Quote of the Day

“How often my fear and ambivalence are rooted in what somebody else may think. But I need not present my actions, my words, myself for somebody else's approval. And basing my decisions on somebody else's approval or making my own approval contingent on somebody else's only postpones what I really want.”

 Jan Denise

I’m guilty of this, sometimes. Like right now. I have a big decision I need to make, about getting my own place. There’s pressure on both sides, not to mention my overanalyzing everything that could possibly go wrong. But the question that I haven’t really asked myself is “What will truly make me happy? What am I comfortable with?”

Like I said in a previous post, my folks did a good job on raising a people-pleaser. I want everyone to be happy with me. But what happens when the people I care about most want drastically different things? And why should it even matter what everyone else wants when it comes to my life? It shouldn’t… But the reality is that is does for me. And I hate that sometimes. Things would be much easier if I could just say, “This is what it is; deal with it.” That ain’t in me, but if I ever want to truly be content, I guess I have to make my decisions and deal with whatever consequences that come.

Things My Future Husband Should Know: About Being the Head of the House

Dear future hubby,

It's early on a Thursday morning. You know how I am when I haven't had my coffee yet, so sorry in advance if I ramble.

I had a little epiphany (although the word "epiphany" seems too epic to describe as little, so let's just say a moment of clarity) this morning in which I realized what I want from you concerning this whole "head of the household" thing. That phrase has always kinda rubbed me wrong, even though I've been taught from a child that that's how it's supposed to be. The thought of someone controlling me made me want to hit something and yell, "You're not the boss of me!" After all, isn't marriage supposed to be a partnership?

But I know that I've always liked it when a man takes charge. That's probably due in part to my own indecisiveness, but it also adheres to the confidence and (hopefully) wisdom that I envision a real man possessing. A man who waffles is a liability, IMO, and is likely to get cut off. Since you've made it to being Mr. Tori D. (lol) that's obviously not the case, so congrats.

Anyway, the realization that came was about my part in the equation. Once I actually thought about it, I discovered that my roles in relation to you are the same that I've been playing for others most of my life. Sounding board, out-of-the-box thinker (there has to be a better term for it than that), and cheerleader. On important issues I
want
 need to be in on the decision-making. I want to hear your ideas and share mine. Hopefully we will both agree on the course of action and go from there. If not, it's your responsibility to make the final decision and to live with it. My responsibility is to support that decision. If it works, I'll have the "you were right" cheer ready. If it doesn't, I'm going to rag you a little bit (hey, no point in lying) but then we'll figure out how to regroup and move on.

You being head of the house doesn't lessen my position. It doesn't make me your maid, your secretary, your cook or your pet...
unless we're role-playing but that's for another letter
. We are indeed partners-- in complementing, not competing, positions. Making decisions concerning our finances, kids, worship, household responsibilities, etc. shouldn't be power-plays. Becoming Mrs. Whoever-You-Are means that I obviously trust your judgement, which is why I'll have no little problem letting you take the lead.