Setting Goals for the New Year

I'm sad to see 2010 go! It was a phenomenal year for me. Not without its difficulties, but a truly great year. I only have one small do-over wish, and considering the fact that it's about a guy who clearly had no business in my life, I'll chalk that up as a learning experience. Besides, the accomplishments of this year far outweigh that!

One major difference between 2010 and other years is that I set goals and created a plan to achieve them. (Remember Planning, Preparation, Payoff?) No new year's resolutions, though. And I've learned that if something works for you, don't change--build upon it! So here are some of my goals for this new year:

Professional
1. Get at least 60 hours towards my pre-Broker education. Ninety hours are required before you can take the test... And actually I could get all 90 in if it wasn't for the money. (Didn't y'all read my last post? I'm broke!) Approximately $400 every 30 hours is a bit steep for me to say I can do it all this year. Plus, there are other conferences, classes, etc. that will also require some funds. I'd love to go ahead and get that license this year, but I'll be happy if I can get 2/3 of the way there.
2. Make at least three sales. My new broker (I'm moving--possibly more on that to come) only asks for two, but I need at least three. There are so many fees associated with being a real estate agent it's not even funny. I went back and calculated how much I spent this year... Even after my sale, I'm in the hole, and not by a small amount. I think having at least three good sales will allow me to break even and possibly provide for those additional classes I was talking about.

Personal
1. I've got to buy a house! My folks want me to stay with them... I told them if by some miracle a house comes on the market with a completely separate apartment and within their price range, I'd consider buying it with them. But there's no way I'm doing this whole sharing my living space thing. NO WAY! And realistically, I don't believe there is a house with that feature in the range they're looking for. I'm setting my goal for the end of May.
2. Read 10 books within the year, at least 2 fiction. That sounds backwards doesn't it? Well I've got 9 books sitting on my dresser waiting to be read. I've started on 8. Out of those 9, 4 are career-related, 3 are self-improvement, and 2 are just miscellaneous non-fiction. I need an escape! I'm thinking about picking up The Other Boleyn Girl. I may have to sign up for a library card again so I can get books without feeling like I'm spending money frivolously...
3. Find a creative outlet. Now that I'm done with school, I want to do something simply because it makes me happy. I'm not sure what just yet, but I'm leaning towards painting. Another choice was voice lessons, but I've pretty much given up on the dream of being a singer. *shrugs* We'll see, though.

So that's my little short list of goals for 2011. If you haven't set yours, you still have time but the clock is ticking!

Happy New Year y'all!

Reshaping My Relationship with Money (or: Tori D. is broke!)

There was a crucial learning step that I missed as a child. I never really was taught about using money wisely or balancing a checkbook. I think it was taken for granted that these things were simple enough, and with me being a pretty bright child, there was no reason for me not to grasp that concept. And that thinking was correct to an extent; I can balance my checkbook... It may take a while, after hunting down receipts and stuff, I can do it. The thing is, I'm prone to not doing it. My lack of focus, coupled with personality traits such as disorganization and tendency to find tasks like this uninteresting (I'm an INFP for those of you familiar with the Meyers-Briggs personality types) means that it just does not get done. This has lead to some less than desirable consequences for my bank account.

The thing that most recently sent me into shock occurred on Tuesday. I got a call from my mom saying she figured I needed some money for lunch so she transferred some funds into my account. Blow #1: I felt like a middle school kid again, getting lunch money from mommy. I said thanks, but didn't think I actually needed it. The last time I checked my account, it said there was $30-something dollars in there. I'm good! I go to check how much she put in... I see that she put in over $100 but my account was less than $100. How could this be? It turns out, (blow #2) I was in overdraft. Blow #3: Two transactions that totaled less than $10 caused me to get hit with $70 in NSF fees. Y'all, I cried. Like literally boohooed at work. I felt like such a failure! Here I am trying to prove that I'm a responsible adult and ready to be on my own. And my mom had to come save my butt. Again.

I'm not even sure that she knew I was in that position or not. Usually when she does, she'll say something about it but this time she didn't.

That situation has made me determined to do better with my money. I'm going to have to do something drastic. I'm going to start carrying cash.

I never have cash y'all. Ever. The debit card is just sooo much easier for me. But that ease means it's way too easy to overspend, especially when you don't have to actually see the money. It's like you're not really spending it (at the time). I figure if I only carry cash (no debit OR credit cards unless I'm going to get gas) it will cause me to do several things:

1. force me into seriously thinking about what I'm purchasing and how much I spend
2. create a loose budget for the week/month
3. keep me from buying non-necessities--I have enough stuff in my tiny little space as it is
4. cause me to save more

So on payday, I'll take out a small, pre-determined amount and make it last for the month. If I run out by week two, yanno what that means? I can't buy A THING for two weeks. If I have money left over at next payday (a laughable thought, but I guess it's possible) then that amount goes towards the amount I can spend, which means less coming out of my account.
This is a modified version of something a financial planner presented to us while I was an employee at Blue Cross Blue Shield. In his version, you have a separate envelop for each thing. A cash envelop for bills, cash envelop for clothes, cash envelop for food, etc. That doesn't work for me because there's no way I'm sending cash for my credit card bills, car note, all of that. So my bills are paid at the beginning of the month, and then my account will have to sit inactive for a bit.

The only time I'll allow myself a little splurge is when I make a sale. That commission will be split between my savings, credit card payments, and a little bit to spend. By the way, having my savings come out of my check before I get it was one of the best ideas I've ever had! LOL

Have any of you had to make serious changes to your relationship with money? Did you have a good money management foundation from the start, or did you have to learn as you go? What has been your biggest challenge?

Playing Catch Up

Good morning everyone!  This is just a brief note to address a few things:

1. I'm playing catch up as far as posts and replying to comments. I'm finally done with school (yaaaayyyy) and since it's slow at work I have a little time to play over here. In the coming year, I will try to plan my posts a bit better so that they won't be so sporadic. You all can help play a major part in this by submitting your stories, questions, pix, etc. to toridblogs@gmail.com. I want this to be as much about you as it is about me!

2. I have some ideas for this blog that will (hopefully) be implemented soon and I would LOVE input from you all about what type of content you'd like to see more of, less of, etc.

3. There will be a Thank God I'm Natural giveaway soon. As in, next week soon. This will be specifically targeting transitioners and natural newbies (six months or less since the big chop). Go on and get your follow on now if you haven't already, and if you know someone who is transitioning or recently did the BC, spread the word.

4. If you want to see what I'm up to when I'm not procrastinating posting here, you can always hit me up on Twitter or The Good Hair Photos (which features fashion, makeup and of course natural hair).

Six Months Natural!!

This post should've been posted several weeks ago. My apologies!

December 1st marked six months since I cut off my permed hair and could say that I was completely, 100% natural! Initially, I planned to straighten my hair to do a length check. However, the plans for this past weekend prompted me to postpone that. However, I still wanted to share my length so far. Of course, when I straighten it, I'll have more pix up to actually show the length without any shrinkage. But for now, we'll have to make due with a good ol' taut pull of the hair.

Not really sure why I didn't measure my hair after the BC (probably because I was still in shock)... Major fail on my part, I know! So I can't say how much of this is from the 10 months of transitioning and how within the last 6 months. But at least I'll have something to compare with the 1 year mark!

I will be measuring different sections of my hair, since I know they are all probably different lengths. And once I get my hair straightened, evened up and cut into a style, I'll lose a bit more length and have to measure all over again. But anywho, here are the front, sides, back, and crown of my hair as of today ("today" being December 8).

 

 

 

 

 

Front: 8.5" stretched, 3" with shrinkage
Crown: 8" stretched, 3 5/8" with shrinkage
Left side: 7 2/3" stretched, 2 1/5" with shrinkage

Right side: 7" stretched, 3" with shrinkage
Back: 5 2/3" stretched, 2 2/3" with shrinkage

Of course, the length will be a lot easier to see once I straighten my hair. I guess that's pretty good for about 16 months of growth and after one trim. Can't wait to see what the one-year check will look like!

It's Funny.... Why?

So today makes eight years since the incident. I've not been in the major funk that I usually am around this time, just been a little somber. But I just saw something on Twitter that made me GO. OFF.

#TEAMRAPE
#TEAMNOREALLYMEANSYES
#TEAMTAKEWHATSNOTYOURS

What in ALL the fugg?!

All of these were tweeted and retweeted by supposed leaders, college-educated black men in BGLOs. (Yes, I know that being in a BGLO these days doesn't amount to ish in regards to leadership, morals, etc.--another post for another day-- but still... in the spirit of what the Founders of all of our orgs envisioned, I find this incredibly sad.)  Why the hell is this funny to them? I would expect this sort of "humor" (and trust I'm using that word very loosely) from depraved convicts or the like.... but really?

Ugh, I can't even put into words what I'm thinking/feeling right now... All I know is I've been through the ish and didn't find a dayum thing funny about it. Where the hell do they get off making light of it?

"What do you want for Christmas?"

It's a question I dread.

source

Besides the fact that I'm really not a fan of the holidays, I hate the back and forth that goes on when I say I don't want anything. The inevitable "Come on, you must want something!" really grinds my gears (thanks, Family Guy). Why can't folks just leave it alone? Is it because they'll feel bad rattling off their laundry list of material desires if I don't have one as well? Do they think I'm trying to be contrary or something? Maybe it is just an earnest interest. But my answer of "nothing" should be enough.

This year, I've been asked what I want repeatedly by my parents, Bartender, and his daughters. I've tried to come up with something, just to avoid that conversation, but honestly I don't want anything! All of my needs are met (thank you Lord) and I'm becoming self-reliant to a fault. After the incident, and after dealing with years of my dad complaining whenever I asked him to do anything for me, I decided I'd rather get what I can on my own. And I've done just that. Yeah I have my little wishlist (like over on TGHD) but those are all things that, if I decide I really want them, I will purchase myself. So when I'm asked that question, I'm truly thinking "Nothing that I can't get on my own." That may be terrible, but that's the way it is.

As far as the things I can't quite get on my own right now... well they can't either. What do I really want? I want my own condo. I want the capital to purchase and renovate several rental properties. I want stocks in Apple and Microsoft. I want Mr. Right to knock on my door tomorrow with a ring. (LMAO on that one) I want a gray doberman pincher puppy that's already trained and housebroken...

Moral of the story: the things I want, I will get in my own time. Please accept "nothing" as my short answer.

Faking It

Sunday I came across an article about the most counterfeited items of the year as well as this picture of "red bottoms." (And yes, I mean "red bottoms" not Louboutins. True Louboutins don't have to be painted red post-production! Hmph!) Couple that with seeing an obvious Coach knock-off at church and I began pondering something that has come across my mind before. Why do people bother buying knock-offs? Of course the simple answer is that they either can't afford or don't want to pay for the real thing... but who are they fooling? Are they trying to convince others that they have something that they really don't, or are they only fooling themselves? I have a few "designer" bags; not many though, and they are on the lower end of what would be considered "designer." Meanwhile, I have a ton of purses, totes, clutches, etc. that, while not high-end, are super cute. They weren't created or purchased in an attempt to make someone believe they were something that they aren't. They are just cute purses that get as many compliments as the designer bags. And as much as I want a pair of Louboutins, I could never bring myself to buy some "red bottoms" in hopes of passing them off as the real thing. Now I do have some shoes that are similar to my favorite Louboutins, sans the red sole. IMO, there's no reason to fake it. Sure, some may attribute prestige, money, and status from these designer labels... But the assumption about those that bother with fakes is the total opposite. Besides, those that know the truth can spot an imposter without even trying.

[caption id="attachment_1797" align="alignright" width="294" caption="Who ARE you?"][/caption]

But what else do we fake? Staying in an unhealthy relationship just to make others think we can keep a mate. Perping (for those unfamiliar with Black Greek life, this means pretending to be a member of an organization when in reality you are not). Pretending that your ish is together because you have a degree(s). Going into debt for bigger and better cars, clothes, homes, etc. just so people will see you keeping up with the Joneses. Creating an online persona that in no way resembles who we are offline. So often we put on about different aspects of our lives in an attempt to appear as if we've arrived in some way. Maybe it's a subconscious fear that who and what we truly are will not be enough in the eyes of others. However, if we could accept ourselves in complete authenticity--not to the point of apathy and failure to make improvements--we would find, more often than not, that others would accept us too.

I "broke up" with my bestie because of my hair.

Admittedly, we had grown apart due to some other issues, but my hair is what sealed the deal for me.

Up until a few months ago, my best friend was a guy I'd gone to high school with. Our relationship was weird, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. I loved him because he forced me to be honest with myself on a number of things. We butted heads all the time though, and I was always quitting him over something he'd said.

A couple of months ago I was out at some little event, not really being social. He called (or did I call him? I don't remember) and I told him what I was up to, so he decided to come by. This was the first time he'd seen me since I did the BC. I knew he would have something to say, because he fussed when I cut my hair into a bob. He likes long hair and was used to seeing me with almost bra strap length hair. But I was not expecting the severe reaction I got. As soon as he saw me, his face scrunched up. "What did you do to it?" he asked.

"Well, I told you I was going natural... I finally cut off the perm."

"Hmph. I don't like it. I don't really care for the natural look. It's not you." [I will spare you my inner commentary on how ridiculous that statement was.] "It's ugly."

I was crushed. At the gathering I'd received comments from other guys--strangers and distant acquaintances--saying they loved my fluffy lil fro. But here was the one guy whose opinion mattered the most to me--more than anyone, including my BF who was just a potential at the time--telling me I was ugly. He and my dad were the only people who had said that. I was beyond pissed. Then I got to thinking "Why the hell does his opinion of beauty matter?" He's always had a thing for white women and light-bright-almost-white black women. Of course he wouldn't think something so unmistakably black to be attractive! The long straight hair seemed to be my redeeming quality in his eyes. As we sat there barely chatting the rest of the evening, I got over it and him.

I'm not saying he had to like it. There have probably been plenty of people who haven't. But he had to call me ugly? He couldn't have said something a little more positive or supportive like, "I liked the long hair better but maybe this will grow on me," or "If you're happy with it that's all that matters," or something! But that opened my eyes and made me realize that there were several things that he had not been supportive of over recent years. This was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. I have not spoken to him since.

And that, dears and sirs, is how my fro caused my bestie to become "ex-bestie."

So Now What?

Tonight I am taking what will hopefully be the last final exam I ever have to take as a grad student. I am David, facing my Goliath: Macroeconomics. If I succeed with a grade high enough to get that little MBA title and my sanity in tact, I will feel very accomplished.

from thecomingdepression.net

But then what? I can't help but wonder what good is it going to do me. Due to budget cuts, I can't get an educational benchmark at my current job (which was the only reason I went back to school in the first place, along with "the plan" that I've mentioned here before). It's not a requirement for real estate, so I'm not sure how much help it will be there. And I'm not finding too many positions for adjunct business professors, so who knows how that will pan out. I almost feel like I've just buried myself under more debt and stressed myself out for nothing.

I want to be optimistic, to have faith that doors will open, etc. After all, they have so far. And I believe they will continue to do so, even if things don't go quite the way I'd like. But I'm left to wonder were these two additional years of school even necessary.

Who knows. Maybe it wasn't the actual education, but the connections made during my time in grad school that will be the key. After all, "it's not what you know, it's who you know." And I've met a few people--both professors and students--who I think could be extremely helpful in some things that I'm trying to do. So there's really no room to complain, huh? Well then I won't do that. But I'm still left to ponder the question, "So now what?"

On why I could never be a natural nazi

The day I hit my six month nappiversary, I took to Twitter because I was excited that I'd made it this far without going back to the creamy crack. After congratulating me, one of my cousins tweeted the following:

I'm glad none of my #naturalhair family/friends hv tried to convert me. That the [sic] journey is made on an individual basis. #no1forallsHERE

I completely understand and share her sentiment. One thing that kind of turned me off from going natural sooner was the fact that I was encountering "natural nazis," those sisters who assumed that because my hair was relaxed I was attempting to be white. Women who assumed that I didn't love myself. Folks who deemed themselves better than me because I didn't do to my hair what they did to theirs. People who were defensive because they thought I thought I was better than them because of my hair, even though I was envious of the women I saw rocking big beautiful fros. Eventually I realized that I couldn't let a few abrasive people determine what I did for and to myself.

Having that kind of experience, I myself refrain from pushing my opinion on others about their hair. I know some people that I think would be so fierce with a fro or lovely with locs (ya like that consonance dontcha?) but they also look gorgeous with their hair permed. There are a few ladies I know who I really want to tell "Your messed up edges and ragged split ends are horrid! Go natural or let someone perm it who knows what they are doing!" but I don't, I hold my tongue. Now of course, if someone asks my opinion I'll certainly give it to them. I'll let anyone know that they too can go natural and be beautiful, but only if they ask. Just like I don't like the "advice" I get from some that I need to go back to the perm, I don't give advice that others need to get it go.

A person's hair is theirs, just like their face, boobs, butt, whatever. Who am I to tell someone they need to change their nose or lips or a little bit of belly? That is their decision, and whatever changes they make should be their own. Hair included.

Too Much of a Good Thing

Note: This is part one of this entry. Part two is of a racier nature and is therefore going to be on my blog that is devoted to such.

Today, I did something I haven't done in a long time. I went out to eat with my friends from church. This used to be the norm every 1st and 3rd Sunday, but for the past couple of weeks months I've been spending every 1st and 3rd Sunday with Bartender. I told him last night/this morning as I was leaving his house that I'd stop by before he went to work, but instead of doing the usual routine of going straight to his house after service, I went out to eat. I didn't realize how much I missed just talking and laughing with my friends like that. It's really the only time that we have together, because everyone's schedule is so busy.

But Bartender was not trying to hear that. In his mind, I was supposed to be there just like always. But I'm always there. Monday and Thursday nights after class, whenever I can sneak away Tuesday and Wednesday evenings, all Saturday afternoon and evening even though his daughters are usually there despite the fact that Saturday was supposed to be our date night. This was a necessary breather, and I still made an effort to leave early just to stop by and see him for a few minutes.

 It's not that I don't enjoy being with him. On the contrary, I love the time we spend together, to the point where I would be with him all the time if it were possible. I've been like that before, and I learned my lesson about having (or being) too much of a good thing. Eventually all of that togetherness wears someone down, and the other person (usually me) is told that space is needed. So now I'm making a conscious effort to not be the one who always wants to hang out. Not easy when he wants to spend so much time together. BTW, that's not a complaint at all. I just don't want to wear out something that's been really good so far. Shoot, it hasn't even been a year since we exchanged numbers. I'm afraid that being up under each other too much will lead to someone feeling smothered. So I'm doing an anti-smother damage control preemptive strike, if you will.

What I've learned with food and makeup holds true for relationships as well: you can definitely have too much of a good thing.

Wishlist

Although I'm not big on the holidays, I'm always up for getting stuff! (And I'm not so grinch-tastic that I don't give gifts as well... but only to a select few!) My short wishlist this year is mostly comprised of hair & beauty goodies that I either can't splurge on right now (pockets are kinda tight) or would feel bad about if I bought them now, but would definitely accept if someone gave them to me. After all, I'm not a product junkie if someone just gives them to me, right? Right. So here is what you can send your favorite blogger (who? me, of course!) if you're full of the holiday spirit.

1. Wen haircare system I've been curious about Wen since I started transitioning, but I have yet to try it. I'm a bit skeptical of its claims to work on all hair types, but nothing like putting it to the test to be sure.

2. Huetiful hair steamer Since starting my transition, I've read several blogs that mentioned hair steaming. I didn't really think too much about it, but that has since changed. Since it's gotten cooler, I can tell a huge difference between how my hair looks and feels when I first wake up and after I take my shower. The steam has it so soft and big! It would be awesome to get the benefits of steaming my hair while deep conditioning, but usually when I DC I'm doing a million other things so I never just sit in the bathroom. With the Huetiful hair steamer I could set it up in whatever room I happen to be in and let it do its thing while I mindlessly watch tv do something productive. And sure, I'll take the facial attachment as well!

3. A Denman brush I've still never seen one in real life. LOL Yes, I've checked Sally's, but the times I've been they didn't had them. So I don't even know which one to get! And I refuse to order it online, seeing as I have no idea how it feels and whether it would be worth it. Yeah, I've heard they're great and all, but still... But if you wanna pass it along to me, I'll take it!

4. A Sephora gift card I've fallen in love with Sephora, y'all! There's only one little Sephora around here, tucked away in a JCPenney's. That is the only thing I visit that particular Penney's for ('cuz that location's plus size selection sucks). Now that I've found out they have Carol's Daughter products and well as a buncha yummy delicious makeup to try out, I need some extra funds specifically for Sephora!

5. A phony pony that looks like it's natural hair that's been blown out. Most of what I've found has been either shiny super straight ponytails, or puffs that look duller, tighter, and all around worse than my hair. There is this one ponytail that I bought, not too straight, sorta wavy. But I dunno how well it will work considering that it's rather shiny... We'll see. I still need more though; gotta switch it up!

So that's my little wishlist. Got anything on yours related to hair and/or beauty?

Quotes of the Day: On Adversity

Today some developments came up that have me reconsidering the direction I want my career to follow, and whether I want to remain with the real estate company I'm with or go for broke & work strictly for myself once I get my broker's license next year. Until I can think a bit clearer to write a post that actually makes sense, I'm trying to lift myself up with some quotes instead...

“Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.” Arthur Golden

“Things that were hard to bear are sweet to remember” Seneca

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” Henry Ford

“Seeds of faith are always within us; sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth.” Susan Taylor

“There is in every true woman's heart, a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.” Washington Irving

“Opposition is a natural part of life. Just as we develop our physical muscles through overcoming opposition - such as lifting weights - we develop our character muscles by overcoming challenges and adversity.” Stephen R. Covey

“Adversity is the diamond dust Heaven polishes its jewels with.” Thomas Carlyle

(all quotes courtesy of thinkexist.com)

random: i want

i want to teach business; real life business skills that people can use.
i want to instill a hunger for business and entrepreneurship in little black kids.
i want to be successful in real estate.
i want to work for myself.
i want to sit on my butt and let great real estate investments take care of me.

i want to paint.
i want to write.

i want to love.
i want real love.
i want a real, lasting love that doesn't end with me asking "WTF?"

i want a house.
i want a house that i can decorate and where i can throw cocktail parties and intimate sleepovers.
i want a home.

i want knowledge.
i want to know a little bit of everything.
i want to share wisdom with the world.

i think i want too much.

i want it all.

The Talk--America's Doing It Wrong

Did your parents ever sit down and have "the talk" with you?

When I was 16 my parents asked if I had any questions about sex. I didn't. There was no discussion of how it works, methods of preventing pregnancy and STDs, the emotional issues that go along with it. They simply reminded me that sex was "wrong" and "don't do it." Yeah, I knew that I'd been told sex was bad (but magically became good once you say "I do") but that didn't stop me from doing it-- two years prior to the non-talk "talk."

I've asked a couple of my friends, and none of them recall having the notorious talk that parents are supposedly so scared of. (Maybe they're so scared that they skip it altogether?) There was the "don't do it" speech for most of them, and the "we're just gonna put you on birth control & hope for the best" move for a few others. While this passive approach may seem like the answer for apprehensive parents, how is it working out for the kids?

Well, it looks like it's not. Not for teens in America, at least. Research recently done by sociologist Amy Schalet compares the difference in approach to teen sexuality in America and European countries. In her article, "Sex, Love and Autonomy in the Teenage Sleepover," she states, "American adolescent sexuality has been dramatized instead of normalized."  The results of this? A high rate of teen pregnancy, abortion, and transmission of STDs. Advocates for Youth provide these figures:

 

 

Schalet cites two main reasons for the stark differences in approaches to teen sexuality: religion and economic security. As a whole, the U.S. has a tendency to be more devout than our counterparts in the Netherlands, hence more conservative views and beliefs. As far as economic security, she reasons, "Like most European countries, the Dutch government provides a range of what sociologists call 'social' and what reproductive health advocates call 'human' rights: the right to housing, healthcare, and a minimum income. Not only do such rights ensure access, if need be, to free contraceptive and abortion services, government supports make coming of age less perilous for both teenagers and parents.

What are some of the differences found in approaches to sexuality?

• Adults in France, Germany, and the Netherlands view young people as assets, not as problems. Adults value and respect adolescents and expect teens to act responsibly. Governments strongly support education and economic self-sufficiency for youth.


• Research is the basis for public health policies to reduce unintended pregnancies, abortions, and sexually transmitted infections, including HIV. Political and religious interest groups have little influence on public health policy.


• Youth have convenient access to free or low-cost contraception through national health insurance.


• Sex education is not necessarily a separate curriculum and is usually integrated across school subjects and at all grade levels. Educators provide accurate and complete information in response to students’ questions.


• Families have open, honest, consistent discussions with teens about sexuality and support the role of educators and health care providers in making sexual health information and services available to teens.


• Society weighs the morality of sexual behavior through an individual ethic that includes the values of responsibility, respect, tolerance, and equity.

I find it ironic that our society is still so conservative about some aspects of sex even though sex is everywhere, 24/7. Is it that we've demonized our natural sexuality to the point that we are in effect helpless against its power? By not looking at sex/sexuality for what it is--a natural desire that can be both healthy and fulfilling when done/used responsibly--we have left ourselves open to a myriad of problems that can be prevented.

main source: Consequences of U.S. and Dutch Approaches to Sex

Morning Quickie: My Hair is Soft Again!!

You know, last week in one of my posts, I discussed how the change in weather had caused my hair to be a bit dry. I used Suave Almond & Shea Butter conditioner as a leave-in until I was able to find a good leave-in. (BTW, I used the Suave when doing my twists recently, and they came out great! You can see a few pix of it on TGHP, and I'll be doing a post on it soon.)

The other day I dropped by the Sephora counter and was pleasantly surprised to see that they now carry Carol's Daughter! I've been saying I was going to try their products for a minute now, but I hadn't. I figured now was the time. I was tempted to get the Hair Milk that I hear so much about, but something else piqued my interest: the Black Vanilla Leave-In Conditioner. The label said "Hydrating refresher and detangler for dry hair." I figured "It's only $12, let's give it a go." The first couple of days I used it, I couldn't really tell much difference because I still had my twists in. When I finally took them down and used it, my hair was so soft!

Then yesterday, I got the bright idea to mist my hair before using the Carol's Daughter. I used the same mist that I'd used on my hair the night that I did my twist: a simple mix of coconut oil, olive oil and water (I didn't use measurements, just eyeballed it). Y'all... OMG... I never knew hair could be that super soft. I couldn't keep my hair out of it because I couldn't believe it. I love love love the results. The Black Vanilla Leave-In is a light mist, so it didn't weigh my hair down and it wasn't drippy. Also, it smells so yummy! I don't have a single bad thing to say about it. Now I'm anxious to try some other CD products!

BTW, here are the list of ingredients (courtesy of carolsdaughter.com):

Water (Aqua), Polysorbate 80, Glycerin, Panthenol (Pro-vitamin B5), Sodium Hyaluronate, Sodium PCA, Butylene Glycol, Lavandula Angustifolia (Lavender) Flower/Leaf Stem, Lonicera Caprifolium (Honeysuckle) Flower Extract, Lonicera Japonica (Japanese Honeysuckle) Flower Extract, Salvia Officinalis (Sage) Leaf Extract, Calendula Officinalis Flower Extract, Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein, Hydrolyzed Wheat Starch, Hydrolyzed Corn Starch, Potassium Sorbate, Citric Acid, Caramel, Fragrance (Parfum) 

Planning, Preparation & Payoff

At the beginning of the year I wrote a post about 2010 being my year of planning, preparation and payoff. There were several things that I wanted to accomplish and I was determined to either start or complete this year; some personal, some professional. Many were goals that I wanted to reach within the year, while others (the "planning" and "preparation" goals) are stepping stones to much grander goals. Thankfully I can say that I am on track with most of my goals!

I'm all set for graduation in December if this macroeconomics class doesn't kick my butt. Be prepared to see Tori D., MBA all over urrythang I touch from then on!

I've pulled together a great group of young black professionals to start work on chartering a Jackson, MS chapter of the National Black MBA Association. (By the way, if you're in the Metro Jackson area and interested, email me at TDWhitley@gmail.com. Thaaaanks!)

My real estate business is taking off. This is especially big to me because, as I've stated before, this is not just a job but a career for me. And for me to be doing any business at all with the economy like it is and with my limited resources... it's huge. God's favor is all over that.

Despite my flightiness and lack of focus, I've come up with a career plan that would make retirement within 15-20 years a possibility. That way I could focus on my non-profit and do some creative work, all while bringing in passive income--which is the best kind of income there is, IMO. Now if I can stick to the plan, instead of suddenly deciding I want to do something else, that will be a true payoff in and of itself!

I've been able to completely rid myself of some dead weight. I'm talking exes, old "friends" who really did nothing more than bring me down, old hurts and disappointments that slowed my progress. Strange how I actually feel lighter now that I'm done with all of that. That lightness is both a payoff from learning to be honest (brutally, sometimes) with myself and others, and preparation for "the next best" whatever to come along.

But of course, not everything has gone as planned...

I didn't stick with my workout routine. The payoff was supposed to be shedding X number of pounds by my cruise in June. Didn't happen. I stayed fat and happy. Found another "workout" though, and it feels good to "work out" on the regular. What? O_o I'm all about the exercise over here...

I have yet to get and stay organized. This is an ongoing thing for me, but I haven't given up on it!

I didn't stick with the plan to focus solely on myself... For the entirety of this year I've been more or less (okay, really more) booed up. I said I was going to take a break from relationships and such, but this current one just sort of happened. But this time, seriously, once it's over, it's all about me, myself and I. There's no potential-beau in the background this time, so I guess that means it'll be time for that break... IDK.

So there you have it! I'm happy to see the progress that I've made and I can't wait to see even more growth, progress, and positive moves. What upward motion have you made this year? Share it!

Interview with a Natural

Last week I asked for submissions of pretty much any kind, and thankfully I've already received one!  Julie was an inspiration and encouragement for me when I decided to go natural. She has so graciously offered to share a bit of everything with us concerning her hair, so here is her story in her own words and pictures.

 

Transition Story:

before starting the 1 yr protective styling challenge

This is actually my second time around going natural.  The first time was in 2003 when just the idea of going natural was interesting to me.  I didn’t really know what I was doing though.  The first thing I did was to get some color.  I thought by adding color, it would make my hair look interesting, but I now see that it added to the reason why I went back to chemicals.  Since I wasn’t up on how to actually STYLE natural hair or what products to use, I kept it in an afro puff.  After a while, you get kinda tired of puffs and you want to do something else.  I didn’t know how to braid my own hair, or even twist it, so I got bored quickly.  That lead me to straightening my hair, which lead me to trying a texturizer….next thing you know, I succumbed to the creamy crack. *insert violins*

This time around, I planned for it.  Since I was pregnant with my first child, I decided that it would be a good time to start transitioning (January 2008).  I was all about the roller sets and the half wigs.  I kept it up for about 8 months when the anticipation and the excitement about being totally natural finally got to me.  My husband and I did the BC a few days before my birthday in August (I say my husband because he helped me cut off the hair I couldn’t see in the mirror).  I’ve been straight hair free ever since.

 

Product Rant:

Dr. Bronner’s Pure Castille Soap (Hemp Peppermint).  I decided when I started transitioning that I would stick to products that had the most raw, organic, “natural” ingredients as possible.  I heard such good things about this product that I was excited to try it.   I was expecting my hair to be clean, but soft.  WHAT A MISTAKE.  My hair ended up being so dry and so coarse it took a couple of WEEKS for my hair to feel soft again.  I took a look at the ingredients (AGAIN) and don’t know what it could have been that made my hair so dry, but it did not like it AT ALL.  Now, I’m saying this to discourage others from using it. I’m just saying it did not work for MY hair.

Instead of using a strict regimen,
Julie trims her ends on a need-to basis.

Product Rave:

One time HELLO HYDRATION from Herbal Essence!!  That is the BEST conditioner I have had the pleasure of using!  I’ve tried cheapo conditioners, average conditioners, and the “luxury” conditioners.  They are pretty much all the same, but for some reason, my hair really takes to HELLO HYDRATION.  It’s the perfect detangler and with some coconut/olive oils, a great deep conditioner.

 

Product Recipe: (I don’t do measurements; I just put whatever I feel like adding into my stuff)

My leave in conditioner:

Sally’s generic Infusium 23 Leave-In Conditioner

Coconut Oil

Olive Oil

Rosemary Oil

Peppermint Oil

Glycerin

Aloe Vera Juice

Kinky Kurly’s Knot Today (if/when available)

Emu Oil

Pre-wash/Deep Conditioner:

Hello Hydration

Olive Oil

Coconut Oil

Cover hair with a plastic shower cap and a hot damp towel/turban for 30 minutes

 

Why did I go natural?

Honestly, I got tired of my hair constantly coming out.  It seemed like at one time I had more hair on my bathroom floor than on my head.  My hair was straight, but it was limp, flat, breaking, and boring.  I started doing research online as to what I can do to stop hair loss.  I started seeing all of these women who had natural hair and the funky, cool styles they were able to do with their hair.  I told myself that I didn’t have that “mixed hair look”, so like a lot of other women, thought “it wouldn’t look right on me”.  But as I did more research, I saw natural women who had my type of hair.  I thought…hmmm….maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.  I had a cute face, so at least I can play it off if it doesn’t work out with hats, scarves, or accessories!

Reactions from friends/family/co-workers/etc?

APL (arm pit length)

You know, the only real negative reactions I got were from my parents.  Understand now, my hair was very short when I got my first BC.  My mom just didn’t understand why I would want to be look like a boy. They are from the old school where women should strive for long hair and men kept their hair very short. She then asked me what “my plans were”.  My plans?  “Yes”, she says.  “What do you plan on doing to your hair when it grows out?  Do you want to keep it in an afro?  Are you getting DREADlocks?!?!”  Do you want to be a Rasta?!?”  All I could do was LOL!!!  My dad didn’t really have anything particularly bad to say, but he didn’t think it would look “nice” if my hair was short and nappy, especially going to work.  I didn’t take offense; I know that my parents have never seen images of modern natural hair styles.  There frame of reference was from the 60s/70s.

For the most part, I’ve gotten positive feedback from everyone including co-workers, strangers, and friends.  My husband absolutely loves it.  But then again, he loves anything that’s not a weave!

 

How has being natural affected your life?
It has definitely made me more aware of what I am putting into my body.  Being an “ingredient reader” has spilled over into what I eat and drink.  I am also very cautious about what I do with and how I do my child’s hair.  I want to make sure that she has a deep appreciation for her God-given curls.

 

Questions/Comments/Concerns about being natural?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I LOVE BEING NATURAL!  It’s not an easy road, but it’s the best road for me!

One of her protective styling options

 

#thingsblackgirlsdo and other self-deprecating bullshit

Most of the people I e-interact with know that I'm on Twitter a good deal (although not as much as of late), and while it's definitely not enough to base a thesis on, watching TTs (that's trending topics for you non-tweeters) has led me to a conclusion that I'd like to discuss.

Many of us have "drunk the kool-aid." We've bought into the negative stereotypes of ourselves. The following are some of the TTs and tweets I've seen:

#doesntmeanyourblack [sic] (I know it should be "you're" not "your" but that was the TT...)
#nowthatsghetto
#blackfolks "want an iPad but haven't paid their car note, rent or child support"
"black people: child support. white people: house note"

The the majority of people perpetrating the stereotypical foolishness are the same ones that these TTs target. The offending TT de jour is #thingsblackgirlsdo. And folks are having a field day with it. Observe some of the tamer tweets:

#thingsblackgirlsdo try to have kids wit a nigga coz he got "good hair"
#thingsblackgirlsdo get emotional on twitter and be wanting to fight over words that disappear smh
#ThingsBlackGirlsDo go to the club lookin like a million bucks but be broke as fuck lookin for a nigga to buy her drinks!
#ThingsBlackGirlsDo get foodstamps sell them for more than they worth
#thingsblackgirlsdo get loud in any public place
#thingsblackgirlsdo drive to a destination to go fight

Now there are a lot of people trying to put some positivity out there (among my favs: #thingsblackgirlsdo ROCK!!) but overall... SMH. And of course the onslaught of negativity brought about another TT:

#ThingsBlackMenDo With no Job Experience or Education gets pissed cuz they cant find a Good Paying Non Factory Job
#ThingsBlackMenDo could tell u everything about the Lebron decision...but couldnt name one major court decision in American history
#thingsblackmendo sell weed so they aint gotta get a real job
#thingsblackmendotry every way possible to get around the law

#thingsblackmendo hav 3, 4 baby mommas an call all of dem hoesm.. #sideeye [sic]

#ThingsBlackmenDo have side chicks fighting/hating each other and the main chick don't have a clue what's goin on....

My main issue is that it's us dogging us. Of course it would be upsetting to see "others" going in on us, but to me it wouldn't be as surprising. But for blacks to dog each other out for the whole Twitterverse to see is disheartening. Even if it is in jest--after all, there's some hint of honesty in every "joke" someone makes. Some people are believing the things they type. And by no means am I saying that everything is all roses with us as a people. Many of the tweets about what black people do can be applied to any other group of people (because each group is diverse and encompasses both good and bad). But the fact that everyone seems to associate black with the bad traits shows that we have bought into the lie that society has pushed onto us. Black is bad, wrong, negative, ugly, evil. We've been bombarded with that sentiment for so long that it's seeped into our collective psyche and now we are regurgitating it back into the universe. And not just on Twitter, but in our every day lives. So many of our people have a defeated outlook... They believe the negativity that swirls around them and it becomes a self-manifestation.

Instead of falling in line with that, how about we make a conscious effort to represent ourselves, our people, and our culture in a positive light, and then reflect that positivity in every aspect of our lives.

#Thatisall.

Quote of the Day

“Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are - completely; the good and the bad - and make changes as you see fit - not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”

 

Stacey Charter

Shoe Porn: Purple Passion

It's been a looooong time since I've done a shoe porn post! But due to recurring events, I felt it was needed.

Over the past two years or so, I've fallen in love with many pairs of purple pumps, boots, sandals, etc. Purple has become my favorite color for the time being (purple and blue always fight it out in my mind, while pink sits back comfortably in 3rd place) so I want to get shoes that reflect my passion for purple. Unfortunately I've only managed to buy ONE pair of purple shoes... which I don't get to wear often, since they are too big. (Side note: what the heck is up with Jessica Simpson? I had to give away my size 10 because I literally lost the feeling in my foot, they were so tight. Then I got these purple shoes in an 11 and they slip off my feet!) So anyway, this post is an ode to the shoes I've lusted after but never could make my own.

This is the shoe that started it all: Nine West Hamptonesk. 2008. Lawd, y'all don't understand how bad I wanted these shoes! I was calling all over to see if any stores had them... The few that had the style didn't have the purple. Then I finally call ninewest.com customer service and the lady tried to tell me they didn't come in purple! What the deuce?! I know what I saw lady! I saw love... in shoe form.... *le sigh*

 

This year's obsession: Vince Camuto Amber. It was lust at first sight once again when I spotted these in Dillard's a few weeks ago. I wanted to snatch them up then and there, but I was trying to be frugal and the price tag wasn't working for me. Then I got wonderful news: the price was marked down to $80! I ran to Dillard's as fast as I could. They did not have the purple in my size. I decided I could settle for the blue, since they had that in a 10, but I'd need to try it on first just to be sure. It did not fit. -_- So I figure, no biggie, I'll just order an 11, and since I'm ordering, I can get the purple! Um, no. This style was not available in an 11. Woe is me!

To ease my pain, I went to Zappos.com and searched for purple shoes. I was determined! I found something that would do the trick: these Gabriella Rocha shoes (style: Arria). These were great! Flashy, attention grabbing... so me. But wouldn't you know it, this color doesn't come in a 10.

 

And then there were these. Alexander McQueen heart toe pumps. $725.00. Enough said.

Systematic Apathy

Although this post is not really about the mid-term elections held this past Tuesday, that was the impetus for this post. What I'm about to say is not necessarily because of the results of the elections, but the comments I've heard and read concerning them.

Somewhere between the Civil Rights movement and today, we (yes this is a generalizing, collective "we") as African-Americans have gotten waaaay too comfortable. Lax. We "just don't give a f***."

No, let me correct that. We give a f***, but about the wrong things.

On Tuesday, I saw a lot of tweets and Facebook posts about voting. And I saw a whole heck of a lot of posts about not voting. Not just saying they hadn't vote, but boasting that they wouldn't. I'm sorry, when did not voting become the "it" thing? Oh I know, since there were no superstars this election. It was great that the coolest candidate for POTUS eva motivated people to get out and vote in 2008. But like so many other fads, once the celebs stopped talking about it and the "cool" wore off, people lost interest. The proof is in the low turnout by young voters and minority voters.

But this isn't just about politics and voting. It's about a lack of concern and misplaced priorities that seem to be rampant in our community. So many youngsters that I know--and ones that I don't know but have observed--place so much interest and emphasis on the latest dance, what a celebrity is doing/wearing/saying, becoming the next (insert hot athlete here), or becoming a dope boy and so little on getting an education and making a future for themselves. Many are enthralled with being sexy and having sex, without regard to how their lives could change as a result.... But hey, you can't fully blame the kids when many of the adults--the people who should be role models--are acting the same way!

I know this isn't new; the same thing was going on back in my day. (God, that makes me sound old!) But just because it's been going on for years doesn't mean we can't turn it around, does it? We as a people have too rich and too great a story to be done in by our own laziness, sense of entitlement and failure to recognize what is truly important. We cannot let apathy take us back to what we once fought so hard against.

P.S.: For anyone with the urge to say "Well white folks are doing the same thing and you ain't saying nothing about them," lemme address y'all now. No hate towards anyone, but white folks aren't my folks. What they do to their own detriment is not my concern. If you want to follow down a destructive path just because "white folks are doing it," then we're in an even sadder state than I thought.

Suave Almond & Shea Butter Conditioner

The sudden change in weather (and I do mean sudden--open toes one week, boots the next?!) has left my hair feeling something awful. It's been pretty stiff and woolly... just not soft at all. Up until now, my Shea Moisture Curl & Style Milk did the trick. Even though it's not technically a conditioner, that's what I was using it for; it was perfect during the warmer months. Now? Nothing.

[caption id="attachment_989" align="alignleft" width="245" caption="Note: I've only used the conditioner."][/caption]

I'd purchased the Suave Almond & Shea Butter Conditioner on a whim a few weeks ago, simply because I was out of conditioner, needed to do a co-wash and wanted to try a different product. Really no rhyme or reason in my choice. So I used it... and I wasn't too impressed with the results. Although it did have a nice amount of slip while I was washing my hair, once it dried, I wasn't left with the super-soft feel I was hoping for.

Fast forward to last night. My hair was just... blah. I didn't have time to do my usual deep conditioning with my mix of Palmer's Coconut Oil Deep Conditioning Protein Pack and Organic Root Stimulator Olive Oil Replenishing Pak, but I needed something ASAP. I did a quick search online to see if others had tried regular conditioner as a leave in. And they had; there were mixed reviews for the Almond & Shea Butter as a leave-in. Some reported that it worked great, some said they had some flaking. I figured, what the heck? So I sectioned my hair off, worked the conditioner into my dry hair (I didn't think to mist it), and did my usual chunky twists.

This morning I woke up to much softer hair! It's still not super-soft like I like, but it's a 100% improvement over yesterday's roughness. Not sure why I didn't think of this before. Of course it doesn't take the place of doing my DC, but it will do in a pinch. One drawback is that my hair looks a little duller than I thought it would. Not a big deal, but still...

So yeah... I tried something new and fortunately it worked out for me! I'll still be looking for a good leave-in that's actually a leave-in but until then, this will do!

Naturals in Media

Yahoo! Shine seems to be loving the natural models as of late.

Her hair is giving me so much life right now!! This beauty with the AWESOME red fro was spotted in an article on 5 ways to outsmart restaurant menus. (BTW, it's a pretty interesting read.)

Winter Regimen

This is the *plan*. It may or may not go like this because it's really trial and error. But for my first winter as a natural, I think it's gonna go something like this...

For most of the winter, I plan to wear kinky twists as my protective style. I would love to be able to do this using only my hair, but I think I'm gonna have to go with some additional hair to get the length that I want, since I'd like to be able to pull it back in a ponytail or wear it up occasionally. I really love my soror Dandria's twists (shown to the right) and I'm hoping to achieve a similar look.

I also plan to straighten my hair a couple of times while the weather is cooperative. The first time will be around the first of December so I can do a length check. Although I considered going to a salon to get this done, I've decided to do this myself get my mom to do it. There are two main reasons for this decision. The lady that I went to for my trim was great, but admitted that she doesn't do too much with natural hair other than wash, cut and color it. As fearful as I am of heat damage, I know not to press my luck with that. Secondly, Jackson doesn't have a lot of options for a natural girl, and the one salon I found that "specializes" in natural hair wants to charge a minimum of $65 for a shampoo and press. Ummm, I didn't pay that much to get touch-ups, I'm certainly not gonna pay that for a press. No ma'am, my budget is too tight for that. So the plan is to wash and deep condition as usual, then apply a heat protectant (the Oil Therapy 3-in-1 Creme Moisturizer claims it works as a heat protectant, but I'm not sure... Anyone have a recommendation?) and let my mom blow it out using a blow dryer and flat irons. I'm going back to the lady who clipped my ends before to have her trim and style my hair, because I know nothing about that.

The straight hair will probably last a week, week & a half. Maybe two weeks if I act right. In the time between pressed hair and kinky twists, I will probably continue to do twist outs. I need to work on my two-strand twisting so that I won't be ashamed to wear them for a couple of days. I've gotten so used to doing the chunky twists and immediately doing a twist-out; I think I've gotten rusty!

As far as my product line up, I'm not sure what to change! I know to give the glycerin a rest for a while, since there won't be nearly as much moisture in the air. I'm trying to figure out which essential oils I'll be trying out. First up to try are rosemary and jojoba oils. And I may be regularly going back to Sulfur 8 to oil my scalp. Hey, it works for me! And I know how my scalp gets when it's cold. Of course I'll give the oils a try first, but if it's not satisfactory... back to the grease I go. I'll probably be changing up my shampoo, but that's just because I want to try to full Shea Moisture line. I already stretch washing to about a week and a half, with little to no co-washing in between (bad, bad Tori!) so I'll probably start alternating between shampoo and co-washing every 2 weeks. As the season progresses I will make whatever changes I see are necessary. Hopefully there won't be many!

Soooo yeah! That's how my winter regimen is shaping up in my head. Any natural hair old heads have some advice or go-to winter products?

Dreaming of Length

 

I think I need professional help. LOL

Without fail, at least a couple times a month since I did the big chop, I have recurring dreams of having long hair again! :( The dreams are pretty much the same. I wash my hair, comb out my curls. At that point it's almost shoulder length, about where I think it is now. Then I flat iron it and voila! I'm slangin' silky-smooth butt-length hair!

If I hadn't cut my hair into a bob last year and hadn't done the big chop this year, my hair could very well have been down my back. Shoot, it was already approaching bra strap length. I think my subconscious is calling me stupid for cutting it, especially since I did love having long hair. Don't get me wrong, my coils are gorgeous--and different! I get compliments on my hair all the time. I'm just ready for it to get some hang time, to be long as heck again. And this time it'll be all big and fluffy! Maybe by this time next year I'll be there.

But someone pleeeeaaaase tell me I am not alone in this!

Have you ever been haunted in your dreams by hair issues? A cut, color, damage, etc? C'mon, I know someone out there has something!

On Going Crazy

Last week I feared my crazy had run off the new beau for good. It was a rough week emotionally, although logically it really shouldn't have been. It was his birthday week and I'd done a pretty good job of holding it all together, indulging him and putting on a happy face from Sunday up until late Thursday evening. Then came a serious shift in mood, stemming from perceived lack of attention. (And yes, I knew it was irrational; even while pouting about it my more rational side was sitting there like "Really? You know this is BS right?")

Then Friday... *sigh* What should have been a great day--homecoming weekend, day off work--was a series of disappointments. In and of themselves, these would have been so inconsequential... but in the throws of my insanity trip, it ended up being the culmination of all that was wrong in my world. Essentially, it was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was at his house and out of nowhere I started crying--sobbing, really. Of course, he figured it was the latest little frustration that sent me over the edge and tried to fix it but... it was no use. I was mentally, emotionally, and almost physically down for the count. I went home, didn't call him like I said I would. When he called late that night after work, I was afraid to answer the phone. I was embarrassed, and sure that he didn't want to deal with me anymore. My little speech was all prepared and ready to go, but all I got out was "I'm sorry." He interjected and said, "It's cool. I know you're stressed right now. You just need to relax. Maybe talk to someone about it."

I knew exactly what he meant when he said "talk to someone." I've considered it. I know people who have said talking to a psychologist or counselor or whatever was helpful. I'd never knock it, but I don't even know what I'd say. "I'm almost finished with my 2nd degree, have a really good guy in my life, and two decent jobs. Woe is me!" I feel petty, and think anyone I talked to would think the same. And considering the fact that I really don't know what the problem is, how could it even be fixed? Logically, I should be happy as hell! And usually I am pretty happy on the surface. Stuff kinda simmers under the surface and usually it dies down... or boils over like it did Friday.

My attempts to control my crazy aren't getting the best results, but could someone else really do better?

Naturals in Media

Not really an ad buuuut...

This picture accompanied a Yahoo! Shine blurb for the article "5 Biological Reasons You May Be Attracted to Someone." Oddly, it didn't appear with the article itself... *shrug*

Then and Now

JSU Homecoming 2009

September 23, 2009

2 months into my transition

JSU Homecoming 2010

October 29, 2010

almost 5 months natural

(pictured with my bestie & soror Jessica)

Majority of Americans: Buying a Home Is a Good Decision

RISMEDIA, October 27, 2010--Despite the continuing challenges facing the U.S., nearly eight out of 10 respondents believe buying a home is a good financial decision, according to NAR's eighth annual Housing Opportunity Pulse Survey.

The survey, which measures how affordable housing issues affect consumers, also found job security concerns to be the highest in eight years of sampling, with 70 percent of Americans saying that job layoffs and unemployment are a big problem in their area; eight in 10 cite these issues as a barrier to homeownership. The telephone survey of 1,209 urban and suburban adults in the top 25 metropolitan statistical areas was conducted for NAR by American Strategies and Myers Research & Strategic Services for NAR's Housing Opportunity Program.

Some key results:

* Americans continue to believe that buying a home is a good financial decision (77 percent believe strongly or not so strongly, 68 percent strongly so).
* More than two-thirds of respondents (68 percent) say that now is a good time to buy a home.
* Job insecurity and the lack of jobs continue to be the primary obstacle to home ownership and market recovery.
* Respondents see the recession and job losses as the main reasons for the foreclosure problem, a shift from last year when they were more likely to blame homeowners who bought homes they could not afford.
* A majority of renters say that owning a home at some point in the future is either one of their highest priorities (39 percent) or a moderate priority (24 percent). Just 21 percent of renters say that owning a home is not a priority at all.
* Frustration with banks is up: now a majority worry that banks have made it too hard to qualify for a home mortgage loan.
* 51 percent of respondents say foreclosures remain a big or moderate problem in their area. While there has been a significant drop in the percentage of those surveyed who say foreclosures have increased, 51 percent say that the rate of foreclosures is about the same as it was last year.
* Most of those surveyed say that it is harder to sell a home in their neighborhood than it was a year ago.
* Looking forward, 70 percent expect real estate sales in their neighborhood to remain about the same over the next few months. A nearly identical number (69 percent), also expect home values to remain the same.
* Nearly one-quarter (23 percent) are now very concerned about the number of homes and condos for sale in their area—a number that is up 7 points from last year.
* Most respondents are more concerned about the drop in home values than they are about home costs being too high. Still, cost remains the significant barrier to many who would otherwise like to buy a home.

(source)

Must -Try Protective Style

I was browsing K is for Kinky the other day and came across a post about a protective style. I don't really know much about protective styling, but since winter is approaching (eventually... it's still almost 90 degrees here) I figured I need to get a style or two under my belt. This is a simple style (or should be if you know what you're doing) that works for work, school, a formal event, Saturday shopping, whatever. I tried it the night I saw it... the results were not great. I have not had any experience flat twisting, so I need to work on that. But once I get it down (or find someone who can do it for me ^_^) I'll be rocking this look all the time. The K is for Kinky post also has great fashion & accessory info as well, so check that out if you dig her over all look like I do.

"The Miseducation of a Barbie Doll"

Never Never (Again) Land

I have been pretty fortunate when it comes to products. I haven't developed product junkie-ism *knock on wood* and the majority of the products I have tried work pretty well with my hair.

However, as I was looking through my little bag of hair goodies, I did notice some products tossed in that I know I'll never purchase again. I haven't thrown them out because... well that would be wasteful, considering they are all over half full. I mean, they must be good for something, right? Oh gosh, am I a product hoarder?!

I digress.

Here are the four items that I can do without. No product bashing here, but they just don't work on the fickle follicles atop my head.





1. Softsheen Carson Optimum Oil Therapy Hair & Scalp Quencher

Contrary to the name, it did not quench my scalp. I bought this product as a replacement to the Sulfur 8 that I used to use to oil my scalp after I got it done (during the relaxed days). I was basically shooting in the dark trying to find another product, but since I was already a fan of the Optimum Oil Therapy Shampoo & Moisture Creme, I figured I'd give it a shot. I didn't care for the consistency of this... product (I still don't know if I should call it grease or oil or what). It was really pretty watery and melted to the touch--not in the good way either. My scalp felt like there was nothing on it, still just as dry as before I put it on. Not sure why it didn't work for me, but I'm not planning to revisit that. I'll stick with the Sulfur 8. Never had an issue with it before (other than the smell, of course).

2. Miss Jessie's Stretch Silkening Creme

I basically told everything in this post. Tried it on soaking wet hair and completely dry hair. Didn't work either way. The one redeeming quality was that if I misted my hair and used this on the edges, it gave me decent waves for my puffs. But that's just not good enough for the $22 price tag.

3. We Rock Roots Rock Out Butter

My complaint with this is very similar to the issue with the Hair & Scalp Quencher. It was too light. Felt (and looked) like nothing was there. The rest of the We Rock Roots line was amazing to me, but this one fell short of my expectations. If I need butter, I'll stick with their Rock On butter.

4. Urban Therapy Twisted Sista Curl Activator

This gave my curls some definition, but no more than my Shea Moisture Curl & Style Milk. On top of that, it left my hair feeling... icky. It was stiff and kinda lifeless. After two tries with this one, I decided to count it as a loss and haven't used it since.

Have you purchased any products that didn't quite live up to the hype? Or tried something new with less-than-stellar results? What products have you vowed to never use again?