The Anti-Social on Social Networks

I'm on too many.

 

 

 

 

(What, is that not enough? Okay, fine.)

I think I've OD'd on social networking. HighSchoolClub.com was my first taste of it, and was quickly followed by CollegeClub and BlackPlanet. The idea of "meeting" new people and learning about them without having to actually open my mouth and talk to them was intriguing to me. And I could keep up with my friends even when we weren't at school without spending all night on the phone with them. Sweet! This introvert was pleased.

The number of social sites I joined quickly ballooned. Y'all know me; I'm always after the "next big thing" when it comes to anything dealing with technology. Social networking was no exception. There was MySpace, then Facebook, several Ning sites when they were still free, and probably hundreds of little sites that I easily forgot about. Now there's the Facebook page plus two fan pages, this blog, four Twitter accounts (which I just brought down from five--how the heck did that happen?), four Tumblr blogs (but one is for business!), LinkedIn, Pinterest, Google+, Instagram, GetGlue, StumbleUpon, Flickr, YouTube...

Enough!! 

oh mr. faceless guy, how did we get here?

 

Now I'm making cutbacks. Already deleted FourSquare (which is a creepy little thing, now that I think about it). GetGlue will be gone after Once Upon A Time & Desperate Housewives season finales (what is it about those little stickers?!). Twitter and Tumblr accounts are being consolidated or deleted all together, and one by one I'm unjoining sites that I'm sure I'll never miss. And there is a reason for it all.

 

One thing that has me a little frustrated is trying to create unique content for each site. It's difficult, if not impossible. I'm friends with a lot of the same people across different sites. I know how much I hate checking my Twitter timeline, then seeing the same comment on Facebook. It's annoying! So I avoid doing that, but there's really only so much I want to share with everyone.

 

Another issue I have with social networking is that many people--myself included--are distracted from the real world by it. Even when we do venture out (IRL!) often we are uploading pix, checking in, and tweeting about who we see. Instead of, yanno, actually focusing on the experience. It's not uncommon to go to dinner with a table full of people and have minimal verbal conversation because everyone's eyes are glued to the tiny screen of their phone. Which basically leads to my biggest gripe.

 

Somehow, social networking has enabled me to be even less social (who knew that was possible?). And I suspect the same is true for many others. Who needs to call when I can tweet you or send a message on Facebook? We don't have to "catch up" because I can see your whole life online. And now, I've gotten to where I barely comment anymore! I simply like, retweet, reblog, repin or +1 it. Even I, in all my anti-social glory, see a bit of a problem with this.

 

All this new-fangled technology be darned! I am going to make a serious effort to start reaching out to my family and friends the old-fashioned way. I'm going to pick up my phone... and text.

Google Friend Connect is Going Away

Ever since my days on Blogger, Google's Friend Connect has been my favorite way to follow blogs and see who is following mine. Unfortunately, Friend Connect is one of the products that Google is planning to cancel. By March 1, 2012 all non-Blogger sites (such as this one) will not have access FC. Instead, the hope is that people will start using Google+ to connect. Ummmm, problem: I don't use Google+. I do have a personal G+ page, but I couldn't tell you the last time I used it. The same is true for the few people I know who even bothered to sign up for it in the first place.

I said all of that to say that I hope those of you who follow KinxnQuirx via Friend Connect will use one of the other avenues to follow, including:

1. The KnQ Facebook page, which is updated whenever there is new content

2. An RSS feed that lets you follow through your favorite reader or receive posts in your email

3. Twitter: blog updates plus my personal randomness

All of these options (and some) are available to the right side of the page, so feel free to hit that follow button! I'm removing the Friend Connect widget, but if that is the method you use to follow you should still see the site in your "Sites I'm Following" list until March.

I genuinely appreciate each and every reader, whether you avidly follow the blog or just stop through occasionally to see what's new. Thank you!

Morning Quickie: The Grind vs. The Flow

Several weeks ago a series of tweets caught my eye. Here I am almost two months later and it is still at the forefront of my mind.



I know a lot of people use the now cliche "rise & grind" to indicate they are working, hustling, something productive. Occasionally I've done it too. And yes, sometimes work for me definitely involves some pressure and friction! But I don't want my life to be about grinding. Why should it be? Not to say that "flowing" will always be smooth. Anyone who has seen or been down a river knows that there are calm points where you simply float along and some rough waters where you have to give your all to keep going. But the water still follows the path that it's meant to take. My goal is to do the same. "I'm pursuing my goals and I FLOW in my Purpose."

 

featured image courtesy of jefflynchdev.wordpress.com

Just a Reminder

It's been a busy couple of weeks, and this one is no exception! Post are coming this week though, so no worries.

• I just wanted to remind you that there are like a million and one ways to keep in touch with me. See that little "Follow Me" tab to the right of your screen? Click it! Hit me up on Twitter (@ me sometime!), Facebook (the KnQ page needs y'all... c'mon!), LinkedIn, and follow via RSS subscription of get posts right in your inbox. If you're a fellow bibliophile you'll definitely want to check out Goodreads. Click the logo to add me as a friend so I can be nosy and see what you're reading get some reading suggestions. And of course you can always email me (submissions@kinxnquirx.com). I ain't hard to find, and I promise I really am friendly (usually).


• While you're connecting and all that good stuff, remember to send submissions to be featured! I want, no NEED, submissions featuring natural hair, fashion, makeup, fiction, topic suggestions... You name it! As I said in the welcome post, I want this site to be a truly interactive place where you don't feel like you're just a reader, but a part of a little community. Don't make me have to draft you! LOL


• If you have not already, sign up for Intense Debate. It's a great commenting system that sort of tracks your comments across various sites. And the little votes show you how many folks agree (or disagree) with you & show others how much you rock. Win-win!

Okay, that's it. Work has officially fried my brain, so I need to rest. But I look forward to talking to WITH you soon!

Tweet Week (Cont): To Follow or Not To Follow? That is the Question!

Yeah sooo, Tweet Week was last week huh? Well since I didn't get around to posting every day due to the move, I'm playing catch up this week. Who gone check me boo?! (Yes, I'm still using that.) 

[caption id="attachment_1197" align="alignright" width="300" caption=""YOU followin me? Hmmm, aight...""][/caption]

Although my Twitter gets somewhat personal at times, I leave it unlocked. (For the non-tweeters, a locked profile means you have to approve someone before they can follow you.) Mainly this is so that I can join in various discussions and have my tweets seen by others who are discussing the same even if they are not following. This doesn't really create any problems and I don't particularly mind anyone following me. However, there are three groups that make me a little uneasy when it comes to my Twitter.

Family members, coworkers, and church folks.

Why these three in particular? Well, Twitter is my little space to rant, rave and let my hair down. My Facebook page is pretty reserved by comparison, and even there I don't let coworkers add me as a friend. Twitter was my spot where I can say what I need to say and let the "real" Tori shine through, so to speak. Honestly, I don't know if many folks that "know" me could handle the real me. It's one thing to be exposed to one side of a person, but to see all of the many facets of a person (or at least the ones they choose to reveal) is a whole 'nother monster.

The last thing I need is someone trying to shame/censor my random thoughts. It's just not going to happen! There a select few friends from church and family members that I'm happy to follow and have following me. A couple of others, however, get the side-eye from me...

What about you? Are there certain people you'd rather not follow you? And do you have your page locked for that specific reason?
Since my page isn't locked, you should go ahead and follow me!

Tweet Week: The Worse Tweeps You'll Meet

I love Twitter. It's a huge meeting place for new people and ideas. Whether you're looking for information, a laugh, or the next big thing, you can probably find it there in 140 characters or less. That being said, you may also find folks that you really wish you hadn't. These are the groups that grind my gears:

TeamFollowBack Every time I get a follow from someone with that #teamfollowback crap I get annoyed. Why? Because 98% of the time their timeline is full of "@_____ follow me! #teamfollowback" Why should I follow anyone who has absolutely nothing of value to share?

The "no you didn't unfollow me!" tweeters True story: I started following a soror because she was often RT'd onto my timeline & the tweets would be funny or thought-provoking. After I followed I realized that those tweets were few and far between. After finally getting tired of reading the same old Greek jokes stereotypes she got unfollowed along with several others that I didn't really interact with. Although we hadn't tweeted each other since the initial "thanks for the follow," it wasn't two minutes before I got "called out." Then her friends jumped in on it. I sat at my desk like "Really? It's that serious huh?" I've also seen people cussed out and threatened because they no longer wanted to hear about what someone had for breakfast. Please don't be that person! If someone unfollows you, they just weren't feeling what you had to say. No biggie. No one is obligated to anyone else on Twitter.

The pushy promoter These are the ones that have never @'d you a day in their lives, but out of nowhere they hit you with the "hey @kinxnquirx, check out/vote for/download my new hit! RT! my.song/garbage" like y'all have been pals forever. And it's not just the song promoters; club/party promoters, salespeople, pyramid scheme pushers, etc. I was tempted to lump these folks in as general spam, but I won't and here's why: often times (from what I've seen) these folks get belligerent when you choose not to RT or ask why they hit you up out of the blue asking for favors without so much as a hello. Who are you boo?!

The mute mystery followers Usually I can tell why someone follows me. Something in their bio lets me know that we have mutual interests, or I see that we interact with the same people. I love that! But sometimes there are randoms that I just don't understand. We don't run in the same e-circles, nothing in their timeline indicates that they are into the things I tweet about, and they don't respond to the "Thanks for the follow!" tweet or DM. I don't trust these people. I want to ask "Who sent you to spy on me?!" but I figure that would be a little melodramatic. Instead I just ignore (and occasionally block) them .

The He-Man Woman Haters & The "Men Ain't Sh*t" Coalition These people get a quick block from me. I don't participate in man bashing, so why would I want to see it on my timeline? Unfortunately I used to see it quite often. I'd follow someone (usually a guy... sorry but it's true!) and soon find that they had more animosity built up towards the opposite sex than a lil bit! It's disturbing, especially when I think about the fact that many of these folks have kids. How can you constantly bash all women but try to tell your daughter that she's a princess? How do you say "F*ck these niggas" and expect your son to grow up to love and respect you? I can't see it working. But I've learned that instead of arguing with these people about their views and opinions, it is better for my peace of mind to unfollow. Why even let that kind of negativity in?

Tweet Week: Why (this) BW is on Twitter

[caption id="attachment_1184" align="alignleft" width="197" caption="my favorite of the black twitterbirds designed by blogger Inny Vinny at the height of Blacktwittergate"][/caption]

Ladies and gentlemen of the African-American community, give yourselves a hand! Apparently everything we do is of interest to the "mainstream." Lately there has been an proliferation of articles about why so many Black people are on Twitter, how we use Twitter, and articles lambasting the articles about Black people on Twitter. I guess it doesn't occur to many of those who are fascinated by our use of social media that our interest and intent are as varied as any other people's. And to further clear things up--or muddy the waters, depending on how you're looking at it--we sometimes have multiple uses for it! *hands on head* It's so confusing! I knooow!

So since I can't give anyone a reason why other people are on tha twittah, here are my reasons/uses for it:

• To promote myself and my blog From my site stats (yes I check those!) I see that a lot of hits come from folks clicking the links in my tweets. Twitter is a great, free way to promote any and everything.


• To connect with other like-minded (and not-so-like-minded) people Initially I didn't think that Twitter would be good for this. After all, that's what Facebook was for, right? Umm, not so much. While FB is good for reconnecting with old friends, it's a little more than I want to share with complete strangers. But thanks to a few tweets and well-placed hashtags, I've e-met other natural hair aficionados, artists, writers/bloggers, frat & sorors, Jacksonians that can tell me what's going on around here and business people.


• To keep up with what's going on I should probably be ashamed to admit it, but I get a lot of news now in 140 characters or less. Seriously, when the president announced that we'd killed Osama bin Laden, I'd already read it an hour earlier via Twitter. Of course, it's usually not that serious; more along the lines of who won the game, big events (most recently AGP), conference highlights, etc.


• To clear my mind of random thoughts Occasionally I put Twitter to use as a sort of stream of consciousness. If something happens to pop into my head (that I don't deem too unsavory to share) it usually ends up in a tweet. Sometimes it sparks debate, other times I'm just talking to myself. Doesn't matter though because those tweets are just to make room for more important thoughts in my head.


• To get a good laugh Y'all don't know how much time is spent guffawing over twitpics, jokes, e-thugging and stupidity (shout out to Dumbest Tweets Ever for all the shenanigans they post). When I need a pick me up, Twitter is the place for a quick (and usually cheap) laugh.

Now that I've explained my reasons for being on Twitter pretty much all day, every day, tell me why you're there! BTW, have we connect on Twitter? Well why the heck not?! Follow me!

No Wedding, No Womb: A Middle-of-the-Road Perspective

*Note: This post has zero stats on how good/bad children of single mothers are, how they fair in life, comparisons between single parent & two-parent families, jail stats, economic info, nada.  If you're looking for all that, I'm sure you'll find a lot on both sides of the argument by simply following the #NWNW hashtag on Twitter. This post is STRICTLY the opinion of Tori D., and I reserve the right to change that opinion or stay stubbornly mired in it, should I choose to do so.*

A few week ago, I saw posts popping up about No Wedding, No Womb, an initiative that some black bloggers--mostly women, from what I saw--started as an effort to reduce the high percentage of out of wedlock births. Seems noble enough. Of course, in typical Tori D. fashion, I couldn't get any thoughts together in time, so I dropped it. I figured it would pass relatively unnoticed anyway, so why post something when it's dying down? But um, it didn't.

Within the weeks since #NWNW appeared in the Twitterverse, it has morphed into an ugly battle. From the opposition, I've seen tweets calling NWNW self-hating because it "puts down black men" and picks on poor black women, insensitive to homosexuals, a put down from people on moral pedestals, illogical, anti-feminist in that it ignored a man's role & responsibility and the assertion "these bitches are dykes." I hadn't followed the battle that was going on, but these were the tweets that were flooding my timeline. So when I finally go back to see what #NWNW supporters had to say, there was an onslaught of attacks towards those who were born or had kids out of wedlock instead of defense of their stand.

What the hell happened?

It amazes me (though at this point in my life it really shouldn't) that people could see the same thing with such starkly different perspectives. Granted, I have not read all--or even a majority--of the posts that were written for NWNW. The few that I did read told personal stories and didn't come off as belittling to me. But then I thought about it a little differently: Would I be offended if I were the result of a casual fling, or even a relationship that just didn't result in marriage? Would I be pissed if I'd had a child outside of marriage? Would it somehow be less infuriating if it wasn't just directed at black women? How would this whole movement affect me? Clearly I don't have an answer as these are all hypothetical. Honestly, I can see both sides, especially when they bring in different elements that I had not initially considered when NWNW came into play. However, I think a lot of people (on both sides of the argument) are letting feelings and personal circumstances color how they receive the message, or causing them to not receive it at all.

So what's the Tori D. interpretation of NWNW?
Have a baby when you are ready. Practice safe sex. I know many people don't go looking for trifling, no good people to have babies with (male or female), but being selective about who gets the goods and what you do to prevent pregnancy could mean a world of difference for you. Now what constitutes a "suitable" mate? Well that's on you boo. But consider whether you know and like/love the person well enough to potentially have to deal with them for the rest of your life--wedding or not. No shade to those who had OOW children; things happen. Even if you do background checks on potentials, use condoms & birth control religiously, it could still happen, and the dad could still be an ass regardless of who/what he is. But actively try to reduce those chances until you decide you want to bring a life into the world.

I guess that's more "My Womb, My Way" instead of "No Wedding, No Womb." At the end of the day, I believe the intentions behind NWNW were good. But what's that famous saying? Oh yes, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." From the sidelines, it looks line NWNW went to hell in a handbasket.

Anyway, what's your take on the NWNW debacle? I'd love to hear differing opinions on it (without the constraints of 140 characters!)

I Can't Get Off the Merry-Go-Round! (Can I?)

Last night on Twitter, as I contemplated a crazy move (trying to live off student loans this semester and quitting the full-time job so I could do real estate full time), one of the people I follow tweeted something that stayed on my mind all night and is still bothering me. @happyblackwoman tweeted:

Our addiction to having so much stuff is what keeps some ppl chained to the job from hell. One feeds the other.

*sigh* She got me told in 140 characters or less.

I admit, I am one of those people who likes to have the latest and greatest whenever possible and relatively feasible. I love having a variety of clothes, shoes and accessories to chose from even if having so much does make it a chore to get dressed in the morning. I don't shop like some people I know, but at times, with certain things (lately it's been earrings), it can be slightly excessive. And I do tend to buy things not necessarily because I need them, but because they make me feel better. The rush of finding something (especially when it's a "great deal"), the glow they seem to have when I wear/use them for the first time, the inner pat-on-the-back I give myself when someone compliments something new... I love it. Even if I do sometimes cringe in retrospect at what I've spent.

That's me; I'm a Taurus, I like nice things. That's why I work this job I can't stand and want to walk out of every day don't particularly like, and try to sell real estate, and go to grad school: So I can buy a nice house and fill it with nice things and have a nice closet filled with nice clothes...

But will it make me happy?

That was the question the New York Times posed in their article about a couple who has decided to live a minimalist lifestyle. @happyblackwoman also referenced this article in her tweets. I was amazed that two people could whittle down their belongings to just 100 personal items. Insane! But they said they were... happy. I want to say I'm not so materialistic that I can't see this being possible... but I am. I am just that materialistic. How can you be so content with nearly nothing? I understand being happy and debt-free, as the article said they now were. Shoot, I'd be happy too if I could tell Sallie Mae and Nissan to kiss my butt. But still... I need stuff! Don't I?

If nothing else, it's an interesting concept that really has me thinking.... I'm not saying I can adopt that lifestyle or cut down my belongings to 100 things... But maybe I need to start truly evaluating what is necessary, and why I feel the need to have so much stuff. (I think I know part of the answer, but I don't even wanna delve into that... who knows how far down the rabbit hole goes?) I don't know.

In the meantime, @happyblackwoman's tweets are resonating with me:

Last month, I got rid of 50% of my clothes & I don't miss any of them. It was actually freeing not to have so many choices.

I'm actually happier with less stuff.

Every time I think about buying something now, I ask myself: is this going to add anything to my life? I buy a lot less than I used to.

When we buy new clothes, it's not b/c we really need another dress, but b/c we hope it will make us beautiful.

"People are finding that their homes are full of stuff, but their lives are littered w/unfulfilled promises."

Every time I get rid of something, I think of what else I'm making room for.


Related articles/posts:
Theology of Enough
How to Live with Just 100 Things

Quote of the Day

Actually this is tweet of the day... yesterday.

from  @Slaus

If Elin got caught with 20 dicks in her mouth, dudes everywhere would endorse Tiger killing her azz. But because tiger gotta pay, yall mad?

The Black Card

No, I'm not talking about the AmEx (or is it Visa/MasterCard/Discover? I'm not even "baller" enough to know which is the status symbol ) with the unlimited spending power. 

 

I'm talking about the ambiguous mythological "black card" or "black pass" that is constantly being turned in or revoked amongst ourselves (black people) and issued to non-blacks. Yesterday during "Mayergate" (if you missed it you didn't miss much) @TweetMeBlack had this to say:

 

We are the only race of people that are FOREVER trying to award people w/
blackness... I've never had an asian, white, award me w/ theirs. 

Especially when most times these hood & nigger passes are handed out to
whites for ridiculous behaviors! #Ugotarrested? #ublacknow

Interesting thought, no? What does it really say, the fact that we are willing to give away "blackness" and the reasons we cite for doing so? Of course, many people would say that someone of another race should feel "honored" to be given this "black pass" because it means that they are being accepted, embraced, yadda yadda yadda. I guess I can see what they are saying to an extent. Who wouldn't want to wear the badge of cool, power, and endurance known as BLACKNESS? (In reality, probably more than they'd imagine, but that's the thinking.) But come on, is that really all being black is? Of course not. And the things this pass is awarded for... You know the lyrics to all of Jay-Z's songs? You got multiple baby mommas/daddies? You got the "black girl" neck roll down to a T? You wear your pants off your ass? Whaaat, you speak ebonics, too?! Oh you're down! *in Oprah mode* You get a black card, and you get a black card, and you get a black card!

 

And what about those who feel the need to pull someone's black card? Members of our race who do not have certain "common" characteristics or don't fit the mold for what's considered Black (for example, Black Republicans) are said to have turned in their black card. I can't count the number of times I've had my black card revoked for random infractions, including not liking soul food or kool-aid, not knowing who certain "it" rappers were, talking "white" (since when does white equal proper? I missed the memo) and not living in the "hood."
Really, is that all it takes to be black or lose out on my blackness? Can I not value my heritage, where we as a people have come from and the contributions of those that look like me because of such frivolous issues? My black experience isn't black enough? These assumptions indicate that we are all a homogeneous people with stereotypical traits, do they not?
Yeah, okay... When I hit that glass ceiling in corporate America or get followed around the store I'm sure I'll be issued an immediate apology once I explain that I no longer have my black card...
I'd venture to say that those who are willing to give away "black cards" to others do not fully appreciate what it means to be black. I'd also state that they are not aware of the value of the ethnicity of the "recipient" of their gift. Think about it: could it be that you don't hear of "Chinese cards," "Jewish cards," etc. because of their love, respect and understanding of their heritage & culture. Of course I understand that we were not able to maintain our own culture as others has, but that's no excuse (and I know you know what excuses are).
I'm all for loving and embracing people of other races, cultures, etc. Open up, be "down" with one another, all that good stuff. But handing out "black cards"? Irrelevant and unnecessary.

From the good folks over on Twitter....

Seeing as how I'm no longer as young and "cool" as I used to be, I don't keep up with these overnight "celebs." So although I've heard the name Nicki Minaj, I didn't know what she did, what she looked like, or why she was "famous." All I knew was that she'd caused a myriad of simple broads to go from calling themselves "5-star b*tches" to "barbies." Apparently she made an appearance on some show recently and someone over on Twitter posted this pic. (Gotta love the interwebs!) Someone please tell me that she actually dresses like... oh, I dunno... a real person.... I don't see the appeal!

Quote of the Day

I've seen this quote before and liked it immediately. However, I'd kinda forgotten about it until I saw someone tweet it the other day...

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm,
she will give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a
home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a
smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to
her. So if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of ish.

A Slice, A Half, A Whole

 

 

This morning, while I was supposed to be getting ready for work, I was on Twitter doing my usual routine of "Good morning," responding to my missed replies, etc. I saw that one of my girls re-tweeted something from Rev. Run, and it got me to thinking.

@BlackBeauty85 RT @RevRunWisdom: 1 lady said about her husbands long wrk hrs.“I'd rather have a slice of a gr8 man than the whole of an average man” (wrk!)

@BlackBeauty85 RT @RevRunWisdom: REFUSE TO BE AVERAGE!!!

While I definitely co-sign the rejection of being average (to me that's just a polite term for mediocre) I don't know whether I can completely agree with the first tweet. I responded:

@KittyPurrfecta Of course, having the whole great man would be great, or at least half. If you only have a slice, is that enough to be satisfied? Hmmm....

 

I understand what the quote was supposed to mean, and to a point I agree. I would much rather a man work hard to help provide for his family than to barely work or have a lazy attitude when he needs to have drive and initiative. That just would not do, and that type of man wouldn't last long enough with me to even think about marriage.

However, I am a bit selfish. (I blame it on my condition: onlychildism.) When I have something or someone truly great, I want it all to myself! Of course, I realize I can't have my way all the time and at some point I have to share. And I'm okay with that. You can't and shouldn't attempt to contain greatness. I understand. I would be willing to support him in any way I could. But I should be content with a slice? Naw, homie, I don't think that's gonna work! 

Here's what I think of when I think of having a "slice" of a man:

• Having a man that puts work before family


• Him not truly being "at home" even when he's physically there at home (example: not being able to talk to me because he is so wrapped up in talking to colleagues & handling business, even though he's "off work")


• Barely seeing him in passing


• Him not being willing to put other things on hold for just a while to spend time with me/his family


• Him using the majority of his time, attention, passion and money elsewhere

I know where some of you all went when you read this. "Well what about Michelle? I'm sure she doesn't get to spend time with Barack like she wants to, blah blah blah." Guess what? Although I'm fabulous and a great woman in my own right, I am not Michelle! I'm Tori D. and I need attention!

No, I don't plan on being one of those wives who basically sit around all day waiting to dote on their husbands. With the career that (I think) I'm going to pursue, I'm sure I will be working long hours at times too. Be that as it may, I'll be working those long hours so that I can have a couple weeks out of the year to travel, spend time with hubby, family and friends. I'm working to live, not living to work. If I have this "slice of a great man" will I be able to say the same thing about him? What's the point of being able to travel to exotic locales and whatnot if I don't have my partner with me? All I'll be thinking about is the fact that I'm in a new, romantic place and not getting any. That's when the eyes start to wander.... (Just being honest folks! lol)

So I can settle for half of a great man. Still better than a whole average man, in my opinion. With that half a great man, maybe we can take one two-week long vacay a year instead of a week-long one every three or four months. (Yes, I really planned on doing that.) Instead of having dinner together every day, it'll just be on Sundays and occasionally a Saturday. I may not be able to have him with me on every special occasion or every event that the kids have, but with half of a great man at least I can have anniversaries, maybe birthdays... And best of all, unlike with a "whole average man," I still get my space when I need it and won't be made to feel as guilty when I spend longer than I planned in the office or out with clients.

 

But a slice of a man? Oh no. For me, that slice is about as useless as that pie chart, and probably just as frustrating and difficult to understand.

Quote of the Day

If you are on Twitter, one person you should be following is @CoachBilal. I admit, I don't always agree 100% with everything he posts, but he will definitely make you stop and think. He provided today's Quote (or Tweet) of the Day:

@CoachBilal: SISTERS: U were BORN with UR HAIR DONE~
UR LIPS Come ALREADY LINED~
UR Cheeks & Skin Already GLOW~
U were Carved By The Infinite Beautician

 

Is that not beautiful? I think no further explanation is needed on this one :)

The Broom List

 

Once again I'm getting ideas from my Twitter fam! :) 

This one is courtesy of this article from TheFrisky.com and @NoNamesJustLo (who always has something interesting to tweet). Last night she said

Before I become a Mrs it is my GOAL to attend at least two fashion weeks....one domestic and another abroad.

This got me to thinking. What are some things that I would like to accomplish or begin before I jump the broom? So here is my Broom List (I'm compiling it as I go, so who knows how many things will be on it). Some of it is a little mundane, but they are things that I feel I should and/or need to do. I don't know how many of them will actually be done before I get married, considering I do kinda see it on the horizon already. And if I happen to share some of these with my husband, that's fine. However, some of these are mandatory BEFORE I say "I do." My main reason in wanting to do most of these before marriage is because I either A) think it would be a strain that a new marriage should not have to deal with, or B) want to be able to fully experience some things JUST for ME, without any real obligations or anything to tie me down. This list may expand or shrink, who knows. But these are my pre-nuptial priorities for the moment, in no particular order.

(BTW: If you don't get the title, it's a spin off of the Bucket List, where you list things you want to do before you "kick the bucket." These are things to do before I "jump the broom." What's that you say, you don't understand "jump the broom"? *sigh* Okay, click here.)

1. Travel to Greece and/or Italy.
I have always been fascinated with these countries and would love to be able to travel to either. Being able to take in the sights and sounds I want to... having a peaceful, secluded time to focus and meditate... experiencing the country freely and at my discretion, without interference due to what someone else wants or thinks or needs.... Those things are important to me. Although I'd eventually love to experience this with the future Mr., I want to have my own "private time" there as well.

2. Receive my MBA and real estate agent's license.
I am currently working on my MBA (done December 2010 if all goes well!) and will soon begin working on my RE license. I have to have this done before I become Mrs. so-and-so for two reasons. One is because I don't want to still be in school while becoming acclimated to married life. I know some people can do this, and kudos to them, but I can only juggle so much. Secondly, if I already have these things in place, I feel that I will be in a better position career-wise and financially. I don't want to go into a marriage barely bringing anything to the table. I want to already have some things going for myself.


3. Pay off all & close most of my credit cards, pay down my major 1 or 2 cards, and eliminate as much of my student loan debt as possible.
This is another MUST. Truly, this is something that I need to do as soon as possible anyway, whether married or not. Carrying around a bunch of debt is no bueno on your psyche or your bank account. Fortunately my credit card debt isn't that high (if I get this job I'm applying for, I'll be able to have them all paid off within about 4-5 months!) but student loans are another story. I want to have a nice dent in those before walking down the isle. After all, once he & I become "we" then we also have "our" debt to deal with. I want that to be as minimal as it can be. Plus, it's always nice to know that your credit is in great shape (I'm pretty darn good right now, but I'd love to be better.)

4. Live alone for at least a year.
This is probably laughable to most of y'all, but I am serious! I know a lot of young women who either got married straight from their parents' house, or are waiting to do so. I'm still living with my folks right now (hard times, my people, hard times) but I cannot see myself going straight from their roof to living with my husband. I need a transition period. A period of freedom where I can walk around my place butt naked without fear of my hidden tat being seen or of being groped when I really don't feel like it. I want a place where I can put my inner interior designer to work without other people's input. I want to come and go as I please without the "friendly checkup calls." I want a chance to get lonely in my own place before permanently sharing my space with a man.

5. Buy my own real diamonds.
In my opinion, a girl should have at least one piece of real diamond jewelry (ring, necklace, earrings, something) that she bought for herself, just so she won't be blinded by some lackluster man and his "bling" or promises to buy her something. Of course I know not every woman looks for that or is really affected by that, but there are some that are easily impressed by the small material things. I just think that maybe they wouldn't be so easily electrified by it if they could wave their hand or pull the hair back from their ear to reveal a genuine gem and say "I've got my own. What else can you offer me?"

6. Throw a party.
For some reason, I've always pictured my married life full of dinner parties, summer backyard barbecues, Superbowl parties, book club meetings, etc. I want to be the hostess with the mostest. But then it hit me: I've never even had a little house party! So once #3 happens, I will try my hand at a nice, mid-sized theme party. I'm anxious to see how this goes...

7. Get published.This may be vain but I really don't care. I simply want something, a public record, that shows that I am about making moves, sharing thoughts & ideas, and inspiring others. I want it known that I am just as great as Ms. Tori D. as I will be as Mrs. Tori D. ________

From the People: Has the Civil Rights agenda been completed?

I've decided to try something a little different. Since I am trying to get back into the habit of writing consistently but face writers block quite often, I've requested input from my tweeple as far as what topics to write about.

Tonight's topic is from my lovely Soror @BlueDeucex2 who writes:

@KittyPurrfecta Do you think that the civil rights agenda has been completed now that we have a black man as president? If not, what's next? 

Loaded first topic (and I'm really no politico), but I'm always up for a challenge!

First, we have to determine just what exactly the Civil Rights agenda was. While I am not aware of an official list of goals for the Civil Rights Movement, I do know that it was a fight for desegregation and equality in all aspects of life. While we do have these things mandated by law today as well as a black man as POTUS, I do not believe the civil rights agenda has truly been completed.

Let's look at some of the facts. Blacks make up about half of the population of all of the US prisons, while only comprising 13% of the total population. Of those in jail, the majority are in jail on drug charges, even though studies have shown that whites are more likely to do drugs than blacks. On top of that, police have even admitted to targeting black and minority areas, especially when enforcing drug laws.
http://ronmull.tripod.com/racism.html

As far as education, black are graduating from high school at a sad rate of only 50%. Out of those that go on to college, even less--only approximately 43%--graduate. And while we all know that a college education does not guarantee success financially or career-wise, a lack of a degree could be a setback in many areas and possibly a barrier to advancement.
http://www.parapundit.com/archives/001959.html
http://www.jbhe.com/preview/winter07preview.html

Add to these the facts that:
* segregation and discrimination are still happening, even where there is no written policy to do so
* blacks and minorities still economic disadvantages in disproportionate numbers to whites
* blacks are still less likely to receive a fair trial or fair treatment by the criminal justice system

We see that there is still much work that needs to be done by way of the civil rights agenda. Yes, the nomination and election of the nation's first black president is a MAJOR step forward. However, this in no way means "we have arrived."

So what's next? Well, if it were up to me, I'd make the next step a two-fold move.
First, we need to turn inward and help ourselves. Let folks know what their rights are and how to recognize when those rights are being violated. Stress the importance of education versus the criminal lifestyle. Assist black entrepreneurs with starting, growing and effectively running a business. Support black businesses. Encourage those in our communities to vote not only in presidential elections, but those that affect us most: mayor, governor, senators, etc.
Secondly, we need to actively defend against any show of discrimination or act of prejudice. There should be devoted watch dog groups to ensure that the court system treats black defendants in the same manner as white defendants and to help victims of discrimination seek justice. (Of course, one could say that's what the NAACP is for, but that's another argument for another night; I just don't have it in me right now...)

Now, let the discussion begin!!

So what do YOU want me to talk about? Let me know! Just hit me up on Twitter (www.twitter.com/KittyPurrfecta) or email me (go to my profile and hit the link).