Ain't I A Woman?

“Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain’t I a woman?” Since joining the “real world,” Sojourner Truth’s words have resonated with me. As I child, I was taught to be self-reliant because there would be times when I could not count on anyone else. However, I was also taught to expect certain things from a gentleman: holding the door open, helping with packages if I seem overwhelmed, respect, cordiality. And when I worked mostly with other African-Americans, I received those little gestures of chivalry more often than not.

But once I entered a more diverse workforce, I noticed a shift in the attitudes and actions towards not just myself but black women as a whole. One particular incident stands out in my mind: Another woman and I were both exiting the building where I worked. One of my coworkers was walking in, but stopped to hold the door open for the white woman who was only maybe three feet ahead of me. Once she was out of the door, he looked at me and walked on in, letting the door close and nearly knocking me down. I was dumbfounded.

If that were an isolated incident, I wouldn’t have any ground for beef. But I’ve seen and experienced many incidents where black women were simply not given the same courtesy as white women, in the workplace as well as in random social situations. The perpetrators have varied in age and race, which left me even more perplexed. Those acts of geniality aren’t necessarily required, and I’ve come to not expect them either.  But I have to wonder why there is a difference between the way black women are treated versus the treatment of our white counterparts. Is it because black women are supposed to be strong enough to not need assistance? Are we considered less than worthy of such small displays of cordiality? Or is it not necessarily about us, but rather about the pedestal that many people place white women on?

My query is not a complaint, but one of simple curiosity. Even in small, somewhat trivial matters, we see a discrepancy in attitudes and actions. One hundred and sixty years later, I’m still asking the same question. “Ain’t I a woman?”

Double Standards

There are certain double standards that people might as well get used to. It would take a MAJOR paradigm shift for them to change.

A promiscuous woman will pretty much always be seen as a whore; a promiscuous man is seen (by most people) as just doing what a man does.

If a woman messes around with other women for a period of time she can claim she was "experimenting" or "curious," and a lot of people will accept that. If a man messes with another man even once, he will forever be labeled "gay" by some people.

White people should not ever use the word nigger/nigga/nig/othervariationhere, even though they may hear Black people use it.

*shrugs* That's pretty much the way it is. Which is why I can't understand why most some whites feel they should be able to use it. Latest case in point: Dr. Laura.

From theblacksnob.com:

Dayum. Why y'all got to be so sensitive? We have a black president now. Don't you know that because of Obama the N-word isn't bad anymore?
I mean, why would the N-word, something that was used for hundreds of years to belittle and dehumanize black people, be BAD now? Yet when fancy entertainment-based black on the HBO people use the word it's all "look at how hip and edgy I am." Why can't Dr. Laura be hip and edgy when she uses it too? It's almost like black people use the word as a way to take the power back from it being hurtful and twist into some ironic parody. God. THAT IS SO CONFUSING to Dr. Laura. It's like when Dr. Laura watches "GoodFellas" she wonders why the Italians and Irish mobsters can call each other WOPs, micks and guineas, but if she did the same they would shoot her. Or how gays will adopt the words queer and fag. What's up with that? Those are Dr. Laura's words! You can't just take them and switch 'em up for your own use! It's almost like different cultures appropriate words created to hurt them, then fling them around as a humorous commentary on society's prejudices. That's sooo not fair.

If you missed her nigger-filled exchange (with a black woman who called in for advice on how to handle racially insensitive comments from her white husband's family/friends) you can listen & read a partial transcript here.

Angry Black Woman, Pt. II

(Yes, I know that Part I hasn't been posted yet; I'm still working on that one! But I felt like writing this ASAP and didn't quite fit into where I was going with the other post. And I also know I could've made this Part I and the other Part II, but I don't wanna...)



 



I know we've all heard about the stereotypical Angry Black Woman. The neck-rolling, loud-talking, dare-you-to-get-outta-line types. The "I wish a muthafugga would" black woman.

I've read different blogs and various comments here and there about how black women's attitudes are driving black men into the arms of women of other races. Now, I won't even get into how pathetic a man would have to be to let encounters with a few women make him write off a whole race of women. Nor will I get into how offended I'd be if someone approached me thinking I must be docile (read: easy to control) just because I wasn't (insert whatever ethnicity here).

If someone happens to find love outside of their own race, kudos. Love is hard as hell to find anyway, so they'd be doing better than me on that tip. But men, please know, just because your woman isn't black doesn't mean she can't go off. I mean, remember Fatal Attraction? Okay yeah, that was just a movie... not real life right? Cuz real life is the crazy astronaut lady. Real life is getting your balls mangled or your cock cut clean off. It's the ex burning down your wedding. It's (allegedly) being beat down with your own golf clubs. (No link necessary) And yes, it's getting your pet goldfish eaten.*

In conclusion, yes some black women may have a little edge to their attitude, but anyone can be crazy if they're pushed hard enough!

*Okay so I know there wasn't a picture or name to go off of, but c'mon... I refuse to believe this was a black woman... Nope, I refuse!

"Dear White Women" (An open letter)

Dear White Women,

Before you begin reading this letter, I encourage you to discard the ghetto, attitude-laced, stereotypical "angry black woman" voice you may hear in your head. This is not that type of letter. Instead, think of it as helpful advice; a sort of "The more you know" moment.

There are several things that I think we need to clear up. Things that you do that come off.... well, a bit racist. Now I'm sure you don't intend for it to seem that way. You probably even have black friends! And that's good for you. However, for those who you don't know, there are some things to keep in mind. Here are a few of them:

1. Nobody wants your cheap, ugly purse. Okay, maybe someone does, but the majority of us, including ME, do not. So if I happen to sit two seats down from you in the waiting room at the doctors office, there's really no need to immediately grab your purse and clutch it for dear life. Even if you had a HOT Prada or something, chances are you're pretty safe in that setting, what with the camera and dozens of people around. That move makes you look like you believe all black people are horrible, violent monsters who want nothing more than to knock you over and take your raggedy bag of mints and tissue. And you don't really think like that, do you? Of cooouuurrse not. So do better, 'kay?


2. Making statements like "It's too many of them" when in a crowd of black people makes you look crazy and will get you all kinda side-eyes. Since this was an elderly lady, I'll try to just chalk it up to dementia or something. But um, get ya Nana when you're out in public.


3. I am not trying to take your black boyfriend/husband/boo/baby-daddy. Neither am I mad that you're with a black guy. That being said, what's with the mean-mug? Next time, unless something is said or done, save it boo.


4. No, you cannot just come up to me and touch my hair!! Self-explanatory.

I hope you find these tips useful. They may just help you get along a little better next time you happen to interact with someone of another race, no matter how frequent that may or may not be. :)

Sincerely,

Tori I was nice this time D.