Using What You've Got

*I originally posted this at Skirt.com, where I am now writing as a Skirtsetter! Give the site a visit if you haven't already.

We've all heard the phrase "Use what you've got until you get what you want." It is sound advice, and is applied to many areas of life. But how far should that go? According to a new book, that includes using your feminine wiles to get ahead at work. Catherine Hakim, who is a research fellow at the London School of Economics, has written a book titled Erotic Capital: the Power of Attraction in the Boardroom and Bedroom. In this book, she says six qualities (beauty, sex appeal, social grace, liveliness, social presentation, and sexual competence) combine to create erotic capital. However, she insists that it does not involve sleeping your way to the top.

From The Daily Beast:
Hakim defines erotic capital as more than just sex: a combination of beauty, style, social skills, and charm that can be learned (or, shall we say, bought). If that means spending a fortune on brand-name clothes, so be it—because erotic capital is as important in today’s workplace, she says, as intelligence or skill. Dieting and exercise? That should be a given, because nobody wants to hire the overweight. Tanning, hair dye—even cosmetic surgery. Those are all necessary evils if you’re really driven to make it to the top, says Hakim. (Perfume and high heels also have been known to do the trick.)

“Anyone, even quite an ugly person, can be attractive if they just have the right kind of hairstyle, clothes, and present themselves to the best effect,” Hakim tells The Daily Beast. “This isn’t a frivolous spending of money. It has real benefits.”  As a famous cosmetics creator once put it: “There are no ugly women, only lazy ones.”

Not having read the book, I can't give a full and effective critique of this line of thinking. However, I do have some concerns that I hope the book addresses. The main thing that stood out to me was that it seems to assume that a straight male is the one who determines how far a woman goes in a company. Will she address other possibilities, or is her ideology based solely on heteronormativity and correlating gender roles?

I would also like to read the author's discussion on how this erotic capital comes into play when dealing with sexual harassment. Yes, we all know that harassment and assaults occur even when there is no provocation. But we do not live in an ideal world; the victim's behavior, dress, attitude, etc. all comes under scrutiny when there are claims of sexual harassment. Could this erotic capital be an additional problem for those facing this issue?

To a lesser extent, I'm curious as to whether Ms. Hakim foresees any potential rifts between those who go through the more traditional channels of advancement and those using erotic capital. Surely they would not see each other the same, nor would they be viewed the same by others in the company. What could that mean for those who follow her suggestion, and how can they avoid or overcome that?

Just off of general principle I can't say that I agree with this idea. Yes, of course you should look your best, exude confidence, etc. but shouldn't that be done for yourself? I'll let my work and attitude speak for me on the job, and save the exotic capital for getting out of speeding tickets.

Ladies do any of you use your "erotic capital" at work or do you know someone who does? How has it affected them career-wise and emotionally? If you don't, do you think this is something you would try? Speak out!

My Current Motivation

Yesterday, as I began to prepare for my first listing presentation (yay, me!) I was suddenly hit with an overwhelming feeling of anxiety. Chest tightening, shaking, the whole nine yards. Thoughts of "What if they don't like me? What if they won't want me because I'm inexperienced? What if they ask me something I don't know? What if I miss something crucial that messes up the whole experience?" flooded my head, and in that instant I wanted to say "never mind!"

I prayed. I breathed deeply. I re-grouped.
I reminded myself that I do not run and hide, and that I could overcome any obstacle I encountered even if I fell and looked foolish a few times in the process.
I got back to work.

Today I'm still working on my presentation, getting details, running reports, making my presentation pretty and whatnot. I took a little break to look at a blog that I haven't visited in a while. I viewed some of the cards on Affirm Art and came across the affirmation I needed for today (and really, the rest of this very busy year):

courtesy of affirmart.blogspot.com

Although my plate is full and new obligations are being added to my calendar daily, I am happy that it is that way. Knowing that I am capable of dealing with anything and making situations work in my favor has given me renewed energy. I'm ready to work.

Tori D.'s Guide to Interviews & Job Fairs

It was hard as heck trying to find a picture of "black professionals."
What are you trying to say, Google?

As part of my 8-to-5 torture that sponsors my not-so-lavish lifestyle job, I occasionally participate in state-sponsored job fairs. While I am not happy with the idea of saying the same thing over and over almost non-stop for hours, it is a much welcomed break from sitting here banging my head on the desk.

It also gives me renewed determination concerning the nonprofits that I want to start. There are so many people who don't have the first clue about how to present themselves. One of my goals is to provide help for those who may not have had the opportunity to go to college career centers or didn't have family/friends/mentors to give them the Dos & Don'ts  of seeking an interview. Although I don't have the resources to do that now, I do have this forum to share some tips. I wish I could still get to my tweets from the job fair I worked several months ago, but of course Twitter makes it pretty much impossible to go back that far. Soooo here we go:

1. Dress like you expect a job.
I swear I've seen it all: pajamas, club clothes, dirty tattered tshirts, sagging jeans showing almost the whole ass... all of this at job fairs. I think most people just see job fairs as an expo of businesses that are in the area, not realizing that this is more or less a "pre-interview." (And for some, interviews are done on the spot.) Would you go to an interview half naked or with rollers in your hair? Okay, you might, but you certainly shouldn't! And while it is true that some companies have a more laid back culture, the first impression is a lasting impression. For an interview, you can sorta find out how the company culture is and determine whether a suit or "dressy casual" (nice slacks/skirt, button down for guys, blouse that doesn't reveal too much cleavage for women, dress shoes) is appropriate. For job fairs, it's best to err on the side of caution and pull out a suit (or at least shirt & tie for guys). And I know everyone may not have money for top of the line, name brand business attire. Neither do I! But JCPenney, Belk, and [your local department store] are forever having clearance sales. Take the money that you would spend otherwise on one club outfit, shoes, a fake purse & weave and invest in yourself.

2. Leave your "game" at home.
Hitting on the recruiters will not land you a job, unless they are really sleazy and hard up. More than likely, it will get you mentally written off. Who wants to be responsible for a possible sexual harassment issue later on down the line, especially when the signs were there from jump? Save the comments about lips, legs, breast, booty, etc. In fact, just save any comments about appearance. Unless you're complimenting the shoes. :)

3. Bathe & brush your teeth!
Okay, this shouldn't be just for interviews and job fairs, clearly. But if there were eeeever a time not to be smelling like onions, feet & sweaty sex, this is it. Not really a whole lot more to say about that...

4. Have some questions ready to ask, and think of answers to common interview questions.
Usually for job fairs, there is a list of the employers that will be in attendance. Select a few that you are interested in and learn a little bit about those companies. Then, when you're speaking with a recruiter, you can sound informed when discussion who they are and what they do. Asking "What dis do?" or "Who y'all is?" is a dead give-away that you have done zero preparation. You should, however, have some type of questions in mind. I usually go for questions concerning advancement opportunities, lateral moves, something to show that I'm thinking long-term with the company.

5. Cover up the tattoos.
I know that these days, most people have tats. In fact, I have one and plan to get more. But an employer will never see them, because a lot of people still view tattoos negatively. If you have visible tattoos, like on your neck and hands, consider using a product like TattooCamo when going to an interview/job fair. Of course, once you're hired, you may or may not have to keep tattoos covered up. I believe this is especially true in the medical field. After all, I don't want a nurse coming at me with a need in a hand that has a skull on it. (And yes, I've had an applicant with a skull tat on the hand say she was interested in nursing.)

6. Be prepared to tell what you're interested in and what your qualifications are.
Don't assume that a recruiter at a job fair will rattle off every position that's open and you get to just pick one. Know your skills and qualifications, and let the recruiter know what you're interested in. This will save time and paint you in a more favorable light than just saying "What could I do?" If you're going in for an interview, be sure to play up the interests and knowledge that you have relating to the specific position you've applied for.

7. Don't become belligerent with recruiters working for companies that did not hire you in the past.
More than likely, the people you encounter at job fairs had nothing to do with whether or not you got a job you previously applied for, especially if it was years ago. Jumping on someone's back yelling, "Why didn't y'all hire me?" is a sure-fire way to never be hired for a position with that company.

8. Remember your manners.
Bum rushing recruiters with questions or barraging them with a list of your qualifications without so much as a "hello" is not a good look. "Hi, how are you?" "Thank you." "Have a good day." These are little things, I know, but sometimes the littlest things can have the biggest impact. Remember to act the way your mom (hopefully) trained you.

While these tips can't guarantee you a job, they will certainly increase your chances. Don't say Tori D. never gave you anything!

Faith or Foolishness?

Over the past several months, I have been hearing a statement over and over: "Life is too short to work a job that you hate." It's resonated with me because for the past two years I've been doing just that. Although I've moved around a little bit in the agency and done several different jobs, I'm not happy here. I've gotten to that all-too-familiar point where I hate getting up in the morning to come in, and it's a chore to be pleasant to people because I genuinely don't like it here.
On top of that, there is the fact that working an 8-to-5 definitely limits how much real estate I can do. Sure I can go knock on doors, make calls and meet with clients after work... On one of the few evenings that I'm not in class. Evening networking events are out. I already miss out on some of the meetings/lead generation building because they occur during work hours. And then there's that whole life thing... I'd like to have one of those! Things would be so much smoother if I had time during the day to work on my career instead of being stuck at the job.

So I'm thinking maybe it's time to make that move. I say that by December, even if I haven't found a part-time job, I want to quit. After all, what's the point of staying somewhere where I'm not happy, don't have any clear opportunity for advancement (not even a freakin' raise--thanks Governor), and not in a field that I want to be in?

 

But then reality kinda sets in and I think about everything that rides on my steady income. Car note. Grad school since I'm paying (mostly) out of pocket. Bills. Having a little bit of money to put into savings towards a home and my non-profit. And then there's the health, dental, vision and life insurance that I probably won't get with a part-time job. not to mention the state-matched retirement fund... It would be crazy to walk away from that right?

 

I am so torn right now. Step out on faith? Wait for "the right time" whenever the heck that is? Suck it up and deal with the crappy job & do the best I can with the other? I know people always talk about having faith, trusting God/your instincts/the universe or whatever... but how do you know that, in doing so, you won't fail miserably?

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I know these don't really fit the "faith or foolishness" theme, but it's how I'm feeling at work right now

 

 

 



 

Don't Let This Be You!

Word to the wise (or in this case, not-so-wise): If you're going to rant & rave about your job, boss, coworkers, etc. on Facebook, Twitter and the like, you may want to check your friends list every now and then. Yanno, just as a precaution against things like this:



 

I'm cutting this short; I need to go back and double-check my privacy settings...

"Tori D. needs a new career" -or- "MAKE YOUR OWN &#$@!%*&!$^#& COPIES!!"

I am in a very familiar place right now. That place would be discontent.

Tomorrow will mark my tenth month at my current job. Which means I am four months overdue for a switch. Within six months of starting a job I start feeling an itch, a jittery feeling that says I need to get outta dodge, NOW! I was determined to try to make this last at least a year just to prove that I do have some kind of staying power. And I am so close! But as close as I am, I am frustrated beyond belief.

Right now I am an administrative assistant working for a small State agency. It is a decent job. Nowhere near as stressful as my previous job (I worked in a call center- bleh), a lot more laid back, more flexibility. Paid time off from the day I started. Decent benefits. I have perks that have nothing to do with the actual job itself, such as being able to ride to work with my mom (and save my gas) since she works across the street from me, and having time to do nothing, like I'm basically doing now.

But the reason I'm so ready to move on is because I feel like my true skills, talents and education are not being put to use. I mean really, I did not go to school and get a degree to take someone's messages or run off copies. But that's what I spend the majority of my day doing. WHY??

So now it's time to figure out what I want to do. I do not want another job; I want to find my career. I'm tired of working just to pay bills. I want to do something I love. The problem with that: I'm not sure what that is!

Last Wednesday night I was sitting in my finance class (this is my first semester back in school; I'm working on my MBA) . I was sort of spaced out, and all of the sudden I had a very scary epiphany: I wasn't supposed to be there!! Like seriously, I realized I hate just about everything that has to do with business. Of course, the timing for this realization sucked, as I already have my Bachelors degree in Business Administration. But it's left me with a feeling of "Now what?" Where do I go from here? Do I have to start all over? I really don't think I can go the school route again.

I've been looking at different careers that may work for me. While none of them have me tingling with excitement, I think maybe they'll give me the freedom I want with the income to sustain me.

1. Grant Writer. Of course this would've been better if I'd been an English major, but I still have the skills needed to make this work. I figure with a couple of classes, this should be great for me. I just wonder would I get bogged down on the research aspect of it.


2. Real Estate Agent. Although I do not usually like sales, the thought of selling houses interests me. With houses, you're not pushing something on someone that they don't actually want. If someone comes to an agent about a house, they generally mean business and at least have an idea of what they want. Plus I did well in my Principles of Real Estate course in undergrad; my professor said it was something I should look into. Maybe he was right.


3. Journalist. Another of those "I should've been a _____ major" cases. I'm not sure what type or area of journalism I'd want to get into, but at one point I did have dreams of becoming Editor-In-Chief of a major magazine like Essence or Ebony.


4. Publishing. I am a complete bibliophile. I think one of the greatest things ever would be to put out my own book (which I plan on doing soon anyway; details to come). So I think it would be fun to get into that. Of course, that would mean starting all over basically, including moving to a larger area since there's really nothing here for that. This one is more of a distant option.


5. Web developer/desktop publisher. I was surprised at the number of businesses in this area who do not have websites or decent flyers, business cards, pamphlets, etc. There is a need for all of this and I think it would be a successful career move. However, if I went into this I'd have to partner up with a lot of people since I am not the best as far as graphic design, etc. But it is a definite possibility.


6. Event/Wedding planner. For some reason, I can organize things for other people a lot easier than I can for myself. This includes putting together events. And if I were truly a people person, this would be great! But with my temperament and disposition, this may not actually be a good idea...

So I really just don't know. I'm being pulled in so many directions that I'm not sure what to do. I'm praying, researching, praying again. I'm thankful for this job, but I know there has to be something better for me.

BTW, at one point in time I did have a passion. Fashion design. Since one fateful night in 7th grade when I saw a fashion show televised on CBS, I knew that was what I wanted to do. So what happened? Well, I got pressured into doing something more "realistic." Instead of going to an art school (I heart SCAD) or a university that offered something comparable to what I wanted, I ended up going to a state institution where no such thing was available. The closest thing was a general Art degree. And then it was, "Well you can't do anything with an art degree." So by my second year I said "F it" and went into business.... So, yeah, that's what happened.

Aight, time for me to go sit in this class where I don't belong.