Forget the toasters and champagne flutes: More engaged couples are doing a different type of wedding registry that allows them to collect cash for a down payment on a home, according to a recent article in The Washington Times.
Dana Ostomel, founder of Deposit a Gift in New York City, says that about 15 percent of their registries are to raise down-payment funds for a home and another 15 percent are for home-improvement funds to pay for upgrades like a new roof or furniture.
"Given that 75 percent of today's engaged couples already live together and are older, very often they are already established with the household basics that you find on a traditional registry," Ostomel said. "What they want is the gift of big-ticket items and longer term goals, like the gift of home ownership.”
The FHA permits gifts from a wedding to be used as a down payment, but lenders are required to document that the funds are gifts. About 27 percent of first-time home buyers use gift money from relatives and friends for a down payment, according to a 2010 National Association of REALTORS® Profile of Home Buyers and Sellers survey.
Source: “Registries Raise Cash Gifts, Avoid Etiquette No-No,” The Washington Times (Oct. 20, 2011)
In the past, it was considered in bad taste to ask for money instead of the traditional registry items like china, silverware, etc. However, in recent years it has become more common to see a note asking to forgo gifts and give cold hard cash. Considering that today's couples are getting married when they are older and more established, they likely have at least one toaster and coffee maker. Why ask for more of the same? The idea of asking for money to use towards an investment such as a house (whether it is to purchase a new home, make repairs, or accumulate rental property) is a sound decision. But could you buck the long-standing rules of etiquette and ask for money on your big day?
In general I think a better step would be scaling back from the ridiculous over-the-top 'platinum' weddings that seem to be the societal norm/expectation these days. The supposed 'average' for North Americans to spend on a wedding is upwards of $25,000. For ONE DAY. Doesn't that seem a little extreme? if someone can afford that expense (or get approved for a loan), they should be putting it towards something more lasting than what is essentially one big party.
ReplyDeleteA wedding does not make a marriage. A wedding is NOT an investment, whereas property is [as long as you make smart decisions regarding that investment]. Spending an extra $1000 on fancy chairs, a DJ or photographer for your wedding will not guarantee you marital bliss or save you from divorce. In fact, spending beyond your means is only more likely to put strain on the future relationship rather than aid it.
As far as etiquette goes, you'll never please everyone. It may be 'in bad taste' to ask for money as a gift but I think that holds more truth among older generations than younger ones. Most people would rather give a gift they KNOW will be appreciated rather than it never being used or returned. When someone asks if they could just get gift cards for xmas/birthdays etc I don't bat an eye because sometimes it is just easier.
Personally, we didn't ask for anything from anyone when we got married. We cooked the food ourselves, we made the [minimal] decorations ourselves and grew our own flowers. We made it known to everyone who asked that we didn't have a registry and weren't expecting gifts of any kind--presence being gift enough. We easily could have dropped 15k + on the celebration, but we chose not to because it would have been a waste.
It's about spending smart and not getting caught up in the BS fantasy of having a "perfect" wedding that will be the event of the year.
I'm not saying that one shouldn't celebrate their commitment. It's the rampant capatalistic WIC attitude that I question.
You can at least live in a house, you can't live in your wedding.