Thoughts on My First Getting Married

Today I heard through the grapevine (aka, my Big Momma) that my first, Mr. Magic Voice, recently got married. Although I am in my own relationship and happy most of the time, I gotta admit that it did hit me kinda hard. I'd held out a little hope that he would come back for me, as silly as it sounds.

My first was a loooong time ago, before I was able to separate sex and emotions. Even though we weren't actually in a relationship, I was in something like love. He moved out of town but would come back to visit every now and then. When I first seriously considered moving to Houston, the possibility of running into him and having something spark was in the back of my mind. Now I'm wondering would that have happened if I had moved, or if I'd be looking crazy and hurt like I was after he left me in 10th grade. And there are other questions... Did he ever see anything special in me, or was I just new pussy? Why did he keep coming back all those times if he didn't feel anything for me? Was it just being nice or something? Am I crazy that I still kinda pine for him? (I think the answer is "slightly.") Shouldn't every feeling for him be dead just like they are for the others I've been with? Is she prettier than me?! (Yeah I know it's shallow but I wanna know!) Would the sex be good if he and I had hooked up again? Why the heck did he come back to Jackson to get married? Is she the reason he stopped answering his phone back when I first started thinking about Houston? Do they sing together like we used to do?

Is there some kinda support group for this? I need to know I'm not the only one who still kinda thinks about their first. Have any of you had your first (or someone you thought was "The One" or whatever) get married and it wasn't to you? Lemme know... I'm dealing, but barely. Imma go eat ice cream now...