By Julie Schmit, USA TODAY
Home buyers such as Bob and Janet Zych have fueled the U.S. housing market for decades.
They have excellent credit with scores that top 800, lifelong careers, and investment portfolios that have set them up for a comfortable retirement, they say.
But this year, “after faxing a ream of paper” about their finances, they got so fed up applying for a home loan that they simply wrote a check for their new $85,000 vacation condo in Phoenix.
Trying to get a loan “was just a nightmare,” says Bob Zych, 65, a manager for Mohawk Industries in Omaha.
Following the greatest housing crash since the Great Depression, home lending standards have tightened to their strictest levels in decades, economists say. And people such as the Zychs and others nationwide are paying the price.
Tight home-loan credit is affecting everything from home sales to household finances. Many borrowers are struggling to qualify for loans to buy homes. Others can’t take advantage of some of the lowest interest rates in 50 years because they don’t have enough equity in their homes to refinance. Those who can get loans need higher credit scores and bigger down payments than they would have in recent years. They face more demands to prove their incomes, verify assets, show steady employment, and explain things such as new credit cards and small bank account deposits.
Even then, they may not qualify for the lowest interest rates.
The NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF REALTORS® says lending standards are too tight and are hurting the housing industry’s recovery.
The lending industry counters that standards are where they need to be, given still-falling home prices and the shaky economy.
“It used to be anybody with a pulse could get a home loan. Now you have to be an Olympic athlete,” says Guy Cecala, of Inside Mortgage Finance.
“The pendulum has swung too far.”
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
NO on MS 26
Like many people with liberal leanings, I am pro-choice. Although I only agree with abortion under certain extreme circumstances, it is my belief that every woman should be in charge of her own body and make her own decision concerning whether to carry a child to term. It is neither okay for me to impose my own morals onto someone, nor for the government to mandate what a woman can and cannot do to her own body. Of course, this gets into the argument about abortion being an act against another and at what point a fetus is considered a person.
Under the proposed Personhood Amendment, a fetus in Mississippi would be considered a person from the moment of conception. The proposed amendment would read:
While this may sound well and good for those who are anti-abortion, consider this: the amendment in question would also undermines access to safe and reliable infertility medical treatments. After all, for in vitro fertilization (IVF), embryos are created (at which time, under the proposed legislation, they would be "people") and frozen. If an embryo is considered a person at the time of fertilization, IVF would be virtually impossible to administer in this state. Resolve.com, the site of the National Infertility Association, ask these questions:
There are other issues as well:
On November 8 I will be voting NO on MS 26. Not just because women deserve the right to terminate if that's their choice, but because women should have the right to have a family even when natural means of doing so are out.
Under the proposed Personhood Amendment, a fetus in Mississippi would be considered a person from the moment of conception. The proposed amendment would read:
Be it Enacted by the People of the State of Mississippi: SECTION 1. Article III of the constitution of the state of Mississippi is hereby amended BY THE ADDITION OF A NEW SECTION TO READ: Section 33. Person defined. As used in this Article III of the state constitution, "The term 'person' or 'persons' shall include every human being from the moment of fertilization, cloning or the functional equivalent thereof."
While this may sound well and good for those who are anti-abortion, consider this: the amendment in question would also undermines access to safe and reliable infertility medical treatments. After all, for in vitro fertilization (IVF), embryos are created (at which time, under the proposed legislation, they would be "people") and frozen. If an embryo is considered a person at the time of fertilization, IVF would be virtually impossible to administer in this state. Resolve.com, the site of the National Infertility Association, ask these questions:
- If one or more microscopic embryos from an IVF cycle do not develop normally in the lab or fail to result in live births after transfer (all natural events), could the physician, lab, and/or patient be criminally liable?
- Would non-IVF treatments such as simple inseminations be threatened because they carry a risk of miscarriage? (5) Would clinics with high miscarriage rates after inseminations be at risk for criminal liability? Could the miscarrying women be subject to criminal charges?
- Not all frozen embryos thaw successfully. Could embryo freezing be prohibited as too risky?
- Will patients be prevented from donating their frozen embryos to research after they complete infertility treatments?
- Will patients’ medical records be subpoenaed to ensure that no one violated the embryos’ constitutionally guaranteed right to life?
- May women who live in states where personhood laws pass travel to other states for IVF, or would their embryos still be restricted by the law of their home state, such that doctors in no other states would offer her treatment? Would she be forbidden to move any currently frozen embryos to another state to continue her treatment?
- If infertility patients in personhood states cannot afford to live in another state during treatment, will they simply have to forego the dream of having a family?
There are other issues as well:
Under state law, there are many places where "person" is referenced.
If more than five unrelated embryos/persons are housed in a single building, will it have to be licensed as a child residential care home?
In Pearl, there is an ordinance limiting occupancy to two persons in a bedroom. If a pregnant woman is two people, can she be in the same bed as her husband?
Moreover, IVF is not the only medical treatment that could be prevented by passage of the Personhood Amendment.
Effective treatment of tubal pregnancies, severe preeclampsia, and molar gestation could be prevented.
New stem cell treatments for patients with Parkinson's, Lou Gehrig's disease, and cancers like leukemia and choriocarcinoma would also be at risk.
If a physician is faced with the choice of saving a woman's life or refusing to harm an embryo/person, could he or she be sued for malpractice no matter what choice was made?
Do Mississippians really want more lawyers interfering in a family's personal medical decisions? (source)
On November 8 I will be voting NO on MS 26. Not just because women deserve the right to terminate if that's their choice, but because women should have the right to have a family even when natural means of doing so are out.
Monday, September 26, 2011
What is the Takeaway From the Troy Davis Case
As most of you know, Troy Davis was executed at 11:08 PM eastern time on September 21, 2011 in Jackson, GA. I won't rehash the details, as the whole thing has made me physically sick. If you're unfamiliar, a Google search will bring you up to speed. The question now is what do we do, what have we learned from this? Since this type of incident is nothing new, I don't feel that there are any new lessons, but we are reminded of some important facts:
In the end, it boils down to something that I retweeted the night Troy Davis was murdered: They won't give a sh*t about us until we give a sh*t about ourselves.
- We must be vigilant about doing our civic duties. We cannot rightfully complain about how unfair our justice & political systems are if we skip out on jury duty, fail to vote (for someone who actually represents what we believe, not just a party vote), and don't actively get involved with groups/organizations that are trying to make a difference in our government and communities. And it is important that we hold elected officials accountable. Remember the stance they take on important issues, then let it be known whether you support that stance by voting to keep them or boot them out of office.
- Sometimes, the call for action needs to come sooner. Troy Davis was convicted in 1989. I only heard about the case in the last two weeks. While I'm sure something was being done on the local level from the very beginning (I was only 4 years old at the time so I have no idea), what kind of strides could have been made if more people knew about it sooner? What if more churches, community groups, etc. had been able to spread the word and garner support for him sooner? We can't advocate for things we do not know about (which is why I wanted to knock some sense into those who berated folks on Twitter about "bandwagoning" because they learned about it at the last minute). Given that we have such a widespread and immediate forum via social networking, we shouldn't hesitate to use them.
- Being in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people could be a death sentence. This is especially true if you're Black in America; doubly true for Black men. We already know the odds are stacked against us and sometimes the only thing you have to be guilty of is being black. Knowing that, we should be conscious of our actions and associations. This doesn't mean that we live in fear; rather, it means being smart enough to survive.
In the end, it boils down to something that I retweeted the night Troy Davis was murdered: They won't give a sh*t about us until we give a sh*t about ourselves.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Going Green? Consider the GreenSwitch
These days, it's all about the green. For some people, saving green means saving money; for others, it means protecting the environment. Now there is an opportunity for savvy home owners to do both. GreenSwitch is an energy saving mechanism that puts you in control of your energy usage. From their site:
We all know our homes quietly drain electricity that we pay for but don’t actually get to use. There are those lights in the basement that we always forget to turn off, or thermostats that are heating or cooling unused spaces, or doing so at the wrong time of the day. And there is “phantom power”– electricity flowing to electronics that are in stand-by or “off” mode. GreenSwitch offers a simple and affordable way to control household energy that saves you time and money!
One convenient slide of the GreenSwitch puts you in custom control of your electricity usage. With GreenSwitch, you designate which outlets and lights are affected and you set the personal settings for your programmable climate control. Single-control outlets let you customize each outlet, allowing you, for example, to turn off the TV in one plug while keeping the digital video recorder in the other socket of the same outlet on and recording.
I chuckled when I read this, because I thought about my dad always fussing about us not unplugging the microwave when we were done. He was concerned about that phantom power usage! And if you are curious about how much "phantom power" is used by common household and office appliances, there is an interactive section on the site to show you. You may be surprised!
Since every home's energy needs and usage are different, GreenSwitch's site does not list prices. However, the site does have a Savings & Payback Calculator to show potential savings. The company also offers a free Home Analysis, in which you answer a few questions about your home and a representative will contact you to discuss (you may also call them).
Whether you are buying, selling, or content in the home you are in, I would encourage everyone to look into GreenSwitch. And if you're not ready to make that investment just yet, there are still ways to save energy and money. Just check out this Energy Savers Booklet (PDF) from the US Department of Energy.
Disclaimer: Tori Whitley is not affiliated with GreenSwitch and did not receive compensation to endorse this company.
The Top 3 Real Estate Deal-Killers
Once upon a time, homebuying was a much less dramatic affair then it is today. The house hunt was fun, if suspenseful, and then there was another exciting whirlwind of inspections, closing and moving in. Today, though, as soon as buyers get the gumption to jump off the rent vs. buy fence, they find themselves on another edge - the edge of their seats, through the entire escrow process waiting to see what obstacle will emerge next, and whether their transaction will survive it.
Deals get killed all the time, and buyers can't relax until they have keys actually in hand. Here are three of the most common real estate deal-killers, and some steps buyers can take to deactivate them.
1. Appraisal too low. Some buyers incorrectly believe that the best thing that could happen to them is for the property to appraise below the agreed-upon purchase price, expecting that a low appraisal forces the seller to bring the price down. In fact, so many of today’s sellers are barely breaking even, that a low appraisal is probably the most common deal-killer around. If an appraisal comes in just a tad bit lower than the contract price, usually the seller will come down if they can, or the buyer will kick in a few extra bucks. But when it comes in 5, 10 or even 20 percent low, most sellers can't - and most buyers won't .
Low appraisals also seem like the most difficult deal-killer to avoid, as this process is entirely out of both buyer's and seller's control. But there are two things buyers can do to minimize the risk. First, check the comps - i.e., recent comparable homes that have sold in the area - before making an offer; your agent will help you do this. Then, don't make an offer bizarrely above the average range of the comparables, even if the property has multiple offers, unless you're prepared to deal with a low appraisal a couple of weeks out.
Also, consider working with a local mortgage broker who also originates loans through its own bank (vs. walking into a large bank's branch off the street); these lenders have the ability to choose from a smaller pool of appraisers that they know are qualified and knowledgeable about your area.
2. Property condition dramas. When the market melted down, lenders found themselves with a lot of decrepit homes on their hands. This explains two things: (1) why lenders are more concerned about property condition now than ever, and (2) the raggedy condition of so many of the "distressed' homes on the market. Homes that have extensive wood rot, dangerous decks or electrical systems, or peeling paint and missing systems (sinks, stoves and the like) are highly unlikely to pass muster when the appraiser walks through, even if they do qualify as being worth the purchase price. And while an individual seller might be willing to do some work, many just can't afford to; short sale and REO sellers simply refuse to make fixes, 9 times out of 10.
Prevention is the best medicine for curing this transaction ailment. If you are buying a short sale or REO property, be aware that when the selling bank says as-is, it really means as-is. Ask your mortgage broker and agent to brief you on what sort of shape your lender will require your home to be in, at minimum, and keep that standard in mind during your house hunt. Your agent can help manage your expectations about which properties will and won't likely pass muster.
3. Loan approval takes too long. Every buyer knows they must get preapproved for a mortgage before they start house hunting, but many don't know that preapproval is just the first in a long list of steps that have to happen before the loan becomes a sure thing. In fact, it's common now for buyers to get their loan preapproval many months before they end up in contract, and lots can change in the interim - further extending the time it may take for their loan approval to come in.
It's common for contracts to include a standard loan contingency period of 17 days, give or take a few. But the appraisal might take longer than that to come in, or the underwriter might have lots of questions and seemingly random nitpicks about the appraisal, or about you: they want to see your driver's license, then your marriage license, then your divorce decree, and after that, a letter from your employer agreeing that you'll be keeping your job even though you're moving an hour away. It never seems like they ask for everything at once, thus it can take longer than 17 days to obtain all the requested items, turn them in and get the underwriter to sign off on them.
Until you get that green light, it's foolhardy to remove your loan contingency, as that step renders your earnest money deposit non-refundable, under most contracts. Many a buyer is forced to either secure an extension from the seller or to let the transaction die, rather than forfeiting their deposit funds. And again, some sellers understand and will play ball, but bank sellers can be particularly resistant to loan contingency extensions, especially if there are backup offers on the table.
Best practice for buyers to minimize the chances of an overtime loan approval process killing the deal? Be ready: be ready for lots of bizarre documentation requests, be ready to provide things you've already been asked for, and be ready to do so quick-like - without pushing back. The faster you can turn around the things the underwriter wants, the better.
Also, it can be very helpful to work with a mortgage broker and agent that have worked together before and have close communications, so that your agent can stay abreast of any and all loan process glitches and keep the listing agent apprised of the legitimate reasons you may need an extension throughout the contingency period, rather than assuring them everything's speeding along then having to ask for a last-minute extension.
(source)
Deals get killed all the time, and buyers can't relax until they have keys actually in hand. Here are three of the most common real estate deal-killers, and some steps buyers can take to deactivate them.
1. Appraisal too low. Some buyers incorrectly believe that the best thing that could happen to them is for the property to appraise below the agreed-upon purchase price, expecting that a low appraisal forces the seller to bring the price down. In fact, so many of today’s sellers are barely breaking even, that a low appraisal is probably the most common deal-killer around. If an appraisal comes in just a tad bit lower than the contract price, usually the seller will come down if they can, or the buyer will kick in a few extra bucks. But when it comes in 5, 10 or even 20 percent low, most sellers can't - and most buyers won't .
Low appraisals also seem like the most difficult deal-killer to avoid, as this process is entirely out of both buyer's and seller's control. But there are two things buyers can do to minimize the risk. First, check the comps - i.e., recent comparable homes that have sold in the area - before making an offer; your agent will help you do this. Then, don't make an offer bizarrely above the average range of the comparables, even if the property has multiple offers, unless you're prepared to deal with a low appraisal a couple of weeks out.
Also, consider working with a local mortgage broker who also originates loans through its own bank (vs. walking into a large bank's branch off the street); these lenders have the ability to choose from a smaller pool of appraisers that they know are qualified and knowledgeable about your area.
2. Property condition dramas. When the market melted down, lenders found themselves with a lot of decrepit homes on their hands. This explains two things: (1) why lenders are more concerned about property condition now than ever, and (2) the raggedy condition of so many of the "distressed' homes on the market. Homes that have extensive wood rot, dangerous decks or electrical systems, or peeling paint and missing systems (sinks, stoves and the like) are highly unlikely to pass muster when the appraiser walks through, even if they do qualify as being worth the purchase price. And while an individual seller might be willing to do some work, many just can't afford to; short sale and REO sellers simply refuse to make fixes, 9 times out of 10.
Prevention is the best medicine for curing this transaction ailment. If you are buying a short sale or REO property, be aware that when the selling bank says as-is, it really means as-is. Ask your mortgage broker and agent to brief you on what sort of shape your lender will require your home to be in, at minimum, and keep that standard in mind during your house hunt. Your agent can help manage your expectations about which properties will and won't likely pass muster.
3. Loan approval takes too long. Every buyer knows they must get preapproved for a mortgage before they start house hunting, but many don't know that preapproval is just the first in a long list of steps that have to happen before the loan becomes a sure thing. In fact, it's common now for buyers to get their loan preapproval many months before they end up in contract, and lots can change in the interim - further extending the time it may take for their loan approval to come in.
It's common for contracts to include a standard loan contingency period of 17 days, give or take a few. But the appraisal might take longer than that to come in, or the underwriter might have lots of questions and seemingly random nitpicks about the appraisal, or about you: they want to see your driver's license, then your marriage license, then your divorce decree, and after that, a letter from your employer agreeing that you'll be keeping your job even though you're moving an hour away. It never seems like they ask for everything at once, thus it can take longer than 17 days to obtain all the requested items, turn them in and get the underwriter to sign off on them.
Until you get that green light, it's foolhardy to remove your loan contingency, as that step renders your earnest money deposit non-refundable, under most contracts. Many a buyer is forced to either secure an extension from the seller or to let the transaction die, rather than forfeiting their deposit funds. And again, some sellers understand and will play ball, but bank sellers can be particularly resistant to loan contingency extensions, especially if there are backup offers on the table.
Best practice for buyers to minimize the chances of an overtime loan approval process killing the deal? Be ready: be ready for lots of bizarre documentation requests, be ready to provide things you've already been asked for, and be ready to do so quick-like - without pushing back. The faster you can turn around the things the underwriter wants, the better.
Also, it can be very helpful to work with a mortgage broker and agent that have worked together before and have close communications, so that your agent can stay abreast of any and all loan process glitches and keep the listing agent apprised of the legitimate reasons you may need an extension throughout the contingency period, rather than assuring them everything's speeding along then having to ask for a last-minute extension.
(source)
Morning Quickie: Where Does the Time Go?
For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work. ~Doug Larson
Even though I don't sleep the recommended eight hours of sleep and do my best to multitask, I never seem to have enough time. There is always another chapter to be read, report to be done, event to attend. More work to be done, miles to be walked on the treadmill and hair to be washed... Usually I end up falling asleep reading, writing, or tweeting.
So I'm trying to figure out how to make more time to do what I need to do. My main focus is time for writing, so that's where I'm starting. (If I try to do it all at once I know I'm gonna be completely overwhelmed.) My goal is to carve out one hour a day during the week and two hours on Sunday during which I unplug from everything and everyone. No phone, no Twitter, *gasp* no tv. Just me, my pen and notepad. Maybe my iPad if I can discipline myself not to get online. Once this becomes a regular habit, I'll move on to carving out time for other important things. I'll also try to use my calendars/organizers more. I put things on the calendar (computer, iPhone and iPad) but rarely check them. What good does that do? Lemme tell ya, it does absolutely no good. But imma do better, I promise!
Do you have 24-hours a day, or does it seem like someone shorted you a few hours? What do you do or use to manage your time wisely?
Thursday, September 22, 2011
I'm Not Every Woman
When Beyoncé announced her pregnancy, there was an almost immediate firestorm of articles and tweets about her "doing it the right way" and how her pregnancy put single mothers to shame. I imagine if she ever read those articles (though she probably stopped long ago) she would think, "Can I just have this baby for me and my husband? Does this have to be representative of how every Black woman should do? Can I live?!" (Sorry, that last line would've actually been mine.) Instead of being treated like an individual, she was examined, scrutinized, then heralded as "the model." But that's par for the course when you're a celebrity, right? But what about when us "regular" folks go through the same thing?
[caption id="attachment_1558" align="alignleft" width="196" caption="source"]
[/caption]
For many people the way they view "others," those with whom they don't personally identify, is shaped by a set of stereotypes that are perpetuated through tv and online. So whenever black women (or black people, or women) are the media's focal point, they are talking about me. Unfortunately, the image that people see most often of black women is that of the loud, uncouth hoodrat; the emasculating b*tch, the sex-crazed Jezebel, or the mammy. The problem with this is that not every black woman fits into one of these categories. True, there are some, but just as in any race we also have our professionals, students, humanitarians, nerds. *raises hands* Our characteristics run the gamut much like our skin tones.
My issue is that the media doesn't show this; it doesn't truly portray me. The result is an everyday battle to combat these stereotypes while still being true to myself. But this is easier said than done. If I'm overtly sexual, I'm the typical fast black girl. If I lose my cool and put someone in their place, I'm Sapphire. If the wrong person catches me bobbing my head and mouthing the words to a Waka Flocka Flame song then I'm automatically ghetto. (Okay, bad example; who really understands anything that Waka says? But I do love "No Hands." See, look at you judging!)
I'd like to be afforded the luxury of being seen as an individual. It would be nice to know that my actions won't reflect on the whole of black womandom--at least, not when they would reflect negatively. And it would be wonderful to know when others act in a less than savory manner that I am not categorized as "one of them" because "you know how they are." Sorry Chaka (and Whitney), but I am not every woman. I wish the world would realize that.
[caption id="attachment_1558" align="alignleft" width="196" caption="source"]
[/caption]For many people the way they view "others," those with whom they don't personally identify, is shaped by a set of stereotypes that are perpetuated through tv and online. So whenever black women (or black people, or women) are the media's focal point, they are talking about me. Unfortunately, the image that people see most often of black women is that of the loud, uncouth hoodrat; the emasculating b*tch, the sex-crazed Jezebel, or the mammy. The problem with this is that not every black woman fits into one of these categories. True, there are some, but just as in any race we also have our professionals, students, humanitarians, nerds. *raises hands* Our characteristics run the gamut much like our skin tones.
My issue is that the media doesn't show this; it doesn't truly portray me. The result is an everyday battle to combat these stereotypes while still being true to myself. But this is easier said than done. If I'm overtly sexual, I'm the typical fast black girl. If I lose my cool and put someone in their place, I'm Sapphire. If the wrong person catches me bobbing my head and mouthing the words to a Waka Flocka Flame song then I'm automatically ghetto. (Okay, bad example; who really understands anything that Waka says? But I do love "No Hands." See, look at you judging!)
I'd like to be afforded the luxury of being seen as an individual. It would be nice to know that my actions won't reflect on the whole of black womandom--at least, not when they would reflect negatively. And it would be wonderful to know when others act in a less than savory manner that I am not categorized as "one of them" because "you know how they are." Sorry Chaka (and Whitney), but I am not every woman. I wish the world would realize that.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Understanding Personality Types at Work Using MBTI
Anyone who has any work experience knows the frustration that comes along with working with different people. Often, we cannot understand why they do the things they do or act the way they do. However, there is a method of understanding people's personalities that can explain some of their tendencies and help create a more harmonious work environment. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is an accurate, easy to understand tool to determine personality types.
According to Introduction to Type, Isabelle Myers and her mother Katharine Cook Briggs studied the ideas of psychiatrist Carl G. Jung and applied those ideas in order to better understand the people around them. Developed in the 1940s, the MBTI has been used by numerous companies and organizations around the world to better understand their employees and develop training and career planning. This method looks at four factors and, using all possible combinations of these factors, places everyone in one of 16 personality types. The factors that are examined are energy, information intake, decision making and how we deal with the outside world.
Often we mistakenly think that being an extrovert simply means being loud while being an introvert means being shy and quiet. Yet there is more to it than that. Extroverts tend to process information externally. They will be the ones to blurt out the first thing that comes to mind in a meeting, and if no one else is around they can be found talking out loud to themselves. They draw their energy from other people, and as a result tend to visit fairly often, especially when they need to bounce ideas off of someone. Extroverts usually don't mind speaking at the spur of the moment.
Introverts, on the other hand, process information internally. These are the folks that will sit quietly in a meeting, perhaps jotting down notes, and will have questions or suggestions afterwards. They tend to think things over before speaking. Introverts are not unable to speak publicly; instead they simply need time to prepare. If an Introvert has an office door, you can expect it to be closed. Their energy tends to be drained by other people, so time alone is their chance to recharge.
Not everyone processes information the same way. When it comes to Sensors, a "just the facts" approach is best. Sensors are data-driven; they take in info through what they see, hear and read. They tend to be very by-the-book and have an eye for detail. Don't expect Sensors to stray from standard operating procedures. Their motto is "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!" Sensors are often seen as very grounded people, as their focus is on present realities.
Their somewhat flightier counterparts, Intuitives, are focused more on future possibilities. As such, they tend to question why things are done a certain way and seek out easier/better ways to do them. Intuitives like to see the big picture, but details can bore them. They are idea-driven, so instead of giving them facts and figures like you would a Sensor, explain how the information can be used to improve, increase, or enhance.
Don't let the names fool you. Thinkers do have feelings and Feelers can and do think! But when it comes to making decisions, everyone falls to one side or the other. Thinkers are logical and analytical. They will remove themselves from the situation to weigh the pros and cons. These objective decision makers look for a standard to apply in all similar situations. They believe that fairness means everyone is treated equally.
Feelers, on the other hand, are more empathetic. When making decisions, they do so with others in mind and are guided by their personal values. For Feelers, the goal is peace and harmony. Their decision making is objective, and their idea of fairness is that everyone is treated as an individual.
Out of all the factors, this is the one that causes the most friction in the workplace. On one side, you have Judgers. These people are very planned, orderly, and organized. They are methodical and systematic with their work, and make short-term and long-term plans. If a meeting is called for 9:00, expect them to be there at 8:55 at the latest unless something disastrous happens. Judgers are extremely time-sensitive.
It's no wonder that they would clash with Perceivers. It had to be a Perceiver that came up with the concept of "9-ish," because time is not concrete to them. Perceivers are flexible and spontaneous; they usually find routine to be boring and monotonous. They take a more casual approach to work and life than Sensors do. They welcome change and like to leave things open-ended, even up to the last minute. Not surprisingly, Perceivers are often prone to procrastination.
It is important to note that there are varying degrees of each of these traits. People with the same personality type may exhibit some characteristics more than others based on how strong their preference is towards that trait. It should also be noted that just because a person's preference is toward a certain characteristic, it doesn't mean that their behavior cannot be modified to fit a certain role. On the contrary, many people learn to adjust to fit a job, but there must be some outlet in their personal life that allows them to be their true self.
Hopefully, you will be able to better understand yourself and your coworkers (as well as your loved one) through the MBTI, and use it to create a peaceful, productive work environment.
Myers, Isabel Briggs. Introduction to Type. Mountain View, CA. CPP, Inc., 1998.
Originally posted at Suite101: Understanding Personality Types at Work Using MBTI | Suite101.com
According to Introduction to Type, Isabelle Myers and her mother Katharine Cook Briggs studied the ideas of psychiatrist Carl G. Jung and applied those ideas in order to better understand the people around them. Developed in the 1940s, the MBTI has been used by numerous companies and organizations around the world to better understand their employees and develop training and career planning. This method looks at four factors and, using all possible combinations of these factors, places everyone in one of 16 personality types. The factors that are examined are energy, information intake, decision making and how we deal with the outside world.
Extrovert vs. Introvert (Energy)
Often we mistakenly think that being an extrovert simply means being loud while being an introvert means being shy and quiet. Yet there is more to it than that. Extroverts tend to process information externally. They will be the ones to blurt out the first thing that comes to mind in a meeting, and if no one else is around they can be found talking out loud to themselves. They draw their energy from other people, and as a result tend to visit fairly often, especially when they need to bounce ideas off of someone. Extroverts usually don't mind speaking at the spur of the moment.
Introverts, on the other hand, process information internally. These are the folks that will sit quietly in a meeting, perhaps jotting down notes, and will have questions or suggestions afterwards. They tend to think things over before speaking. Introverts are not unable to speak publicly; instead they simply need time to prepare. If an Introvert has an office door, you can expect it to be closed. Their energy tends to be drained by other people, so time alone is their chance to recharge.
Sensing vs. Intuitive (Processing Information)
Not everyone processes information the same way. When it comes to Sensors, a "just the facts" approach is best. Sensors are data-driven; they take in info through what they see, hear and read. They tend to be very by-the-book and have an eye for detail. Don't expect Sensors to stray from standard operating procedures. Their motto is "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!" Sensors are often seen as very grounded people, as their focus is on present realities.
Their somewhat flightier counterparts, Intuitives, are focused more on future possibilities. As such, they tend to question why things are done a certain way and seek out easier/better ways to do them. Intuitives like to see the big picture, but details can bore them. They are idea-driven, so instead of giving them facts and figures like you would a Sensor, explain how the information can be used to improve, increase, or enhance.
Thinking vs. Feeling (Decision Making)
Don't let the names fool you. Thinkers do have feelings and Feelers can and do think! But when it comes to making decisions, everyone falls to one side or the other. Thinkers are logical and analytical. They will remove themselves from the situation to weigh the pros and cons. These objective decision makers look for a standard to apply in all similar situations. They believe that fairness means everyone is treated equally.
Feelers, on the other hand, are more empathetic. When making decisions, they do so with others in mind and are guided by their personal values. For Feelers, the goal is peace and harmony. Their decision making is objective, and their idea of fairness is that everyone is treated as an individual.
Judging vs. Perceiving (Dealing with the Outside World)
Out of all the factors, this is the one that causes the most friction in the workplace. On one side, you have Judgers. These people are very planned, orderly, and organized. They are methodical and systematic with their work, and make short-term and long-term plans. If a meeting is called for 9:00, expect them to be there at 8:55 at the latest unless something disastrous happens. Judgers are extremely time-sensitive.
It's no wonder that they would clash with Perceivers. It had to be a Perceiver that came up with the concept of "9-ish," because time is not concrete to them. Perceivers are flexible and spontaneous; they usually find routine to be boring and monotonous. They take a more casual approach to work and life than Sensors do. They welcome change and like to leave things open-ended, even up to the last minute. Not surprisingly, Perceivers are often prone to procrastination.
It is important to note that there are varying degrees of each of these traits. People with the same personality type may exhibit some characteristics more than others based on how strong their preference is towards that trait. It should also be noted that just because a person's preference is toward a certain characteristic, it doesn't mean that their behavior cannot be modified to fit a certain role. On the contrary, many people learn to adjust to fit a job, but there must be some outlet in their personal life that allows them to be their true self.
Hopefully, you will be able to better understand yourself and your coworkers (as well as your loved one) through the MBTI, and use it to create a peaceful, productive work environment.
Sources
Myers, Isabel Briggs. Introduction to Type. Mountain View, CA. CPP, Inc., 1998.
Originally posted at Suite101: Understanding Personality Types at Work Using MBTI | Suite101.com
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Greek Week Quickie: Christian and Greek--It's Possible!
Okay, so I keep seeing these groups and websites and reading blogs, etc from former Greeks who have renounced their various orgs in the name of religion. I'm not hating on that. If they feel they have to separate themselves in order to live holy, so be it. But why must they blame the organization and imply that it's impossible to love God and be a member of a BGLO. That is just stupid. I know numerous preachers, evangelists, teachers, etc. that are Greek-affiliated. I've seen real-life examples of those who are Greek but are exemplary Christians. So why do some feel the need to tear these orgs down? It's one thing to admit that they were not strong enough to live right while in an environment where it is easy to do wrong. But that does not mean that BGLOs are evil! It's upsetting to me because what they say diminishes the good things that Greeks do, and is misleading for those that do not have that much exposure to Greek life. And I'm in no way saying that I'm a perfect Christian--I'm far from it. But even I know that this whole notion of having to give up one for the other is preposterous. I love God, I love Zeta. It is possible!
*oldie FB note from Dec. 2006*
*oldie FB note from Dec. 2006*
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Greek Week: Where Are Our Positive Images?
[caption id="attachment_1533" align="aligncenter" width="336" caption="Photo Credit: NJ Coalition of Divine 9 Online"]
[/caption]
It is said that a good name is better than riches and should be desired above silver and gold. This definitely applies to Greek life as well. Too often we see negativity about our organizations brought to the forefront. Hazing incidents, accusations of excessive alcoholism and simply existing to party, financial scandals and negative stereotypes are usually the first thing out of the mouths of those unfamiliar with Black Greek Letter Organizations (BGLOs). But how is this so when our fraternities and sororities were created with high ideals in mind?
Think about the Principles that your founders laid out. Then ask yourself, "Am I helping to promote these principles, or am I hindering them?" More and more, I ask what I am doing to display Scholarship, Service, Sisterly Love and Finer Womanhood, both within the confines of Zeta Phi Beta and in everyday life as simply Tori D. At some point, we have to realize the importance of our own organizations, otherwise, how will the rest of the world? It is a must that we strive to make a difference on our campuses and in our communities and then make it known. It's okay to take your own horn, especially when you are combating negativity.
When people think of you and your organization, they should think of more than the scandals and lawsuits. They should say more than, "XYZ has the hottest parties" or "ABD makes the best punch/oil/juice." What service activities do people see? What can they say about you academically? What can be said of the character of your chapter/org members? I challenge all Greeks, myself included, to do more to honor our founding principles and portray our esteemed organizations in a positive light.
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[/caption]It is said that a good name is better than riches and should be desired above silver and gold. This definitely applies to Greek life as well. Too often we see negativity about our organizations brought to the forefront. Hazing incidents, accusations of excessive alcoholism and simply existing to party, financial scandals and negative stereotypes are usually the first thing out of the mouths of those unfamiliar with Black Greek Letter Organizations (BGLOs). But how is this so when our fraternities and sororities were created with high ideals in mind?
Think about the Principles that your founders laid out. Then ask yourself, "Am I helping to promote these principles, or am I hindering them?" More and more, I ask what I am doing to display Scholarship, Service, Sisterly Love and Finer Womanhood, both within the confines of Zeta Phi Beta and in everyday life as simply Tori D. At some point, we have to realize the importance of our own organizations, otherwise, how will the rest of the world? It is a must that we strive to make a difference on our campuses and in our communities and then make it known. It's okay to take your own horn, especially when you are combating negativity.
When people think of you and your organization, they should think of more than the scandals and lawsuits. They should say more than, "XYZ has the hottest parties" or "ABD makes the best punch/oil/juice." What service activities do people see? What can they say about you academically? What can be said of the character of your chapter/org members? I challenge all Greeks, myself included, to do more to honor our founding principles and portray our esteemed organizations in a positive light.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Greek Week: "The MRS Sorority Chick"
Our first Greek Week submission comes from Lo. She is a 24-year-old member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated (Spring 2010). College grad, up and coming community leader. You can catch her at http://singleblackfemale.tumblr.com and Twitter (@NoNamesJustLo). My, has my view on Greek Life changed since February 27, 2010. Whoever said that your perception of Greek Life will change after crossing wasn't lying. If anything I've become annoyed with the dynamics of the social aspect of being Greek, but I guess my reasons for joining plus my age and mindset have something to do with that.
Soon as I hit college at the tender age of 18 I always dreamed of becoming a Delta. I loved what they did for the community as well as my personal upbringing, but the social aspect caught my eye as well. Just looking at how the Greeks interacted with each other made it look fun to be a successful college student. Then once I turned 23 I was given the opportunity of a lifetime to become a member so I was anxiously awaiting the exposure to the inside of being Greek.
And what a world it is.
[caption id="attachment_1529" align="alignright" width="259" caption="This is bad sorority behavior to the EXTREME, but don't think you're off the hook!"]
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Now don't get me wrong, soon as I got pinned I was ready to hit the ground running in service, but part of me still wanted to see if all that glitters in the social aspect is still gold. And outside of the usual Greeks overcompensating for what they lacked while on line (second chance pledgees are what I call them) I saw a whole "new" monster brewing....the MRS Sorority Chick.
We all know of at least one MRS Sorority Chick; shoot you might know a line/chapter of them. A group of thirsty chicks who saved up wads of money to wear letters and increase their chances of getting chose. The sorority chick that will steamroll past her Sorors to speak to her "frat" (the quotations are intentional for those whom it may apply). The sorority chick who has no issues selling out her Soror to get approval from the frats.
I've seen this in EVERY sorority as they interact with others and it disgusts me to no end. I know the dating scene is kind of tough and womenfolk are trying to get serenaded by her Sorors on her special day and all, but since when has it been okay to exchange sisterhood for a joint license plate?
One thing that pisses me off is that when I'm at a Greek function and there is a performance going on. Some of the sororities may cheer their Sorors on, yadda yadda yadda...but when the fraternities get on stage they go SICK. Seriously? Why are you cheering on the frats harder than YOUR OWN SORORS?! And then the choreography of these strolls along with your attire....ma'am. I understand that times are different from when people did strolls before, but synchronized stripping while representing your organization will never be the business. Who are you repping for; it can't be your Founders! I'm sure that every woman in a sorority has been taught the importance of sophistication and ladylike behavior, to hold yourself and your org in its highest esteem. Buttcheek isolation while holding up your hand sign is the exact opposite of that.
"Girl, bye the guys can be sexual in their strolls so we can too." Absolutely not. Double standards still apply; plus you shouldn't try to govern your actions in a SORORity based on a FRATERnity.
To be honest it feels as if a great deal of women with membership cards and a shield to lean on are more about the approval of men than their own Sorors. I mean, any time you blast your Soror in front of "your" frat (another intentional quote) to prove how "hard/made" you are you're doing the exact opposite of that....but you should know that already. I'm well aware of the bonds that some frats/sorors may share due to similar intensities of their intake process, but you NEVER forsake the bond you have with your Soror for that. Your loyalty is to her; you both share the same shield, say the same oath, wear the same letters/symbols. This mess should go without saying but looking at parched broads embarrassing their organization for the peen I guess it needs to be said. Yes there are guys who blast their frat and act the same way, but its more common amongst us ladies and it looks worse when we do it. You don't see guys skipping over their frat to speak to you, and if he does its only a matter of minutes before you see him in the center of a huddle with his frat. If you can't be loyal to your Soror why would he think you'd be loyal to him? You're in a SISTERhood...you protect her before any other Greek no matter what.
Can we chalk up this new wave of Pillow Talk 2.0 to the floodgates being left open for who were letting in our orgs? Has loyalty become an optional lesson when teaching new members and potential Sorors how to govern themselves? Are more women seeking MRS by way of XYZ nowadays or is this Neo only seeing the fervent actions of people excited about being Greek?
I just want to see women rep their sorority in the proper manner because they are proud of what they have accomplished and what they stand for, not because the fraters love it *shrugs*
Soon as I hit college at the tender age of 18 I always dreamed of becoming a Delta. I loved what they did for the community as well as my personal upbringing, but the social aspect caught my eye as well. Just looking at how the Greeks interacted with each other made it look fun to be a successful college student. Then once I turned 23 I was given the opportunity of a lifetime to become a member so I was anxiously awaiting the exposure to the inside of being Greek.
And what a world it is.
[caption id="attachment_1529" align="alignright" width="259" caption="This is bad sorority behavior to the EXTREME, but don't think you're off the hook!"]
[/caption]Now don't get me wrong, soon as I got pinned I was ready to hit the ground running in service, but part of me still wanted to see if all that glitters in the social aspect is still gold. And outside of the usual Greeks overcompensating for what they lacked while on line (second chance pledgees are what I call them) I saw a whole "new" monster brewing....the MRS Sorority Chick.
We all know of at least one MRS Sorority Chick; shoot you might know a line/chapter of them. A group of thirsty chicks who saved up wads of money to wear letters and increase their chances of getting chose. The sorority chick that will steamroll past her Sorors to speak to her "frat" (the quotations are intentional for those whom it may apply). The sorority chick who has no issues selling out her Soror to get approval from the frats.
I've seen this in EVERY sorority as they interact with others and it disgusts me to no end. I know the dating scene is kind of tough and womenfolk are trying to get serenaded by her Sorors on her special day and all, but since when has it been okay to exchange sisterhood for a joint license plate?
One thing that pisses me off is that when I'm at a Greek function and there is a performance going on. Some of the sororities may cheer their Sorors on, yadda yadda yadda...but when the fraternities get on stage they go SICK. Seriously? Why are you cheering on the frats harder than YOUR OWN SORORS?! And then the choreography of these strolls along with your attire....ma'am. I understand that times are different from when people did strolls before, but synchronized stripping while representing your organization will never be the business. Who are you repping for; it can't be your Founders! I'm sure that every woman in a sorority has been taught the importance of sophistication and ladylike behavior, to hold yourself and your org in its highest esteem. Buttcheek isolation while holding up your hand sign is the exact opposite of that.
"Girl, bye the guys can be sexual in their strolls so we can too." Absolutely not. Double standards still apply; plus you shouldn't try to govern your actions in a SORORity based on a FRATERnity.
To be honest it feels as if a great deal of women with membership cards and a shield to lean on are more about the approval of men than their own Sorors. I mean, any time you blast your Soror in front of "your" frat (another intentional quote) to prove how "hard/made" you are you're doing the exact opposite of that....but you should know that already. I'm well aware of the bonds that some frats/sorors may share due to similar intensities of their intake process, but you NEVER forsake the bond you have with your Soror for that. Your loyalty is to her; you both share the same shield, say the same oath, wear the same letters/symbols. This mess should go without saying but looking at parched broads embarrassing their organization for the peen I guess it needs to be said. Yes there are guys who blast their frat and act the same way, but its more common amongst us ladies and it looks worse when we do it. You don't see guys skipping over their frat to speak to you, and if he does its only a matter of minutes before you see him in the center of a huddle with his frat. If you can't be loyal to your Soror why would he think you'd be loyal to him? You're in a SISTERhood...you protect her before any other Greek no matter what.
Can we chalk up this new wave of Pillow Talk 2.0 to the floodgates being left open for who were letting in our orgs? Has loyalty become an optional lesson when teaching new members and potential Sorors how to govern themselves? Are more women seeking MRS by way of XYZ nowadays or is this Neo only seeing the fervent actions of people excited about being Greek?
I just want to see women rep their sorority in the proper manner because they are proud of what they have accomplished and what they stand for, not because the fraters love it *shrugs*
Thursday, September 8, 2011
I Don't Want Kids, and It's Not Just a Phase!
[caption id="attachment_1522" align="alignright" width="200" caption="As cuuuuuute as this baby is, I still don't want one. I do wanna hold her though..."]
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I cannot ever remember a time that I did want to have children. There was that phase when I was with a particular ex that I started to see a family with two or three kids, but that was short-lived and died with the relationship. Whenever the issue has come up, I haven't hesitated to let people know that my future family will consist of myself, my husband, and a dog or two. This isn't something that was decided on a whim. Through a combination of observing others and determining my own life path, it became apparent that I am not meant to be a parent.There are several reasons for this, among them being that I acknowledge that I am too impatient and selfish with my time, money & attention to be a good mom. I don't see that changing any time soon (just being honest) and I refuse to be a bad mom. For years, I have stood firm in the affirmation that kids, while great, just do not fit into my life plan.
So why does everyone feel the need to tell me that it's just a phase?
Since when do phases last nearly 20 years? And why do they assume that at this point in life I don't know what I want? I want an exciting career. I want to be able to pick up and travel at a moment's notice. I want to pamper myself and my husband. I want to be able to have wild, spur-of-the-moment sex all over the house without worrying about a little one seeing or hearing us. I want to play with other folks' kids, buy them cute outfits and toys, then send them back to their own parents when they throw a fit. That's what I want. I do not want kids.
I applaud those who have it in them to love and nurture a child. It's an awesome task that more people should think seriously about before jumping into it. Just because you can have a baby doesn't mean you should. Everyone isn't meant for it, as evidenced by the horrid stories that are seen on the news about abuse and neglect. Even though that is the extreme end of "bad parenting," there are still those who do not consider how their actions and decisions may negatively affect their children. In my opinion, these people are just as selfish as I am. The only difference is that I can admit it to myself and realize that what a child doesn't need is a parent like me.
[/caption]I cannot ever remember a time that I did want to have children. There was that phase when I was with a particular ex that I started to see a family with two or three kids, but that was short-lived and died with the relationship. Whenever the issue has come up, I haven't hesitated to let people know that my future family will consist of myself, my husband, and a dog or two. This isn't something that was decided on a whim. Through a combination of observing others and determining my own life path, it became apparent that I am not meant to be a parent.There are several reasons for this, among them being that I acknowledge that I am too impatient and selfish with my time, money & attention to be a good mom. I don't see that changing any time soon (just being honest) and I refuse to be a bad mom. For years, I have stood firm in the affirmation that kids, while great, just do not fit into my life plan.
So why does everyone feel the need to tell me that it's just a phase?
Since when do phases last nearly 20 years? And why do they assume that at this point in life I don't know what I want? I want an exciting career. I want to be able to pick up and travel at a moment's notice. I want to pamper myself and my husband. I want to be able to have wild, spur-of-the-moment sex all over the house without worrying about a little one seeing or hearing us. I want to play with other folks' kids, buy them cute outfits and toys, then send them back to their own parents when they throw a fit. That's what I want. I do not want kids.
I applaud those who have it in them to love and nurture a child. It's an awesome task that more people should think seriously about before jumping into it. Just because you can have a baby doesn't mean you should. Everyone isn't meant for it, as evidenced by the horrid stories that are seen on the news about abuse and neglect. Even though that is the extreme end of "bad parenting," there are still those who do not consider how their actions and decisions may negatively affect their children. In my opinion, these people are just as selfish as I am. The only difference is that I can admit it to myself and realize that what a child doesn't need is a parent like me.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Using What You've Got
*I originally posted this at Skirt.com, where I am now writing as a Skirtsetter! Give the site a visit if you haven't already.We've all heard the phrase "Use what you've got until you get what you want." It is sound advice, and is applied to many areas of life. But how far should that go? According to a new book, that includes using your feminine wiles to get ahead at work. Catherine Hakim, who is a research fellow at the London School of Economics, has written a book titled Erotic Capital: the Power of Attraction in the Boardroom and Bedroom. In this book, she says six qualities (beauty, sex appeal, social grace, liveliness, social presentation, and sexual competence) combine to create erotic capital. However, she insists that it does not involve sleeping your way to the top.
Not having read the book, I can't give a full and effective critique of this line of thinking. However, I do have some concerns that I hope the book addresses. The main thing that stood out to me was that it seems to assume that a straight male is the one who determines how far a woman goes in a company. Will she address other possibilities, or is her ideology based solely on heteronormativity and correlating gender roles?
I would also like to read the author's discussion on how this erotic capital comes into play when dealing with sexual harassment. Yes, we all know that harassment and assaults occur even when there is no provocation. But we do not live in an ideal world; the victim's behavior, dress, attitude, etc. all comes under scrutiny when there are claims of sexual harassment. Could this erotic capital be an additional problem for those facing this issue?
To a lesser extent, I'm curious as to whether Ms. Hakim foresees any potential rifts between those who go through the more traditional channels of advancement and those using erotic capital. Surely they would not see each other the same, nor would they be viewed the same by others in the company. What could that mean for those who follow her suggestion, and how can they avoid or overcome that?
Just off of general principle I can't say that I agree with this idea. Yes, of course you should look your best, exude confidence, etc. but shouldn't that be done for yourself? I'll let my work and attitude speak for me on the job, and save the exotic capital for getting out of speeding tickets.
Ladies do any of you use your "erotic capital" at work or do you know someone who does? How has it affected them career-wise and emotionally? If you don't, do you think this is something you would try? Speak out!
From The Daily Beast:
Hakim defines erotic capital as more than just sex: a combination of beauty, style, social skills, and charm that can be learned (or, shall we say, bought). If that means spending a fortune on brand-name clothes, so be it—because erotic capital is as important in today’s workplace, she says, as intelligence or skill. Dieting and exercise? That should be a given, because nobody wants to hire the overweight. Tanning, hair dye—even cosmetic surgery. Those are all necessary evils if you’re really driven to make it to the top, says Hakim. (Perfume and high heels also have been known to do the trick.)
“Anyone, even quite an ugly person, can be attractive if they just have the right kind of hairstyle, clothes, and present themselves to the best effect,” Hakim tells The Daily Beast. “This isn’t a frivolous spending of money. It has real benefits.” As a famous cosmetics creator once put it: “There are no ugly women, only lazy ones.”
Not having read the book, I can't give a full and effective critique of this line of thinking. However, I do have some concerns that I hope the book addresses. The main thing that stood out to me was that it seems to assume that a straight male is the one who determines how far a woman goes in a company. Will she address other possibilities, or is her ideology based solely on heteronormativity and correlating gender roles?
I would also like to read the author's discussion on how this erotic capital comes into play when dealing with sexual harassment. Yes, we all know that harassment and assaults occur even when there is no provocation. But we do not live in an ideal world; the victim's behavior, dress, attitude, etc. all comes under scrutiny when there are claims of sexual harassment. Could this erotic capital be an additional problem for those facing this issue?
To a lesser extent, I'm curious as to whether Ms. Hakim foresees any potential rifts between those who go through the more traditional channels of advancement and those using erotic capital. Surely they would not see each other the same, nor would they be viewed the same by others in the company. What could that mean for those who follow her suggestion, and how can they avoid or overcome that?
Just off of general principle I can't say that I agree with this idea. Yes, of course you should look your best, exude confidence, etc. but shouldn't that be done for yourself? I'll let my work and attitude speak for me on the job, and save the exotic capital for getting out of speeding tickets.
Ladies do any of you use your "erotic capital" at work or do you know someone who does? How has it affected them career-wise and emotionally? If you don't, do you think this is something you would try? Speak out!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Afternoon Quickie: Never Too Late
I hope all of you had a wonderful Labor Day! It was pretty overcast here, thanks to tropical storm Lee. So I stayed indoors and worked on myself, inside and out. On the outside, I took care of my hair, face, hands and feet. Inside? Well, that's a bit more complicated. I'm reading business, writing... Basically trying to push myself towards the life I really want. My goal for today (and for life, really) is to realize that it is never too late to be who I might have been. (That's a paraphrased George Eliot quote by the way.)
Recently, I've been reading more and more about people who decided to forgo the "safe" path and follow their dreams, even when they were well into their 50s and 60s. Here I am in my mid-20s, why shouldn't I go for it? The thing now is determining what to go for and how to go after it. I'm seriously considering going back to school, this time for a Masters in Public Relations and Corporate Communications. Although some may see pursuing another Masters as overkill, I see it fitting perfectly in my grand scheme of things. For a while I beat myself up for not looking into PR while I was in undergrad (after I realized fashion design was out, I blindly chose business administration under the assumption that I would always be able to find a job with that). But I quickly realized that focusing on that bad decision would get me nowhere. Instead, I needed to find a solution for the here and now. Once I set my sights on that, things because clearer and I was able to start taking steps towards the life I want.
I'm encouraging each of you to follow your passions. Whether it is changing careers, going back to school, running a marathon or simply learning to cook a different cuisine... Whatever you want to do is within your reach. As long as you're breathing, it's not too late. So what are you waiting for? Go out and make something happen!
Recently, I've been reading more and more about people who decided to forgo the "safe" path and follow their dreams, even when they were well into their 50s and 60s. Here I am in my mid-20s, why shouldn't I go for it? The thing now is determining what to go for and how to go after it. I'm seriously considering going back to school, this time for a Masters in Public Relations and Corporate Communications. Although some may see pursuing another Masters as overkill, I see it fitting perfectly in my grand scheme of things. For a while I beat myself up for not looking into PR while I was in undergrad (after I realized fashion design was out, I blindly chose business administration under the assumption that I would always be able to find a job with that). But I quickly realized that focusing on that bad decision would get me nowhere. Instead, I needed to find a solution for the here and now. Once I set my sights on that, things because clearer and I was able to start taking steps towards the life I want.
I'm encouraging each of you to follow your passions. Whether it is changing careers, going back to school, running a marathon or simply learning to cook a different cuisine... Whatever you want to do is within your reach. As long as you're breathing, it's not too late. So what are you waiting for? Go out and make something happen!
Why I Don't Care if Natural Hair is Just a "Fad"
[caption id="attachment_1509" align="alignleft" width="200" caption=""I've BEEN in the game!""]
[/caption]
"This is just a fad for them; I've been natural 10/20/100 years!" For some reason, this is a comment that I see over and over again on natural hair sites and message boards. Some ladies who have been natural for a while seem to look down at those of us who have decided to go natural within the last few years. To me, it's very sad but a little laughable as well.
With the exception of those who have never had any chemicals applied to their hair, everyone had some starting point for their natural journey. So to say that because you're only x number of months in the game, you aren't "real" about it is rather absurd. But it is rather dashing to realize that there is yet another division among us. Not only do we have natural vs. relaxed and "real" naturals (4b & c) against other hair types, we can add newbie naturals vs. old heads. Why do we do this to ourselves?!
Listen, if it is a fad for someone else, that should have no bearing on what goes on with your hair. And yes, it is a fad for
some. Some ladies will cut all their hair off and rock a TWA, then perm it when it gets a little longer, then dye it some outrageous color, wear a weave for a while, and do any and everything in between. So what? It's their head, their style, their choice. Whether they are natural for a few months, a year, the rest of their lives, or even if they never go natural at all, my only concern is that people (and black women and men in particular) realize that we don't have to have silky straight locks to be beautiful. We don't have to feel that relaxing our hair is the only option to be "presentable." Our hair, in its natural state can be elegant, professional, funky, casual and healthy. As long as that message gets through, it doesn't matter if others think it's a fad, trend, or lifestyle change.
[/caption]"This is just a fad for them; I've been natural 10/20/100 years!" For some reason, this is a comment that I see over and over again on natural hair sites and message boards. Some ladies who have been natural for a while seem to look down at those of us who have decided to go natural within the last few years. To me, it's very sad but a little laughable as well.
With the exception of those who have never had any chemicals applied to their hair, everyone had some starting point for their natural journey. So to say that because you're only x number of months in the game, you aren't "real" about it is rather absurd. But it is rather dashing to realize that there is yet another division among us. Not only do we have natural vs. relaxed and "real" naturals (4b & c) against other hair types, we can add newbie naturals vs. old heads. Why do we do this to ourselves?!
Listen, if it is a fad for someone else, that should have no bearing on what goes on with your hair. And yes, it is a fad for
some. Some ladies will cut all their hair off and rock a TWA, then perm it when it gets a little longer, then dye it some outrageous color, wear a weave for a while, and do any and everything in between. So what? It's their head, their style, their choice. Whether they are natural for a few months, a year, the rest of their lives, or even if they never go natural at all, my only concern is that people (and black women and men in particular) realize that we don't have to have silky straight locks to be beautiful. We don't have to feel that relaxing our hair is the only option to be "presentable." Our hair, in its natural state can be elegant, professional, funky, casual and healthy. As long as that message gets through, it doesn't matter if others think it's a fad, trend, or lifestyle change.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Afternoon Quickie: What I Did on My Summer Vacation
Do y'all remember doing those "What I did on my summer vacation" reports in elementary school? I do, and I hated them. My parents weren't big on... well, anything really. The last little trip we took was the summer before kindergarten to the Mississippi Gulf Coast for a day. Often, my "What I did" report would consist of little more than going to stay with my grandmother during the day and the occasional family reunion. I always said that when I got older I would have an exciting life full of stories of adventure. Yet here I am, years removed from the classroom, and my summers are pretty much the same, with the exception of going to Big Momma's house every day (because now I get to go to work... fun fun!) Another summer is drawing to a close and I can't say that I've had a getaway with the boo or the girls, or even a staycation for that matter. That dream of big trips, good times with friends and relaxing moments alone in exotic locales is still a goal, just one that I haven't achieved yet. But I can say that this summer I sold my parents' house, got a promotion (still waiting on that raise though), started making steps to my next big career goal, got out to more events in and around Jackson and started working towards being a healthier Tori D. Not the relaxing fun summer some have had, but not bad in my opinion!
So ladies and gents, what would your "What I did on my summer vacation" report sound like? What do you wish you could say about your summer?
Thursday, September 1, 2011
The Five Most Important Books that I've Read
Topic from The Daily PostThis post has been sitting in my drafts folder for a while, because I've been agonizing over this list. Really, how do you choose just five books when you've read hundreds over your lifetime? Then there was the question of "Important, how?" (impacting my writing style? giving insight to a personal struggle? just a good story that stuck with me?) and whether I should include the obvious books. In the end, I skipped The Bible (the obvious choice for a lot of people) and other pretentious sounding works like Homer's The Odyssey (but I did like that one). I just decided to go with the books that stood out in my mind.The Handmaid's Tale
The Handmaid's Tale is one of very few high school required reading books that I actually read all the way through instead of simply scanning the Cliff's Notes. Actually, I think it was this book that piqued my interest in dystopian novels. Surprisingly, it's hard to pinpoint any one specific thing about this book that makes it one of my favorites. For one thing, it was completely unlike anything else that I had read up until that point, and I was invested in the story from page one. It was also realistic; the story was not so far-fetched that I could not see it happening (though certain aspects of it were a bit fantastic). Overall, it was well-written, and it's one of the few books that I can read over and over again.
Shifting
This is one of the most powerful books I've ever read because it assured me that I wasn't alone. There are so many times when I, as a black woman, have to shift my thinking, speech, etc. due to my environment. Where others get to simply be themselves and not give it a second thought, those in my position--hit with two minority designations--have to consider how words, actions, appearance and attitudes will affect interactions with others (those who do and don't look like us). For a while I wondered if I was the only one that dealt with that, putting on different faces for work, church, school and home. While this book did not necessarily provide answers to that feeling of multiplicity (presumably because there are none) it was a relief to know that it wasn't just all in my head. I'd recommend this book to other black women as well as non-black women and men. It may help to ease some of those relationships, or at least create a jumping point for dialog.
Naked
Like Shifting, Naked focuses on the stories of black women. This time, the discussion is about their unique physical features in their own words. Although I knew I wasn't the only black woman to face issues of self-confidence, identity and body image, it was comforting to read the stories of others. I love that this book is told directly from the perspective of black women (not an outsider looking in). And actually, women of all races and backgrounds can relate to many of the stories that are told. This is one of those books that I want to share with other women in my circle, as well as little cousins, nieces and my own daughters (should I ever have any).
Modern Girl's Guide to Life
This was one of the first non-fiction/self-help books I ever read. Honestly what first drew me to this book was the cartoonish drawing on the cover. (Yes, I sometimes judge books by their covers. DJM!) I love that this book is filled with information about such a wide range of topics. Most of it is common sense, admittedly, and it wasn't just a light, fun read. (The cover lied to me y'all!) But it is interesting and a great reference. I feel like the author did a great job with this one.
The Hell With Love
I bought this book of poetry after a break up... I can't remember which one. My favorite thing about this book is how it is divided up into the different stages one goes through at the end of a relationship (according to the authors of course). As I cycled through those stages
So there it is, my five most important books in no particular order. Hopefully I will have books on someone's most important list one day soon! So tell me, what are the most important books that you've read, and why?
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