Why Should Celebs "Come Out"?

This is something that I have been thinking about for a long time but just recently boiled over. Maybe the final straw was the article where some new rapper took it upon herself to "out" certain entertainers whose sexuality many have questioned for years. Or perhaps it was the onslaught of people who were outraged that Paula Deen--queen of all things buttery, sweet, and fried--didn't reveal that she was diabetic until now (coinciding with her becoming a spokeswoman for a diabetes drug).

[caption id="attachment_2067" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="We are celeb-obsessed, but where does it end?"][/caption]

My thing is this: why do so many people feel that celebrities owe them an explanation of... well, anything? True, their professions are in the public eye, but don't these people deserve private lives too? (Note that I am talking about real celebrities, not those who acquired their fame from reality tv or who they slept with. Those folks have already sold a bit of their humanity and privacy, IMO.) We are really that entrenched in the lives of people who know and care nothing about us that we feel entitled to every bit of personal information about them, huh?

We've all seen enough to know that many of the people in the limelight are not role models. They aren't immortals. Their fate doesn't determine our own. Yet society obsesses with what they do, who they love, how much or little they weigh, what's wrong with them, etc. How many of us have the same kind of interest in the lives of our loved ones, those that actually affect and interact with us on a regular basis? Often times we shy away from knowing too much about them, from fear of TMI and not wanting to get involved. Yet we readily gobble up any gossip we can get on our favorite (or not so favorite) star. And in doing so, we feel that they are not allowed to have any personal, private matters. If they refuse to discuss their love lives, they must be in the closet. If they don't publicly discuss all the details of their weight loss (or even if they do) we feel they must have had surgery. If they don't reveal they have some kind of disease then they are doing some kind of disservice. If they speak out and admit it while promoting something that can help, they are pimping us.

In conclusion to my mini-rant, they don't owe you, me, or anyone else a detailed account of their lives. Just as you aren't expected to go on air and announce that you are flat broke, or that you aren't sure who your baby's daddy is, or that it burns when you pee O_o you shouldn't expect celebrities to share their personal lives with the world. If you just need to know something, find out how your coworkers are doing. See if you can help your neighbor with an issue. Or, best of all, look at your own life and make some much-needed improvements.

Afternoon Quickie: Burnout

 

Thank God it's Friday, because I am suffering from a serious case of burnout. Not just the usual "I don't want to do anything because it's Friday and I wanna go outside and play!" type feeling. It's been ongoing for the past two weeks. As a result, everything has pretty much come to a halt. I'm just not feeling it. Anything.

I'd love to take a short sabbatical from work (since I'm sure that's like 95% of my problem) but since that's not happening, I'm trudging along. After all, can a business owner (well, aspiring business owner I guess) really afford to let a little exhaustion, lack of interest, and grumpiness stop the show? Nah... I am open to suggestions about how to deal though.

What do you do when you need a major recharge?

Quote of the Day

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

 

 For the past few weeks I've been putting off a big decision because I'm scared to make the wrong choice. Some of my business ideas remain simply ideas out of fear that they will either fail or be too successful.

Self-doubt is a monster, but it is not unconquerable. Look back on past victories that initially seemed out of reach. Draw strength and encouragement from the fact that you have overcome odds and done "the impossible" before, and you can do it again. Know that even if you make a mistake, you haven't failed; you've simply found out how not to achieve your goal.

Yes, I am preaching to myself this morning, but hopefully these few words will encourage someone else as well.

Confession: I Stan for The Hunger Games

This was not supposed to happen. I was not supposed to get into a story like this. The Harry Potter books never interested me. The Twilight series made me laugh. And even more laughable were the followings these books and movies produced.

So it took me by surprise when I found myself actually wrapped up in a young adult series. I read The Hunger Games for a book club and was instantly hooked. I guess I shouldn't have been so shocked, considering the dystopian setting. (Dystopian fiction, the "anti-utopian," has been my favorite sub-genre since high school when I read The Handmaid's Tale.)

This is the synopsis from The Hunger Games' website:

In Suzanne Collins’ riveting tale of life in North America after its destruction, a powerful Capitol emerges as residents of its twelve outlying Districts individually struggle to survive under its bleak rule. Living under the constant reminder that the Capitol obliterated District 13 when the people incited a rebellion decades before, 16-year old Katniss Everdeen quietly carves out a path of meager survival for herself, her younger sister, Prim, and their widowed mother under the Capitol’s strict regime.

Each year, the Capitol assembles its Gamemakers to create an elaborate arena filled with deadly trigger points and calls upon one girl and one boy from each of the twelve Districts to play in its nationally televised Hunger Games. On the Day of Reaping when 24 children are selected to fight to the death, Katniss is whisked away from her daily quest for survival alongside her friend Gale, and thrust into the elaborate Capital as she is prepared for the Hunger Games.

In this world of instant gratification and superficial people, Katniss contends with her drunken, disengaged mentor, Haymitch, and wrestles with her feelings about her co-Tribute from District 12, Peeta Mellark. Growing up apart from Peeta in the same District, Katniss struggles to determine if Peeta is the boy who once showed her an act of kindness pivotal to her family’s survival, or if his actions are motivated to keep himself alive, as the Capital will allow only one Tribute to survive the Hunger Games’ treacherous arena.

In the days to come, Katniss must fend for her survival against the natural elements and the vicious Careers, who are Tributes who’ve trained for the Hunger Games their entire lives. Katniss meets a young Tribute whose likeness to Prim tears at her heartstrings and she continues to process what Peeta’s motives could be as the end draws near. Should she kill these two or be killed? If Katniss wins, her family will be handsomely taken care of and her District will receive the additional food it so desperately needs to survive.

Deep inside the Hunger Games, readers are treated to the witty, young mind of Katniss Everdeen, a survival-savvy girl who yearns to trust in a world that has shown her nothing of the sort.

 

Intriguing, right? I promise, from the first page, I was hooked. Usually I end up getting a little bored with a book and putting it down for a while, then coming back to it. Not so with this. I read it in a matter of days, then read the other titles in the series (Catching Fire and Mockingjay) back to back. It was actually a little sad to finish the last book, knowing that was the end of the story. There is a quote by Paul Sweeney that says, "You know you've read a good book when you turn the last page and feel a little as if you have lost a friend." That was the case here.

So how bad is my fandom? Ugh, I almost hate to admit it! But it's kinda serious. Besides the obvious fan moves of following on Twitter and liking on Facebook, I have followed every THG Tumblr I've found (even though it's a little redundant considering they all reblog each other, but no matter). I'm constantly looking for new trailers from the movie (coming out in March y'all!) and even though I have all three books on Nook, I really want the collector's edition (so far, only the first book has been released). Also, I may or may not have plans in the works for THG inspired jewelry. Whaaat, don't side-eye me like that! Especially if you were caught up in Twilight. Don't judge my life! LOL

[caption id="attachment_2044" align="aligncenter" width="200" caption="the Mockingjay, which may be on an Unbuttoned bracelet"][/caption]

But yeah, if you're looking for an easy read that has a lot of action, a bit of sci-fi, a little romance and plenty of twists, I'd suggest this for you. My only wish is that I'd seen the movie before I read the books. Hopefully I won't be in the theater yelling "that's not what happened!" If I do and you're in the theater, please look over me.

Haley Barbour Pardons Murderers & Rapists... And I'm Not Surprised

Yesterday, most of the country read in absolute shock that former Mississippi governor Haley Barbour pardoned over 200 convicted felons as his last act of office. Yes, Haley of "let's merge all MS HBCUs" infamy. The Haley who publicly stated that the White Citizen's Council (a hate group) was for integration (wrong) and that he doesn't remember the Civil Rights Era as "being that bad." (source) The Haley Barbour who only released (not pardoned) the Scott Sisters due to health conditions and on condition. This man, who was an early favorite for the Republican presidential nomination, decided to show how many damns he didn't give by not only letting these criminals--many of whom were convicted of murder, manslaughter, and rape--go free, but by not even speaking with the victims/victims' families.

[caption id="attachment_2040" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="former (hallelujah) governor Haley Barbour"][/caption]

It is unclear why he chose to give the pardons to the people he did, and he has not released any statement concerning the pardons. It was announced that ten of those who received pardons lived and worked at the governor's mansion as trustees as privilege for good behavior.  Pardons were also granted for Karen Irby, a wealthy white woman who killed two doctors while DUI in 2008 and Ernest Scott Farve (Brett's brother) who killed his friend while drunk driving.

My speculation? Payoffs. Do I have any kind of proof to back that up? Nope, that's why it's speculation. Others have said he did it to say that crime increased after he left office, while still others assume it was a series of favors done for his network of good ol boys. Whatever the reason, I can't even say that I'm surprised. As the end of his term drew near, Haley started showing more and more how much he just DGAF. What does surprise me is that other major Republicans have stayed rather silent on the issue. In today's crazy "up is down" political climate, I was so sure someone would speak out in defense of his actions. So far, "mum" is the word. Has he tarnished his reputation with his own party? One can only hope, to avoid a Barbour presidential ticket in 2016. But if he has not done irreparable damage and does get the nod for candidacy in the next presidential election (or any election for that matter) I hope that our collective memory is not so short that we forget this act of cowardice.

(You can view the eight pages worth of names here.)

Morning Quickie: Four Things I Need Right Now

It seems like my wish list never ends. There's always the latest and greatest something, a new shiny whatnot that catches my eye. But this is not about that. This is about having the things that truly matter, things that will affect every aspect of my life. I need them for my relationships, career/businesses, finances, my search for a house, everything. These are the four things I am working on and praying for:

Clarity

to know exactly what I want and need, as well as how to go about getting it.

Discernment

to tell falsehoods from reality, even when they are almost indistinguishable.

Courage

to follow the right path.

Strength

to walk away from the wrong things when I desire to stay.

I have a lot of growing to do, and fortunately I've realized that. After being honest with myself, the areas where I'm lacking became very clear. It would be lovely if just acknowledging the need eliminated it, but I know I have to start developing those traits within myself, and they take time. But I believe it will be worth it. The new and improved me will be something to see.

Unexpected Inspiration

I browse through many beauty blogs, most of them specifically about natural black hair. After all, I want to read stories and tips that I can relate to. But occasionally I will run across a site that caters more towards straight-haired girls that still grab my attention. One such site is The Beauty Department. I mostly ignore the makeup posts, since they don't really feature dark skin and I'm smart enough to know that not all shades look right on all skin tones. But I do like to check out their tutorials for up-dos. Since my skills are still pretty limited, I like that they have simple but elegant styles that I can actually do. There are three in particular that caught my eye, but I may have to wait until my hair is a little longer to try two of them out. My hair is currently blown out, and with the weather forecast being kinda icky for the week, I'll be putting one of these styles to the test: The Quick Twist (for medium and short hair).

Quick Twists up do

 

Looks simple enough, right? So we'll see what happens!

 

What are some of your unexpected inspirations?

Morning Quickie: Real Friends Call You Out on Your Ish

I am so thankful for my friends. Even though they can work my nerves sometimes, they are there for me when I need them.

Case in point: ex-bestie. We haven't talked in forever. He's the one that I "broke up" with over my hair. But he called last night to catch up. Of course the first topic of discussion was relationships. I let him know about no longer being with Bartender and about the situation with Mr. Madrigal. (I won't go into it, but basically it doesn't look like that is going anywhere. Oh well.) Fortunately I was over it when we talked, due to a sermon that was meant just for me. Ex-bestie basically ripped me a new butthole. After laughing at me--like a real, from-the-gut laugh--he said, "Tori you know what I realized? You're a hopeless romantic in a bitter shell! I mean, I always knew it, but it just hit me again!" Well dayum dude, WTF? I couldn't argue with him too much, because I knew he was right... With the exception of the bitter part. I'm not bitter, just guarded until someone appears to be worth letting that guard down.

Anyway, we talked most of the night, about that and my other relationships, as well as his. Don't worry, I called him out on some things too! But the whole convo made me appreciative for the folks who know me well enough to listen sympathetically to my stories of woe and still tell me when I need to get myself together. He hasn't earned the "bestie" title back by any means, and I refuse to discuss hair with him ever again, but it feels good to know that someone is still there for me when I need it most.

Afternoon Quickie: What I've realized about kids

So I had some sort of epiphany. It's about having kids. I won't say that I don't want them. Rather, they aren't essential to my happiness. Some people, women and men, live for the time when they can create a life. I happen to not be one of those people. Although I do sometimes feel those "I want a baby!" pangs, it isn't a major life goal. But it has dawned on me that I could be happy with kids, if my husband wanted them. And we would have to have some long, hard, serious discussions about it before we just start trying to make a baby. But if I marry someone who doesn't want kids (or *le sigh* don't get married at all, which is looking more and more like a possibility) then I'm good with that as well.

I think the major factor in me wanting/not wanting kids before has been whether I was with someone who appeared to have great daddy potential. And I'll certainly be looking at that when/if I get married. But now I can see a good, fun-filled, adventurous life whether there are little ones in it or not.

[caption id="attachment_2015" align="aligncenter" width="442" caption="oh shoot, i get it now!"][/caption]

In Another Blogger's Words...

2011 ended on a high for me, but that high was a set up. This first week of 2012 has been way way low. Ten miles til empty low. Journey to the Center of the Earth low. Barry White's voice low (but without all the implied sexiness). I may or may not have been a weepy, almost catatonic mess for the past two days. I may or may not have written several emo poems, letters and short stories. And I may or may not have called and texted even when I promised myself that I wouldn't because "I don't chase dick, I don't care who it is!" (A statement that I have proudly proclaimed many times before.)

Anyway, as I'm going through my blogroll that was neglected during those five reality-free days, I came across a post on This Single Life. I haven't been following the blog for long, but always enjoy the posts. This particular post, "My Muchness Pt. II" started with a quote from a 2010 post. She states:

You made yourself think this is someone special because you liked them, but liking them doesn’t make them special, it doesn’t make them good at dating, it doesn’t make you good at dating and simply liking someone doesn’t promise that it’s going to work out.

Well damn, lady, just tell my whole story why dontcha. And actually she did. When I went back to read "My Muchness" I was kinda surprised at some of the parallels between what she was dealing with then and what I'm feeling now. So I won't even try to verbalize what is going on in my head right now. The words of another blogger can speak for me this time.

What Books Are You Starting the New Year With?

I seem to have some kind of reading-related ADD; somehow I always end up reading multiple books simultaneously instead of one at a time. Now that I've pretty much given up physical books (except for when I can't find an e-book version) it has gotten worse! At this present time, I am reading four books... Actually that's not too bad considering I've tried juggling around ten books. These are the books that I'm currently into.

1. Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity by Kerry Cohen
I'm always enthralled by people who are bold enough to tell their personal stories, partially because I'm sometimes terrified to tell my own. In this book Kerry Cohen talks about how she used the attention from men to fill the emptiness of not feeling loved or worthwhile. I just started this book two days ago, but so far her story is an interesting one.

2. You, Inc.: The Art of Selling Yourself by Harry Beckwith and Christine K. Clifford
Recently it occurred to me that while I am trying to get my businesses to really take off this year, the primary thing that I am marketing is myself. I need to let potential clients and customers know why they should do business with me first. Once they are sold on me, I can sell them on the services and products. So I started looking for books on how to promote yourself, and this is the first of several books on the topic that I plan to read. The book packs a ton of great lessons in brief, easy-to-read chapters. Some of it I've heard, some of it I haven't. So far, it hasn't disappointed.

3. Monday Morning Leadership by David Cottrell
This is one of those books I have to read for work. As short as it is I really should be done by now, but... *sigh* I'm not. My goal is to finish it over the weekend so I can be done with it once and for all! It would probably be more interesting to me if I were in a management position, or if it gave some radical new perspective on managing, but I'm not and it doesn't. Meh.

4. Business Plan in a Day by Rhonda Abrams
Okay, I'm not so much reading it as I am working through it. And yes, it's taking me much longer than a day to do it (although if I actually set aside a whole day I think I could complete it). Considering that I am trying to craft business plans for two very different businesses, I don't know if this book will completely address everything that I will need for both of them. However, it does a good job of covering the basics and refreshing my memory as to what needs to be included in this all-important document.

Considering that I still have over 100 books on my to-read list, I'd say I already have my work cut out for me this year. My goal is only 20, though, and I have a pretty good idea which books will make it. Tina Fey's Bossypants, 12 Bad Habits that Hold Good People Back, Hello Kitty Must Die and Longing To Tell will make up the next round of books I tackle.

Do you have a reading list ready for the year, or do you just pick up whatever happens to strike your fancy?

Ain't I A Woman?

“Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain’t I a woman?” Since joining the “real world,” Sojourner Truth’s words have resonated with me. As I child, I was taught to be self-reliant because there would be times when I could not count on anyone else. However, I was also taught to expect certain things from a gentleman: holding the door open, helping with packages if I seem overwhelmed, respect, cordiality. And when I worked mostly with other African-Americans, I received those little gestures of chivalry more often than not.

But once I entered a more diverse workforce, I noticed a shift in the attitudes and actions towards not just myself but black women as a whole. One particular incident stands out in my mind: Another woman and I were both exiting the building where I worked. One of my coworkers was walking in, but stopped to hold the door open for the white woman who was only maybe three feet ahead of me. Once she was out of the door, he looked at me and walked on in, letting the door close and nearly knocking me down. I was dumbfounded.

If that were an isolated incident, I wouldn’t have any ground for beef. But I’ve seen and experienced many incidents where black women were simply not given the same courtesy as white women, in the workplace as well as in random social situations. The perpetrators have varied in age and race, which left me even more perplexed. Those acts of geniality aren’t necessarily required, and I’ve come to not expect them either.  But I have to wonder why there is a difference between the way black women are treated versus the treatment of our white counterparts. Is it because black women are supposed to be strong enough to not need assistance? Are we considered less than worthy of such small displays of cordiality? Or is it not necessarily about us, but rather about the pedestal that many people place white women on?

My query is not a complaint, but one of simple curiosity. Even in small, somewhat trivial matters, we see a discrepancy in attitudes and actions. One hundred and sixty years later, I’m still asking the same question. “Ain’t I a woman?”

"The Waiting Game"

It's been a long time since I posted some poetry, huh? Well this poem is still very rough, very new... But I felt the need to get it out there since it's relevant now. By the time it appears in a book (it is coming... one day....) it'll be polished.

my least favorite game is the waiting game,
mainly because i'm impatient
so i always lose.
but also because i don't know the rules...
how long do i wait?
what to do til then?
and if i wait too long do i lose or do i win?
i think of a hundred things
that could have been done better,
that could have been said sweeter
or not at all.
while sitting there, waiting for that call
i'm a nervous wreck
so sure that he's already moved on to the next
and i've only played myself.
during the waiting game it feels like he has
the upper hand
since i leave it to the man to make the move.
but what if i do?
if i make a move instead
i lose the waiting game
but may get closer to my prize...
still, i stay paralyzed
mostly out of fear
and somewhat out of pride.
i check the phone again
but i refuse to dial;
i'm playing the waiting game,
and i'll win,
or lose,
after a while.

Quote of the Day

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Albert Einstein

 So here we are, facing a brand new year. No doubt many of you have made resolutions and have big plans for the year. I certainly have some things up my sleeves; I need 2012 to be a breakout year for me (and my businesses)! Now the question is not what we want to do, but how do we plan to do it? Go back and evaluate what you have done in the past to move towards your goal. If it's still a goal and not an accomplishment that you can cross off, then something can be done differently. Maybe there is a need for a complete 180 in your strategy. You could simply need to adjust the level of activity needed to make your dream a reality. Or perhaps you just need to just get off of that "I wish" and start doing!

Objectively review your goals to find the changes that can be made. Not getting a clear direction of how you should go? Enlist the help of a mentor or an honest, knowledgeable friend. Just don't go through this year doing the same thing you did last year and expecting different results.