Why I Don't Care if Natural Hair is Just a "Fad"

[caption id="attachment_1509" align="alignleft" width="200" caption=""I've BEEN in the game!""][/caption]

"This is just a fad for them; I've been natural 10/20/100 years!" For some reason, this is a comment that I see over and over again on natural hair sites and message boards. Some ladies who have been natural for a while seem to look down at those of us who have decided to go natural within the last few years. To me, it's very sad but a little laughable as well.

With the exception of those who have never had any chemicals applied to their hair, everyone had some starting point for their natural journey. So to say that because you're only x number of months in the game, you aren't "real" about it is rather absurd. But it is rather dashing to realize that there is yet another division among us. Not only do we have natural vs. relaxed and "real" naturals (4b & c) against other hair types, we can add newbie naturals vs. old heads. Why do we do this to ourselves?!

Listen, if it is a fad for someone else, that should have no bearing on what goes on with your hair. And yes, it is a fad for

some. Some ladies will cut all their hair off and rock a TWA, then perm it when it gets a little longer, then dye it some outrageous color, wear a weave for a while, and do any and everything in between. So what? It's their head, their style, their choice. Whether they are natural for a few months, a year, the rest of their lives, or even if they never go natural at all, my only concern is that people (and black women and men in particular) realize that we don't have to have silky straight locks to be beautiful. We don't have to feel that relaxing our hair is the only option to be "presentable." Our hair, in its natural state can be elegant, professional, funky, casual and healthy. As long as that message gets through, it doesn't matter if others think it's a fad, trend, or lifestyle change.

I'm Bored With My Hair!

[caption id="attachment_1467" align="alignleft" width="266" caption="yeah, that's kinda how I'm feeling"][/caption]

Maybe it's because my hair is in that weird length where it's too long for a fro but too short for many other styles I want to try. Maybe it's because most of the styles I've tried have really just been variations of the same look. I'm not really sure why, but I'm a little bored with my hair. Still love it; still can't keep my hands out of it. Just not feeling as patient or as happy with it at the present moment (even as I get oohs and aahs over its growth and volume). Now, this is not just a natural hair thing. I had this complaint many times while relaxed as well. That lead to layers, streaks, color, breakage from the color that resulted in a cut, a rush to make it longer, more streaks, more cutting. Since straightening is out (way too humid for that right now) I am leaning towards kinky twists. Hopefully by the time I take them down (my goal is 1.5-2 months) I'll be excited about Big Sexy again. If not, we'll give it some color and see what that does.

How do you handle hair boredom? Do you switch up your look often, or is it pretty consistent? Did your transition from permed to natural arise from being tired of the same old look (like mine did) or have you considered going back to relaxing your hair to do something different?

Were You Anti-Natural Before Going Natural?

I saw a tweet on my timeline Monday that made me think back to the months prior to my decision to go natural. I was on several sites where women were discussing transitioning, styles they were trying on their natural hair, etc. There were several other ladies--myself included--who would playfully interrupt them with praise for the creamy crack. And after many of my line sisters went natural, I boldly stated that I was in love with the perm and would never let it go!

[caption id="attachment_1261" align="alignright" width="205" caption="pic from a Google search. I have no idea who this young lady is but her hair is gorgeous!"][/caption]

Most of my words were said in jest, but I will admit that some of it came from the jealousy I felt after my first failed attempt at going natural. Now that I am completely natural, I'm a little amused when I hear the same words I used coming back on me. (Side note: many of the other ladies who were professing their love of the creamy crack are going or have gone natural too! LOL)

So that brings me to today's question: Were you (for lack of a better term) anti-natural hair when you were still relaxing? If so, what was your reasoning? And what changed?

Relaxed Hair Must-Haves

I think I've said this here before, but can't remember for sure. When I had a perm, I didn't know how to do a thing with my hair, and didn't know what products to use. The most I did was wrap it, roll it, or put it in a ponytail. My mom was gracious enough to oil my scalp with Sulfur 8 after I got it done. That was it. I think I washed my hair all of ONCE back then, and that was because it was an emergency. I was in college and used whatever shampoo sample I had lying around from one of the campus events. Had no idea what I was doing! LOL

Well, for any permies who come across this blog, this link's for you! The Anti Hair Slave has a list of must-haves for you ladies that relax your hair. I was slightly surprised to see the same products/tools that are recommended for natural hair, but then again I guess I shouldn't be, huh? Anyway, don't say I never gave you anything! LOL

Pre BC Length Check

So we are a little less than a month away from my BC. I figured I kinda needed to know where I was as far as length, so the other night after I washed it I took some pix. I'm sooo far from where I wanted to be at this point. :( See for yourself. But I'm gonna up my biotin game & hope & pray for the best.

Perm free by May 15th!

Close-up of the new growth while wet

This is what the front is looking like

A bit longer than it looks, huh?

But still not all that long...

Had to do pix of the "lazy twistout" that I did

 

Just an Observation...

Today and this past Sunday, from the choir stand, I looked out across our congregation and did a little observing. We have a fairly large church family, and--no surprise-- it is comprised of mostly women. Out of over 100 women, I counted two with natural hair. (Although, does it count as "natural" if one is rocking a jheri curl? hmmm) If there are any naturals, their press game is proper because you never ever see anyone's hair looking natural. Of the little girls (I'll say maybe age 6 and up) the story is the same, although a few have their cute lil natural puffy ponytails. Now I have to admit that the majority of these women have beautiful, healthy hair due to proper care and maintenance so I'm definitely not knocking it.

 

 

But the observation did spark a question that I've often wondered before: Is there a distinction between the attitudes towards natural hair depending on what region you are in? I'm in the deep south and don't see many naturals. When I peruse natural hair sites and blogs, the south isn't repped that much. I can't recall any of my friends not having perms when I was growing up (I'm asking around and looking through pix to verify). In fact, a lot of my friends from church got their perms at a very young age just like me, done by either my dad, aunt or cousin! I met my first naturalista in undergrad; it was my ace who was from Chicago. From what I've seen, it seems as if natural hair is not considered "acceptable" down here. Fortunately I am seeing more black women here embracing their natural hair, mostly in the form of locs... 

So tell me: Has anyone else noticed that certain regions are more accepting of natural hair? Is it more relegated to certain social circles? Have you always been exposed to natural hair, or did you grow up with relaxed hair being the norm?

Temptation

The creamy crack is calling me y'all!

It's only been 11 weeks since my last touch up. I thought I could at least make it to the four or five month mark before I started feeling like going back. There are two main things that are making me reconsider going natural. One is that the more I read the more I realize how much work and effort goes into the maintenance of natural hair. Call me ignorant, but I really did think that going natural would be easier. Then when I first started looking into it I was like "Okay, maybe a lil more to it than I thought, but I think I can handle it." Now I'm thinking "Maaaaaaan, I dunno!" With the perm I just wrap or roll my hair at night (or put it in a ponytail if I'm being lazy), take it down in the morning and go. 90% of the time it was flawless... The other 10% it stayed in a ponytail. My effort? On a scale of 1 to 10, I was maybe putting in 2.5. From what I'm reading and hearing from others, I'm definitely gonna have to change all of that. Time, energy, focus... I love my hair but I've never been one to spend forever doing it. So it's getting a little side-eye from me. The other thing is the growth. My hair was on a growing spree when I was getting a touch-up every 6-8 weeks. Now maybe it's all in my head, but I feel like my hair has just stopped. I'm sitting here like "Will I ever feel hair on my shoulders again?!" lol

On the other hand, I do have my reasons for sticking it out. One is that I want to prove my father and my ex wrong: my reasons for wanting to go natural had NOTHING to do with him. So if I go back to perming now that the relationship is over, it makes it look like they were right even though they were both dead wrong. I can't have that. Also, I love the versatility that comes with natural hair. If I just wanted to straighten my hair, I could still do that, but I could also rock a fro (which I've wanted since high school) or do an amazing twist-out like some of the pictures I've seen, or whatever! Options. I love that.

So for now I am holding out. Or trying to.

Stay In Your Lane

So I was at work today, doing my usual post-lunch internet perusal at the front desk, when I came across this post on Shine saying that Tyra lied on her "real hair" episode because the poster didn't feel that permed hair is "real hair." It was explained in the comments over and over that "real hair" is without weave, wigs, extensions, etc. However, from her little editor's note (below) she still doesn't get it:

Editors note: Some comments are insisting that I don't get it. While I'll admit I can never experience what it's like to be a black woman, I have had several of chemical treatments done on my hair, from changing the texture to the color. I grew up with thick ringlets of curls I wasn't happy with and sweat it out with a flat iron too. I dyed my hair every color from red to purple to black. If someone came up to me at that time and said, "Wow, is that your real hair?" I would say, "Actually, no, I had it straightened/dyed/permed." Perhaps some of us have a different definition of "real." To me I was excited to see Tyra with her hair looking as it naturally grows out of her head, and felt tricked that it turns out she had colored and straightened what she showed us and described as "real" and assumed we would know it was treated.

Really, I have nothing further to say other than what I said in the title: Stay in your lane! Why would a white woman who obviously has no idea about black hair decide to judge how a black woman decided to wear her hair? Bogus, all the way around. And I wanted to come through the screen on two of the commenters. One said she expected to see "something horrendous" (why does it have to be horrendous? it's just hair. oh wait, yeah, it's black hair; scary!) and another said if she wanted to be real, she should've come out in a headrag. What in the fukk? Foolishness abounds.

I'm Self-Hating because of my hair? Say What?!

As I mentioned yesterday and have probably said a time or two before here, I'm considering letting my relaxed hair grow out and wearing my hair natural. The majority of my line sisters are natural, which is what first prompted me to look into it. Now, I meet more and more Black women who are either transitioning or have been natural for a while.



While I have not made a decision about what I want to do just yet, I have been all over the net trying to gather information about transitioning, finding cute natural hairstyles, pros & cons of both relaxed & natural hair, etc. Although I have come across some helpful articles and e-associates that have answered questions, posted pics, and tried to convince me to let go of the creamy crack, I have also come across something else. Something disturbingly common. Something not so friendly from current naturalistas.



Site after site after site, I see black women bashing other black women who use perms. According to them, we can't accept ourselves the way God made us. We are trying to live up to a European standard of beauty. We've been brainwashed by The Man. We hate ourselves. Seriously, I have to hate myself because I don't currently wear my hair natural? Ummm, excuse me, but GTFOOHWTBS.



From what I'm seeing, some of these ladies are reacting to years of taunting--maybe even back to childhood--because they were called nappy-headed, etc. Now, although I'm not a part of the natural movement, I thought that many had come to embrace the term "nappy." "Happy to be nappy," "naptural," Nappy Roots. (Okay, I just threw the last one in there, but where did those guys go?) Although they--those that made the comments I am referring to--are claiming to be proud of who they are and perceive themselves to be blacker and stronger than their relaxed counterparts, they are doing the same thing that they've condemned others for: classifying and debasing others strictly on account of their hair. And considering they claim to love themselves and be confident in who they are, it seems they would let these "insults" roll off of their backs. But alas, we know everybody ain't what they say they are.

My biggest problem with those comments is that they lump all of us non-natural sistahs in a category and make broad assumptions. "They view natural hair as ugly... bad hair." They who? Don't feign to know how I feel just by the way I wear my hair. I have seen plenty of natural styles that made me completely jealous (simply because I know I don't have the patience to get my hair to the point it needs to be for intricate loc designs). And the condescending statements like, "They say they have perms to make their hair more manageable. Shouldn't you know how to manage your natural hair? It's what you were born with after all. Not that wanna-be white stuff." Pump ya breaks!! Most of the black women I know have had perms since they were little. I have had mine since I was about four or five years old. That means that before I was trying to manage anything about my look, my hair was relaxed, so how the hell would I just automatically know how to take care of natural hair? I would have to learn, just like I had to learn how to deal with my hair in its current state. So no, I shouldn't automatically know what to do with it. Thanks.

The final thing that ticks me off about this is the bold, broad, untrue belief that you cannot have healthy relaxed hair. In the words of B. Scott, "Bitch, boo, bye!" As I stated, I've had a perm for 20 years and guess what? My hair is long, strong and healthy! It's not simply having a perm that makes hair unhealthy, it's not knowing how to take care of it and doing any and everything to your hair. (Oddly enough, I really don't know how to take care of my hair for real for real. LOL Fortunately I come from a family of cosmetologist so I can get it taken care of properly and for the low!) The same would be true for those that are natural. Not everyone's hair can withstand the same things; so even natural hair can be damaged, brittle, dry, and yes even unmanageable if not cared for as it should be.

So, before I step off of my soapbox, let me say this. The way I wear my hair, much like the clothes I wear and my makeup if/when I choose to wear it, is a matter of personal choice. That means that for whatever reason, it makes me happy, and that reason could be completely different from what you THINK it is. As India.Arie sang, "I am NOT my hair," and that is true for all, whether natural, permed, bald, whatever! We get enough flack, insults and "curiosity" from others about our uniquely African features. I shouldn't have to deal with it from those who claim to embrace blackness so.