“Who taught you to hate the texture of your hair? Who taught you to hate the color of your skin? Who taught you to hate the shape of your nose and the shape of your lips? Who taught you to hate yourself from the top of your head to the soles of your feet? Who taught you to hate your own kind? Who taught you to hate the race that you belong to so much so that you don’t want to be around each other? ... you should ask yourself who taught you to hate being what God made you.”
Showing posts with label self-hate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-hate. Show all posts
Friday, January 21, 2011
Who taught you to hate?
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
#thingsblackgirlsdo and other self-deprecating bullshit
Most of the people I e-interact with know that I'm on Twitter a good deal (although not as much as of late), and while it's definitely not enough to base a thesis on, watching TTs (that's trending topics for you non-tweeters) has led me to a conclusion that I'd like to discuss.
Many of us have "drunk the kool-aid." We've bought into the negative stereotypes of ourselves. The following are some of the TTs and tweets I've seen:
#doesntmeanyourblack [sic] (I know it should be "you're" not "your" but that was the TT...)
#nowthatsghetto
#blackfolks "want an iPad but haven't paid their car note, rent or child support"
"black people: child support. white people: house note"
The the majority of people perpetrating the stereotypical foolishness are the same ones that these TTs target. The offending TT de jour is #thingsblackgirlsdo. And folks are having a field day with it. Observe some of the tamer tweets:
#thingsblackgirlsdo try to have kids wit a nigga coz he got "good hair"
#thingsblackgirlsdo get emotional on twitter and be wanting to fight over words that disappear smh
#ThingsBlackGirlsDo go to the club lookin like a million bucks but be broke as fuck lookin for a nigga to buy her drinks!
#ThingsBlackGirlsDo get foodstamps sell them for more than they worth
#thingsblackgirlsdo get loud in any public place
#thingsblackgirlsdo drive to a destination to go fight
Now there are a lot of people trying to put some positivity out there (among my favs: #thingsblackgirlsdo ROCK!!) but overall... SMH. And of course the onslaught of negativity brought about another TT:
#ThingsBlackMenDo With no Job Experience or Education gets pissed cuz they cant find a Good Paying Non Factory Job
#ThingsBlackMenDo could tell u everything about the Lebron decision...but couldnt name one major court decision in American history
#thingsblackmendo sell weed so they aint gotta get a real job
#thingsblackmendotry every way possible to get around the law
#ThingsBlackmenDo have side chicks fighting/hating each other and the main chick don't have a clue what's goin on....
My main issue is that it's us dogging us. Of course it would be upsetting to see "others" going in on us, but to me it wouldn't be as surprising. But for blacks to dog each other out for the whole Twitterverse to see is disheartening. Even if it is in jest--after all, there's some hint of honesty in every "joke" someone makes. Some people are believing the things they type. And by no means am I saying that everything is all roses with us as a people. Many of the tweets about what black people do can be applied to any other group of people (because each group is diverse and encompasses both good and bad). But the fact that everyone seems to associate black with the bad traits shows that we have bought into the lie that society has pushed onto us. Black is bad, wrong, negative, ugly, evil. We've been bombarded with that sentiment for so long that it's seeped into our collective psyche and now we are regurgitating it back into the universe. And not just on Twitter, but in our every day lives. So many of our people have a defeated outlook... They believe the negativity that swirls around them and it becomes a self-manifestation.
Instead of falling in line with that, how about we make a conscious effort to represent ourselves, our people, and our culture in a positive light, and then reflect that positivity in every aspect of our lives.
#Thatisall.
Many of us have "drunk the kool-aid." We've bought into the negative stereotypes of ourselves. The following are some of the TTs and tweets I've seen:
#doesntmeanyourblack [sic] (I know it should be "you're" not "your" but that was the TT...)
#nowthatsghetto
#blackfolks "want an iPad but haven't paid their car note, rent or child support"
"black people: child support. white people: house note"
The the majority of people perpetrating the stereotypical foolishness are the same ones that these TTs target. The offending TT de jour is #thingsblackgirlsdo. And folks are having a field day with it. Observe some of the tamer tweets:
#thingsblackgirlsdo try to have kids wit a nigga coz he got "good hair"
#thingsblackgirlsdo get emotional on twitter and be wanting to fight over words that disappear smh
#ThingsBlackGirlsDo go to the club lookin like a million bucks but be broke as fuck lookin for a nigga to buy her drinks!
#ThingsBlackGirlsDo get foodstamps sell them for more than they worth
#thingsblackgirlsdo get loud in any public place
#thingsblackgirlsdo drive to a destination to go fight
Now there are a lot of people trying to put some positivity out there (among my favs: #thingsblackgirlsdo ROCK!!) but overall... SMH. And of course the onslaught of negativity brought about another TT:
#ThingsBlackMenDo With no Job Experience or Education gets pissed cuz they cant find a Good Paying Non Factory Job
#ThingsBlackMenDo could tell u everything about the Lebron decision...but couldnt name one major court decision in American history
#thingsblackmendo sell weed so they aint gotta get a real job
#thingsblackmendotry every way possible to get around the law
#ThingsBlackmenDo have side chicks fighting/hating each other and the main chick don't have a clue what's goin on....
My main issue is that it's us dogging us. Of course it would be upsetting to see "others" going in on us, but to me it wouldn't be as surprising. But for blacks to dog each other out for the whole Twitterverse to see is disheartening. Even if it is in jest--after all, there's some hint of honesty in every "joke" someone makes. Some people are believing the things they type. And by no means am I saying that everything is all roses with us as a people. Many of the tweets about what black people do can be applied to any other group of people (because each group is diverse and encompasses both good and bad). But the fact that everyone seems to associate black with the bad traits shows that we have bought into the lie that society has pushed onto us. Black is bad, wrong, negative, ugly, evil. We've been bombarded with that sentiment for so long that it's seeped into our collective psyche and now we are regurgitating it back into the universe. And not just on Twitter, but in our every day lives. So many of our people have a defeated outlook... They believe the negativity that swirls around them and it becomes a self-manifestation.
Instead of falling in line with that, how about we make a conscious effort to represent ourselves, our people, and our culture in a positive light, and then reflect that positivity in every aspect of our lives.
#Thatisall.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
I'm Self-Hating because of my hair? Say What?!
As I mentioned yesterday and have probably said a time or two before here, I'm considering letting my relaxed hair grow out and wearing my hair natural. The majority of my line sisters are natural, which is what first prompted me to look into it. Now, I meet more and more Black women who are either transitioning or have been natural for a while.
While I have not made a decision about what I want to do just yet, I have been all over the net trying to gather information about transitioning, finding cute natural hairstyles, pros & cons of both relaxed & natural hair, etc. Although I have come across some helpful articles and e-associates that have answered questions, posted pics, and tried to convince me to let go of the creamy crack, I have also come across something else. Something disturbingly common. Something not so friendly from current naturalistas.
Site after site after site, I see black women bashing other black women who use perms. According to them, we can't accept ourselves the way God made us. We are trying to live up to a European standard of beauty. We've been brainwashed by The Man. We hate ourselves. Seriously, I have to hate myself because I don't currently wear my hair natural? Ummm, excuse me, but GTFOOHWTBS.
From what I'm seeing, some of these ladies are reacting to years of taunting--maybe even back to childhood--because they were called nappy-headed, etc. Now, although I'm not a part of the natural movement, I thought that many had come to embrace the term "nappy." "Happy to be nappy," "naptural," Nappy Roots. (Okay, I just threw the last one in there, but where did those guys go?) Although they--those that made the comments I am referring to--are claiming to be proud of who they are and perceive themselves to be blacker and stronger than their relaxed counterparts, they are doing the same thing that they've condemned others for: classifying and debasing others strictly on account of their hair. And considering they claim to love themselves and be confident in who they are, it seems they would let these "insults" roll off of their backs. But alas, we know everybody ain't what they say they are.
My biggest problem with those comments is that they lump all of us non-natural sistahs in a category and make broad assumptions. "They view natural hair as ugly... bad hair." They who? Don't feign to know how I feel just by the way I wear my hair. I have seen plenty of natural styles that made me completely jealous (simply because I know I don't have the patience to get my hair to the point it needs to be for intricate loc designs). And the condescending statements like, "They say they have perms to make their hair more manageable. Shouldn't you know how to manage your natural hair? It's what you were born with after all. Not that wanna-be white stuff." Pump ya breaks!! Most of the black women I know have had perms since they were little. I have had mine since I was about four or five years old. That means that before I was trying to manage anything about my look, my hair was relaxed, so how the hell would I just automatically know how to take care of natural hair? I would have to learn, just like I had to learn how to deal with my hair in its current state. So no, I shouldn't automatically know what to do with it. Thanks.
The final thing that ticks me off about this is the bold, broad, untrue belief that you cannot have healthy relaxed hair. In the words of B. Scott, "Bitch, boo, bye!" As I stated, I've had a perm for 20 years and guess what? My hair is long, strong and healthy! It's not simply having a perm that makes hair unhealthy, it's not knowing how to take care of it and doing any and everything to your hair. (Oddly enough, I really don't know how to take care of my hair for real for real. LOL Fortunately I come from a family of cosmetologist so I can get it taken care of properly and for the low!) The same would be true for those that are natural. Not everyone's hair can withstand the same things; so even natural hair can be damaged, brittle, dry, and yes even unmanageable if not cared for as it should be.
So, before I step off of my soapbox, let me say this. The way I wear my hair, much like the clothes I wear and my makeup if/when I choose to wear it, is a matter of personal choice. That means that for whatever reason, it makes me happy, and that reason could be completely different from what you THINK it is. As India.Arie sang, "I am NOT my hair," and that is true for all, whether natural, permed, bald, whatever! We get enough flack, insults and "curiosity" from others about our uniquely African features. I shouldn't have to deal with it from those who claim to embrace blackness so.
While I have not made a decision about what I want to do just yet, I have been all over the net trying to gather information about transitioning, finding cute natural hairstyles, pros & cons of both relaxed & natural hair, etc. Although I have come across some helpful articles and e-associates that have answered questions, posted pics, and tried to convince me to let go of the creamy crack, I have also come across something else. Something disturbingly common. Something not so friendly from current naturalistas.
Site after site after site, I see black women bashing other black women who use perms. According to them, we can't accept ourselves the way God made us. We are trying to live up to a European standard of beauty. We've been brainwashed by The Man. We hate ourselves. Seriously, I have to hate myself because I don't currently wear my hair natural? Ummm, excuse me, but GTFOOHWTBS.
From what I'm seeing, some of these ladies are reacting to years of taunting--maybe even back to childhood--because they were called nappy-headed, etc. Now, although I'm not a part of the natural movement, I thought that many had come to embrace the term "nappy." "Happy to be nappy," "naptural," Nappy Roots. (Okay, I just threw the last one in there, but where did those guys go?) Although they--those that made the comments I am referring to--are claiming to be proud of who they are and perceive themselves to be blacker and stronger than their relaxed counterparts, they are doing the same thing that they've condemned others for: classifying and debasing others strictly on account of their hair. And considering they claim to love themselves and be confident in who they are, it seems they would let these "insults" roll off of their backs. But alas, we know everybody ain't what they say they are.
My biggest problem with those comments is that they lump all of us non-natural sistahs in a category and make broad assumptions. "They view natural hair as ugly... bad hair." They who? Don't feign to know how I feel just by the way I wear my hair. I have seen plenty of natural styles that made me completely jealous (simply because I know I don't have the patience to get my hair to the point it needs to be for intricate loc designs). And the condescending statements like, "They say they have perms to make their hair more manageable. Shouldn't you know how to manage your natural hair? It's what you were born with after all. Not that wanna-be white stuff." Pump ya breaks!! Most of the black women I know have had perms since they were little. I have had mine since I was about four or five years old. That means that before I was trying to manage anything about my look, my hair was relaxed, so how the hell would I just automatically know how to take care of natural hair? I would have to learn, just like I had to learn how to deal with my hair in its current state. So no, I shouldn't automatically know what to do with it. Thanks.
The final thing that ticks me off about this is the bold, broad, untrue belief that you cannot have healthy relaxed hair. In the words of B. Scott, "Bitch, boo, bye!" As I stated, I've had a perm for 20 years and guess what? My hair is long, strong and healthy! It's not simply having a perm that makes hair unhealthy, it's not knowing how to take care of it and doing any and everything to your hair. (Oddly enough, I really don't know how to take care of my hair for real for real. LOL Fortunately I come from a family of cosmetologist so I can get it taken care of properly and for the low!) The same would be true for those that are natural. Not everyone's hair can withstand the same things; so even natural hair can be damaged, brittle, dry, and yes even unmanageable if not cared for as it should be.
So, before I step off of my soapbox, let me say this. The way I wear my hair, much like the clothes I wear and my makeup if/when I choose to wear it, is a matter of personal choice. That means that for whatever reason, it makes me happy, and that reason could be completely different from what you THINK it is. As India.Arie sang, "I am NOT my hair," and that is true for all, whether natural, permed, bald, whatever! We get enough flack, insults and "curiosity" from others about our uniquely African features. I shouldn't have to deal with it from those who claim to embrace blackness so.
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