Morning Rant: Don't tell me I NEED to straighten my hair!

My dad is guiltiest of this offense. When I went to the salon on Monday I ended up getting my hair straightened. Not my intent, but it happened. (Off topic, but not really: I completely wasted my money. The color didn't take because my hair is so dark, and the blowout lasted less than a day thanks to the crazy weather. I was pissed.) He veils his admonitions to go back to creamy crack with compliments:

"You look like a doll with your hair straight."
"Don't you like how it flows and moves when you walk?"
"Look how long it is!"
"When are you gonna get a perm again?"

Fortunately within the months I've been natural, I've learned to ignore him most of the time and give quick comebacks the rest of the time:

"They make dolls with afros."
"I like how my fro stays in it's place."
"Straightening it didn't make it longer."
"Never."

Of course I like the look of straight hair, otherwise I'd never bother to straighten it in the first place. But the idea that I need straight hair makes me want to punch someone in the throat. And that's the exact feeling I had when an ex-FB associate from college tweeted "I really don't understand wht is so wrong wit getting a perm. U realize we think u look much better wit straight hair. Dnt nobody wanna grab ur hair and can't get they hand out cuz it's caught n all that kinkiness."

So many questions, mainly "We who?" Cause my bf loves loves loves my coils and doesn't keep his hands out of my hair, unless it's straightened.  Also, why the hell do you think your opinion matters to anyone? Why are you worried about how attractive other women are besides your baby momma/fiancee? How are you talking this mess but still trying to holla at me and Big Sexy (my fro)?!

Yeah, I got a little heated. My point is, have your preferences, because I certainly have mine. But to tell me what I need to do to be more attractive to you when you and your approval aren't even on my radar in the first place? MFer have a seat.

Confessions

Forgive me fellow naturals, for I have sinned...

Okay that may be a bit strong! LOL But there are some Dos & Don'ts that I tend to break fairly often. I guess I should change my ways, but for now, let me just absolve my guilt by confessing.

1. I don't detangle as I should. *hears audible gasps from the crowd* I know, I know: it's horrible! But here's the thing: When I do wash & gos, I don't really have time to sit there and detangle. Hello, I gotta go! And when I do a "real" wash complete with deep conditioning, I try detangling while the conditioner is still in my hair and then I have to do it again after I rinse. That's about 40 minutes each time. Who has patience for that? Nuh uh, not Tori D.! And the killer part? As soon as my hair dries, it coils and tangles right back up. >_< Maybe this could be helped if I tried a new tool, like the Tangle Teezer I've been reading about lately or had a product with more slip (I'm out of conditioner and open to suggestions!)

2. I have not done a protective style yet. Yes, I wore my french roll up-do for a couple of days, but considering the fact that I still had the front out, I don't think that was actually a protective style. I would love to do some, especially some of the cute flat twist styles that I have seen. They look so simple and elegant... Unfortunately my skill level is 0 when it comes to those flat twists, honey! I'm not sure if it's due to my length, texture, thickness, or if I just don't know what I'm doing, but the results of my efforts are not anything I would want the general public to see! And I planned on keeping kinky twists in for most of the winter, but time and a tight budget have prevented that.

3. I usually don't do anything to my hair at night. I throw the bonnet over my fro and hope for the best in the morning. Sometimes it's okay after I shower (the power of steam y'all; it works!) and put a little leave-in conditioner on it. Other times? The results make me wanna cry! But doing a head full of two-strand twists can be tedious (especially when you come home tipsy at 2:00 AM) and as I mentioned up there ^ I still have not figured out flat twists... Or cornrows, for that matter.

4. I don't co-wash that often during the winter. I did plenty of co-washing during the summer when morning wash & gos were my go-to style.But since the weather is all types of cold right now, that's not happening. So I spray my Carol's Daughter Black Vanilla Leave-In on it daily, but honestly I don't think it does as well as a good thorough co-wash. Oh well, it is what it is until it warms up...

5. I still haven't figured out my hair type. Some naturals swear by hair typing, and there are products and tools that supposedly work better for certain types of hair.  However, my method of trial and error seems to be going pretty well--even without me knowing whether I'm a 3c or 4a or 5z. Besides, I have patches of hair that completely differ from other sections. It's not as if I'm going to put one product here, another there, etc. because it's been said that one is best for whatever type that patch is. Seems like too much work. I know it's kinky and coily. Good enough.

So what are the "rules" that you tend to break from time to time-- or all the time?

Wishlist

Although I'm not big on the holidays, I'm always up for getting stuff! (And I'm not so grinch-tastic that I don't give gifts as well... but only to a select few!) My short wishlist this year is mostly comprised of hair & beauty goodies that I either can't splurge on right now (pockets are kinda tight) or would feel bad about if I bought them now, but would definitely accept if someone gave them to me. After all, I'm not a product junkie if someone just gives them to me, right? Right. So here is what you can send your favorite blogger (who? me, of course!) if you're full of the holiday spirit.

1. Wen haircare system I've been curious about Wen since I started transitioning, but I have yet to try it. I'm a bit skeptical of its claims to work on all hair types, but nothing like putting it to the test to be sure.

2. Huetiful hair steamer Since starting my transition, I've read several blogs that mentioned hair steaming. I didn't really think too much about it, but that has since changed. Since it's gotten cooler, I can tell a huge difference between how my hair looks and feels when I first wake up and after I take my shower. The steam has it so soft and big! It would be awesome to get the benefits of steaming my hair while deep conditioning, but usually when I DC I'm doing a million other things so I never just sit in the bathroom. With the Huetiful hair steamer I could set it up in whatever room I happen to be in and let it do its thing while I mindlessly watch tv do something productive. And sure, I'll take the facial attachment as well!

3. A Denman brush I've still never seen one in real life. LOL Yes, I've checked Sally's, but the times I've been they didn't had them. So I don't even know which one to get! And I refuse to order it online, seeing as I have no idea how it feels and whether it would be worth it. Yeah, I've heard they're great and all, but still... But if you wanna pass it along to me, I'll take it!

4. A Sephora gift card I've fallen in love with Sephora, y'all! There's only one little Sephora around here, tucked away in a JCPenney's. That is the only thing I visit that particular Penney's for ('cuz that location's plus size selection sucks). Now that I've found out they have Carol's Daughter products and well as a buncha yummy delicious makeup to try out, I need some extra funds specifically for Sephora!

5. A phony pony that looks like it's natural hair that's been blown out. Most of what I've found has been either shiny super straight ponytails, or puffs that look duller, tighter, and all around worse than my hair. There is this one ponytail that I bought, not too straight, sorta wavy. But I dunno how well it will work considering that it's rather shiny... We'll see. I still need more though; gotta switch it up!

So that's my little wishlist. Got anything on yours related to hair and/or beauty?

Interview with a Natural

Last week I asked for submissions of pretty much any kind, and thankfully I've already received one!  Julie was an inspiration and encouragement for me when I decided to go natural. She has so graciously offered to share a bit of everything with us concerning her hair, so here is her story in her own words and pictures.

 

Transition Story:

before starting the 1 yr protective styling challenge

This is actually my second time around going natural.  The first time was in 2003 when just the idea of going natural was interesting to me.  I didn’t really know what I was doing though.  The first thing I did was to get some color.  I thought by adding color, it would make my hair look interesting, but I now see that it added to the reason why I went back to chemicals.  Since I wasn’t up on how to actually STYLE natural hair or what products to use, I kept it in an afro puff.  After a while, you get kinda tired of puffs and you want to do something else.  I didn’t know how to braid my own hair, or even twist it, so I got bored quickly.  That lead me to straightening my hair, which lead me to trying a texturizer….next thing you know, I succumbed to the creamy crack. *insert violins*

This time around, I planned for it.  Since I was pregnant with my first child, I decided that it would be a good time to start transitioning (January 2008).  I was all about the roller sets and the half wigs.  I kept it up for about 8 months when the anticipation and the excitement about being totally natural finally got to me.  My husband and I did the BC a few days before my birthday in August (I say my husband because he helped me cut off the hair I couldn’t see in the mirror).  I’ve been straight hair free ever since.

 

Product Rant:

Dr. Bronner’s Pure Castille Soap (Hemp Peppermint).  I decided when I started transitioning that I would stick to products that had the most raw, organic, “natural” ingredients as possible.  I heard such good things about this product that I was excited to try it.   I was expecting my hair to be clean, but soft.  WHAT A MISTAKE.  My hair ended up being so dry and so coarse it took a couple of WEEKS for my hair to feel soft again.  I took a look at the ingredients (AGAIN) and don’t know what it could have been that made my hair so dry, but it did not like it AT ALL.  Now, I’m saying this to discourage others from using it. I’m just saying it did not work for MY hair.

Instead of using a strict regimen,
Julie trims her ends on a need-to basis.

Product Rave:

One time HELLO HYDRATION from Herbal Essence!!  That is the BEST conditioner I have had the pleasure of using!  I’ve tried cheapo conditioners, average conditioners, and the “luxury” conditioners.  They are pretty much all the same, but for some reason, my hair really takes to HELLO HYDRATION.  It’s the perfect detangler and with some coconut/olive oils, a great deep conditioner.

 

Product Recipe: (I don’t do measurements; I just put whatever I feel like adding into my stuff)

My leave in conditioner:

Sally’s generic Infusium 23 Leave-In Conditioner

Coconut Oil

Olive Oil

Rosemary Oil

Peppermint Oil

Glycerin

Aloe Vera Juice

Kinky Kurly’s Knot Today (if/when available)

Emu Oil

Pre-wash/Deep Conditioner:

Hello Hydration

Olive Oil

Coconut Oil

Cover hair with a plastic shower cap and a hot damp towel/turban for 30 minutes

 

Why did I go natural?

Honestly, I got tired of my hair constantly coming out.  It seemed like at one time I had more hair on my bathroom floor than on my head.  My hair was straight, but it was limp, flat, breaking, and boring.  I started doing research online as to what I can do to stop hair loss.  I started seeing all of these women who had natural hair and the funky, cool styles they were able to do with their hair.  I told myself that I didn’t have that “mixed hair look”, so like a lot of other women, thought “it wouldn’t look right on me”.  But as I did more research, I saw natural women who had my type of hair.  I thought…hmmm….maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.  I had a cute face, so at least I can play it off if it doesn’t work out with hats, scarves, or accessories!

Reactions from friends/family/co-workers/etc?

APL (arm pit length)

You know, the only real negative reactions I got were from my parents.  Understand now, my hair was very short when I got my first BC.  My mom just didn’t understand why I would want to be look like a boy. They are from the old school where women should strive for long hair and men kept their hair very short. She then asked me what “my plans were”.  My plans?  “Yes”, she says.  “What do you plan on doing to your hair when it grows out?  Do you want to keep it in an afro?  Are you getting DREADlocks?!?!”  Do you want to be a Rasta?!?”  All I could do was LOL!!!  My dad didn’t really have anything particularly bad to say, but he didn’t think it would look “nice” if my hair was short and nappy, especially going to work.  I didn’t take offense; I know that my parents have never seen images of modern natural hair styles.  There frame of reference was from the 60s/70s.

For the most part, I’ve gotten positive feedback from everyone including co-workers, strangers, and friends.  My husband absolutely loves it.  But then again, he loves anything that’s not a weave!

 

How has being natural affected your life?
It has definitely made me more aware of what I am putting into my body.  Being an “ingredient reader” has spilled over into what I eat and drink.  I am also very cautious about what I do with and how I do my child’s hair.  I want to make sure that she has a deep appreciation for her God-given curls.

 

Questions/Comments/Concerns about being natural?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I LOVE BEING NATURAL!  It’s not an easy road, but it’s the best road for me!

One of her protective styling options

 

Naturals In Advertising

Natural hair mentioned in the latest Above the Influence ad

"I Do Me" Video (boo to not having a code to embed it!): http://www.abovetheinfluence.com/the-ads/

PIX! (Because I don't feel like writing)

I am super lazy today. And since I'm already having to exert energy I don't have on a paper for class Monday (yes, a paper already), I figured I'd just hit y'all with a bunch of pix. Wanna see 'em? Here they go:

twist-out from the beginning of the month

Result of a braid-out. My hair was super soft and big that day!

I realized that Miss Jessie's I bought works best for me when I do my puff.

I did a roller set about two weeks ago. I didn't care for how poofy it was...

but i think i should've just pinned both sides because I love this.

roller set: side view

roller set: back

after I played around in/picked out my roller set

twist-out. really i wanted to show off my freshly waxed brows (my first time!) & makeup attempt

2nd day twist outs are the best! (i know it's blurry, but the hair still looks great so...)

A Natural Newbie How-To Guide

[caption id="attachment_1795" align="aligncenter" width="400" caption="So I'm natural... now what?"][/caption]

This post is a collaboration of two 31BNB challenges: Day 9 & 19.

Previously, I mentioned that I had no idea what I would write a how-to on because I am just learning "how to" myself when it comes to hair. In the comments I got a suggestion from Kimberlee Stiens:

Maybe you could write a how-to about newbie natural mistakes to avoid? Or products that are terrible? Or maybe dealing with reactions from friends/loved ones?

http://businessforgoodnotevil.blogspot.com/

So here I am fulfilling the day 19 challenge (Turn a comment into a blog post) and going back to day 9 to do a how-to.This is a how-to on avoiding (most) natural newbie mistakes. Of course, with everything that you start new, you are bound to make some mistakes. My mistake so far besides doing the BC while tipsy has been slacking in the moisturizing/conditioning department. But the thing is, you want to avoid as many mistakes as possible, especially those that can be damaging long-term. After all, the reason that most folks go natural is because they want healthy hair. So let's see what we can do to avoid being counterproductive to that!

1. Don't expect your hair to do the same things it did when it was relaxed.
I'm used to having long tresses that did exactly what I wanted it to do. Since going natural, my hair rebels and does it's own thing. And I'm learning that it's okay! Don't look for your hair to do the same things it did when permed (or even while transitioning), or to react the same way to products you once used. Sure, they may still work the same and have the same effect, but be aware of the possibility that they may not.

2. Do your homework.
Thanks to the "interwebs" there is a wealth of knowledge out there. From styling to the science behind your hair, there are articles, blogs, YouTube videos, books, you name it! Empower yourself with knowledge. A word of caution, though: not everyone knows what they are talking about, and it seems like everyone on  the web considers themselves an expert. Do your due diligence to find out what's legitimate and works for you.

3. Know your limits.
Some things are better left to the professionals. As bad as I want some color in my hair right now, I'm not trying to do it myself because I know that I don't know what I'm doing. And I'm going to a salon tomorrow to get my ends trimmed because I don't have the tools or knowledge to do it properly. What I'm saying is, know what you can & can't do. Sure, you should learn your hair and how to take care of it. Know your limits, that's all I'm saying.

4. Figure out your hair type and what works well for it.
More than likely you'll have a couple different types of hair on your head, so you'll have to learn to make things work for each type. This is another area where it may be beneficial to consult a professional (if they know anything about natural hair--many don't). How do you determine the type of hair you have? The most common method is one popularized by Oprah's stylist Andre. It categorizes hair into type I-IV and then further into a,b, or c. I really like this page at curlz.biz that explains the various hair types.
There is also the LOIS hair system.

So that's my little how-to guide on avoiding natural (hair) disaster as a newbie. Any other tips or advice, feel free to comment!

Naturals in Advertising (31BNB, Day 17)

You know what amazes me? Even before I knew of the "natural movement" or knew anyone personally who had natural hair, I saw incredible images of black women rocking their natural hair. Where? In ads! Whether print, television, or online, natural hair seems like it's more accepted than relaxed hair (at least, from the images shown). Of course, most of the women in these ads have the kinda corkscrew coils that most see as favorable... but still, natural is natural.

So from time to time I want to share images/video of women rocking natural hair in advertisement. Let's see just how much I can find... We may not even realize how often we see naturalistas doing their thing!

on Regions Bank's website today

Lane Bryant model

on clorox.com

First Month 100% Natural, In Words & Pictures

Has it been a month already? Wow!!

So far, so good! I've been getting a lot of positive feedback about the new look, and the supposed "guts" that it took to go natural. (More on that later) My biggest critics have been my parents (big surprise there), but even they have had to admit that they like some of the styles. The chunky twist out is a hit with them. I guess with that they can see that I didn't cut that much of my hair. (Side note: When my dad noticed that I cut my hair--a full WEEK after the BC--he said I looked like a boy. Ironically, the day after I did it, he was talking about how cute my hair was. *insert major side-eye here* ) My aunt/former stylist saw it and said it looked pretty good. And I've gotten comments from friends, coworkers and strangers on how cute it is and they could never do that. Usually I'm good at restraining myself from commenting. Inside I want to go into a diatribe about "You can do it if you want to. This is the hair God gave you! It's not that hard, just requires patience... yadda yadda yadda" but usually I just act like I don't hear it.

Anyway, on to the pictures! Surprisingly, I haven't taken that many pictures since cutting it. That's mainly because most of my previous pictures were taken at work. Now that I'm in a new area with horrible lighting and a lot more work to do, I don't get to pose for the camera as often. But I do have a few I haven't shared! Y'all already saw the slightly rough picture from the cruise, when I still had a little bit of permed ends. I've trimmed those (still need a professional trim though) and have pretty much perfected my wash & go.

 

after i picked out my fro. didn't realize it would be as big as it was!

 

Today, 30 days in!

note: there were more pix, but some got lost in the move from Blogger & I can't remember which ones they were! Sorry!

So here are the things I'm dealing with now:

1. I still need a stylist. I know I've been doing this for a few months now, but it would be such a relief to have someone who has been taught about hair taking care of it.


2. Dryness. I'm searching for something that will help my hair retain moisture & a bit of shine without it being greasy. Because greasy is not cute at all.


3. more style options. I know I've talked about this previously, but now that my hair is even shorter, I'm at even more of a loss as to what to do with it.


4. Tangling & shedding (all the more reason for me to have a professional natural hair stylist)

There you have it! My first month au naturale!

The BC Story

Saturday, May 15 was my birthday and the day I'd planned on doing the big chop. I was a little hype (or trying to be), but mostly I was nervous. I still wasn't sure how I'd look with the super short hair and I wasn't excited and ready like I thought I should be. I read all these stories about people just being too frustrated to deal with two textures or feeling like it was just time. "You'll know" they say. Well I didn't know it that day so I didn't do it. "F it," I thought, "I'll stick with these twists & twist outs for a couple more months and decide what I'm gonna do once it's been a full year."

Well, I did not make it to July. I barely made it to June. On June 1 I woke up and my hair looked like absolute crap to me. Granted, it didn't look much different than it had the day before, but I was sick of it. The ends were just hanging there, all lifeless and boring. I decided that morning that I was not gonna deal with it another day. That kinda threw a little wrench in my plans, considering that I didn't want to cut my hair myself. Me + scissors + hair = bad business. (Or at least it seemed like it would. I've never before attempted to cut hair.) But I spent the day online looking at BC videos and searching forums to see how others had done it.

When I finally got home that night, I was a little buzzed but I was determined to go ahead as planned. (BTW, I would not recommend anyone try that!) After I washed my hair, I took the scissors & went to work! I'm mad cuz I ended up chopping off some of the new growth in the back :( Shoot, I couldn't see it! And there ended up being more permed ends left up front than I realized. I was in shock for a little while, and a few tears did drop. My hair had never been that short!

 

fresh off the chopping block. in shock & still a bit tipsy...

But anyway, I twisted it & then took it down the next morning....

AND I LOVED IT!!

 

I didn't have any idea that those kinda curls were hiding under there! I could not keep my hands out of my hair (and still have problems w/ that now). I didn't care for the pix I took from the front that day, as something about them seemed a little off... But here's a pic from a few days later and another from today!

I'll try to do a length check soon. I want to look into different heat protectants before I flat iron my hair to do it. But just from doing a little pulling, I think it's just a little above my shoulders. Not bad huh?

So now I'm trying to find another style I can do besides my little fro (woohoo that it's no longer a "faux-fro!"). Or at least some accessories!

Anyway, whaddaya think?

Pre BC Length Check

So we are a little less than a month away from my BC. I figured I kinda needed to know where I was as far as length, so the other night after I washed it I took some pix. I'm sooo far from where I wanted to be at this point. :( See for yourself. But I'm gonna up my biotin game & hope & pray for the best.

Perm free by May 15th!

Close-up of the new growth while wet

This is what the front is looking like

A bit longer than it looks, huh?

But still not all that long...

Had to do pix of the "lazy twistout" that I did

 

Just an Observation...

Today and this past Sunday, from the choir stand, I looked out across our congregation and did a little observing. We have a fairly large church family, and--no surprise-- it is comprised of mostly women. Out of over 100 women, I counted two with natural hair. (Although, does it count as "natural" if one is rocking a jheri curl? hmmm) If there are any naturals, their press game is proper because you never ever see anyone's hair looking natural. Of the little girls (I'll say maybe age 6 and up) the story is the same, although a few have their cute lil natural puffy ponytails. Now I have to admit that the majority of these women have beautiful, healthy hair due to proper care and maintenance so I'm definitely not knocking it.

 

 

But the observation did spark a question that I've often wondered before: Is there a distinction between the attitudes towards natural hair depending on what region you are in? I'm in the deep south and don't see many naturals. When I peruse natural hair sites and blogs, the south isn't repped that much. I can't recall any of my friends not having perms when I was growing up (I'm asking around and looking through pix to verify). In fact, a lot of my friends from church got their perms at a very young age just like me, done by either my dad, aunt or cousin! I met my first naturalista in undergrad; it was my ace who was from Chicago. From what I've seen, it seems as if natural hair is not considered "acceptable" down here. Fortunately I am seeing more black women here embracing their natural hair, mostly in the form of locs... 

So tell me: Has anyone else noticed that certain regions are more accepting of natural hair? Is it more relegated to certain social circles? Have you always been exposed to natural hair, or did you grow up with relaxed hair being the norm?

The Ten Natural Hair Commandments

by Laquita Thomas-Banks (Taken from Clutch Magazine)

For those of us who have made, are in the process of making, or contemplating the great Exodus from chemical hair straighteners…


I – Thou shalt be thankful for the hair that adorns thy head. Your hair is your ‘crown of glory’ treat it as such.

II – Thou shalt not idolize the hair that adorns another’s head. The hair on your head is unique, it’s what makes you you.

III – Thou shalt not take the hair that adorns thy head in vain. Be aware of the damage that chemicals and heat can cause, some of the damage is irreversible.

IV – Remember to take the necessary time to pamper thy hair. Create a routine, set aside specific days for sealing your ends, massaging, trimming, washing, conditioning and styling your hair. A healthy head of hair will be your reward.

V – Honor thy mother, father and ancestors for the beautiful traits that they have bestowed upon thee, one of which is your natural crown of glory. Wear your natural hair with pride.

VI – Thou shalt not attempt to use a fine-tooth comb to detangle thy hair. Even before using a wide-tooth comb, use your fingers to detangle, and when detangling always start from the ends and work your way up towards your scalp.

VII – Thou shalt not be ashamed to wear your natural hair in public. Wigs, weaves, braid extensions etc. are all wonderful temporary ‘protective’ and ‘transition’ styles, but they don’t compare to the beauty of your natural hair.

VIII – Thou shalt not kill the hair follicles on thy head – with high heat, harsh chemicals or tight styles. Stay away from pore clogging, dry scalp causing petroleum based products; use natural essential oil based ones instead. Be gentle with your hair, seek out professional stylists who have experience in styling your hair type.

IX – Thou shalt not bad mouth thy neighbor’s hair. Be respectful and encouraging to those who have not yet chosen to wear their hair natural. Negative comments will only turn them away from the natural hair community.

X – Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s hair; thou shalt not covet it’s texture, nor it’s curl pattern, nor it’s length etc. Appreciate the hair that you were blessed with. Try different styles and accessories that accentuate your very own personality and style.

My issues are IV & X. Like I've always stated, I'm not a "hair girl" and have never really had to do much to my hair. I'm slowly growing out of this and starting to do more for my own hair as I learn more about it. And yes, I'm guilty of coveting other naturals! I've seen soooo many gorgeous pictures out there, and I'm constantly saying "I hope my hair does that" or "I wish my hair looked like that." I'm gonna try to do better, I am!

And if you've read this blog for any amount of time you know why IX is in red. no explanation needed for that one; it is what it is!

Temptation

The creamy crack is calling me y'all!

It's only been 11 weeks since my last touch up. I thought I could at least make it to the four or five month mark before I started feeling like going back. There are two main things that are making me reconsider going natural. One is that the more I read the more I realize how much work and effort goes into the maintenance of natural hair. Call me ignorant, but I really did think that going natural would be easier. Then when I first started looking into it I was like "Okay, maybe a lil more to it than I thought, but I think I can handle it." Now I'm thinking "Maaaaaaan, I dunno!" With the perm I just wrap or roll my hair at night (or put it in a ponytail if I'm being lazy), take it down in the morning and go. 90% of the time it was flawless... The other 10% it stayed in a ponytail. My effort? On a scale of 1 to 10, I was maybe putting in 2.5. From what I'm reading and hearing from others, I'm definitely gonna have to change all of that. Time, energy, focus... I love my hair but I've never been one to spend forever doing it. So it's getting a little side-eye from me. The other thing is the growth. My hair was on a growing spree when I was getting a touch-up every 6-8 weeks. Now maybe it's all in my head, but I feel like my hair has just stopped. I'm sitting here like "Will I ever feel hair on my shoulders again?!" lol

On the other hand, I do have my reasons for sticking it out. One is that I want to prove my father and my ex wrong: my reasons for wanting to go natural had NOTHING to do with him. So if I go back to perming now that the relationship is over, it makes it look like they were right even though they were both dead wrong. I can't have that. Also, I love the versatility that comes with natural hair. If I just wanted to straighten my hair, I could still do that, but I could also rock a fro (which I've wanted since high school) or do an amazing twist-out like some of the pictures I've seen, or whatever! Options. I love that.

So for now I am holding out. Or trying to.

I'm Self-Hating because of my hair? Say What?!

As I mentioned yesterday and have probably said a time or two before here, I'm considering letting my relaxed hair grow out and wearing my hair natural. The majority of my line sisters are natural, which is what first prompted me to look into it. Now, I meet more and more Black women who are either transitioning or have been natural for a while.



While I have not made a decision about what I want to do just yet, I have been all over the net trying to gather information about transitioning, finding cute natural hairstyles, pros & cons of both relaxed & natural hair, etc. Although I have come across some helpful articles and e-associates that have answered questions, posted pics, and tried to convince me to let go of the creamy crack, I have also come across something else. Something disturbingly common. Something not so friendly from current naturalistas.



Site after site after site, I see black women bashing other black women who use perms. According to them, we can't accept ourselves the way God made us. We are trying to live up to a European standard of beauty. We've been brainwashed by The Man. We hate ourselves. Seriously, I have to hate myself because I don't currently wear my hair natural? Ummm, excuse me, but GTFOOHWTBS.



From what I'm seeing, some of these ladies are reacting to years of taunting--maybe even back to childhood--because they were called nappy-headed, etc. Now, although I'm not a part of the natural movement, I thought that many had come to embrace the term "nappy." "Happy to be nappy," "naptural," Nappy Roots. (Okay, I just threw the last one in there, but where did those guys go?) Although they--those that made the comments I am referring to--are claiming to be proud of who they are and perceive themselves to be blacker and stronger than their relaxed counterparts, they are doing the same thing that they've condemned others for: classifying and debasing others strictly on account of their hair. And considering they claim to love themselves and be confident in who they are, it seems they would let these "insults" roll off of their backs. But alas, we know everybody ain't what they say they are.

My biggest problem with those comments is that they lump all of us non-natural sistahs in a category and make broad assumptions. "They view natural hair as ugly... bad hair." They who? Don't feign to know how I feel just by the way I wear my hair. I have seen plenty of natural styles that made me completely jealous (simply because I know I don't have the patience to get my hair to the point it needs to be for intricate loc designs). And the condescending statements like, "They say they have perms to make their hair more manageable. Shouldn't you know how to manage your natural hair? It's what you were born with after all. Not that wanna-be white stuff." Pump ya breaks!! Most of the black women I know have had perms since they were little. I have had mine since I was about four or five years old. That means that before I was trying to manage anything about my look, my hair was relaxed, so how the hell would I just automatically know how to take care of natural hair? I would have to learn, just like I had to learn how to deal with my hair in its current state. So no, I shouldn't automatically know what to do with it. Thanks.

The final thing that ticks me off about this is the bold, broad, untrue belief that you cannot have healthy relaxed hair. In the words of B. Scott, "Bitch, boo, bye!" As I stated, I've had a perm for 20 years and guess what? My hair is long, strong and healthy! It's not simply having a perm that makes hair unhealthy, it's not knowing how to take care of it and doing any and everything to your hair. (Oddly enough, I really don't know how to take care of my hair for real for real. LOL Fortunately I come from a family of cosmetologist so I can get it taken care of properly and for the low!) The same would be true for those that are natural. Not everyone's hair can withstand the same things; so even natural hair can be damaged, brittle, dry, and yes even unmanageable if not cared for as it should be.

So, before I step off of my soapbox, let me say this. The way I wear my hair, much like the clothes I wear and my makeup if/when I choose to wear it, is a matter of personal choice. That means that for whatever reason, it makes me happy, and that reason could be completely different from what you THINK it is. As India.Arie sang, "I am NOT my hair," and that is true for all, whether natural, permed, bald, whatever! We get enough flack, insults and "curiosity" from others about our uniquely African features. I shouldn't have to deal with it from those who claim to embrace blackness so.