Do You Seal Your Ends?

[caption id="attachment_1489" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="pic courtesy of thankgodimnatural.wordpress.com"][/caption]

Lately when I search the web for natural hair tips, I focus more on what I can do to keep my hair healthy, not just cute styles. One thing that I've learned about is sealing my hair, particularly the ends. Of course the ends of your hair are the oldest and are more susceptible to damage and splitting. Sealing the ends of your hair won't repair splits (only thing to do then is trim those ends off) but it can add protection to healthy hair. That is because sealing helps lock moisture inside the strand. The drier the hair, the more likely it is to be damaged. And when your hair is constantly breaking due to damage/split ends, it seems that the hair is not growing. So you definitely need to take action against that.

Now don't roll your eyes and say "Great, something else to add to my routine!" Sealing your hair is not hard to do at all! I follow these simple steps, courtesy of Curly Nikki:

1. Start with wet hair.
Water is the only true form of moisture, if water is not present, neither is moisture.

2. Apply a leave-in, moisturizer or creme.
Try Direct Leave-In or your favorite water based leave-in. Avoid products that claim to moisturize, but have petroleum or mineral oil in the first five ingredients.
(Now y'all know I'm not averse to using petroleum or mineral oil--they've worked fine for me--so this is up to you. However, I use Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie. Y'all already know I love that stuff!)

3. Apply a top coat of an oil or butter.
Olive Oil, Grapeseed Oil, and Coconut Oil, and Raw Shea or Mango butter are all great choices and can be found in most health food stores such as Whole Foods or Trader Joes. (My personal preference is coconut oil.)(source)

 

Do you seal your ends, and if so have you been able to see a difference in the condition of your hair?

Quote of the Day: "Tips for the Trip"

Usually on fourth Sundays, I kinda zone out during the sermon. The preacher is one that I would rather not hear (we have different preachers every Sunday of the month). But yesterday was a little different, probably because the sermon related to what I'm currently dealing with. He talked about the Israelites leaving Egypt & how God didn't take them the shortest way so they could avoid danger. (Somehow in all my years of churchgoing I've never heard that, but anyway...) The preacher gave four points, or "Tips for the Trip" as the sermon was titled, but the first two are what really stuck out to me.

1. The shortest way is not always the surest way 

2. It's not the speed of the pace, it's the success of the race

I could've broken down crying at both of these. At times--a lot more recently--it seems like everyone is ahead of me. I look around and everyone is moving, buying houses, getting married, working in the career they want. Meanwhile, I seem stuck in a rut and hearing the same old cliché, "Your time is coming." It's been tempting to just jump out there and try to make something happen on my own, especially with the house issue. But I can't look at what others are doing and think I need to be doing the same (or better) because I don't know what they are facing or what they did to get where they are.

We all have a reason for being where we are now, and a season to come into all that we are meant to be, do, and have. It's a struggle to be patient, but important not to move in such a hurry that we are blind to the pitfalls. Remember the tips for the trip and listen to that little voice inside of you. It won't lead you wrong.

10 Worst First-Time Home Buyer Mistakes

Amy Fontinelle at Investopedia.com wrote a great article that highlights some of the biggest and "most costly mistakes that could put a hold on that sold sign." Here, I'll list the ten mistakes she gives and note my thoughts on them.

1. Not Knowing What You Can Afford
You should already know your budget well enough to know what you can afford, regardless of what a mortgage company tells you. While they are looking at your income and expenses, you know about your daily coffee runs (those can get expensive!) or your shoe habit. Not being firm about a price range is a recipe for house hunting heartbreak.


2. Skipping Mortgage Qualification
This is an important step that a lot of people miss! Although technically you can wait to get mortgage approval until after you place an offer, why would you? That is not the time you want any surprises. Find out up front how much your lender is willing to give you, and go from there. That way, you aren't wasting your time (not to mention your agent and the seller's time).


3. Failing to Consider Additional Expenses
There is more to owning a house than just paying the mortgage. You need to consider property taxes, maintenance expenses, possibly HOA (home owners association) fees, insurance... Don't jump at a house without taking these things into consideration.


4. Being Too Picky
I admit, as a first time home buyer myself, this is a difficult thing for me. I've seen so much that I like that it's hard to settle for less! However, you have to realize that most of the time you will have to compromise. Make a list of the things you absolutely must have (for me, I must have a 2/2) and the things you'd like to have but could live without (I love having natural light in the bathroom, but I don't necessarily need it). You may be surprised how many homes you find that fit your criteria once you identify the needs vs.  wants.


5. Lacking Vision
Some things are not worth losing a home over. Some people would walk away from what could be a perfect home because the yard is not in shape, or because they hate the wallpaper. Don't let little things deter you! Cosmetic issues can always be corrected, even if you can't do a complete renovation on move in day.


6. Being Swept Away
Again, I'm guilty. I am a huge fan of granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances. However, I have to stop and ask myself whether those upgrades are worth the additional money. For example, I looked at two condos in the same neighborhood with the same layout. One had the upgrades that I wanted and I immediately fell in love. You know what I wasn't in love with? The fact that it was almost $20,000 more than the other condo. This goes back to #5. All it would take to bring the plain-Jane condo up is a little vision and a little money--which could certainly be less than $20,000.


7. Compromising on the Important Things
You know those needs that you listed in #4? They are needs for a reason! If you know you want a certain location to be in a good school district for your kids or need a yard so that your dog can run around, then make those a priority and stick with it. You can compromise on little things, but don't make a decision you will regret later simply because it's cheaper or you feel like you must make a move right now.


8. Neglecting to Inspect
It always surprises me when buyers decline to get a home inspection. When it comes to houses, everything is not always as it seems. You need to be sure that there are no major issues with the wiring, plumbing, gas main, structure, etc. The fee you pay for an inspection could be hundreds (or thousands) less than what you would have to shell out for repairs and it gives you a chance to avoid potential disaster.


9. Not Choosing to Hire an Agent or Using the Seller's Agent
The seller's agent is under a fiduciary responsibility to the seller. That means that they are obligated to work in the seller's best interest. Although agents are responsible for treating both parties fairly (and working in both parties' best interest once they become a dual agent) a buyer's best bet is to have an agent that is working strictly for them. This makes negotiations easier (as the agent isn't conflicted) and allows a buyer to have an agent guiding them during their home search.


10. Not Thinking About the Future
I completely agree with the author's suggested questions to ask yourself about your potential new neighborhood:

• What kind of development plans are in the works for your neighborhood in the future?


• Is your street likely to become a major street or a popular rush-hour shortcut?


• Will a highway be built in your backyard in five years?


• What are the zoning laws in your area?


• If there is a lot of undeveloped land? What is likely to get built there?


• Have home values in the neighborhood been declining?

Quote of the Day

I have read and heard a lot of discussion lately about love, marriage and divorce that have caused me to re-evaluate how I look at relationships. The brouhaha over Will and Jada's rumored separation yesterday was the icing on the cake. Many people seemed to think that there was no more hope for black love/black marriage/the black family. "If Will & Jada can't make it, how can weeee?" they wondered. But I was fortunate to read several comments on different sites that proved everyone hadn't lost it. My favorite basically said that all marriages end, whether by divorce or by death. People change, and sometimes those changes result in the end of a relationship. The commenter said that if his marriage ended, it wouldn't be a failed marriage, just one that had come to an end. That statement made me think of this quote, one of my favorites about love and relationships:

“We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.”
 - Somerset Maugham

I hope and pray that when I marry, it is forever and that we can "continue to love a changed person." But I understand that it may not work out that way. The growth and evolution that each of us undergoes throughout life may eventually take us down different paths. I'd still put in work to make the marriage last, of course; there's no excuse not to do that. But if it doesn't work out, it's okay, even though I'm sure it would still hurt like hell.

What are your thoughts on this quote or the words of the commenter?

Revamped and Refocused

Back in June, after the sale of my parents' house and their move, I took a little hiatus from real estate. I had concerns over several things and wondered if this was something I should stick with. Things were not going as planned, and I appeared to be at a standstill. However, during that brief break I was able to step back and reassess what I want out of this career and out of life period. Real estate is something that I have been interested in since my college days, and it's really too soon to give up on that dream. Instead of letting it go completely, I realized that I needed to refocus my energy and develop a plan that works for me. So I am revamping my business to reflect those changes.

Buyers Only
Although listing homes is a big part of real estate, it is not my forte. Instead, my passion is helping people find the home of their dreams. Since this is the case, I will only be working as a buyers' agent. I will also be working towards obtaining my ABR (Accredited Buyer's Representative) designation to gain even more insight on how to better serve my buyer-clients.

Real Estate Writing
This gives me an opportunity to combine two of my favorite activities. I love to write, and believe that providing useful written information will be an ideal way to connect with buyers. It also provides a potential opportunity to work with other agents, which I am excited about. This means regular updates to this blog with original content as well as freelance writing for other entities who are looking for a real estate expert.

After I progress in these areas, I will also take a look into home staging as part of a marketing offer for other agents and property management. I've realized that it is important to have some real direction and focus in this industry. After all, there is so much that can be done that it almost seems overwhelming! But now that I have a great game plan, I'm ready to play. Let's make some moves!

Call for Greek Week Submissions

Next month (September 12-16 to be exactly) I will be having Greek Week here on KinxnQuirx. I have several things that I'd like to talk about, but more importantly, I'd like to hear from some others. Fellow Greeks (and non-Greeks as well) I know you have something you'd like to get off of your chest concerning Greek life, whether it be misconceptions about what we do, why you chose your particular org, or a call to action to do more. If you have something you would like to share, send it to submissions@kinxnquirx.com. What you submit is completely up to you, and you will certainly get credit for your post. (Speaking of getting credit, be sure to include a brief bio with your submission, including a link to your own site/blog if you have one.) The deadline for submissions is September 7, 2011. By September 9 I will let you know whether your piece will be featured on KnQ. I look forward to seeing what you have to share!

My Biggest Fears as a Writer

I think no matter what you do, or how good you are at it, there is always a level of fear associated with it. Hopefully not enough to completely paralyze you, but enough to prevent you from just doing any old thing with the hopes that people accept it. When it comes to writing, I have a few fears. 3. Loss of inspiration/being a "one-hit wonder"
I don't want to have one great stand out among a shelf full of flops. Nor do I want to have only one solitary contribution to the literary world. Instead, I hope that once I make that first offering, readers will be eager for more. But we all know that's not always the case.  Of course, being a one-hit wonder is better than never having a hit at all. And in the words of OneChele, "Maybe some people have just one blast of perfection in them." I just hope I'm not one of those people.

2. Not having an interesting story to tell
This is somewhat tied to the last fear. Yanno those people who can go on and on with a story, oblivious to the fact that you just don't care? Or those folks who, no matter how you try to follow them, lose you to random thoughts and passing puppies? (Oh, am I the only one that easily distracted?) Yeah, I can't stand that. So of course I don't want to be guilty of being a bore! After reading books that I struggled to get through--and some that I unfortunately could not--the idea that my stories may not hold people and have them on the edge of their seat is a frightening one. Understandably, everyone won't be into the tales I tell. After all, people's literary tastes are different. Yet, for me, success means being able to pull people into the story, even if it is one to which they would not normally be drawn.

1. Being pigeon-holed into a particular genre
This may not be a bad thing necessarily, but I'm not comfortable with the idea. I'm currently working on an action/thriller novel, but then want to venture into romance (not likely), fantasy or sci-fi? I have a wide range of interests and I'd like my writing to reflect that. I don't want to be seen as just an author of a particular genre; I want to be recognized as a truly talented writer across all lines.

So those are my biggest fears about being a writer. The job now is to overcome them and use them as fuel to be great. For my fellow writers, what fears do you face? Have you been able to overcome them, or do you still deal with them? What advice would you give a novice like me in regards to the concerns I've expressed?

I'm Bored With My Hair!

[caption id="attachment_1467" align="alignleft" width="266" caption="yeah, that's kinda how I'm feeling"][/caption]

Maybe it's because my hair is in that weird length where it's too long for a fro but too short for many other styles I want to try. Maybe it's because most of the styles I've tried have really just been variations of the same look. I'm not really sure why, but I'm a little bored with my hair. Still love it; still can't keep my hands out of it. Just not feeling as patient or as happy with it at the present moment (even as I get oohs and aahs over its growth and volume). Now, this is not just a natural hair thing. I had this complaint many times while relaxed as well. That lead to layers, streaks, color, breakage from the color that resulted in a cut, a rush to make it longer, more streaks, more cutting. Since straightening is out (way too humid for that right now) I am leaning towards kinky twists. Hopefully by the time I take them down (my goal is 1.5-2 months) I'll be excited about Big Sexy again. If not, we'll give it some color and see what that does.

How do you handle hair boredom? Do you switch up your look often, or is it pretty consistent? Did your transition from permed to natural arise from being tired of the same old look (like mine did) or have you considered going back to relaxing your hair to do something different?

Fat Male Privilege

Lately I've seen a lot on my Twitter timeline about "male privilege" and "black male privilege." While I feel these are very worthwhile discussions, I wonder why we aren't talking about another  issue that is plaguing our community.

FAT. MALE. PRIVILEGE.
It's real, and it's ugly.

[caption id="attachment_1462" align="aligncenter" width="373" caption="Do you think a fat woman could get away with this? Hell no! Fat male privilege strikes again!"][/caption]

 

Really I just find it humorous that almost 70 percent of men are overweight, compared with 52 percent of women. Yet somehow it is almost always the women who are the target of ridicule, criticism and "advice." Women are constantly told that they need to be smaller to appeal to men, to be more feminine, to be "beautiful." Where is this advice for the guys?

Oh I forgot; they have penises so they get a pass. They can't see those penises, but still...

Morning Quickie: That Old Thing Back

Let's be clear from jump: I do not want that old thing back! That old thing wants me. *giggling at myself*

I was thinking about how exes pop up from time to time... often at the most inconvenient times. For me, I can count on at least one blast from the past popping up at two points: when I'm in a brand new relationship and when that relationship starts to get rocky. That first time it's easy to rebuff their advances, because it's all "Whatever dude, I gotta man, I don't want you! You coulda had aaaaaalllllladis," (complete with hand gestures). After all, that's the stage where everything is new and exciting; who wants old what's-his-face with all his issues? But then when things aren't so great, it's easy to slip into those thoughts like "well we did used to have fun together," "it was nice having my bills paid," and "would it be so bad to give it another try?" That can lead to making the same old mistake over again.

Often the past seems so much better than it actually was. We play games with ourselves, allowing selective memory to paint a distorted picture instead of the reality of what was. And that's not just with relationships. It happens with old jobs we left to pursue our dream careers, hometowns we moved away from, habits that we've given up. We could surely find something to look back on and say "Man, why did I walk away from that? That was the life!" But we have to remember that there is a reason that we've moved on from those things (or people). Whether it is because that situation was detrimental to us, there was a better opportunity out there, or simply because we outgrew that scene, it is no mistake that it is in the past.

This isn't to say that there should never be a second chance for certain things. Rather, it's an admonition to seriously think about what went wrong in the first place. Then, weigh your options before making a decision. Don't simply take that old thing back because things aren't going as planned with the new thing.

Why is it that the good times seem great when looking back on them?

The Benefits of Joining Professional Societies

Whether you are still in college, recently graduated & looking for employment, or have already embarked on your career, you can benefit from joining a professional society. Professional societies are usually non-profit organizations seeking to further a particular profession, the interests of individuals engaged in that profession, and/or the public interest.

To some, membership in these organizations may seem unnecessary. After all, it is an additional expense (although usually the expense is minimal); plus, who has time to attend meetings and conferences? You're busy enough already, right?

Wrong.

If you are looking to advance in your chosen career, professional societies are a great way to achieve that goal. Here are five major benefits of joining professional societies:

1. Educational Opportunities
Whether you want to learn a new skill to make yourself more marketable or just want to update your knowledge about your field, many associations offer these opportunities through seminars, annual conferences, and webinars. There is typically a wide range of topics that are covered, so you have the option to pick and choose the training classes that are right for you.

2. Exclusive Publications
Part of membership for the majority of professional associations is access to their exclusive publications at little or no cost. This may be a printed journal, magazine, exclusive content found only in a members-only section of a website or emailed newsletters. These publications include valuable, up-to-date info on your specific interests that may not be as readily available to the general public.

3. Leadership Possibilities
Whether the association you join is a national, state or local group, there is a need for leadership. Taking a leadership role in an organization--whether it be board member, president, secretary, etc.--allows you to sharpen skills that may be used both in your career and possibly your personal life.

[caption id="attachment_1441" align="alignleft" width="226" caption="According to Harvey Coleman, author of Empowering Yourself, success comes in the form of PIE. Are you surprised by the percentages assigned to each attribute? This should let you know how important and powerful networking truly is!"][/caption]

4. Networking
So now that you've gotten the great education, kept up to date with the goings-on in your field and stepped into a leadership role, what's your next step? Networking! Get your name and face out there to let others know what you're doing and what you're capable of. Professional associations are a great way to do this. They give you a chance to connect with possible mentors, people with connections to get you to the company/position you really want, and/or folks to patronize your side hustle.

5. Enhanced Résumé
Involvement in professional organizations looks great to potential employers. It shows interest in and dedication to your chosen field, and it implies that you are knowledgeable about what is going on with your industry (due to those educational opportunities and handy publications that you presumably took advantage of). If you're up against another candidate with comparable qualifications, this could be the little push you need to sway a hiring manager.

If you're interested in joining a professional association but aren't sure where to start, there are several resources online to help you out. Here are just a few of them:

Weddles Association List
Wikipedia list of International Professional Associations
eBlack Studies list of Academic and Professional Organizations

 

"PSA"

[embed]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCIjP3RMnMk&feature=player_embedded[/embed]

(I assume PSA is the title of the poem; I haven't been able to find it)
This young man brought tears to my eyes! I love seeing young black kids find their voice and use it for something worthwhile. He is going places.

Time to Get Serious About Losing Weight (Again)

Back in June, while unpacking boxes, I decided to step on the scale for the first time in forever. The number that greeted me... Well let's just say it was not the number I expected. (Y'all know I'm not gonna tell you how much I weigh, so why are you looking for a number?) I didn't feel like I'd gained any weight, but there it was in black and white. I was distraught, y'all! I mean, yeah I'd slacked off on the gym some, and I was eating out more (I blame that on the boo) but I thought I was at least maintaining where I was. Not so. It was hard to come to grips with the fact that I was packing on the pounds.

[caption id="attachment_1417" align="alignleft" width="262" caption="She looks like she's smiling. I was not."][/caption]

The first attempt was Weight Watchers Points Plus plan. Hey, I wanted to yell "I CAAAAN! I CAAAN!" too! But I couldn't. My problem was that they wanted me to track everything I ate every day, as well as do a weekly weigh-in. If you've followed this blog for any amount of time you know that consistency really isn't my thing, unfortunately. And since a lot of the dishes I eat are nowhere in their database (because they are recipes that different family members concocted) it was a pain to try to enter every ingredient and guess the portion, nutrition facts, etc. But there were some benefits to it as well. It caused me to look at how much I was eating and reduce my intake (something that has continued even though I slacked off on the food tracker). And the website has some great tips, inspirational stories, and recipes. My initial three-month period is up some time this month; we'll see if I decide to keep it.

Another thing is that I've started going back to the gym. Courthouse fitness is literally across the street from work, plus there are several other locations in my usual areas. I have no excuse not to go work out. One of my coworkers even goes with me occasionally, so I'm not just stuck there by myself. That's one reason I stopped going to the other gym (that and the fact that they cancelled my favorite dance/workout class). My only wish is that the location closest to me had Zumba. I freakin love Zumba! I'm so tempted to order the DVDs so I can do it at home.

Honestly, the reason I'm trying to rid myself of extra weight isn't just for the sake of appearance. I've never had a problem being a big girl, and when people would say anything about food killing you I'd respond, "Well I'll die fat and happy." But lately there have been issues which may or may not (but highly likely are) due to being too fat. And I'm not happy with that. So I have to make some real changes now. Hopefully they'll last. My goal is to lose 40 lbs by this time next year and 80 in two years.

I think my work is already starting to pay off. Momma noted that my clothes seem to be fitting a little looser. Unfortunately, it's my pants that have gotten slack... in the butt. Bad business! But maybe now I can justify getting some Booty Pop panties!! ^_^

Anyway, here are my five not-as-important-as-my-health-but-still-darn-important reasons/motivations for losing the weight:

1. Fighting the Zeta stereotype of being "fat, black and ugly." I love my dark skin, and I've never been ugly (we can take this back to baby pix if you wanna!), so those are fine. But fat? Yeah, they got me there.

2. My 10-year high school reunion is coming up soon. I'd love to prance around half-naked while singing "Can't Touch This!" to the former crushes get in shape for that.

3. I wanna be picked up without fear that everyone involved will end up sprawled out on the ground with a broken back.

4. The end of thigh rub. Can I wear a cute dress without having to rub down my thighs with Vaseline? (Big girls, if you haven't tried that little trick, do it. Game. Changer.)

5. Cute, cheap clothes. Sometimes I see little tops in Charlotte Rouse and other "little chick" places in the mall on my way to Lane Bryant. It would be nice to pop in there and get a little something for a little of nothing.

Education and Salvation

We are having revival at my church this week, and something was said last night that made me lose focus on the entire message. The preacher said, "We've gotten too smart. I believe that when we were ignorant we were more saved." He then went on to say that when people couldn't read the word for themselves and had to listen to the preacher, they were more "on fire" for God, but nowadays "the preacher can't tell us nothing."

Ummm... WHAT?!

That is by far one of the dumbest things I've heard coming from anyone in the pulpit. It absolutely burned me up hearing that mess. So many things wrong with that statement... Where to begin?

First I'll take it from a biblical perspective. I guess we're just supposed to ignore the scripture about "Study to show yourself approved to God...rightly dividing the word of truth." (2 Tim 2:15) And the one about “Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.” (Prov 4:7) Forget the verse about "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge." (Hosea 4:6) And Paul's statement that "I would not have you to be ignorant" (1 Thes 4:13) was a typo, I suppose.

Yeah... there is plenty of evidence in the Bible that we are to be knowledgeable about the Word. And to avoid sounding preachy (eww, never my intent) just look at it from a logical perspective. Wouldn't you need to know and understand the Bible if you're going to try to live by it? And what would even be the point of having a written document that is supposedly inspired by God Himself, saying that it's fundamental to your faith, but expecting people to not be able to read it and seek understanding for themselves? That begs the question, what would one gain from having ignorant followers? Plenty of preachers have been exploiting ignorant congregation members (whether they are willfully ignorant and won't read for themselves or simply can't) in various ways over the centuries: monetarily, sexually, emotionally, mentally. A lack of knowledge plus zeal to do right and "live saved" is a dangerous combination in the wrong hands.

Bottom line is this: Your level of education or comprehension does not affect your relationship with God. Period, point-blank. Anyone who purports this is a charlatan. People--especially black people--should be encouraged to seek God and education (or, as my old-school pastor says, "while you get your learnin' don't forget your burnin'"). Statements like the one made last night are damaging. After all, education is one way to reduce the risk of so many ills that we end up praying for deliverance from. People must be able to arm themselves against the enemy--even the one standing behind the pulpit.

 

Quote of the Day

“All writers are vain, selfish and lazy, and at the very bottom of their motives lies a mystery. Writing a book is a long, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand.”
- George Orwell

Mr. Orwell gets me...

Why I'm Still Conflicted About 'The Help'

Since its publication, Kathryn Stockett's The Help has been getting major coverage. That is especially true here in Jackson, MS, where the story is set and a good chunk of the movie adaptation was filmed. For those who are unfamiliar, The Help takes a look back at the relationship between white families and their black maids in the 1960s. The synopsis from Goodreads:

Three ordinary women are about to take one extraordinary step.

Twenty-two-year-old Skeeter has just returned home after graduating from Ole Miss. She may have a degree, but it is 1962, Mississippi, and her mother will not be happy till Skeeter has a ring on her finger. Skeeter would normally find solace with her beloved maid Constantine, the woman who raised her, but Constantine has disappeared and no one will tell Skeeter where she has gone.

Aibileen is a black maid, a wise, regal woman raising her seventeenth white child. Something has shifted inside her after the loss of her own son, who died while his bosses looked the other way. She is devoted to the little girl she looks after, though she knows both their hearts may be broken.

Minny, Aibileen's best friend, is short, fat, and perhaps the sassiest woman in Mississippi. She can cook like nobody's business, but she can't mind her tongue, so she's lost yet another job. Minny finally finds a position working for someone too new to town to know her reputation. But her new boss has secrets of her own.

Seemingly as different from one another as can be, these women will nonetheless come together for a clandestine project that will put them all at risk. And why? Because they are suffocating within the lines that define their town and their times. And sometimes lines are made to be crossed.

In pitch-perfect voices, Kathryn Stockett creates three extraordinary women whose determination to start a movement of their own forever changes a town, and the way women - mothers, daughters, caregivers, friends - view one another. A deeply moving novel filled with poignancy, humor, and hope, The Help is a timeless and universal story about the lines we abide by, and the ones we don't.

For some reason, this book has rubbed me the wrong way, which is irrational given the fact that I have not read it yet.

I don't know how I feel about a white woman telling a black woman's story. True, as a writer you won't always be writing about characters who look, act or think like you. (How dull would that get to be?) But at the same time, I am a fan of "staying in your lane." Think of it this way: Am I qualified to write the story of a Jewish Holocaust survivor? Sure, I could do it, but would I be doing their story justice? And the attempt at "black" southern vernacular is so trite. It just seems a little pretentious to me. But this is minor compared to what really gets to me.

It (appears to) romanticize the time period and the conditions of the maids. And some people--particularly southern white women--seem a little too happy and eager to give this story props. It's almost like their longing for "the good ol days," which, as it turns out, wasn't good at all for the black people living in that period. I think this is what really sticks in my craw. On top of that, it seems to be heavy with the white (wo)man's burden. *sigh* I'm just not good with either of those facts.

For all the negative I feel about it, I'm still going to give it a try. I'll look for it in the library (or as a swap on Goodreads) and try to evaluate it objectively. I may be 100% wrong, and if I am I have no problem admitting that. For what it's worth, I have heard that it is a well-written story, minus the "black folks' talk." And since my mother wants to see it we may have to go see it. I will try to keep an open mind about it!

Have you read The Help? If so, what were your thoughts? Does anyone else give this book/movie a slight side-eye, or is it just me?

What Does the Credit Downgrade Mean for You and Me?

By now you (should) know that on August 5 Standard & Poor's, the world's leading independent provider of credit ratings, has downgraded the US credit ranking from AAA (the highest ranking it gives) to AA+.  Their rationale is as follows:

We lowered our long-term rating on the U.S. because we believe that the prolonged controversy over raising the statutory debt ceiling and the related  fiscal policy debate indicate that further near-term progress containing the growth in public spending, especially on entitlements, or on reaching an agreement on raising revenues is less likely than we previously assumed and will remain a contentious and fitful process. We also believe that the fiscal consolidation plan that Congress and the Administration agreed to this week falls short of the amount that we believe is necessary to stabilize the general government debt burden by the middle of the decade. (source)

Of course there is a lot of debate and finger-pointing over who is at fault for this. The usual back and forth between Democrats & Republicans has taken place in regards to who should have done what with the debt ceiling debacle. The White House staff is saying that it should be restored to the previous AAA rating because of an accounting error on S&P's part. Still others say that S&P's opinion isn't reliable anyway, since they deemed the screwed up mortgage practices that got us in this economic mess as "sound."

Regardless of who is at fault, the head's of S&P are remaining firm in that decision. So why does it matter? Well the US credit rating is just like an individual's credit rating. Lenders (other countries in the US' case) look at our score to see whether we are worthy of loans, our ability to pay loans back, and what interest rates will be assigned. In this borrow-happy country, that will have major impacts. And although the trickle-down theory hasn't worked with those tax cuts, you better believe there will be a trickle-down for you and me. Here are a few of the things we can expect to see:

Higher taxes. The interest on Treasuries will go up to reflect their higher risk, which means the cost of the nation's debt will increase accordingly. And the U.S. can't continue to maintain this course of no tax hikes indefinitely. The resistance to higher taxes by some politicians in the debt ceiling deal suggests the country isn't serious about paying its bills and is considered one of the reasons for the lower rating.

Higher home buying costs. Interest rates on mortgages track Treasury yields. "A 1.15% higher rate on a $200,000 loan would raise your interest payments by $36,573 over the course of the mortgage," Gandel said.

Guy Cecala, the publisher of trade magazine Inside Mortgage Finance, told Bankrate that homebuyers could face higher fees as Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, the Federal Housing Administration and the Department of Veterans Affairs absorbed higher borrowing costs.

Higher inflation. If that's a result, you'll need to stash away even more money for retirement.  (source)

Of all these consequences, higher home buying costs is the biggie for me because it hits me twofold. On one hand, it makes it harder for people to buy houses (it's already pretty hard to get mortgages as it is) which means my real estate business would be put in an even bigger strain. But on a more personal level, I may not be able to buy the home that I want. Even though the one I have my eye on isn't that much, a higher interest rate could potentially knock me out of the running altogether. It's a scary prospect.

Now more than ever, we need to be conscious of our personal spending and saving habits. We may also want to look into more income-generating activities as well as learning how to sustain ourselves (yes, I'm talking farming/gardening here, people). Although I believe we can and will bounce back from this current economic meltdown, it may be a long time coming. We have to be able to survive until then.

Sidenote: It is really disturbing when life imitates art. I'm reading a book, Super Sad True Love Story by Gary Shteyngart, and just finished a chapter in which a Chinese official, Central Banker Li, calls America "An unstable, barely governable country presenting grave risk to the international system of corporate governance and exchange mechanisms." On Saturday, China lambasted the US over the downgrade. "The U.S. government has to come to terms with the painful fact that the good old days when it could just borrow its way out of messes of its own making are finally gone," Xinhua said. It said the rating cut would be followed by more "devastating credit rating cuts" and global financial turbulence if the U.S. fails to learn to "live within its means." (source)

Afternoon Quickie: So about the open mic...

I said I would share some of my poetry this Sunday at the open mic. I was excited when I made my declaration, sure that whatever piece I picked would be a crowd pleaser and create a little buzz about me. But as the days went on, that confidence slipped... Actually, it nose-dived. Now here I am, a few days until Sunday, without having chosen a poem because of the "what ifs" that pop up each time I read one. Not sure if I'm still going to go through with it or not...

Usually I am my own biggest critic, as most people are. Everything I do needs to blow people away, make them want more, be perfect. (That's one reason why I don't post as often as I'd like.) But the pursuit of perfection often leads to procrastination and eventually complete inactivity. I can't let that happen, so I have to suck it up and just do it, right?*sigh* Okay, well let's see what happens...


 

It doesn't Have to be Complicated

One thing I hear quite often from new naturals and those who are considering going natural is that maintaining natural hair seems "too hard." Admittedly, it is a lot of work, especially when you're just starting out. However, it doesn't have to be complicated. A tendency of natural newbies (and old heads who happen to be product junkies or just serious enthusiasts) is to try this product and that product, this method and that one and the next. That's all good if you choose to do that, but don't be scared off by thinking that you have to do that. As I've admitted before, I am a lazy natural. I don't switch things up a whole lot, and once I found a routine that worked for me, I stuck with it. Some of my products may change since some of them work better in the summer than they do in winter, and vice versa, but the regimen is generally the same.

• I wash and deep condition my hair once every 1-2 weeks, usually closer to the 2 week side. Many people wash weekly, some co-wash a couple of times a week. When my hair was shorter that worked for me, but now I find that I can't just do a quick wash & go and get the same results.

• Often I'll wait to detangle the next day, just because I usually don't feel like doing all that after washing. (Hey, I told y'all I'm lazy!) After washing, most of the time I'll do some crude chunky twists or put it in a puff. Once I feel like detangling, I use a little oil to help get the job done/

• At night, if I'm feeling good, I'll do about 12-16 chunky twists and top it off with the satin bonnet. If not, I just plop the bonnet on my loose hair and deal with it in the morning. Que sera, sera... Usually the steam from the shower will loosen and fluff it up so it's not an issue.

• Occasionally, I'll add something like the Shea Moisture smoothie to soften my tresses, or hit it with a little water/coconut oil mix (add a little glycerin if it's humid).

That's it! Now of course I'm not saying that what works for me will work for you. Every head of hair is different. But I am definitely saying that you don't need to be intimidated by time-consuming processes. Your hair can be as low (or high) maintenance as you want it to be.

 

[caption id="attachment_1374" align="aligncenter" width="224" caption="my small arsenal of go-to products: SM shampoo & smoothie (center), Optimum 3-in-1 creme oil (rear left), water/coconut oil mix (rear left), conditioners for DC (packets) & my handy wide-tooth comb"][/caption]

What does it mean to be authentic? (Quote of the Day)

Lately I've been thinking about whether or not I am being authentic to myself. Not just in the aspect of what I do vs. what I want to do career-wise. I mean my true thoughts, feelings, wishes, desires vs. those that others see, whether they be true or not. Honestly, I know that the "me" I allow others to know is not the real me, but is that a  bad thing? Do people really need to know anything beyond my representative? I know some relationships would suffer irreparable damage if they knew me as a complete person. Some of those wouldn't matter, but some--like with most of my family--I want to preserve. Am I being fair to them (or to myself) by not giving them the full story?

Being authentic is the ability to be true to oneself. Living an authentic life requires the ability to be true to our own wants, needs and desires and not live our lives by the opinion of others. Being authentic is the ability to make self-honoring choices and stand firmly in who we are in our core. Being true to ourselves gives us the insight and compassion to see others for who they are, not who we expect them to be. It frees us up from the judgment of ourselves and others and it gives others the freedom to be themselves as well. ~ Victoria J. Reynolds

I'm waiting for that kind of freedom, but I don't know if I could take it if it presented itself.