The Anti-Social on Social Networks

I'm on too many.

 

 

 

 

(What, is that not enough? Okay, fine.)

I think I've OD'd on social networking. HighSchoolClub.com was my first taste of it, and was quickly followed by CollegeClub and BlackPlanet. The idea of "meeting" new people and learning about them without having to actually open my mouth and talk to them was intriguing to me. And I could keep up with my friends even when we weren't at school without spending all night on the phone with them. Sweet! This introvert was pleased.

The number of social sites I joined quickly ballooned. Y'all know me; I'm always after the "next big thing" when it comes to anything dealing with technology. Social networking was no exception. There was MySpace, then Facebook, several Ning sites when they were still free, and probably hundreds of little sites that I easily forgot about. Now there's the Facebook page plus two fan pages, this blog, four Twitter accounts (which I just brought down from five--how the heck did that happen?), four Tumblr blogs (but one is for business!), LinkedIn, Pinterest, Google+, Instagram, GetGlue, StumbleUpon, Flickr, YouTube...

Enough!! 

oh mr. faceless guy, how did we get here?

 

Now I'm making cutbacks. Already deleted FourSquare (which is a creepy little thing, now that I think about it). GetGlue will be gone after Once Upon A Time & Desperate Housewives season finales (what is it about those little stickers?!). Twitter and Tumblr accounts are being consolidated or deleted all together, and one by one I'm unjoining sites that I'm sure I'll never miss. And there is a reason for it all.

 

One thing that has me a little frustrated is trying to create unique content for each site. It's difficult, if not impossible. I'm friends with a lot of the same people across different sites. I know how much I hate checking my Twitter timeline, then seeing the same comment on Facebook. It's annoying! So I avoid doing that, but there's really only so much I want to share with everyone.

 

Another issue I have with social networking is that many people--myself included--are distracted from the real world by it. Even when we do venture out (IRL!) often we are uploading pix, checking in, and tweeting about who we see. Instead of, yanno, actually focusing on the experience. It's not uncommon to go to dinner with a table full of people and have minimal verbal conversation because everyone's eyes are glued to the tiny screen of their phone. Which basically leads to my biggest gripe.

 

Somehow, social networking has enabled me to be even less social (who knew that was possible?). And I suspect the same is true for many others. Who needs to call when I can tweet you or send a message on Facebook? We don't have to "catch up" because I can see your whole life online. And now, I've gotten to where I barely comment anymore! I simply like, retweet, reblog, repin or +1 it. Even I, in all my anti-social glory, see a bit of a problem with this.

 

All this new-fangled technology be darned! I am going to make a serious effort to start reaching out to my family and friends the old-fashioned way. I'm going to pick up my phone... and text.

Why Should Celebs "Come Out"?

This is something that I have been thinking about for a long time but just recently boiled over. Maybe the final straw was the article where some new rapper took it upon herself to "out" certain entertainers whose sexuality many have questioned for years. Or perhaps it was the onslaught of people who were outraged that Paula Deen--queen of all things buttery, sweet, and fried--didn't reveal that she was diabetic until now (coinciding with her becoming a spokeswoman for a diabetes drug).

[caption id="attachment_2067" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="We are celeb-obsessed, but where does it end?"][/caption]

My thing is this: why do so many people feel that celebrities owe them an explanation of... well, anything? True, their professions are in the public eye, but don't these people deserve private lives too? (Note that I am talking about real celebrities, not those who acquired their fame from reality tv or who they slept with. Those folks have already sold a bit of their humanity and privacy, IMO.) We are really that entrenched in the lives of people who know and care nothing about us that we feel entitled to every bit of personal information about them, huh?

We've all seen enough to know that many of the people in the limelight are not role models. They aren't immortals. Their fate doesn't determine our own. Yet society obsesses with what they do, who they love, how much or little they weigh, what's wrong with them, etc. How many of us have the same kind of interest in the lives of our loved ones, those that actually affect and interact with us on a regular basis? Often times we shy away from knowing too much about them, from fear of TMI and not wanting to get involved. Yet we readily gobble up any gossip we can get on our favorite (or not so favorite) star. And in doing so, we feel that they are not allowed to have any personal, private matters. If they refuse to discuss their love lives, they must be in the closet. If they don't publicly discuss all the details of their weight loss (or even if they do) we feel they must have had surgery. If they don't reveal they have some kind of disease then they are doing some kind of disservice. If they speak out and admit it while promoting something that can help, they are pimping us.

In conclusion to my mini-rant, they don't owe you, me, or anyone else a detailed account of their lives. Just as you aren't expected to go on air and announce that you are flat broke, or that you aren't sure who your baby's daddy is, or that it burns when you pee O_o you shouldn't expect celebrities to share their personal lives with the world. If you just need to know something, find out how your coworkers are doing. See if you can help your neighbor with an issue. Or, best of all, look at your own life and make some much-needed improvements.

If I Were A Middle Class, Middle Age White Man

This past Monday, Forbes.com posted the article "If I Were a Poor Black Kid." (read it while you can, they took it down once then reposted. Who knows how long it will be up this time.) As you can imagine, it was not written by a poor black kid or someone who used to be a poor black kid. It was written by Gene Marks, a middle class, middle age white guy.... Yeah. Anyway, here is my brief response scribbled out this morning. Anything further may cause me to go into convulsions.

If I were a middle class middle age white man

-I'd probably know nothing of institutional racism and how it impacts the "poor black kids" I seem so concerned about

-I'd probably jump on the "what's wrong with black folks" bandwagon just to gain some notoriety. After all, where is the 15 minutes of fame in calling out the "power players," the ones who create policies that could potentially help (or harm) these kids?

-I'd think that simply working/studying hard is all it takes to be successful, because that's all it took for me right? I mean, the privilege that comes with melanin-deficient skin surely didn't have anything to do with it

-I'd assume that the crime found in many "lower class" neighborhoods had no effect on those not directly involved. After all, the thugs are on the street so the good kids should be at home studying! Never mind the psychological impact of fear of violence, fear of not having the necessities, having to work to help their families out, etc. may have on a child.

-I'd make grand suggestions (which are really just the same old bs on how to achieve the "American dream") with the assumption that "they just don't know" and need a savior to lead the way

-I'd probably not have any true interaction with these poor black kids I speak of, never volunteered in a school or mentoring program. But I know enough from what I see on TV right? Besides, I've given them everything they need in my article... And if they can just walk to a library in their neighborhood with decent up-to-date technology (which surely they must have) they can read all about it....

-I'd probably have the best intentions... Or at least I'd be able to convince you that I did

I'm Not Every Woman

When Beyoncé announced her pregnancy, there was an almost immediate firestorm of articles and tweets about her "doing it the right way" and how her pregnancy put single mothers to shame. I imagine if she ever read those articles (though she probably stopped long ago) she would think, "Can I just have this baby for me and my husband? Does this have to be representative of how every Black woman should do? Can I live?!" (Sorry, that last line would've actually been mine.) Instead of being treated like an individual, she was examined, scrutinized, then heralded as "the model." But that's par for the course when you're a celebrity, right? But what about when us "regular" folks go through the same thing?

[caption id="attachment_1558" align="alignleft" width="196" caption="source"][/caption]

For many people the way they view "others," those with whom they don't personally identify, is shaped by a set of stereotypes that are perpetuated through tv and online. So whenever black women (or black people, or women) are the media's focal point, they are talking about me. Unfortunately, the image that people see most often of black women is that of the loud, uncouth hoodrat; the emasculating b*tch, the sex-crazed Jezebel, or the mammy. The problem with this is that not every black woman fits into one of these categories. True, there are some, but just as in any race we also have our professionals, students, humanitarians, nerds. *raises hands* Our characteristics run the gamut much like our skin tones.

My issue is that the media doesn't show this; it doesn't truly portray me. The result is an everyday battle to combat these stereotypes while still being true to myself. But this is easier said than done. If I'm overtly sexual, I'm the typical fast black girl. If I lose my cool and put someone in their place, I'm Sapphire. If the wrong person catches me bobbing my head and mouthing the words to a Waka Flocka Flame song then I'm automatically ghetto. (Okay, bad example; who really understands anything that Waka says? But I do love "No Hands." See, look at you judging!)

I'd like to be afforded the luxury of being seen as an individual. It would be nice to know that my actions won't reflect on the whole of black womandom--at least, not when they would reflect negatively. And it would be wonderful to know when others act in a less than savory manner that I am not categorized as "one of them" because "you know how they are." Sorry Chaka (and Whitney), but I am not every woman. I wish the world would realize that.

Pandemic: The Adult Temper Tantrum

Wasn't cute then...

There is a disturbing trend in our society that has exploded within the last few years. More and more, people are flying off the handle about things, whether they be as insignificant as a .50 price hike on their favorite food at Taco Bell or as major as losing a job. And of course you can't forget the celebrity hissy fits, of which Charlie Sheen and Chris Brown are currently leading the way. Every other day there is a new story or video of someone freaking out and destroying property, assaulting others, or just making an ass of themselves by running their mouths and making threats. Meltdowns are mainstream thanks to camera phones and the web, and there appears to be some unspoken contest to see who can spaz out the best... or worst.

I will admit, I wish adults were given a pass to throw a temper tantrum once or twice a year. A full out, on the floor, kicking screaming yelling crying fit! (In fact, I would've used mine last night after realizing that I may have to delay getting my own place even longer than I thought... Another post for another time.) After all, life is stressful and always bottling those frustrations gets to be a bit much. Nowadays everyone is under pressure: the haves & have nots; the educated & the ignorant. People need an outlet for their frustrations, which is understandable. But is there ever anything that justifies going ape sh*t over a burger? (Literally, this chick and her friends look and act like monkeys in this video.)

Have people always been this crazy but we just looked away instead of gazing in amusement? Couldn't be; I would've seen some of this live and in person a couple times in my twenty-something years if that was so. Instead I think what

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="...not cute now"][/caption]

we're seeing is a combination of things. One is the culmination of what happens when children are raised with the idea that they are entitled to what they want when they want it. I've seen kids fall out in the store and instead of getting a butt whooping, they get whatever toy or candy they wanted. Ummmm no ma'am, no sir. That wasn't going down in my parents' house. Although I hated it at the time, it taught me that I couldn't always get my way. Now that I'm an adult I can accept that and resist the urge to flip tables. But if you never get that lesson when you're young, how do you handle all the NOs life throws at you when you're older?

Second is the acceptance of bad behavior. It's on our televisions all the time. Celebs acting out in real life. "Reality" shows highlighting fights, drama, and behavior that would normally be considered unacceptable in society. When this is what you take in, you're bound to become desensitized to it (it no longer shocks you) and/or feel that it is okay to do. As the preacher said Sunday, "What we laugh at today, we accept tomorrow." Someone throws a chair on TV in a fit of anger? Well hell, I can throw one when I'm pissed too! (Slightly off topic: I wonder if this is why most of the McDonald's now have chairs bolted to the floor? Guess there were one too many "I said no pickles heffa!" *chair into the register*)

It would be wonderful if adults could remember their roles as such and follow the rules of polite society... at least in public! But I fear that as time and technology progresses, the world will be privy to even worse actions and attitudes. However, I do have one request. If for some reason I forget myself (and this post) and have a public temper tantrum of my own, please don't record it and post it online.

 

Systematic Apathy

Although this post is not really about the mid-term elections held this past Tuesday, that was the impetus for this post. What I'm about to say is not necessarily because of the results of the elections, but the comments I've heard and read concerning them.

Somewhere between the Civil Rights movement and today, we (yes this is a generalizing, collective "we") as African-Americans have gotten waaaay too comfortable. Lax. We "just don't give a f***."

No, let me correct that. We give a f***, but about the wrong things.

On Tuesday, I saw a lot of tweets and Facebook posts about voting. And I saw a whole heck of a lot of posts about not voting. Not just saying they hadn't vote, but boasting that they wouldn't. I'm sorry, when did not voting become the "it" thing? Oh I know, since there were no superstars this election. It was great that the coolest candidate for POTUS eva motivated people to get out and vote in 2008. But like so many other fads, once the celebs stopped talking about it and the "cool" wore off, people lost interest. The proof is in the low turnout by young voters and minority voters.

But this isn't just about politics and voting. It's about a lack of concern and misplaced priorities that seem to be rampant in our community. So many youngsters that I know--and ones that I don't know but have observed--place so much interest and emphasis on the latest dance, what a celebrity is doing/wearing/saying, becoming the next (insert hot athlete here), or becoming a dope boy and so little on getting an education and making a future for themselves. Many are enthralled with being sexy and having sex, without regard to how their lives could change as a result.... But hey, you can't fully blame the kids when many of the adults--the people who should be role models--are acting the same way!

I know this isn't new; the same thing was going on back in my day. (God, that makes me sound old!) But just because it's been going on for years doesn't mean we can't turn it around, does it? We as a people have too rich and too great a story to be done in by our own laziness, sense of entitlement and failure to recognize what is truly important. We cannot let apathy take us back to what we once fought so hard against.

P.S.: For anyone with the urge to say "Well white folks are doing the same thing and you ain't saying nothing about them," lemme address y'all now. No hate towards anyone, but white folks aren't my folks. What they do to their own detriment is not my concern. If you want to follow down a destructive path just because "white folks are doing it," then we're in an even sadder state than I thought.

So this is what music has come to?

John Blu- "In Love With Yo Booty"

I was floored when I heard this song. The guy says "Don't turn around 'cuz 'm in love with your back, but if you gotta turn around I hope your face match" and then proceeds to say he's in love with some chick's ass over & over again. Really? So this is what's hot now, huh?

I'm not really a music snob so I don't think it's that (though I do long for a time where it took more than just a tight beat for a song to be considered a hit). I'm certainly not a prude so it can't be that. And I'm too young to be an old fogy who is just out of touch with what's in, right? Well hell, I'll be that if it means not co-signing bullish like this.

Yanno, I was planning on talking about how today's music is a result of a cyclical problem stemming from society's shift in focus from education to entertainment as a means of making it. How this shift in focus actually harmed the quality of music due to, among other things, the lack of command over the English language (similes, metaphors, subject/verb agreements, etc.).

But... iCan't. Those who get it already get it. Those who don't (or who choose not to) will say I'm hating and continue shaking their asses to it.

Forced to Be Fat

I came across this article today that seriously broke my heart. It's about young girls in Mauritania being sent of to "camps" to be force-fed and fattened so that men would find them attractive (a process known as leblouh). Girls as young as seven, being forced to eat between 14,000 and 16,000 calories a day. Let's put that into perspective: An adult male bodybuilder usually eats 4000 calories a day.

Even worse than the fact that this practice is extremely unhealthy, it is abusive! From the article:

Tijanniya chokes down the thick gruel — she has no choice. An older woman dressed in pink robes threatens to beat her with a long cane if she refuses. Worse, if she throws up, the woman will make her eat her own vomit.... How do small girls eat these gargantuan amounts of food? "I'm very strict," boasts Elhacen. "I beat the girls, or torture them by squeezing a stick between their toes. I isolate them and tell them that thin women are inferior." Desert settlements like this 1000-strong farming community with no electricity or running water are popular spots for leblouh because there are no distractions and no easy ways to escape. But Elhacen denies that her work amounts to child cruelty. "No, no, it's for their own good," she almost shrieks. "How will these poor girls find a husband if they're bony and revolting?" 

 

What disgusts me the most is the fact that this society as a whole supports young girls going through such a degrading, unhealthy practice in the hopes of getting a man. As the author states, it's like our obsession with thinness in reverse. It's sad that these women, as well as women here and in many other countries I'm sure, feel that who and what they are is inferior. It's sad that we feel we have to alter who we are, inside and/or outside, just to be "acceptable" and to be loved. And it's heartbreaking to think that the cycle of damaging young girls' self-esteem just to get a man will more than likely continue.