"911 Call to Myself"

The other night I wrote a poem for the first time in forever. Even though I was talking about one situation in particular when I wrote it, while typing it just now I realized that it applies to another area of my life as well. I guess it's now or never, huh?

In case of an emergency
Break glass.
Shatter the confines that keep you
Locked down,
Boxed in,
Stunted.
This is life or death!
Your next breath may not come
Unless you run!
Don’t be suffocated
By the soft, overpowering comfort of the known
Or the fear of the unknown.
Aren’t you grown?
Grow up!
It’s time to do the hard things,
To loosen the ties
And hopefully avoid cutting heart strings;
To stand on your own two feet
And eventually spread your own wings.
But you’ll never make it
Without taking that very first step.
Break the glass.
Break free.
This is an emergency.

"The Waiting Game"

It's been a long time since I posted some poetry, huh? Well this poem is still very rough, very new... But I felt the need to get it out there since it's relevant now. By the time it appears in a book (it is coming... one day....) it'll be polished.

my least favorite game is the waiting game,
mainly because i'm impatient
so i always lose.
but also because i don't know the rules...
how long do i wait?
what to do til then?
and if i wait too long do i lose or do i win?
i think of a hundred things
that could have been done better,
that could have been said sweeter
or not at all.
while sitting there, waiting for that call
i'm a nervous wreck
so sure that he's already moved on to the next
and i've only played myself.
during the waiting game it feels like he has
the upper hand
since i leave it to the man to make the move.
but what if i do?
if i make a move instead
i lose the waiting game
but may get closer to my prize...
still, i stay paralyzed
mostly out of fear
and somewhat out of pride.
i check the phone again
but i refuse to dial;
i'm playing the waiting game,
and i'll win,
or lose,
after a while.

"PSA"

[embed]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCIjP3RMnMk&feature=player_embedded[/embed]

(I assume PSA is the title of the poem; I haven't been able to find it)
This young man brought tears to my eyes! I love seeing young black kids find their voice and use it for something worthwhile. He is going places.

"All In" (a partial poem)

Since I haven't shared any poetry in a minute, I figured I'd give y'all a little bit of what I've been working on.

part of a poem inspired months ago by a conversation with HWHadNT

I wanna be all in.
I want to love you like my first love
When I wasn't afraid of being hurt
And I gave my all.
Now memories of the past
Have me holding back
But baby believe me when I say
I wanna be all in.
I want that completely exhilarated emotion again
Without fear
Without doubt
I admit, I've been holding out
But trust, I want to change that.
I want that giddy love again,
The so-happy-it's-silly love
The I'm good long as you're with me love.
I wanna be all in...

New poem... "Addict," I guess

love addict
always looking for the next high
searching for the best connect
need another hit to get by
got a new supplier every time i turn around
thought i was a loyal customer
but no one seems to stay down
or maybe one just ain't enough for me
maybe one just can't fulfill my needs
i need powder stimulation
sensuality in a pill
liquid comfort
and "we can chill" weed
but fuck it
i'm tryin to quit
cuz coming down?
coming down is a bitch.

In my head this is finished. In my heart... I got more ish I wanna say but maybe this isn't the one to say it through... I dunno...

"The Song I Sing"

I found out that someone I was once really close with has passed. He was really good people. We were never actually in a relationship, but I could count on him if I needed anything. He was the inspiration for one of my more, ummm, colorful poems. Laughed when I finally let him read it, said I wasn't really writing about him but he'd do all he could to make it apply. He was really good people. We drifted apart, hadn't talked in months. I kinda hate that now. Our last convo was one of those "let me hit you right back" things. I never did. I meant to... just never did. Always said I would, but since we weren't "like that" anymore I kinda let our friendship fall away.

I'm kinda rambling so I guess I should stop. Anyway, here is the poem he inspired. RIP friend.

There's so much i want to tell him

That i can never seem to put into words.

No matter how i scribble or sing or say them

But this is the song i sing for him

Lyricless love, a wordless hymn

Whenever he makes my body obey him

This is the song i sing for him

The song he never hears, will never recognize

Because he only hears it as uncontrolled moans and muffled cries

His pulse, his beat

Enough inspiration for me

To sing him the sweetest melody ever.

His highs and his lows are like a spiritual journey

I wanna thank God for blessing him so

Thank the ancestors for the infinite rhythm in his soul

Hell, i wanna thank his momma for having him

And his daddy for that stroke.

This is the song that i sing for him

In my head when he's whispering things in my ear

When he can't see my lips moving, saying nothing

But he feels me, he knows i'm calling his name

This is the song i sing

When he makes me have visions

In colors that i never even knew existed

This is the song i sing

When he's on top of me

Behind me

Inside me

This is the song i sing for him

When he leaves me breathless

Defenseless

Wide-eyed and senseless

When i'm speechless and can't say anything but

"Oh...

my...

God...."

"Superwoman"

It's a lil rough, I'll admit, but I think I kinda like it's roughness. That's how I feel right now. A but rough around the edges.

Today
Just for today
I’ll be superwoman
I’ll carry the load on my shoulders
Bear the weight of the world
Along with my burdens I’ll take on yours
As you so often ask me to do
I struggle under my own pressures and work
But don’t worry
Since you need me I’ll handle yours too
Without thanks or consideration
Or offer of reciprocity
When it comes to my own burdens
The load squarely falls on me
But that’s okay, right?
I mean, it’s only for today, right?
But I wake up every morning having to repeat this motto
I go as far as I can go
And then I have to go some more
And all the time I’m going
Dayum if I know what I’m going for
I push
And push
Until finally I stall
Stagger under the weight of it all
And who is there to save me?
I look around , I see no one
Of course!
Why should I need saving?
I am the Strong Black Woman of mythological fame
Epic proportions
The lens that I’m viewed through is full of distortions
I’m weak if I seek assistance
Spoiled if I need attention
Self-centered if I want my works appreciated or mentioned
And then if I can’t take it
It’s just “that bitch is crazy”
And maybe I am a little off balance
But I’m only what you made me
By carrying your weights and my weights
Without assistance,
Daily
But that realization pains me
So I pull it together so that no one else sees
I suffer in silence
Cry when it’s just me
I have no super powers
Just the strength of a girl trying to carry her world in her hands
But today
Just for today
I’ll be superwoman.

"I'm Twisted"

a poem i wrote several weeks back. i wasn't sure about posting it then, but i'm in a sharing mood... LOL really i wouldn't mind getting feedback; i'm about to start focusing on my writing (poetry/music/short stories) again. here's one of my latest finished pieces.

I'm twisted.
Your love is wonderful and delicious
And I miss it,
But I need something different.
I need something instant;
Right now love
Or a right now fuck,
I need something now!
But you're not around...
You're a thousand miles away
And I'm alone in this little town
And I feel bad for wanting it,
Even thinking it.
I feel like I shouldn't be needing it like I do.
I really want you
But someone is here.
Someone is close.
Someone wants to stand as your substitute.
Now I know he's no you
But something deep inside is saying "Maybe he'll do..."
Damn, I feel bad again.
No, I don't want no other man,
I just want something instant.
'Cause I miss it.
I know, I know...
I'm twisted.

-Sept. 16, 2009

crumbling

I usually don't post my poetry on here... Most of that is intensely personal. This piece is no different, but I felt like it needed to be shared. Wrote this a couple days ago when I was deep in my funk.


i wonder if other people feel themselves
going crazy

guess everything crumbles over time
just like the great ancient structures succumb
so, apparently, has my mind

that's what happens when shit crumbles
a fragment here,
fragment there
you may glue them back
but there are still cracks
still holes
still tiny bits of me that will never be complete

sanity isnt finite

i laugh to keep from crying
but i end up doing both
and looking crazier than i really am

damn.

i am a jagged edge of emotion
ready to jab, cut, kill
someone
anyone
me

i'm something like crazy
crazy bitch
and perhaps i deserve it
i've done some trifling shit

guilt is a heavy weight
i'm weak.
i can't handle it
not when i have other shit to deal with
other burdens to carry
i can only take so much before i.....

escape!
i just want to escape
myself.

i am full of venom...
bitter
potent
i consume others as it paralyzes me

i am falling apart
pieces are everywhere
no one cares
enough to pick them up

i've come undone,
irreparably

i'm cr
u
m
bl i
n

g

untitled poem

written back in April; dunno why it never made its way here before today.

your grasp
used to be much tighter,
secure.
but now i feel it
slipping
gradually...
the more i try to hold on
the less of a grip i have
so my options now:
pull away
or wait
for you
to let

me



fall.

E-xhibitionist

A lil something I wrote a few months ago... I'm sure I was supposed to be doing some homework or something...

I’m an e-xhibitionist
But i need my privacy
Got my whole life on the internet
But good luck finding me
I’m on Facebook, Myspace, Twitter
Message boards and Blogspot
And I’ve registered for various sites
That I easily forgot
But everything’s set to private
What’s behind the screen name is just a guess
You’ll only see the pseudonym
Unless I get a friend request
You gotta tell me my real name, favorite color,
How old I was when my dog died,
And even after all that
You still may get denied.
I want to share my world with everyone
“Everyone” being just a few
I’m an e-xhibitionist
But who the hell are you?