say that crime increased after he left office, while still others assume it was a series of favors done for his network of good ol boys. Whatever the reason, I can't even say that I'm surprised. As the end of his term drew near, Haley started showing more and more how much he just DGAF. What does surprise me is that other major Republicans have stayed rather silent on the issue. In today's crazy "up is down" political climate, I was so sure someone would speak out in defense of his actions. So far, "mum" is the word. Has he tarnished his reputation with his own party? One can only hope, to avoid a Barbour presidential ticket in 2016. But if he has not done irreparable damage and does get the nod for candidacy in the next presidential election (or any election for that matter) I hope that our collective memory is not so short that we forget this act of cowardice.

(You can view the eight pages worth of names here.)

Unexpected Inspiration

I browse through many beauty blogs, most of them specifically about natural black hair. After all, I want to read stories and tips that I can relate to. But occasionally I will run across a site that caters more towards straight-haired girls that still grab my attention. One such site is The Beauty Department. I mostly ignore the makeup posts, since they don't really feature dark skin and I'm smart enough to know that not all shades look right on all skin tones. But I do like to check out their tutorials for up-dos. Since my skills are still pretty limited, I like that they have simple but elegant styles that I can actually do. There are three in particular that caught my eye, but I may have to wait until my hair is a little longer to try two of them out. My hair is currently blown out, and with the weather forecast being kinda icky for the week, I'll be putting one of these styles to the test: The Quick Twist (for medium and short hair).

Quick Twists up do

 

Looks simple enough, right? So we'll see what happens!

 

What are some of your unexpected inspirations?

Morning Quickie: Real Friends Call You Out on Your Ish

I am so thankful for my friends. Even though they can work my nerves sometimes, they are there for me when I need them.

Case in point: ex-bestie. We haven't talked in forever. He's the one that I "broke up" with over my hair. But he called last night to catch up. Of course the first topic of discussion was relationships. I let him know about no longer being with Bartender and about the situation with Mr. Madrigal. (I won't go into it, but basically it doesn't look like that is going anywhere. Oh well.) Fortunately I was over it when we talked, due to a sermon that was meant just for me. Ex-bestie basically ripped me a new butthole. After laughing at me--like a real, from-the-gut laugh--he said, "Tori you know what I realized? You're a hopeless romantic in a bitter shell! I mean, I always knew it, but it just hit me again!" Well dayum dude, WTF? I couldn't argue with him too much, because I knew he was right... With the exception of the bitter part. I'm not bitter, just guarded until someone appears to be worth letting that guard down.

Anyway, we talked most of the night, about that and my other relationships, as well as his. Don't worry, I called him out on some things too! But the whole convo made me appreciative for the folks who know me well enough to listen sympathetically to my stories of woe and still tell me when I need to get myself together. He hasn't earned the "bestie" title back by any means, and I refuse to discuss hair with him ever again, but it feels good to know that someone is still there for me when I need it most.

What Books Are You Starting the New Year With?

I seem to have some kind of reading-related ADD; somehow I always end up reading multiple books simultaneously instead of one at a time. Now that I've pretty much given up physical books (except for when I can't find an e-book version) it has gotten worse! At this present time, I am reading four books... Actually that's not too bad considering I've tried juggling around ten books. These are the books that I'm currently into.

1. Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity by Kerry Cohen
I'm always enthralled by people who are bold enough to tell their personal stories, partially because I'm sometimes terrified to tell my own. In this book Kerry Cohen talks about how she used the attention from men to fill the emptiness of not feeling loved or worthwhile. I just started this book two days ago, but so far her story is an interesting one.

2. You, Inc.: The Art of Selling Yourself by Harry Beckwith and Christine K. Clifford
Recently it occurred to me that while I am trying to get my businesses to really take off this year, the primary thing that I am marketing is myself. I need to let potential clients and customers know why they should do business with me first. Once they are sold on me, I can sell them on the services and products. So I started looking for books on how to promote yourself, and this is the first of several books on the topic that I plan to read. The book packs a ton of great lessons in brief, easy-to-read chapters. Some of it I've heard, some of it I haven't. So far, it hasn't disappointed.

3. Monday Morning Leadership by David Cottrell
This is one of those books I have to read for work. As short as it is I really should be done by now, but... *sigh* I'm not. My goal is to finish it over the weekend so I can be done with it once and for all! It would probably be more interesting to me if I were in a management position, or if it gave some radical new perspective on managing, but I'm not and it doesn't. Meh.

4. Business Plan in a Day by Rhonda Abrams
Okay, I'm not so much reading it as I am working through it. And yes, it's taking me much longer than a day to do it (although if I actually set aside a whole day I think I could complete it). Considering that I am trying to craft business plans for two very different businesses, I don't know if this book will completely address everything that I will need for both of them. However, it does a good job of covering the basics and refreshing my memory as to what needs to be included in this all-important document.

Considering that I still have over 100 books on my to-read list, I'd say I already have my work cut out for me this year. My goal is only 20, though, and I have a pretty good idea which books will make it. Tina Fey's Bossypants, 12 Bad Habits that Hold Good People Back, Hello Kitty Must Die and Longing To Tell will make up the next round of books I tackle.

Do you have a reading list ready for the year, or do you just pick up whatever happens to strike your fancy?

Ain't I A Woman?

“Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain’t I a woman?” Since joining the “real world,” Sojourner Truth’s words have resonated with me. As I child, I was taught to be self-reliant because there would be times when I could not count on anyone else. However, I was also taught to expect certain things from a gentleman: holding the door open, helping with packages if I seem overwhelmed, respect, cordiality. And when I worked mostly with other African-Americans, I received those little gestures of chivalry more often than not.

But once I entered a more diverse workforce, I noticed a shift in the attitudes and actions towards not just myself but black women as a whole. One particular incident stands out in my mind: Another woman and I were both exiting the building where I worked. One of my coworkers was walking in, but stopped to hold the door open for the white woman who was only maybe three feet ahead of me. Once she was out of the door, he looked at me and walked on in, letting the door close and nearly knocking me down. I was dumbfounded.

If that were an isolated incident, I wouldn’t have any ground for beef. But I’ve seen and experienced many incidents where black women were simply not given the same courtesy as white women, in the workplace as well as in random social situations. The perpetrators have varied in age and race, which left me even more perplexed. Those acts of geniality aren’t necessarily required, and I’ve come to not expect them either.  But I have to wonder why there is a difference between the way black women are treated versus the treatment of our white counterparts. Is it because black women are supposed to be strong enough to not need assistance? Are we considered less than worthy of such small displays of cordiality? Or is it not necessarily about us, but rather about the pedestal that many people place white women on?

My query is not a complaint, but one of simple curiosity. Even in small, somewhat trivial matters, we see a discrepancy in attitudes and actions. One hundred and sixty years later, I’m still asking the same question. “Ain’t I a woman?”