Quote of the Day

  “Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”    -Unknown

I don't think about death much. After all, it's another part of life. But here I am, still feeling all sorts of ways about the passing of my grandfather this weekend. On one hand, it's terribly painful knowing that I won't get to see him again, hear some of his stories or be teased about getting fat. On the other, I'm glad that he isn't in pain and is at rest. And I'm proud to be a descendant of such a wonderful person. They say the good die young; I say the great outlive most. He died just a month shy of his 102nd birthday. RIP Robert Davis, Sr. You will live forever in our memories.

 

Things My Future Husband Should Know: About Being the Head of the House

Dear future hubby,

It's early on a Thursday morning. You know how I am when I haven't had my coffee yet, so sorry in advance if I ramble.

I had a little epiphany (although the word "epiphany" seems too epic to describe as little, so let's just say a moment of clarity) this morning in which I realized what I want from you concerning this whole "head of the household" thing. That phrase has always kinda rubbed me wrong, even though I've been taught from a child that that's how it's supposed to be. The thought of someone controlling me made me want to hit something and yell, "You're not the boss of me!" After all, isn't marriage supposed to be a partnership?

But I know that I've always liked it when a man takes charge. That's probably due in part to my own indecisiveness, but it also adheres to the confidence and (hopefully) wisdom that I envision a real man possessing. A man who waffles is a liability, IMO, and is likely to get cut off. Since you've made it to being Mr. Tori D. (lol) that's obviously not the case, so congrats.

Anyway, the realization that came was about my part in the equation. Once I actually thought about it, I discovered that my roles in relation to you are the same that I've been playing for others most of my life. Sounding board, out-of-the-box thinker (there has to be a better term for it than that), and cheerleader. On important issues I
want
 need to be in on the decision-making. I want to hear your ideas and share mine. Hopefully we will both agree on the course of action and go from there. If not, it's your responsibility to make the final decision and to live with it. My responsibility is to support that decision. If it works, I'll have the "you were right" cheer ready. If it doesn't, I'm going to rag you a little bit (hey, no point in lying) but then we'll figure out how to regroup and move on.

You being head of the house doesn't lessen my position. It doesn't make me your maid, your secretary, your cook or your pet...
unless we're role-playing but that's for another letter
. We are indeed partners-- in complementing, not competing, positions. Making decisions concerning our finances, kids, worship, household responsibilities, etc. shouldn't be power-plays. Becoming Mrs. Whoever-You-Are means that I obviously trust your judgement, which is why I'll have no little problem letting you take the lead.

The Anti-Social on Social Networks

I'm on too many.

 

 

 

 

(What, is that not enough? Okay, fine.)

I think I've OD'd on social networking. HighSchoolClub.com was my first taste of it, and was quickly followed by CollegeClub and BlackPlanet. The idea of "meeting" new people and learning about them without having to actually open my mouth and talk to them was intriguing to me. And I could keep up with my friends even when we weren't at school without spending all night on the phone with them. Sweet! This introvert was pleased.

The number of social sites I joined quickly ballooned. Y'all know me; I'm always after the "next big thing" when it comes to anything dealing with technology. Social networking was no exception. There was MySpace, then Facebook, several Ning sites when they were still free, and probably hundreds of little sites that I easily forgot about. Now there's the Facebook page plus two fan pages, this blog, four Twitter accounts (which I just brought down from five--how the heck did that happen?), four Tumblr blogs (but one is for business!), LinkedIn, Pinterest, Google+, Instagram, GetGlue, StumbleUpon, Flickr, YouTube...

Enough!! 

oh mr. faceless guy, how did we get here?

 

Now I'm making cutbacks. Already deleted FourSquare (which is a creepy little thing, now that I think about it). GetGlue will be gone after Once Upon A Time & Desperate Housewives season finales (what is it about those little stickers?!). Twitter and Tumblr accounts are being consolidated or deleted all together, and one by one I'm unjoining sites that I'm sure I'll never miss. And there is a reason for it all.

 

One thing that has me a little frustrated is trying to create unique content for each site. It's difficult, if not impossible. I'm friends with a lot of the same people across different sites. I know how much I hate checking my Twitter timeline, then seeing the same comment on Facebook. It's annoying! So I avoid doing that, but there's really only so much I want to share with everyone.

 

Another issue I have with social networking is that many people--myself included--are distracted from the real world by it. Even when we do venture out (IRL!) often we are uploading pix, checking in, and tweeting about who we see. Instead of, yanno, actually focusing on the experience. It's not uncommon to go to dinner with a table full of people and have minimal verbal conversation because everyone's eyes are glued to the tiny screen of their phone. Which basically leads to my biggest gripe.

 

Somehow, social networking has enabled me to be even less social (who knew that was possible?). And I suspect the same is true for many others. Who needs to call when I can tweet you or send a message on Facebook? We don't have to "catch up" because I can see your whole life online. And now, I've gotten to where I barely comment anymore! I simply like, retweet, reblog, repin or +1 it. Even I, in all my anti-social glory, see a bit of a problem with this.

 

All this new-fangled technology be darned! I am going to make a serious effort to start reaching out to my family and friends the old-fashioned way. I'm going to pick up my phone... and text.

Quote of the Day

(Quotes, actually.)

At work we're reading a short book called Habits Die Hard: 10 Steps to Building Successful Habits. It's full of tips and quotes and ways to overcome bad habits and turn them into positive habits, which can be applied professionally and in your personal life. My chapter is "Assess the Risk" (arguably the most boring chapter I could get, considering that it instantly put me in the mind of some of my business classes). Although the info in this chapter was pretty basic, it did have some quotes that I like, and they do apply to some aspects of my life now. Since I felt like they were good little bits of inspiration for me, I had to share them with y'all.

"It's not because things are difficult that we dare not venture. It's because we dare not venture that they are difficult." - Seneca

"Fear is a powerful de-motivator. It limits us. It entangles us in the status quo."

"If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves." -  Thomas Edison

Randomness: Because I Know Y'all Miss It

• I haven't been writing much because my muse has said "forget this!" and hasn't given me anything to work with. The words just aren't there, and I'm not going to bore y'all with word vomit. I'm one of those folks who writes when I have something to say, not just because I have to say something. That and an increased work load are the major reason for the scarcity of posts.


• Since I am not posting as much, the blog may be making a move. Again. It will still be kinxnquirx.com, but it may be moving to Wordpress.com. Or Blogger. Yes, again. When I moved to Wordpress.org, I had dreams of using my blog as a vehicle to launch my writing career. The more I analyze what I want to do, I realize that writing isn't ultimately what I want to do career-wise. It is still a passion that I want to pursue, but not necessarily professionally. With that being said, there is no point in me spending precious dollars for hosting a site that I'm using strictly for personal reasons when it could be done for free. After all, I'm broke! I'm trying to cutback spending everywhere I can (I'm considering getting a GoPhone or a Trak (?) phone from Wal-Mart... seriously) and this is one of those possible cutbacks. Moral of the story as far as y'all are concerned, the look may change a bit but I will try to keep things as similar as possible.


• Although my muse refuses to have anything to do with verbal artistry, she is going HAM in the visual department. I wake up and go to sleep with ideas for jewelry. Not sure how much of it I'll get to implement, but I'm excited about the prospect. And business is doing pretty good too. Not like I'm bringing in hundreds of dollars a month (yet) but people are buying. A lot of my time now is going into designing/making jewelry as well as reading more about how to parlay this into a legitimate, profitable side hustle.

• I did a length check a few weeks ago and still haven't posted the pix. Tried the Carol's Daughter Chocolat too. I need to use it again to remember everything I was gonna say! So slack. I gotta do better. But I will get it posted... eventually. My interest in discussing natural hair has kinda worn off too. I think it's because I'm past the newbie stage and back to "whatever, it's just hair." Just hair that I really just want to cut off so I don't have to be bothered with it. *shrug*


• I need y'all to pray that I go on Wheel of Fortune and win at least $100K. Or that Publishers Clearing House knocks on my door with a big ol' check. Or that someone finally realizes my brilliance and hires me for a job with a six-figure salary. Whichever scenario strikes your fancy.


• We have a new guy starting today. From his name, I assume he's black. So that'll make.... 4 black guys & 50-11 white guys from Ole Miss. Woohoo, diversity.


• All February I had an IDGAF attitude. January was depression, plain and simple. I wonder what March will be? Whatever it is, I hope it involves cocktails. I haven't had a great martini in forever.


• I also need y'all to pray that my NYE trip didn't leave me with an unexpected and unwanted souvenir. Aunt Dot is playing bald-headed games with me and I don't appreciate it. Yes this was probably TMI but hey, you've read it now; don't dwell on it.


• At this point I'm just rambling, which I hate to do. Totally contradictory to my first point. So I'm stopping now.

Quote of the Day

Let emotions subside before you decide.

                                 - Joyce Myer

 

I am catching up with my daily devotional reading since I've been very lax on that lately. This morning I read Friday's devotional, titled "Let the Storm Subside." In it, Joyce Myer talks about different "storms" that we face in life, and what she has learned about them. One of the biggest things you can realize is that when your thoughts and feelings are running wild (like during a crisis), that's not the best time to make big decisions. That isn't a new concept really. That's one reason wills are created and final resting arrangements are made up front: so that family members won't have to worry about making the "right" decisions while emotions are high.

Another statement she makes is something that I've been hearing all of my life, but I've only recently begun to accept it as truth:

"[God] makes sure everything that needs to happen in our lives happens at the right time, moves at the appropriate speed, and causes us to arrive safely at the destinations He has planned for us."

During this time that I've designated as "reset mode" (a period where the focus is on getting right spiritually and focusing on myself and what makes me truly happy) I am trying to keep that in mind. Patience isn't my strong point, but my desire is to not make a move before it's time and not make decisions based purely on emotions.

Stepping Away from the Search

I actually wrote this post last week, but I didn't post it lest it be seen as a "single woman ranting due to Valentine's Day" post. This ain't that.

Last week I started working on a post called "Sexually Liberated and Looking for Love." It was spurred by several things, one being a post on another blog about love being harder to find since sex is easier to get. I started thinking about it and it made sense. Maybe it didn't pay to be a woman who is open & honest about her sexuality. After all, I was living in a fantasy world, thinking adults could be real with each other about what they wanted and expected. Turns out that's not the case. Just because I can say "Look, this is just going to be sex" or "I want a relationship with you but I'm ready to fuck you now" doesn't mean that everyone is on that level. Folks still feel the need to lie and scheme their way into some pussy. Who knew?! Apparently, everyone else.

So I said, "These prudes must be on to something. Imma put the goodies on lockdown and make a man earn it." Nevermind the self-deprivation involved, or the fact that I know happy couples that got down to business relatively quickly. Not getting it in was gonna get me loved!

But the more I thought about it, the less appealing the whole thing was. Not just the idea of not having sex, but the prospect of looking for love in general. Honestly the whole process is quite tiresome. Yes the initial flirtation is fun, but I'm tired of learning about new people, trying to remember info about who they are and what they like and yadda yadda yadda. Getting used to their idiosyncracies and learning what makes them tick, which is never what makes me or any of the guys from the past tick. Trying to decipher when their silence is out of anger, shyness, sleepiness, boredom... I guess I'm just lazy now, but I'm not trying to do all that.

And I am also willing to admit that after some bad breaks, I'm a little gun-shy. I don't want to be one of those women who drags past hurts into new relationships & assumes that every guy is going to lie, cheat, etc. But I don't want to be naive and suffer the same pain over and over again. I've done that enough. In the words of Amir Sulaiman, I'd "prefer a broken neck to another broken heart."

So the online dating profiles have been removed. The offers from friends to hook me up with someone have been declined. The expectation of love, marriage and a family aren't completely gone, but they've cooled significantly. My time, energy and passion are going into my work and myself. I'd rather invest in a future with the one and only person I can count on to be there for me--myself--than waste time on a temporary feeling with a man who may be gone the next time the wind blows.

Q&A with God

My mind was wandering one day, as it often tends to do, and I imagined what it would be like to get to sit down with God, ask a couple of questions & get an answer. Not just a "read the Bible, it's in there" kinda answer, but an "I see His lips moving & hear the words so I know it's real" type answer. Off the top of my head, these were the questions that I came up with.

[caption id="attachment_2142" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="IDK where I got this or who said it, but I like it"][/caption]

1. There are over 800,000 species of insect that we know of. Were you just really bored that day & decided to see how many weird creepy crawly things you could make?

2. Why does the "good" stuff not taste as good as the "bad" stuff? Why didn't you make veggies taste like ice cream?

3. Unicorns: fact or fiction?

4. What was your take on the whole permed vs natural thing? We made much ado about nothing, didn't we?

5. Did you make me fat because you knew I'd be half-naked all the time if I was skinny?

6. Those times when I tripped but didn't see anything, did you put something in the way? Did you laugh?

7. Why didn't my sex drive come with an on/off switch?

8. How many times did I miss out on something that should've been mine because I was too scared to make a move?

9. Thank you for letting me dodge the bullets I managed to dodge. I won't even ask about how many there were. I'm just thankful.

10. What is my life's purpose? Was it/is it being fulfilled?

So if you could have a tête-à-tête with God, what would you ask?

Quote of the Day

This is first and foremost to myself. It's not "OMG I've never thought about that; my life is forever changed" type stuff. Just a reminder of what I already know. Sometimes we all need a little push to do what may be outside of our comfort zone and make things happen.

My Subconscious Is Out To Get Me

I am convinced that my psyche has declared some kind of war on my mental stability. That is the only semi-logical explanation for the strange dreams I have. Truthfully I have always had rather... interesting dreams, I should say. Several places pop up over and over again. I usually dream about Mr. Magic Voice whenever a big change is coming. And I have a recurring dream about an argument with a family member that, over the years, has gone from ending with the silent treatment to ending with murder. O_O

Over the last three or four weeks, I have had almost nightly dreams featuring my exes, almosts, and boo thangs from about the past five years or so. In most of them things are almost normal between us, even though in the dream I am well aware of what happened between us. In some of them I get revenge in one way or another (usually its by being so fine they can't contain themselves & I sing "Neva Gonna Get It." *shrug* Don't ask). And a couple of the dreams would even make Pinky blush. But more often than not, I'm wondering "what the hell are you doing here?"

[caption id="attachment_2115" align="aligncenter" width="319" caption=""For real you guys, y'all can't just loiter in my head like this...""][/caption]

That was the case last night. I was at my 10 year high school reunion catching up with old friends when someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was SupaBlack. He still had the same starter locs that he was wearing a few years ago. He said he wanted me to meet someone named Chris. Chris looked just like him, down to the baby locs, dark skin and square glasses. He was a few inches taller than SupaBlack, but still wasn't as tall as me. I gave him the once over, then looked back at SupaBlack to ask "Ummm, why are you here?" And it was a logical question, considering that 1) SupaBlack graduated two years after me, 2) I went to school in MS & he was in VA and 3) he would have no reason to know jack squat about my reunion. But when do dreams ever follow logic?

People say that dreams are the results of your brain trying to process all of the information you take in and emotions you experience in your waking life. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Don't even know if I believe that. After all, it's not as if I spend time thinking about these folks. I have actively tried not to think about them when necessary, and have done a pretty darn good job of repressing most of those memories. But that old subconscious just won't let me be! And how do you even fight back with... yourself? I don't think you can. Or, maybe you can, but you'll probably go insane in the process. So hopefully soon I'll go back to dreaming about crazy church folks or running from the cops. (Don't judge me!) If not, I'll know for sure that my subconscious is definitely out to get me.

P.S.: I also dreamed about Mr. Magic Voice. In the dream he & his wife were visiting my Big Momma. The next day I decided to look up his wife (who I'd never seen). I found a picture of her and she looked JUST like the woman in my dream. Creeped me out! Google is the debbil.

Afternoon Quickie: Someone Like You? No Thanks.

Y'all probably don't know just how much I love Adele. (Ironically, "Rolling In the Deep" began playing as I started this post. Pandora be knowin'!)  Her voice is beautiful, and the whole "I'm gonna just sit on this stool and sing, and you're gonna like it" vibe is everything to me in the midst of all these part-time strippers who just happen to sing.

I belt out all the songs on 19 and 21, and when things w/ Marcus (he doesn't deserve the mr. madrigal nickname) suddenly crashed & burned, I found myself all in my feelings with "Someone Like You." It was the perfect theme song to what had happened. "Nevermind! I'll find someone you" I sang through a face full of tears and snot. I don't need you; I can get another you!

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn't want someone like him. After all, he turned out to be emotionally immature and--how do I say this nicely--unable to effectively communicate in an honest manner, even when presented with the opportunity to do so without consequence. (That's a pretty nice way of saying "liar," right?) So why would I want someone like him? To deal with that mess again? Umm, no! But I would like someone like his representative. You know, the person I met before I saw the man behind the mask. Someone with his positive traits, as well as the things I liked about some folks from the past. Someone not at all like him; instead, someone who is his own man who can fulfill the lingering promises of love.

"Someone Like the Person I Thought You Were" isn't really a catchy title, though.

Why Should Celebs "Come Out"?

This is something that I have been thinking about for a long time but just recently boiled over. Maybe the final straw was the article where some new rapper took it upon herself to "out" certain entertainers whose sexuality many have questioned for years. Or perhaps it was the onslaught of people who were outraged that Paula Deen--queen of all things buttery, sweet, and fried--didn't reveal that she was diabetic until now (coinciding with her becoming a spokeswoman for a diabetes drug).

[caption id="attachment_2067" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="We are celeb-obsessed, but where does it end?"][/caption]

My thing is this: why do so many people feel that celebrities owe them an explanation of... well, anything? True, their professions are in the public eye, but don't these people deserve private lives too? (Note that I am talking about real celebrities, not those who acquired their fame from reality tv or who they slept with. Those folks have already sold a bit of their humanity and privacy, IMO.) We are really that entrenched in the lives of people who know and care nothing about us that we feel entitled to every bit of personal information about them, huh?

We've all seen enough to know that many of the people in the limelight are not role models. They aren't immortals. Their fate doesn't determine our own. Yet society obsesses with what they do, who they love, how much or little they weigh, what's wrong with them, etc. How many of us have the same kind of interest in the lives of our loved ones, those that actually affect and interact with us on a regular basis? Often times we shy away from knowing too much about them, from fear of TMI and not wanting to get involved. Yet we readily gobble up any gossip we can get on our favorite (or not so favorite) star. And in doing so, we feel that they are not allowed to have any personal, private matters. If they refuse to discuss their love lives, they must be in the closet. If they don't publicly discuss all the details of their weight loss (or even if they do) we feel they must have had surgery. If they don't reveal they have some kind of disease then they are doing some kind of disservice. If they speak out and admit it while promoting something that can help, they are pimping us.

In conclusion to my mini-rant, they don't owe you, me, or anyone else a detailed account of their lives. Just as you aren't expected to go on air and announce that you are flat broke, or that you aren't sure who your baby's daddy is, or that it burns when you pee O_o you shouldn't expect celebrities to share their personal lives with the world. If you just need to know something, find out how your coworkers are doing. See if you can help your neighbor with an issue. Or, best of all, look at your own life and make some much-needed improvements.

Quote of the Day

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

 

 For the past few weeks I've been putting off a big decision because I'm scared to make the wrong choice. Some of my business ideas remain simply ideas out of fear that they will either fail or be too successful.

Self-doubt is a monster, but it is not unconquerable. Look back on past victories that initially seemed out of reach. Draw strength and encouragement from the fact that you have overcome odds and done "the impossible" before, and you can do it again. Know that even if you make a mistake, you haven't failed; you've simply found out how not to achieve your goal.

Yes, I am preaching to myself this morning, but hopefully these few words will encourage someone else as well.

Morning Quickie: Four Things I Need Right Now

It seems like my wish list never ends. There's always the latest and greatest something, a new shiny whatnot that catches my eye. But this is not about that. This is about having the things that truly matter, things that will affect every aspect of my life. I need them for my relationships, career/businesses, finances, my search for a house, everything. These are the four things I am working on and praying for:

Clarity

to know exactly what I want and need, as well as how to go about getting it.

Discernment

to tell falsehoods from reality, even when they are almost indistinguishable.

Courage

to follow the right path.

Strength

to walk away from the wrong things when I desire to stay.

I have a lot of growing to do, and fortunately I've realized that. After being honest with myself, the areas where I'm lacking became very clear. It would be lovely if just acknowledging the need eliminated it, but I know I have to start developing those traits within myself, and they take time. But I believe it will be worth it. The new and improved me will be something to see.

Morning Quickie: Real Friends Call You Out on Your Ish

I am so thankful for my friends. Even though they can work my nerves sometimes, they are there for me when I need them.

Case in point: ex-bestie. We haven't talked in forever. He's the one that I "broke up" with over my hair. But he called last night to catch up. Of course the first topic of discussion was relationships. I let him know about no longer being with Bartender and about the situation with Mr. Madrigal. (I won't go into it, but basically it doesn't look like that is going anywhere. Oh well.) Fortunately I was over it when we talked, due to a sermon that was meant just for me. Ex-bestie basically ripped me a new butthole. After laughing at me--like a real, from-the-gut laugh--he said, "Tori you know what I realized? You're a hopeless romantic in a bitter shell! I mean, I always knew it, but it just hit me again!" Well dayum dude, WTF? I couldn't argue with him too much, because I knew he was right... With the exception of the bitter part. I'm not bitter, just guarded until someone appears to be worth letting that guard down.

Anyway, we talked most of the night, about that and my other relationships, as well as his. Don't worry, I called him out on some things too! But the whole convo made me appreciative for the folks who know me well enough to listen sympathetically to my stories of woe and still tell me when I need to get myself together. He hasn't earned the "bestie" title back by any means, and I refuse to discuss hair with him ever again, but it feels good to know that someone is still there for me when I need it most.

Afternoon Quickie: What I've realized about kids

So I had some sort of epiphany. It's about having kids. I won't say that I don't want them. Rather, they aren't essential to my happiness. Some people, women and men, live for the time when they can create a life. I happen to not be one of those people. Although I do sometimes feel those "I want a baby!" pangs, it isn't a major life goal. But it has dawned on me that I could be happy with kids, if my husband wanted them. And we would have to have some long, hard, serious discussions about it before we just start trying to make a baby. But if I marry someone who doesn't want kids (or *le sigh* don't get married at all, which is looking more and more like a possibility) then I'm good with that as well.

I think the major factor in me wanting/not wanting kids before has been whether I was with someone who appeared to have great daddy potential. And I'll certainly be looking at that when/if I get married. But now I can see a good, fun-filled, adventurous life whether there are little ones in it or not.

[caption id="attachment_2015" align="aligncenter" width="442" caption="oh shoot, i get it now!"][/caption]

In Another Blogger's Words...

2011 ended on a high for me, but that high was a set up. This first week of 2012 has been way way low. Ten miles til empty low. Journey to the Center of the Earth low. Barry White's voice low (but without all the implied sexiness). I may or may not have been a weepy, almost catatonic mess for the past two days. I may or may not have written several emo poems, letters and short stories. And I may or may not have called and texted even when I promised myself that I wouldn't because "I don't chase dick, I don't care who it is!" (A statement that I have proudly proclaimed many times before.)

Anyway, as I'm going through my blogroll that was neglected during those five reality-free days, I came across a post on This Single Life. I haven't been following the blog for long, but always enjoy the posts. This particular post, "My Muchness Pt. II" started with a quote from a 2010 post. She states:

You made yourself think this is someone special because you liked them, but liking them doesn’t make them special, it doesn’t make them good at dating, it doesn’t make you good at dating and simply liking someone doesn’t promise that it’s going to work out.

Well damn, lady, just tell my whole story why dontcha. And actually she did. When I went back to read "My Muchness" I was kinda surprised at some of the parallels between what she was dealing with then and what I'm feeling now. So I won't even try to verbalize what is going on in my head right now. The words of another blogger can speak for me this time.

Quote of the Day

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Albert Einstein

 So here we are, facing a brand new year. No doubt many of you have made resolutions and have big plans for the year. I certainly have some things up my sleeves; I need 2012 to be a breakout year for me (and my businesses)! Now the question is not what we want to do, but how do we plan to do it? Go back and evaluate what you have done in the past to move towards your goal. If it's still a goal and not an accomplishment that you can cross off, then something can be done differently. Maybe there is a need for a complete 180 in your strategy. You could simply need to adjust the level of activity needed to make your dream a reality. Or perhaps you just need to just get off of that "I wish" and start doing!

Objectively review your goals to find the changes that can be made. Not getting a clear direction of how you should go? Enlist the help of a mentor or an honest, knowledgeable friend. Just don't go through this year doing the same thing you did last year and expecting different results.

Update on the Online Dating

I figured Id give a little update on the whole online dating thing. It was interesting, to say the least! My time on Plenty of Fish lasted about two weeks total. Within that time I exchanged messages with a few people, but only two got my number. The experiences with those two guys were about as different as they could possibly be. Seriously, I got the extremes of the spectrum! So, here goes.

The bad Awful HORRIBLE >_<

I gave my number to a guy who said he was moving to the area in January to go to school. From the messages that he sent online, he seemed like a decent guy so I figured it would be okay. From the minute I sent my number, he was texting and calling. Pressedness isnt cute at all, so that got the side-eye immediately. But I let it slide and talked to him once. Almost immediately his conversation delves into what he wants to do sexually. It really caught me off guard. Everyone knows I'm not shy at all about sex, but daaaang, I was not ready. After I finally got him to take the convo in a different direction, he asked if Id ever been in an interracial relationship. After I said no he told me that hed dated a black woman once and loved it because the sex was amazing. *sigh* Then he makes the fatal mistake of saying there's something so mysterious about black women and black women just know how to ride dick better because of their fat asses. DUDE, ARE YOU FUCKIN SERIOUS?! To avoid going all the way off on this fool (he really wasnt worth me getting a headache over) I got off the phone to do some work. As I'm trying to go, he starts asking begging me to send pix. But not just any pix; oh no. He wants to see how big those tits are and how fat that ass is. And even after the firm no he kept asking, on some please, baby, please shit. I dismissed him and got off the phone. And the icing on this WTF cake? The second we got off the phone, he sends an unsolicited dick pic. WHHHYYYYYY?! and since he sent it I feel I have the right to critique it. One, if you have to hold your gut back to see it, you shouldn't be proud enough to send it. Two, if you have a small member, it would be wise not to have a whole forest around it, as that only makes it look smaller. Three, it was pink, and pink penises disturb my soul. I almost threw my phone. Soooo yeah, clearly that was the end of that.

The Good Great Wonderful ^_^
I'm not gonna go into a whole lot of detail since he may read this one day and I don't want his head to get any bigger. LOL This is the guy that I said had potential in the last post. Mr. Madrigal (yes, he already has a nickname) was one of the few guys that sent something other than a hey when he first contacted me. We pretty much clicked from jump. I really like that we share some of the same life goals and beliefs. So far he appears to possess all the attributes I need/want in a man, which makes me very happy. But since were still in the getting to know you phase I'm trying not to get too excited too soon. That's hard for me, but I'm trying! But I do hope that Mr. Madrigal is around for a (long) while.

Sooo yeah, that's been my experience so far. If things don't work out as I hope, I may try online dating again, but not Plenty of Fish. I'll be taking L. Michelle's advice and trying a paid site. But *fingers crossed* I'm thinking that wont be necessary.

If I Were A Middle Class, Middle Age White Man

This past Monday, Forbes.com posted the article "If I Were a Poor Black Kid." (read it while you can, they took it down once then reposted. Who knows how long it will be up this time.) As you can imagine, it was not written by a poor black kid or someone who used to be a poor black kid. It was written by Gene Marks, a middle class, middle age white guy.... Yeah. Anyway, here is my brief response scribbled out this morning. Anything further may cause me to go into convulsions.

If I were a middle class middle age white man

-I'd probably know nothing of institutional racism and how it impacts the "poor black kids" I seem so concerned about

-I'd probably jump on the "what's wrong with black folks" bandwagon just to gain some notoriety. After all, where is the 15 minutes of fame in calling out the "power players," the ones who create policies that could potentially help (or harm) these kids?

-I'd think that simply working/studying hard is all it takes to be successful, because that's all it took for me right? I mean, the privilege that comes with melanin-deficient skin surely didn't have anything to do with it

-I'd assume that the crime found in many "lower class" neighborhoods had no effect on those not directly involved. After all, the thugs are on the street so the good kids should be at home studying! Never mind the psychological impact of fear of violence, fear of not having the necessities, having to work to help their families out, etc. may have on a child.

-I'd make grand suggestions (which are really just the same old bs on how to achieve the "American dream") with the assumption that "they just don't know" and need a savior to lead the way

-I'd probably not have any true interaction with these poor black kids I speak of, never volunteered in a school or mentoring program. But I know enough from what I see on TV right? Besides, I've given them everything they need in my article... And if they can just walk to a library in their neighborhood with decent up-to-date technology (which surely they must have) they can read all about it....

-I'd probably have the best intentions... Or at least I'd be able to convince you that I did