Hard Lessons in Decision Making

There’s something really embarrassing about the whole moving into my own place adventure. I feel like I’d be remiss to not share what I’ve learned from it, but for it to make sense I have to delve into that unfortunateness. I’ve probably told worse on this blog, so this should be nothing in the grand scheme of things. Right now it kinda feels like a punch in the gut.

What pushed me to get my own place was the fact that I had an awesome boyfriend who I wanted to spend time with & wanted to spend time with me. A lot of time. Time that my folks were not comfortable with. Their constant questioning about where I was, who I was with and what I was doing frustrated me. Although I knew the bigger issue (their unwillingness to treat me like the old maid adult I am versus my inability to speak up for myself), it was wanting to be with him at whatever time of day or night I chose that drove me to my little one bedroom haven. I got a second job to make ends meet, went through the apartment search, and signed the paperwork.

And then we broke up.

So now I have an awesome apartment and no boyfriend. If it ain’t one thing it’s another, quite literally in this case. BUT I say all of that (with a grimace on my face and one finger hovering over the backspace button to act like this post never happened) to say that a couple of valuable lessons on decision making have come out of this. So here they are:

BE SELFISH
Yeah, other people’s happiness is great. But is it great for you when you focus so much on what others want that your own needs and wants go lacking? (If you don’t know the answer, it’s no.) I try to put other people first because I love seeing those I care about happy. But damn if this didn’t wake me up to the fact that putting myself on the backburner for other people’s pleasure doesn’t leave me with anything but resentment and questions of “what if I’d done what I wanted to do?”

HONESTLY EVALUATE YOUR MOTIVES
When you know why you do what you do—or are thinking of doing—it can put things into perspective for you. Knowing your motives opens your mind to questions like: Am I making the right choice? Is there a better way to go? Will this reason seem silly in a month or in a year? Am I acting rationally or emotionally?

THINK THROUGH EVERY SCENARIO YOU CAN IMAGINE
Fortunately for me I thought of a wide variety of possibilities (although honestly, the breakup and ensuing feelings of loneliness in a spot by myself was not one of them). But before and even after a decision is made, consider some alternate potential situations. You’ll never be fully prepared for everything, but you should have some backup plans. One or two things may catch you off guard, but being ill-prepared guarantees that something will.

MAKE IT WORK
So you made a decision and thought it would be total awesomesauce, but somehow it’s fallen short of your expectations. It’s okay, Hun! Breathe! (Actually I’m telling myself this, but you go ahead and breathe too.) It’s not the end of the world. You have to figure out how to make it work, at least until you’re able to do something better for yourself.  Tap into your own resilience, creativity and network of positive people to come up with whatever solution or plan you need to be satisfied in your present state.

DON’T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE
Or thrice, or…. fource? Moral of the story, don’t repeat avoidable mistakes! Whatever lessons you’ve learned from past decisions—the good and not-so-good ones—should help you make better decisions. If not, you didn’t really learn anything boo! It’s like math: if you don’t grasp multiplication and division in elementary, how will you deal with calculus? Deal with what happens, file it in your mind, and retrieve it when necessary.

So that’s what I’ve learned from this little experience. I’m still thrilled that I made the decision I did. Every time I walk through the door, I stop and say “aaah, this is mine!” That in and of itself lets me know that this was a good choice, even if it wasn’t necessarily for the right reasons.