Every now and then, something happens that has me literally laughing out loud and shaking my head. I'll run into someone who I previously *ahem* had relations with. And when I say previously, I mean years ago. Yet, when we see each other again, they automatically assume one (or both) of two things: 1) because we messed around in the past, I must still want that, and 2) I must've wanted (and still want) something more, like an actual relationship.I don't know why this is. I'm gonna chalk it up to male ego. But may I let you fellas in on a little secret? Sometimes, women just want sex. GASP! Amazing, right? To think, a woman could simply use a man to get her rocks off! I know, I'll give you a moment to compose yourselves.
Why am I
Straight up, now tell me do you really wanna love me forever
Oh, oh, oh
Or is it just a hit and run
(Well, hey)
Straight up I tell ya I just really wanna cut when we together
Oh, oh, oh
Come here girl, let's get it on
I went through the recent and not so recent songs that I could recall. Although there are plenty of songs with women singing about sex, I could not think of one in which a woman explicitly announces that she is only using a man physically. (If you think of one, feel free to let me know in the comments.) Yet there are plenty of songs out there about guys being after the pussy and nothing more. Despite the sexual revolution that we have undergone, society still shuns the woman who acknowledges her desire just for sex from a man. We have a love/hate relationship with female sexuality. A woman can enjoy sex, talk about it freely, but if she doesn't attach some type of emotional desire to her paramour she's considered a slut. Meanwhile, guys are excused because "that's just what they do."
Maybe that's why men automatically assume that there is some sort of desire burning for them in your heart. LMAO For my former "buddies," let me be clear: You served your purpose. If there were repeated hookups you obviously served them well. But if I wanted more from you, the nature of our relationship would've been totally different. You simply had the anatomical tools (no pun intended) to take care of the job. Don't expect an automatic rehire.
We have been told it's so taboo for women to even think this way when some of us just want only that. I am in a great relationship now, but when I was single, I can remember thinking this way and didn't want any attachments followed behind it. When I became single after a divorce I felt liberated and wasn't trying to hop in another relationship soon after. Great topic and I can honestly relate!
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading Sonia. Isn't it amazing that women can't openly express what they want without certain stigmas? I can only hope that society will mature to the point where that does not happen.
ReplyDeleteI have always found it funny how women are "expected" to act a certain way when it comes to sex. i mean people we are in the 21st century come on! This lack of verbalization from women about there sexual needs is why so many of them are simply unsatisfied in that area!! if all u want him to do is smack it flip it and rub it down hell say so and then show his ass the door!!
ReplyDeleteLOL! I agree, part of getting what you want is telling your partner. But if women don't speak up out of fear or shame, the men will never know.
ReplyDeleteAs a man (and an old fashioned one at that) I do find it refreshing to receive a level of honesty from a women. The stereo type of the past where men were "free" to be as promiscuous as they liked but women were expected to only have sex in a committed relationship is clearly flawed. My question however relates to men and women in a committed relationship, in particular women. Within the realtionship are there times where the sex (for the woman) is just about the sex (as opposed to an expression of intimacy)? I guess I understand the romatic view that the sexual union between man and woman signifies closeness and a deep level of connection. I hadn't considered that possibly there are times in the relationship where the woman just looks for the release and pleasure of sex. I am not questioning the love or intimacy in the relationship, just the timing and intention associated with the sex (for the woman).
ReplyDeleteHey Real, thanks for reading! Of course I can only speak for myself, but there are times when sex is just for the physical pleasure even in a relationship. Generally if I'm focused on his pleasure, I'm doing it as a display of intimacy. When it's just about getting off, my thoughts and actions are more self-centered.
ReplyDeleteI think sex just for sex's sake is normal, even (or especially) in committed relationships.
Thanks for the prompt reply Tori_D. It is widely claimed that men think of sex extremely regularly (more so than women) and as a consequence relate most of their interactions with woman to sex in one form or another. Through this (along with other perceptions) it appears that it is generally accepted that men are "more sexual" than woman. This apparently excuses all types of behaviour in men (wrongly so I might add). This brings me to my next question. Men can openly visually undress a woman in public and make their thoughts known to their male friends without fear of negative repercussions, no matter what their current relationship status is. In fact, sadly this appears more prevalent amongst married men. Does the same occur with a group of women? Given your previous comments about women having sex for the "sake of having sex" I assume the same urges and needs run equally through both sexes and it is not related to the emotional state of the person ie it becomes purely a physical attraction? I guess what I am asking is, do women look at a guy (not knowing him) and think "I wouldn't mind a night of passion with him" even if they are in a committed relationship?
ReplyDeletedo women look at a guy (not knowing him) and think "I wouldn't minda night of passion with him" even if they are in a committedrelationship?I do. Maybe I'm an anomaly, but I doubt it.One thing I have realized is that while most of my female friends willexpress a level of attraction, it generally won't go any further thanthat (whether they are single or in a relationship). Very fewexceptions to this in my circle. Again, I think that goes back to theidea that a woman who is comfortable discussing sex & sexuality is"loose" or some kind of deviant.On the other hand, I believe the pressure for men is just theopposite. We are conditioned to accept men being overtly sexual, soaccording to heteronormative standards, it's almost expected for malesto comment on what they would do to/with an attractive woman.And although I don't really hang with married men, I do have a theoryabout why they may do it more than their single counterparts: Marriageis viewed as some kind of loss of freedom by most guys (at least, fromwhat I can tell) so the ones that are married do it as a show thatthey (excuse my crassness) still have their balls. I may be totallyoff base there, but that's my opinion.Now a question for you: do you think men would be freaked out or putoff if more women were as vocal about sexuality as men are?
ReplyDeletedo I think men would be freaked out or put off if more women were as vocal about sexuality as men are? Interesting question (my reply needs to split across 2 comments)
ReplyDeleteRemember I have said I am old fashioned so perhaps this doesn’t quite reflect how the general male population thinks. Let me start by saying that I believe there should be no difference between men and women in terms of sexuality, we are all sexual beings.
I think the “suppression” of women goes back very far in time and covers many areas including the public expression of sexuality. Something said publicly by a man like “I had sex with several partners this week” probably earns him reverence from his peers. The same comment by a woman probably earns her “slut status”. Grossly unfair. Likewise, an initial approach by a man trying to “pick up” a woman is seen as “normal”. Conversely, as much as it would excite a man to be initially propositioned by a woman I believe there would still be a part of him that would ask “is this woman loose?” These are the unfortunate “norms of society” (and yes I know they are changing).
Thankfully, I believe that private interactions between a man and a woman are completely different. I believe two of the corner stones of a relationship are trust and communication. Once a secure relationship has developed (based on mutual trust), honest and open dialogue should not only be possible but becomes essential. This definitely extends to the physical side of the relationship. If either party gets “freaked out” by this or are put off then I suggest the fundamentals of the relationship need to be closely looked at. As a man, in a secure relationship, I find honest and candid dialogue about sex with a woman extremely stimulating. Rather than mind reading I like to be “sexually guided”. I hasten to add that this should not take the place of random and impromptu acts that add to the excitement and romance in a relationship, but sharing your deepest desires and fantasies with your lover without fear of ridicule should be possible whether you are a man or a woman.
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