Hot Links-7.28.11

Quick and dirty this time, folks; I actually have to do some work. :( Today's picks are all over the place, but I'm sure you'll find something of interest. I certainly did!

iWrite iFeel iLive: Hip Hop 401K (email this one to your favorite 25+ year old "aspiring" rapper)

The Black Snob: Our New National Past-time of Debt Ceiling Chicken Continues (if you haven't really been following the issue *guilty* this post gives a great overview of the situation and why there is such a standstill)

Big Ghost Chronicles: The Latest Inductee into the Soft Nigga Hall of Fame (this is just so funny and random to me)

Black n Bougie (BougieLand): I Don't Believe in Soulmates (interesting read, and I agreed with most of it)

Brokey McPoverty: Tribe encounters white men for the 1st time (Brokey's narrationwas ev-ver-ry-thing, hear me?)

Happy Black Woman: Living Outside the Box: The Terrifying Freedom of Becoming Who You Really Are (something I'm struggling with right now... possible future post on that)

When It's Time to Move On (or at least take a break)

When I was younger I had a bad habit of job hopping. Usually around the six-month mark I'd had enough and could just drop everything and leave since I didn't have any financial responsibility. Fast forward to today, and I'm still sitting at my 8-to-5 after more than three years. Not because it's my dream job, but because I have obligations that require real money. Yay, I've grown up.

But then there is the issue of my career. Real estate, that I loved so much.

Notice that it's in past tense?

Yeah.

I've been doing real estate for a little over a year and at first it  was such a fun challenge! Now... Not so much. There are several things that have me thinking I should step back from it for just a little while.

That feeling of dread
Whenever my broker's number pops up on my phone I get to thinking "What now? I don't even wanna know..." Usually it's not anything bad, and I already know this. But I just don't even want real estate to cross my path some days, which is a far cry from just a few months ago when that was all I wanted to do.

Avoidance/Procrastination
My cousin gave me one of his friends' info saying that he had "loads of money" and wanted to buy another house. One of my dad's coworkers contacted me about selling his house and helping them find another one. I've gotten a few emails from potential clients... But I haven't gotten back with either of them. It's a little bit out of fear (my first couple of dealings with clients were not the smoothest), a little out of frustration. I just don't want to do it, and since it's not a must... Well, let's just say if they are still there when/if I'm ready to work again, wonderful. If not, oh well.

Negative effect on my wallet
Real estate is one of those fields where you really should already be sitting on a nice little chunk of change before you get started. (I wish someone had told me that before I got into it!) There are so many fees and dues, plus advertising costs, gas for shuttling buyers to houses... It adds up quickly. And in a slow market like the one we are experiencing, it can leave you in the hole. If I'm shelling out $2500+ a year but only bringing in a little over $1500 in what may be my only sale, what is the point? Last year I was in the hole by waaaay more than I could actually afford. This year, I don't know if it's worth it.

All of this--coupled with the fact that I don't really know what direction I want to go with the real estate and knowing that if the writing takes off I'll leave real estate behind for good--makes me realize that maybe I need to step back, reevaluate the situation and then decide what to do once I have a clear head.

When do you know that it's time to step away from a job? Have you stayed in a position that you'd come to loathe simply because of your financial obligations? Or have you been able to break free into a career that you love?

Jesus Can Work It Out... But So Can You

Yesterday at church we sang a song that we sing fairly often, "Jesus Can Work It Out," but it affected me in a way that it never had before. In the ad lib it says,

"How you gonna pay your rent/ All your money spent/ Telephone disconnect[ed]/ Waiting on your next paycheck/ Baby need a pair of shoes..."

In the middle of our refrain of "Work it out!" I stopped to ask myself "Why is all the money spend before the rent is paid? Is God really supposed to step in and "work out" an avoidable mess that we got ourselves into?" It got me to thinking further: while we admonish the congregation to trust that Jesus can work out our problems, what is the church's responsibility to equip the people with certain tools to avoid the pitfalls from which we ask for divine rescue?

It strikes me that many churches, especially Black churches, only focus on the religious aspect of life and neglect the everyday issues that have nothing to do with the devil. What happened to "first natural, then spiritual" (I Cor 15:46)? IMO, if a church wants to be effective, it should address the whole man with practical, real-world solutions as well as Biblical application. Money management, conflict resolution, developing skills to give an advantage when job hunting, helping kids deal with bullying, monitoring your health. These are just a few of the things that should and could be addressed through the church. And not just by someone who has an opinion on the matter, but those with experience and (preferably) professional training in dealing with these issues.

I think that religious leaders must realize that there is more to the people who fill the pews every Sunday than needing to pay tithes and hear about Heaven. After the shouting is done, people have to leave those four walls and deal with life. The Gospel (good news) needs to not be limited to words in a book about things that happened thousands of years ago. The message should be that we all have the power to overcome, with education and examples that make it a reality.

Morning Quickie: Is Bad Sex a Deal Breaker?

Picture it: You have a great partner, maybe even "The One." The spark is strong between the two of you. You've seen each other through difficult times, which ended up strengthening your bond. You genuinely enjoy each others company and emotional needs are met. Everything seems great, except for one thing. When it comes to physical intimacy, something's lacking. Either it's too infrequent, doesn't last long enough to satiate you, beyond your comfort zone, or possibly they just don't get you there. Is that enough to walk away from an otherwise beautiful relationship?

We often hear that certain things (like sex) are "little" in the grand scheme of a relationship. But in all honestly, those little things add up to make the person we love--or don't. And one person's "little thing" is a major issue for another. Sexual compatibility and fulfillment are major in an adult relationship. Along with that is the importance of knowing how to communicate our needs and desires, as well as any concerns. There may be any number of things that could be affecting a couple's sex life: health issues, stress, not being clear on what the other person wants (again, this is why communication is so important). And most of these issues can be fixed.

But what if it's none of those things; is that enough to make you call things off or can you work with that as long as everything else is good? Or let's flip it. Maybe the sex is good but they aren't at a financial level that you are comfortable with. Or possibly they have all of the traits you are looking for, but you can't stand their friends! What is your deal breaker in a relationship?

Make-up Break: Sephora Nano Eyeliner

From the site:

What it is:
A highly pigmented eye pencil.

What it does:
Sephora Brand Nano Eyeliner glides on smoothly and comfortably, creating a lovely line of color. Shea butter and rosemary extracts make this formula soft and easy to work with.

What else you need to know:
Make impact with your eye look—this must-have comes in an amazing range of colors, for va-va-variety!

These little eyeliners are heaven-sent, I swear. My first attempt at eyeliner was with a liquid liner and the results were messy, to say the least. While wandering around Sephora one day, I spotted the Nano. The thing that grabbed my attention was that one of the ingredients is shea butter. In my mind, that automatically registered as smooth, so I was with it. And at $5.00, it wouldn't be a horrible loss if it didn't work. So I bought two, in black and blue jean. The best quality about this eyeliner was instantly obvious: it was super forgiving for a shaky handed novice like myself. The way it glided on felt almost like a crayon, and I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly and easily I was able to line my eyes. Another great thing about this product was the fact that it didn't take much to get the nice little pop of color that I wanted.

[caption id="attachment_1361" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Sephora Nano Eyeliner in Blue Jean"][/caption]

I ended up going back for four more colors. My favorite by far is the Azur Blue. I had the bright idea to cover my lid with it and wearing it like an eyeshadow... loved the result!

[caption id="attachment_1364" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Azur Blue... I LOVE it!"][/caption]

(Note to other brown-skinned beauties: the chocolate eyeliner looks great on your hand, like it'll be a nice alternative for when you want to line your eyes but don't want something as bold as black. WRONG! Save your money. It will look like you have nothing on at all. -_-)

[caption id="attachment_1366" align="aligncenter" width="240" caption="Chocolate eyeliner on my hand..."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1365" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Chocolate eyeliner on one of my eyelids... but which one?!"][/caption]

 

The other colors I purchased were Wild Spirit (a purple which wasn't as wild as it could have been, in my opinion) and Precious Silver, which I plan to use under eyeshadow (like most people do with NYX Milk--I couldn't find a white) but haven't done yet.

The only bad thing I have to say about this eyeliner is that it smudges a little too easily; I tend to rub my eyes a lot during the day and ended up with liner on my hands. The thing that makes it great makes it a little bit of a hassle too. :-/ But I'm not complaining... too much.

If Sephora wanted my advice, I'd tell them that they should expand their line to include more bright, vivid colors. That's it! I'm going to be on the lookout for more of these little gems.

Review: the Tangle Teezer

Yes, I am 100 years behind everyone else, but I finally bought a Tangle Teezer two weeks ago. I'd honestly forgotten about it, but a quick trip to a different Sally's jogged my memory. Lo & behold, they had one! I was super excited since I'd heard so many great things about it since its debut.

As soon as I got home, I tested it on a small section of hair. It did okay, nothing special. I didn't want to go further since my hair was super dry; I decided the time to test it would be when the hair was wet. Fast forward a few days when I decided to wash & twist my hair. After I washed my hair & let it dry just a bit (I hate working with sopping wet hair) I sectioned off my hair and tried to go to work. One problem: I couldn't get a sizable section through the TT. With too much hair, the comb just seemed to glide over the hair instead of actually getting in there and detangling. I had to keep making smaller and smaller sections until I finally had just a tiny bit of hair between my fingers. My hair is too thick and my head is too big to deal with all those little sections, so I said forget it.

Fast forward again to Monday night, when I washed and DC'd (I need not ever go more than three weeks again... Lawd it was a struggle!). While the conditioner was still in, I decided to give the TT another go. This time it was a little better, and I actually got through most of my head. (By the time I got to the crown where the real monster hair is, I was worn out.) I was still a little frustrated that I had to divide my hair into such small sections to make it work. And the hair loss was about the same as when I use my wide-tooth comb to detangle. One pleasant surprise though: after rinsing the conditioner out, the hair that detangled with the TT did not tangle up again as bad as it usually does. The whole re-tangling after detangling thing is my least favorite part about doing my hair, so I was pretty happy with that.

Overall, the Tangle Teezer is an OK product to me, but not the miracle that it was made out to be. It doesn't seem to be made with the super thick haired gals in mind. I'll give it a few more tries before I write it off, but for the time being my old faithful wide-tooth comb has it beat.

(Sidenote: I've been seeing some updates with people saying that after using the TT for a while, they've noticed breakage, damaged ends, etc. Have any of you experienced this?)

Chlorine + Natural Hair = Oh, No...

This weekend I went swimming played around in a pool for the first time in a long time. This being the first time swimming as a natural, I figured it would be okay to not wear a swimcap or anything because there were no chemicals in my hair for the chlorine to interact with. I really figured it would be okay if I just gave it a quick wash after I swam.

(Don't you dare laugh at my ignorance!) I ended up not washing it after swimming (I was in a hurry to get back to the party) and waited until Sunday morning to wash and condition my hair. Let's just say that me and Big Sexy are not on good terms right now. She's not soft at all, and I know I'm gonna have to do some serious work to get on her good side again.

Since I realized that this would not work and I do have plans to swim more this summer, I decided to look up the effects of chlorine and what steps could be taken to prevent this steel wool mess on top of my head. Here is what I found:

 

What is so terrible about pool water? Why is it so damaging? What is chlorine?

From Wikipedia:

Chlorine is a powerful oxidant and is used in bleaching and disinfectants. As a common disinfectant,

chlorine compounds are used in swimming pools to keep them clean and sanitary.

Chlorine being an oxidant, or an oxidizing agent, is what makes it so damaging to hair. How exactly? (If you don’t want to read all this, the main point is that “Chlorine=Bad for Hair”)

According to Chemical and physical behavior of human hair, someone named Allworden was the first to test the effects of chlorine on hair. He used wool fibers and exposed it to chlorine. The chlorine created bubbles and sacs across the surface of the epicutical, or the thin layer of material covering the hair of mammals  (that’s us ya’ll!! ).

These sacs form as a result of diffusion of chlorine water into cuticle cells and weaken the protein of the hair. The product of this reaction is unable to diffuse out, causing swelling which creates the sac. (source)

These chemicals, chlorine in particular, dehydrate the hair and are particularly harmful to natural hair as it is already pre-disposed to dryness.

Chlorine sucks away sebum, the natural oil our scalp produces to keep the hair healthy, and this causes the cuticle to dry out and crack. The end result is dry, brittle hair.

Here are a few tips to protect your hair as you swim!

1. Rinse Thoroughly

Before you jump in the pool, rinse your hair thoroughly with warm water.

Why? Think about a sponge. If you place a dry sponge in a puddle of water, it will absorb the water until it is saturated.

If you place a wet sponge in a pool of water, it will only absorb a small quantity of water. The sponge is already filled with water so there is no need to absorb the puddle water.

We want the hair shaft to be swollen and full of water before we hop in the pool. This way the hair does not absorb the

chlorinated water.

So, hop in the shower or rinse your hair over the sink so ensure it is saturated with regular tap water before hopping in the pool.

2. Apply Coconut oil to the hair.

Coconut oil protects and seals the hair cuticles. It also helps your hair retain moisture by sealing moisture into the hair shaft. I use Tukka Restorative Hair Treatment since it contains ingredients that not only seals, protects my hairs cuticle it also helps my hair retain moisture by sealing moisture into the hair shaft while nourishing and lubricating my hair at the same time.

3. Apply a conditioner

After the hair is saturated, apply a conditioner. Any cheap conditioner will do. Use conditioners that are for dry, damaged, chemically treated hair.

Apply a generous amount of the conditioner to hair, making sure to coat the length, roots and scalp.

Conditioner will not only moisturize the hair, it will also help protect the hair from the harsh pool water.

Do not rinse out the conditioner. We want the conditioner to protect your delicate hair strands!

4. Go for a Swim

If possible wrap the hair with Saran wrap and cover with a swim cap. Even if a bit water gets into the swim cap, the hair is well-protected.

5. Use a Chelating Shampoo

After swimming, rinse out the conditioner and pool water for at least 3-5 minutes and use a Chelating Shampoo. The chemicals in the shampoo “chelate” with the chlorine and rinse it out of the hair.

Popular Chelating Shampoos:

L’anza Swim & Sun Daily Shampoo, Joico K-Pak Chelating, Joico Resolve Chelating Shampoo, Nexxus Aloe Rid (with chelating gel), Nexxus Phyto Organics Kelate Purifying Shampoo, Ouidad Water Works, Artec Textureline Daily Clarifying Shampoo, Kenra Clarifying Chelating Shampoo, Paul Mitchell Shampoo Three, Aveda Detox.

[TORI'S NOTE: If you're like me, you have no idea what "chelate" means. Well according to the UC Berkeley Wellness Letter, "'Chelate' means 'claw,' and chelated minerals have been chemically bonded, so that they figuratively hang on, like a claw, to amino acids (the building blocks of protein) or other organic acids. The theory is that this makes them more absorbable."]

6. Apply a Deep Conditioner

Apply a super moisturizing deep conditioner to the hair in sections, cover with a plastic cap and let penetrate for 20-30 minutes.

7. Seal and protect the hair cuticles

Sealing and protecting the hair cuticles helps the hair retain moisture.  Great oils to use are coconut oils and castor oil. Hair treatments that contain 100% natural ingredients are the best to use such as  Tukka Restorative Hair Treatment.

8. Use a Low/No Heat Method of Styling

To combat dryness, try air drying the hair in braids, twists or a bun or try setting your hair on roller, rods or curlers and allow the hair to dry overnight or air dry during the day. Try, if possible, to avoid using both a blow dryer and flat-iron or curling iron as the direct heat is especially drying to those who swim regularly. (source)

Thoughts on My First Getting Married

Today I heard through the grapevine (aka, my Big Momma) that my first, Mr. Magic Voice, recently got married. Although I am in my own relationship and happy most of the time, I gotta admit that it did hit me kinda hard. I'd held out a little hope that he would come back for me, as silly as it sounds.

My first was a loooong time ago, before I was able to separate sex and emotions. Even though we weren't actually in a relationship, I was in something like love. He moved out of town but would come back to visit every now and then. When I first seriously considered moving to Houston, the possibility of running into him and having something spark was in the back of my mind. Now I'm wondering would that have happened if I had moved, or if I'd be looking crazy and hurt like I was after he left me in 10th grade. And there are other questions... Did he ever see anything special in me, or was I just new pussy? Why did he keep coming back all those times if he didn't feel anything for me? Was it just being nice or something? Am I crazy that I still kinda pine for him? (I think the answer is "slightly.") Shouldn't every feeling for him be dead just like they are for the others I've been with? Is she prettier than me?! (Yeah I know it's shallow but I wanna know!) Would the sex be good if he and I had hooked up again? Why the heck did he come back to Jackson to get married? Is she the reason he stopped answering his phone back when I first started thinking about Houston? Do they sing together like we used to do?

Is there some kinda support group for this? I need to know I'm not the only one who still kinda thinks about their first. Have any of you had your first (or someone you thought was "The One" or whatever) get married and it wasn't to you? Lemme know... I'm dealing, but barely. Imma go eat ice cream now...

MS Woman faces life in prison over stillbirth

Rennie Gibbs is accused of murder, but the crime she is alleged to have committed does not sound like an ordinary killing. Yet she faces life in prison in Mississippi over the death of her unborn child.

Gibbs became pregnant aged 15, but lost the baby in December 2006 in a stillbirth when she was 36 weeks into the pregnancy. When prosecutors discovered that she had a cocaine habit – though there is no evidence that drug abuse had anything to do with the baby's death – they charged her with the "depraved-heart murder" of her child, which carries a mandatory life sentence.

Gibbs is the first woman in Mississippi to be charged with murder relating to the loss of her unborn baby. But her case is by no means isolated. Across the US more and more prosecutions are being brought that seek to turn pregnant women into criminals.

"Women are being stripped of their constitutional personhood and subjected to truly cruel laws," said Lynn Paltrow of the campaign National Advocates for Pregnant Women (NAPW). "It's turning pregnant women into a different class of person and removing them of their rights."

Bei Bei Shuai, 34, has spent the past three months in a prison cell in Indianapolis charged with murdering her baby. On 23 December she tried to commit suicide by taking rat poison after her boyfriend abandoned her.

Shuai was rushed to hospital and survived, but she was 33 weeks pregnant and her baby, to whom she gave birth a week after the suicide attempt and whom she called Angel, died after four days. In March Shuai was charged with murder and attempted feticide and she has been in custody since without the offer of bail.

In Alabama at least 40 cases have been brought under the state's "chemical endangerment" law. Introduced in 2006, the statute was designed to protect children whose parents were cooking methamphetamine in the home and thus putting their children at risk from inhaling the fumes.

Amanda Kimbrough is one of the women who have been ensnared as a result of the law being applied in a wholly different way. During her pregnancy her foetus was diagnosed with possible Down's syndrome and doctors suggested she consider a termination, which Kimbrough declined as she is not in favour of abortion.

The baby was delivered by caesarean section prematurely in April 2008 and died 19 minutes after birth.

Six months later Kimbrough was arrested at home and charged with "chemical endangerment" of her unborn child on the grounds that she had taken drugs during the pregnancy – a claim she has denied.

"That shocked me, it really did," Kimbrough said. "I had lost a child, that was enough."

She now awaits an appeal ruling from the higher courts in Alabama, which if she loses will see her begin a 10-year sentence behind bars. "I'm just living one day at a time, looking after my three other kids," she said. "They say I'm a criminal, how do I answer that? I'm a good mother."

Women's rights campaigners see the creeping criminalization of pregnant women as a new front in the culture wars over abortion, in which conservative prosecutors are chipping away at hard-won freedoms by stretching protection laws to include fetuses, in some cases from the day of conception. In Gibbs' case defense lawyers have argued before Mississippi's highest court that her prosecution makes no sense. Under Mississippi law it is a crime for any person except the mother to try to cause an abortion.

"If it's not a crime for a mother to intentionally end her pregnancy, how can it be a crime for her to do it unintentionally, whether by taking drugs or smoking or whatever it is," Robert McDuff, a civil rights lawyer asked the state supreme court.

McDuff told the Guardian that he hoped the Gibbs prosecution was an isolated example. "I hope it's not a trend that's going to catch on. To charge a woman with murder because of something she did during pregnancy is really unprecedented and quite extreme."

He pointed out that anti-abortion groups were trying to amend the Mississippi constitution by setting up a state referendum, or ballot initiative, that would widen the definition of a person under the state's bill of rights to include a fetus from the day of conception.

Some 70 organizations across America have come together to file testimonies, known as amicus briefs, in support of Gibbs that protest against her treatment on several levels. One says that to treat "as a murderer a girl who has experienced a stillbirth serves only to increase her suffering".

Another, from a group of psychologists, laments the misunderstanding of addiction that lies behind the indictment. Gibbs did not take cocaine because she had a "depraved heart" or to "harm the fetus but to satisfy an acute psychological and physical need for that particular substance", says the brief.

Perhaps the most persuasive argument put forward in the amicus briefs is that if such prosecutions were designed to protect the unborn child, then they would be utterly counter-productive: "Prosecuting women and girls for continuing [a pregnancy] to term despite a drug addiction encourages them to terminate wanted pregnancies to avoid criminal penalties. The state could not have intended this result when it adopted the homicide statute."

Paltrow sees what is happening to Gibbs as a small taste of what would be unleashed were the constitutional right to an abortion ever overturned. "In Mississippi the use of the murder statute is creating a whole new legal standard that makes women accountable for the outcome of their pregnancies and threatens them with life imprisonment for murder."

(read the full article here)

This is absolutely disgusting to me. If there is no evidence that Ms. Gibbs' drug use caused the death of her baby, why is she being prosecuted? This case sets a dangerous precedent for future mothers everywhere. What if, instead of illegal drugs, she had been taken doctor-prescribed medication with known potential side effects and the outcome was the same? What if the child had died because she was unable to get proper prenatal care? (After all many Planned Parenthood offices offer affordable prenatal care, but pro-lifers are trying to shut them down.)

This is not an isolated incident either. This is happening, rather quietly, all over the country. Women's rights are surreptitiously being usurped by Conservatives, and will continue to be unless there is an outcry to say "Enough is enough." How much bullying will we allow? How far will it go before we see that some things are getting out of hand? Regardless of where you stand in the pro-life vs. pro-choice debate, it's clear that one side is starting to play dirty.

Do you feel that this punishment is justified? Will this type of legislation do more harm or more good? Speak on it.

Dear Advertisers....

It appears that more and more companies are after the black dollar. And why wouldn't they be? The Selig Center for Economic Growth reported that the U.S. Black buying power (the total personal income an individual has available after taxes for spending on virtually everything that they buy) has risen from $318 billion in 1990, to $590 billion in 2000, to $799 billion last year, and is predicted to rise to $1.1 trillion this year.

But in my opinion, many of them are going about it all wrong. They are falling back on stereotypes that, instead of appealing to the masses, turn many people off. The more you try to cater to me through these clichéd phrases and actions, the more you make me determined to buy from black-owned businesses and those who truly appreciate their black patrons. Don't get me wrong, I love to see black and brown faces in commercials and print ads. However, it is as if advertisers don't realize that they can go a long way by simply using their minority actors in regular, every day situations.

[caption id="attachment_1297" align="alignleft" width="245" caption="Popeye's' "Annie the chicken queen." SMH"][/caption]

I don't want McDonald's just because you have some pseudo-soul singer scatting about it.
A rapper won't make me want to drink Pepsi.
I'm not going to eat Popeye's just because the spokeswoman speaks in that "sista girl" language that you feel every black woman must relate to.

 

Want an example of a company getting it right? Check the Cheerios commercial with the father and son. It's dad & son, who happen to be black, in a normal situation that folks of all races and backgrounds can appreciate and get a little chuckle from. There's not some weird uncomfortable "Blacks only" dialect or attitude. It's authentic.

As far as an example of a company doing it wrong? Well shoot, take your pick... The most recent that I've seen was the ridiculous "When I say mango, you say pineapple!" shtick by McDonald's. In fact, McDonald's is a repeat offender in this category, so much so that I try hard to ignore their commercials. I'm sure that's not the effect they were going for!

To businesses and advertisers everywhere: thank you for acknowledging your African-American (and other minority) consumers. You've taken the first step. Now take another and realize that patronizing us may bar us from patronizing you.

Quote of the Day

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”

 Washington Irving, American writer

Morning Quickie: Tori D. Still Doesn't Have Google Plus

Never mind that I just found out about it last week. Disregard the fact that I really don't need another social network/app/distraction. And forget the fact that I don't really know what it is (even though I took Google's little tour).

I need Google Plus. Just knowing that there is something new and shiny and techy out there makes me antsy. It was a little off-putting when I got the little "you're not invited yet; we'll call you when we let the nobodies in" message. (Oh, that's not how it went? Well that's how it felt!) Dang, I know I've never been one of the cool kids, but I'm not even a cool enough nerd for Google? Hmph!

My pride hasn't allowed me to beg for an invitation... yet. I'm on the verge though.

So for those of you who got in *in my little kid voice* What's it like? Is it everything you hoped and dreamed? Or do you think it will it be a  flop like Google Wave? Will it be passé before I get in? Lemme know!

Shea Moisture Review (Part I)

 

This particular review should have been done a long time ago... My apologies!

Often times when I'm out, I get asked what products I use. Really, I haven't been loyal to any particular products; I mix & match & experiment. However, since going natural, there has only been one brand that has remained consistent for me: Shea Moisture. Out of their four lines-- Coconut & Hibiscus, African Black Soap, Raw Shea Butter, and Yucca & Baobab--I've tried products from three (the first three listed). The following is a brief review of each product that I have tried so far. This is only part one because I have not used a complete regimen. I'm sure that these products are grouped together in lines for a reason, so I want to see if that will make a difference. In the meantime, here's what I think about the products I've tried so far...

Coconut & Hibiscus Curl Control Shampoo
Confession time: I can never tell a difference with my shampoos. Maybe it's just because I've happened to try some really great shampoos, I don't know. Whatever the reason, I can't say that this shampoo was any different or produced better/worse results than the others. But I do like that it has organic ingredients. And it did have a great smell. *shrugs* That should count for something. I'll use this again when I'm using the whole Coconut & Hibiscus line together, but as a stand-alone product... I'm not completely sold. I mean, the Softsheen-Carson Oil Therapy shampoo gives me the same effect for a few dollars less (although it does contain synthetic ingredients & some 'cones). No complaints about this shampoo though.

C&H Curl Enhancing Smoothie
I have fallen in love with this product. This is the latest that I have tried and so far the results are phenomenal. The Curl Enhancing Smoothie makes my coils so soft it's unreal. A lot of times I'll just work it into my hair while it's dry for a nice, soft puff or fro. However, this product has proven itself to be invaluable when it comes to my twist outs. I'll lightly mist my hair (using my water/coconut oil/glycerin mix), detangle, then add a little of the smoothie to my strands before twisting. When I take the twists down, not only is the hair defined, but it's super soft & fluffy. Bonus: it adds a little shine without being greasy.

C&H Curl & Style Conditioning Milk
This was the first Shea Moisture product I tried. The results were very similar to those that I got with the Curl Enhancing Smoothie. The only difference that I found was that it left my hair slightly oily. However, it wasn't enough to completely write off the Conditioning Milk. I believe this would be best to use in winter.

C&H Hold & Shine Moisture Mist
I was pleased that the Moisture Mist helped battle frizz, but I was a little disappointed that it didn't provide the shine I expected. I haven't tried it on a style that required hold, only on my fros/puffs, so I can't really attest to how well it does that.

Raw Shea Butter Restorative Conditioner
The Raw Shea Butter formula is supposed to be for dry hair, so I tried it out when the weather was still cold, figuring that was when it was at its driest. Unfortunately, I can't say that I loved this conditioner. My expectations just weren't met. When used as a leave-in, my hair would end up feeling a little stiff and brittle at the end of the day. When used in my co-wash, it would take forever to get it worked in and then rinsed out. I'm chalking this up to the thickness of the conditioner, but I'm really not sure so don't quote me on it! Of course, it could have just been the fact that I don't have really dry hair so it didn't respond well to the formula. Add to that the medicinal smell and I was turned off. I probably won't be trying anything else from this particular line.

African Black Soap Purification Masque
This was a spur of the moment pick, from when Walgreen's had a 2-for-1 sale on SM products. It came in handy though. I was having a bout of itchy scalp (not sure why) and although I washed it good and was sure to condition it, nothing would relieve it! So I applied a generous portion of the masque to my hair & scalp and let it sit for about an hour. (On the label it says 30 minutes but I kept getting distracted.) Once I washed it out and let my hair dry, my scalp felt sooo much better. It really had the soothing effect I was looking for. I am completely sold on this product and will probably try other products in the African Black Soap line.

Once I try a full line of products, I will do another review. Until then, I'd love to know if any of you have tried Shea Moisture and what kind of results you got. Speak on it! For info on the ingredients, description and usage of these and other Shea Moisture products, check the following link: SheaMoisture_Organic_Hair_Products_Info 8.18.10

Hot Links-7.8.11

We start with something truly outrageous. Michelle Bachman, along with other Republicans, has signed a pledge that states Black children were better off during slavery. No, I didn't mistype that. They said that BLACK CHILDREN WERE BETTER OFF DURING SLAVERY. Yeah, because that whole forced labor, selling people off like cattle, separating homes, beating for no dayum reason, raped by Massa with no recourse gig Blacks had back then was ideal. Cheryl Contee over on Jack & Jill Politics discusses.

Then something a little sobering--at least for me. Jozen Cummings (Until I Get Married) shares his thoughts as he approaches 30 and is facing something that I am thinking about as well: Switching Careers. I'm glad he did; he put my own thoughts and feelings about the subject into a much more coherent post than what I have sitting in draft right now! His discussion of talent vs. skill really hit me.

Fortunately the other links are not as heavy:

Clutch Magazine featured two interesting articles. Bisexuality vs. Sexual Fluidity covers a topic that I have had great fun debating with others, and Morning Motivation: This Far again spoke to where I currently am and the situation I'm dealing with.

Nothing is New on The Good Atheist discusses the discovery of what is believed to be a gay or transsexual caveman. Y'all don't even know how bad I wish History Channel, Discovery Channel, LOGO, someone would make a special about this! My curiosity is piqued.

Finally, over at Awesomely Luvvie, we're treated with The Bible, as Told in 2053. Or Through Blogs. I really don't even know what to tell you about this; you just have to read it for yourself. As I tweeted earlier, #slain, and #resurrected. Miss Luvvie is a certifiable fool!

 

So, ladies and gents, that's what's going on in my reader. What hot links have you come across this week?

Were You Anti-Natural Before Going Natural?

I saw a tweet on my timeline Monday that made me think back to the months prior to my decision to go natural. I was on several sites where women were discussing transitioning, styles they were trying on their natural hair, etc. There were several other ladies--myself included--who would playfully interrupt them with praise for the creamy crack. And after many of my line sisters went natural, I boldly stated that I was in love with the perm and would never let it go!

[caption id="attachment_1261" align="alignright" width="205" caption="pic from a Google search. I have no idea who this young lady is but her hair is gorgeous!"][/caption]

Most of my words were said in jest, but I will admit that some of it came from the jealousy I felt after my first failed attempt at going natural. Now that I am completely natural, I'm a little amused when I hear the same words I used coming back on me. (Side note: many of the other ladies who were professing their love of the creamy crack are going or have gone natural too! LOL)

So that brings me to today's question: Were you (for lack of a better term) anti-natural hair when you were still relaxing? If so, what was your reasoning? And what changed?

The Creative Soul in the Corporate World

If I had my way right now, I'd be on somebody's beach in a house with the expansive windows open to the ocean, letting the sights and sounds inspire my painting. Or trekking my way through some foreign country, snapping pictures of the landscape and the locals along the way. Or in a comfy, cozy coffee shop laboring over the storyline of my novel. And those would be my work days.

I'd love for all aspects of my life to reflect the free, creative energy that I feel inside. Instead, I'm downtown in a high-rise office working a government job, preparing for the new fiscal year. Although my new position at work gives me a tiny little bit of creative freedom, this is certainly not the career I would prefer.



So what is a creative soul to do when life and responsibilities have placed us, at least for the moment, in the corporate environment?

There are a few tricks and tips that I've picked up along the way to make a less than desirable situation one that I can tolerate with a smile and (possibly) grow to enjoy.

1. Look for ways and opportunities to exercise your creativity in your current role.
The majority of my responsibilities in my new role are rather mundane. A lot of policies &

procedures, repetition, and dealing with other people's money. But there is a little glimmer of hope: the prospect to design a training class however I want to do it. Although it's not the full-fledged artistic life I want, it is a small way to merge my current reality with what I hope to be my future. There is a way to

2. Have something in your office/space that inspires you or keeps you mindful of whatever it is you love to do.

For me, that would be my notebooks. Of course I have the internet and my phone where I could jot down notes, but the pen and paper really do it for me when I'm trying to create. Having one of my pretty, fancy notebooks in sight helps me at times when I'm in a little funk. It keeps me mindful of the fact that I have a bigger purpose and destiny than sitting at the desk I'm at now. Although it might not be as easy for a musician or artist to keep their tools of the trade close by at work (if you have a job that let's you bring an easel or instrument to work, let me know!), it may still help to have something like a small picture you've painted or a copy of a demo cd, something like that. And speaking of my little notebook...

3. Take time to pause when inspiration hits you.
As I've stated in previous posts, my inspiration hits at the most inopportune times. Sometimes, it's right in the middle of a billing report. But I've learned to stop whenever I have that a-ha moment so I won't lose it. Acknowledging that moment is a breather, of sorts; a tiny escape from my routine. Then once my moment is over, I'm even more enthused to take care of what needs to be done at work so that I can nurture that creative spark into a full-blown fire. (But maybe that's just me?)

4. Use the job as a source of inspiration.
Maybe you have a wonderful view out of your window that would make an awesome painting. Or perhaps your building features unique architecture and you're the ideal person to photograph it. You may possibly have a cast of characters working with you that would make great fodder for a short story or comedy bit. Whatever it is, don't allow your job to just be a job. Look beyond that to see what could be.

5. Remind yourself that this does not have to be the end all, be all.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself is to stay mindful of the fact that you have not reached the end of the road just yet. As long as you're still breathing you have the opportunity to go beyond the current situation and do what you've always wanted to do. And if that is the case, why let yourself become depressed or frustrated over this temporary situation?

So ladies and gents, have you found yourself in a situation where you were working a "regular" job but had dreams and goals that didn't fit the "norm"? Or are you in that situation now? How did/do you cope with it?

 

On being a "corporate creative":  Ideavist: Corporate Creatives

What one writer discovered after leaving her job: Day Job Believer

If your supervisor is open-minded and always looking for improving his or her managerial style, you may want to share this link with them: How to Manage Creative People