Happy New Year!!

Awww, it's the last post of 2011! As you read this, I am headed to ATL. Can you believe this is the first year ever that I'm doing something to celebrate the new year? Crazy, right?! Anyway, I wish all of you a fun and safe New Year's celebration. May 2012 bring you peace, prosperity, love, and your heart's desire.

(P.S.: If you are making resolutions, check out my article on Suite101.com on SMART Resolutions for the New Year!)

Google Friend Connect is Going Away

Ever since my days on Blogger, Google's Friend Connect has been my favorite way to follow blogs and see who is following mine. Unfortunately, Friend Connect is one of the products that Google is planning to cancel. By March 1, 2012 all non-Blogger sites (such as this one) will not have access FC. Instead, the hope is that people will start using Google+ to connect. Ummmm, problem: I don't use Google+. I do have a personal G+ page, but I couldn't tell you the last time I used it. The same is true for the few people I know who even bothered to sign up for it in the first place.

I said all of that to say that I hope those of you who follow KinxnQuirx via Friend Connect will use one of the other avenues to follow, including:

1. The KnQ Facebook page, which is updated whenever there is new content

2. An RSS feed that lets you follow through your favorite reader or receive posts in your email

3. Twitter: blog updates plus my personal randomness

All of these options (and some) are available to the right side of the page, so feel free to hit that follow button! I'm removing the Friend Connect widget, but if that is the method you use to follow you should still see the site in your "Sites I'm Following" list until March.

I genuinely appreciate each and every reader, whether you avidly follow the blog or just stop through occasionally to see what's new. Thank you!

Update on the Online Dating

I figured Id give a little update on the whole online dating thing. It was interesting, to say the least! My time on Plenty of Fish lasted about two weeks total. Within that time I exchanged messages with a few people, but only two got my number. The experiences with those two guys were about as different as they could possibly be. Seriously, I got the extremes of the spectrum! So, here goes.

The bad Awful HORRIBLE >_<

I gave my number to a guy who said he was moving to the area in January to go to school. From the messages that he sent online, he seemed like a decent guy so I figured it would be okay. From the minute I sent my number, he was texting and calling. Pressedness isnt cute at all, so that got the side-eye immediately. But I let it slide and talked to him once. Almost immediately his conversation delves into what he wants to do sexually. It really caught me off guard. Everyone knows I'm not shy at all about sex, but daaaang, I was not ready. After I finally got him to take the convo in a different direction, he asked if Id ever been in an interracial relationship. After I said no he told me that hed dated a black woman once and loved it because the sex was amazing. *sigh* Then he makes the fatal mistake of saying there's something so mysterious about black women and black women just know how to ride dick better because of their fat asses. DUDE, ARE YOU FUCKIN SERIOUS?! To avoid going all the way off on this fool (he really wasnt worth me getting a headache over) I got off the phone to do some work. As I'm trying to go, he starts asking begging me to send pix. But not just any pix; oh no. He wants to see how big those tits are and how fat that ass is. And even after the firm no he kept asking, on some please, baby, please shit. I dismissed him and got off the phone. And the icing on this WTF cake? The second we got off the phone, he sends an unsolicited dick pic. WHHHYYYYYY?! and since he sent it I feel I have the right to critique it. One, if you have to hold your gut back to see it, you shouldn't be proud enough to send it. Two, if you have a small member, it would be wise not to have a whole forest around it, as that only makes it look smaller. Three, it was pink, and pink penises disturb my soul. I almost threw my phone. Soooo yeah, clearly that was the end of that.

The Good Great Wonderful ^_^
I'm not gonna go into a whole lot of detail since he may read this one day and I don't want his head to get any bigger. LOL This is the guy that I said had potential in the last post. Mr. Madrigal (yes, he already has a nickname) was one of the few guys that sent something other than a hey when he first contacted me. We pretty much clicked from jump. I really like that we share some of the same life goals and beliefs. So far he appears to possess all the attributes I need/want in a man, which makes me very happy. But since were still in the getting to know you phase I'm trying not to get too excited too soon. That's hard for me, but I'm trying! But I do hope that Mr. Madrigal is around for a (long) while.

Sooo yeah, that's been my experience so far. If things don't work out as I hope, I may try online dating again, but not Plenty of Fish. I'll be taking L. Michelle's advice and trying a paid site. But *fingers crossed* I'm thinking that wont be necessary.

We Have A Winner!

Before I announce the winner of the Unbuttoned giveaway, I want to say THANK YOU to everyone who entered the giveaway. Not only did you show your support by liking the Facebook page, but you helped me out by leaving your comments and emails with product suggestions. Y'all made me feel special! ^_^

Now, on to what you really want to see. The winner is... *drumroll*

@Es_Curls!

You will be contacted today so we can get started on your custom earrings!

Again, thank you to all who participated. This will not be the last of the giveaways, nor the last you hear of Unbuttoned so stay tuned!

If I Were A Middle Class, Middle Age White Man

This past Monday, Forbes.com posted the article "If I Were a Poor Black Kid." (read it while you can, they took it down once then reposted. Who knows how long it will be up this time.) As you can imagine, it was not written by a poor black kid or someone who used to be a poor black kid. It was written by Gene Marks, a middle class, middle age white guy.... Yeah. Anyway, here is my brief response scribbled out this morning. Anything further may cause me to go into convulsions.

If I were a middle class middle age white man

-I'd probably know nothing of institutional racism and how it impacts the "poor black kids" I seem so concerned about

-I'd probably jump on the "what's wrong with black folks" bandwagon just to gain some notoriety. After all, where is the 15 minutes of fame in calling out the "power players," the ones who create policies that could potentially help (or harm) these kids?

-I'd think that simply working/studying hard is all it takes to be successful, because that's all it took for me right? I mean, the privilege that comes with melanin-deficient skin surely didn't have anything to do with it

-I'd assume that the crime found in many "lower class" neighborhoods had no effect on those not directly involved. After all, the thugs are on the street so the good kids should be at home studying! Never mind the psychological impact of fear of violence, fear of not having the necessities, having to work to help their families out, etc. may have on a child.

-I'd make grand suggestions (which are really just the same old bs on how to achieve the "American dream") with the assumption that "they just don't know" and need a savior to lead the way

-I'd probably not have any true interaction with these poor black kids I speak of, never volunteered in a school or mentoring program. But I know enough from what I see on TV right? Besides, I've given them everything they need in my article... And if they can just walk to a library in their neighborhood with decent up-to-date technology (which surely they must have) they can read all about it....

-I'd probably have the best intentions... Or at least I'd be able to convince you that I did

Where Are the Posts?

I could prattle on and give you a list of excuses about why I have not been posting much lately. But we know what excuses are and who uses them, so I won't go there! LOL When things are a little less hectic around here, I will be back to a somewhat normal posting schedule. Hopefully that will be next week, when work (usually) comes to a crawl. *fingers crossed*

But until then, remember to enter the Unbuttoned Accessories custom earrings giveaway!  Yes, it's still on and you have until midnight Friday to get your entry in. You knoooow you want a pair (or your girlfriend/momma/cousin/bestie wants a pair) so get to it!

Tori D. Does Online Dating; Romance Does Not (Yet?) Ensue

About a week ago I decided to join a dating site. There was nothing in particular that prompted the decision, I just wanted to see what was out here. After all, its kinda becoming clear that Mr. Right isn't roaming the halls at work or coming down the aisle at church I'm not trying to seriously get with Mr. Lemme Holla At Ya from the club. This couldn't hurt so I figured why not. I joined Plenty of Fish because I'm cheap and its free so I felt like I had nothing to lose. Set up my little profile almost immediately I started getting messages. Hey, not bad, right?

But what I found was... Well, the same thing I found offline. By day two I was talking to an English teacher who seemed pretty cool down to earth. He hadn't been in an interracial relationship before his profile said he was divorced. But that night his wife--who missed the divorced memo her husband was sending out to others--let me know she was not pleased with him chatting up black women for potential relationship. Considering my propensity to unknowingly attract married men, this wasnt surprising.

I can't count how many messages I've gotten that only said "hi." Of course those got no response. I've been propositioned by an Irishman who wants to do a big black chick. I've run across some profiles of folks who sounded great... except that I already knew them. One particular profile really got me; the profile pic looked nice, dude had on shades. But after looking at other pix I realized that he was a former teacher of mine. *retches at the thought* And I've seen more profiles of men 30+ who list their professions as "hustling" or "I get money" than I anticipated. (I mean seriously, isn't there an age limit on that type of foolishness?)

It hasn't been all freaks and geeks though. One guy has potential: he's cute, we've been having good conversations, no weirdness so far. He falls into two of the three strikes category off jump--he's younger than me but not by much, and he's a good 4 hours away which is creeping into long-distance territory--but I still wanna give him a chance. Hopefully he'll give me a chance though; turns out he is not a fan of tattoos. *looks down at my four-month old tat* Welp...

And there's another guy who meets all the requirements as far as I know. His picture may or may not have been one of the deciding factors in me signing up for POF. He sent one of those "I want to meet you" messages they have, and I finally worked up the nerve to write him back. But I'm just not into this whole Imma-send-one-message-a-day-so-it-may-take-a-year-before-I-get-around-to-asking-for-your-number thing he has going on. No rush and no pressure, but it just doesn't seem like something one would do if they were interested in getting to know someone. So there are no expectations there.

Will I continue online dating? Meh, we'll see. I may be too critical of things like spelling and grammar to be successful at this. After all, I don't think we can be together if you don't know the difference between quit, quite and quiet. I'm judging! But I will give it a decent try. Wish me luck!

Oh yeah, three other little fun facts:

1. Guys, it's okay to smile. For some of you it will make you look friendly and attractive. For others, it will make you look less like someone who ties people up in a basement and set their arm hair on fire. O_0 So work on that.


2. I know many of you like to hunt (this is the south after all), but pictures with dead animals just make me sad. And a little nauseated if I can see the fresh bullet hole. Let's not do that.


3. So damn near everyone that has messaged me claims to be 6' or taller. So why do I always run into guys my height and shorter? Hmmm...

Have any of you tried online dating? Did you find the man/woman of your dreams or a freakin' nightmare? What are your thoughts on online dating?

It's Giveaway Time!!

There is something that I am excited to share with y'all. I have started a new business, Unbuttoned Accessories. It launched on December 1 and the response has been overwhelmingly positive! Unbuttoned is a line of affordable, handmade accessories. I wanted to create something that was simple but still stylish. After all, super-flashy isn't always the way to go! Sometimes you need something that's a little low-key, but still reflects your unique style. Right now, it consists of only earrings, but I will be adding other items to the collection very soon!

To celebrate and share my excitement with you, I want to give away a pair of earrings to one lucky reader! The winner will have a choice of design and size. Entering is very simple:

1. Like the Unbuttoned Facebook page
2. Leave a comment (on this post or the FB page) stating what accessory you think should be next (rings, necklaces, headbands, etc.) and your email address

That's it! And if you want an additional chance to win (after you've liked the page and left your comment), just tweet the following:

Hey @kinxnquirx, I want to win earrings from @unbuttonedacc! http://www.kinxnquirx.com/2011/12/its-giveaway-time.html #giveaway

Entries are due by Friday, December 16; the winner will be announced on December 19. The earrings should make it to you just before Christmas! I look forward to seeing what you decide will be the next product in the Unbuttoned line!