Q&A with God

My mind was wandering one day, as it often tends to do, and I imagined what it would be like to get to sit down with God, ask a couple of questions & get an answer. Not just a "read the Bible, it's in there" kinda answer, but an "I see His lips moving & hear the words so I know it's real" type answer. Off the top of my head, these were the questions that I came up with.

[caption id="attachment_2142" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="IDK where I got this or who said it, but I like it"][/caption]

1. There are over 800,000 species of insect that we know of. Were you just really bored that day & decided to see how many weird creepy crawly things you could make?

2. Why does the "good" stuff not taste as good as the "bad" stuff? Why didn't you make veggies taste like ice cream?

3. Unicorns: fact or fiction?

4. What was your take on the whole permed vs natural thing? We made much ado about nothing, didn't we?

5. Did you make me fat because you knew I'd be half-naked all the time if I was skinny?

6. Those times when I tripped but didn't see anything, did you put something in the way? Did you laugh?

7. Why didn't my sex drive come with an on/off switch?

8. How many times did I miss out on something that should've been mine because I was too scared to make a move?

9. Thank you for letting me dodge the bullets I managed to dodge. I won't even ask about how many there were. I'm just thankful.

10. What is my life's purpose? Was it/is it being fulfilled?

So if you could have a tête-à-tête with God, what would you ask?

Quote of the Day

This is first and foremost to myself. It's not "OMG I've never thought about that; my life is forever changed" type stuff. Just a reminder of what I already know. Sometimes we all need a little push to do what may be outside of our comfort zone and make things happen.

Black History Month: 97 Years of Pissing Off White Folks

It's the year 2012. We are about halfway through Black History Month and I am still hearing the same complaints that I've been hearing for years. And it isn't just BHM that folks are complaining about. It seems that the privilege and entitlement that comes with being White just isn't enough for some. (But really, when is having it all enough? /sarcasm) No, privilege isn't complete unless others are without. And if others have anything, then that certainly infringes upon that entitlement. At least, that's the impression given from the following statements.

1. "When is White History Month? If we had WHM they'd say we're racist. That's reverse racism!"



There is a whole Tumblr blog with idiots repeatedly asking this same question. They somehow conveniently ignore the fact that the contributions of Africans and African-Americans (as well as other minorities) are largely ignored when children are taught about world history and US history. If most public school books are to be taken at face value, one could easily conclude that Blacks disappeared after slavery and reappeared during the Civil Rights era. We learn of Martin Luther King Jr. and Rosa Parks; occasionally the story of George Washington Carver making peanut butter is thrown in. That's it. If the full, rich history of all people were included in the education we receive, there would be no need for BHM. Instead, all we get is how Europeans "discovered" America (not how they raped and killed natives to steal their land), "brought" Africans to America (not the true brutality of the Atlantic Slave Trade or how they felt justified in doing so because of a false sense of superiority) and how they "built" America (conveniently leaving out the exploited minorities who actually did the hard labor).
By the way, while there is no "White History Month," there are several months celebrating those of European heritage. Irish American Heritage Month: March. Scots Heritage Month: April. Jewish American Heritage Month: May. German American Heritage Month: mid-September through mid-October. Italian American Heritage Month: October. Considering all of this, plus the fact that every month that school children learn history is "white history month," I consider it more than fair that African-Americans have 28 days to recognize our history.

2. They can have all-black schools and all-black organizations. Why can't we have all white schools and organizations? Reverse racism!

Hmmm, what is the history behind HBCUs and Black organizations? Oh yeah, it was the fact that African-Americans were being excluded from the then all-white institutions. So instead of just not receiving higher education, Blacks created their own colleges? Instead of bowing their heads and not trying to attain anything Blacks created unions, professional organizations, Greek-letter organizations? How dare we decide to create for ourselves what had been denied from us!
And point of clarity: show me one HBCU that is 100% black. There are plenty of white kids taking advantage of those diversity scholarships and affirmative action that so many White people hate. The same is true for many traditionally Black organizations.

3. You have BET but no WET? Racists!

Same as #2: Poor (or no) representation on mainstream channels. So while there is a channel that specifically have "Black" in the name, channels such as ABC, NBC, Fox, CBS, etc. comprise WET. I know, not White-specific enough for you, but somehow I think you'll survive.

4. You can say "nigga" but I can't?! Even if I drop the -er? That's not fair!

Life really isn't fair, is it? There are so many double standards and inequity in this world. For example, I can't go into a nice department store and shop in peace. Instead I'm followed around suspiciously, even though 70% of people arrested for shoplifting are White. I'm more likely to be the victim of police brutality, false arrests and criminal conviction because of my skin, even though I am a law-abiding citizen. As a Black woman I am attacked in the media on a regular basis, for everything from my appearance to my attitude to my education to why apparently I can't get a man. If I climb the corporate ladder, it is assumed that I am only there because of some "Black quota" that needs to be filled, even though I have had to work twice as hard due to my race and my gender. And you can't say "nigga" without a Black person being offended. Yes, the world is unfair. Boo-fucking-hoo.

5. What's wrong with White Power/White Pride when they can say "Black Power" or "Black Pride"? I can't be proud to be White?

Of course you can be proud to be White. Everyone should be proud of whoever and whatever they are. (Unless they're like a pedophile or something; no one should be proud of that. But that's neither here nor there.) There is a very real, legitimate reason why people are leery when they hear "White Power" or "White Pride." When African-Americans (and other groups) speak of pride/power, they speak of recognizing their own self-worth. It is the affirmation that "I may not fit the 'standard' of beauty. The world may not acknowledge my talent or my intellect. I may be regarded as less than, but I know I am not. I come from a line of proud, resilient people and I won't let anyone shame me for who I am."
However, this is not the message that is conveyed with White pride/power. Instead cries of "White power" are often associated with violence towards anyone who doesn't fit a certain look or ethnicity. White pride is used as the basis to attack others, physically or otherwise. The phrase white pride is a euphemism for a false sense of superiority, the same pseudo-superiority that was used to justify raping, killing, enslaving and degrading "savages" that they did not even attempt to understand.

Even as I typed all of this, I know that the people who need to read this won't. After all, ignorance to the truth is the same as justification for those who want to remain bigoted.

Oh, one other thing. For those of you (Black and White alike) who believe the conspiracy theory that Blacks were "given the shortest month of the year," click here. You're welcome.

My Subconscious Is Out To Get Me

I am convinced that my psyche has declared some kind of war on my mental stability. That is the only semi-logical explanation for the strange dreams I have. Truthfully I have always had rather... interesting dreams, I should say. Several places pop up over and over again. I usually dream about Mr. Magic Voice whenever a big change is coming. And I have a recurring dream about an argument with a family member that, over the years, has gone from ending with the silent treatment to ending with murder. O_O

Over the last three or four weeks, I have had almost nightly dreams featuring my exes, almosts, and boo thangs from about the past five years or so. In most of them things are almost normal between us, even though in the dream I am well aware of what happened between us. In some of them I get revenge in one way or another (usually its by being so fine they can't contain themselves & I sing "Neva Gonna Get It." *shrug* Don't ask). And a couple of the dreams would even make Pinky blush. But more often than not, I'm wondering "what the hell are you doing here?"

[caption id="attachment_2115" align="aligncenter" width="319" caption=""For real you guys, y'all can't just loiter in my head like this...""][/caption]

That was the case last night. I was at my 10 year high school reunion catching up with old friends when someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was SupaBlack. He still had the same starter locs that he was wearing a few years ago. He said he wanted me to meet someone named Chris. Chris looked just like him, down to the baby locs, dark skin and square glasses. He was a few inches taller than SupaBlack, but still wasn't as tall as me. I gave him the once over, then looked back at SupaBlack to ask "Ummm, why are you here?" And it was a logical question, considering that 1) SupaBlack graduated two years after me, 2) I went to school in MS & he was in VA and 3) he would have no reason to know jack squat about my reunion. But when do dreams ever follow logic?

People say that dreams are the results of your brain trying to process all of the information you take in and emotions you experience in your waking life. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Don't even know if I believe that. After all, it's not as if I spend time thinking about these folks. I have actively tried not to think about them when necessary, and have done a pretty darn good job of repressing most of those memories. But that old subconscious just won't let me be! And how do you even fight back with... yourself? I don't think you can. Or, maybe you can, but you'll probably go insane in the process. So hopefully soon I'll go back to dreaming about crazy church folks or running from the cops. (Don't judge me!) If not, I'll know for sure that my subconscious is definitely out to get me.

P.S.: I also dreamed about Mr. Magic Voice. In the dream he & his wife were visiting my Big Momma. The next day I decided to look up his wife (who I'd never seen). I found a picture of her and she looked JUST like the woman in my dream. Creeped me out! Google is the debbil.

Afternoon Quickie: Someone Like You? No Thanks.

Y'all probably don't know just how much I love Adele. (Ironically, "Rolling In the Deep" began playing as I started this post. Pandora be knowin'!)  Her voice is beautiful, and the whole "I'm gonna just sit on this stool and sing, and you're gonna like it" vibe is everything to me in the midst of all these part-time strippers who just happen to sing.

I belt out all the songs on 19 and 21, and when things w/ Marcus (he doesn't deserve the mr. madrigal nickname) suddenly crashed & burned, I found myself all in my feelings with "Someone Like You." It was the perfect theme song to what had happened. "Nevermind! I'll find someone you" I sang through a face full of tears and snot. I don't need you; I can get another you!

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn't want someone like him. After all, he turned out to be emotionally immature and--how do I say this nicely--unable to effectively communicate in an honest manner, even when presented with the opportunity to do so without consequence. (That's a pretty nice way of saying "liar," right?) So why would I want someone like him? To deal with that mess again? Umm, no! But I would like someone like his representative. You know, the person I met before I saw the man behind the mask. Someone with his positive traits, as well as the things I liked about some folks from the past. Someone not at all like him; instead, someone who is his own man who can fulfill the lingering promises of love.

"Someone Like the Person I Thought You Were" isn't really a catchy title, though.

"But What Will They Think?"

I’m a purple-haired rebel. In my mind, that is. The person inside me has plenty of visible tats, a couple of piercings, and an in-your-face attitude. With a name that has both an X and a Z. Oh yeah, the Tori D. no one sees is a real badass. But the “me” that folks actually interact with is quite the opposite, at least to their knowledge. People really only see the quiet, agreeable side. I think it’s easier for others to accept the reserved, so that’s what I give them. However, this poses a problem when it comes to expressing myself creatively.

Supposedly, I've been working on a book of poetry for several years now. I say supposedly because even though I have been writing and have plenty of pieces to choose from, I haven't done much toward getting the book started. The same is true for several of my short stories and ideas for novels. The premise is there, in all its raw, original glory. But not much has been put towards it. Do I want this? Of course I do. So what is the problem?

Well, the issue is how much of myself I expose in my work. What I write is drawn mostly from my own experiences, interests and imagination. Sharing that is a very naked experience. And while I don’t have a problem with that when it comes to strangers (aside from the usual anticipation of critiques) it is not something that I’m sure I want to let those who “know” me in on. My relatives, church members, classmates, coworkers, sorors… The question pops up in my head with every dark detail that I write: “But what will they think?”

It’s the reason I haven’t told many of those that actually know me about my blog. Or my past. Or some of my more prurient proclivities. The dread of being rejected or rebuked for simply being who I am has been a barrier for me. As comfortable as I have become (or at least say I have) with who I am I don’t know if I am ready to handle that kind of judgment. My circle is already very small as it is. Can I deal with people walking away because I’m not who or what they think I am? And perhaps they wouldn’t walk away at all; however, I’ve heard their condemning words for folks they didn’t know who were more like me in ways they would never imagine. So what else should I expect?

Eventually I either have to say, “This is who I am. Love me or leave me alone,” or I have to stifle my own creativity to keep up the façade. I don’t see the latter happening. The real Tori D. needs a release somewhere! And I think the time for that is approaching faster than I thought.

Originally posted on skirt.com

Product Review: TGIN Shea Butter Line

For the past week or so, I've had the privilege to try out the TGIN Shea Butter Sample Pack. If you didn't know, Chris-Tia Donaldson, author of Thank God I'm Natural, has launched Thank God It's Natural, a line of natural bath, body and home products. Included in the Sample Pack: a 1/2 oz. jar of all natural organic shea butter, 1.5 oz. bar of olive oil Wild Lemongrass soap, and 1 peppermint shea butter lip balm. So here is my breakdown of each product.

[caption id="attachment_2089" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="The TGIN Shea Butter Sample Pack"][/caption]

 

Organic Shea Butter
From TGIN:

Our 100% Natural African Shea Butter will keep your hands, feet, lips, and hair soft all winter long. If you like shea butter, you're going to love our all natural organic shea body butter, which has a smooth and creamy texture, no grit, and a light and pleasant scent.
Rich in both vitamin A and vitamin E, shea butter can be used to treat dry skin, sunburns, cuts, rashes, eczema, psoriasis, chapped lips, dark spots, scars, stretch marks, blemishes, diaper rash, dark under eye circles, and fine lines and wrinkles as part of your night-time beauty treatment.
An ultra-nourishing spot treatment to soften even the driest skin.

Since I didn't have enough to use daily on my entire body, I used the shea butter daily primarily on two areas: my feet and elbows. I was instantly pleased with how rich and smooth it was. Trust, you don't need to use a ton of this stuff! It was a great addition to my nightly pedicure routine. After a little buffing with the pumice stone I massaged my feet with the shea butter before slipping on my fuzzy socks. Now they're nice and soft--sandal ready! On my elbows the shea butter helped smooth the spots that rub against the arm rests of my office chair. I also began applying it to a scar that is forming from a recent (and nasty) fall. I'm hoping it will help lighten that dark spot. Overall it worked great, did just what I expected it to do. One word of advice: if you're like me and tend to sweat in 20 degree weather, you may want to avoid using this on your face! In a rush one morning I forgot my moisturizer and thought "well this will do." Honey I looked like I washed my face in Crisco. No bueno. Otherwise, this gets a thumbs up from me.

 

Olive Oil and Shea Butter Wild Lemongrass Soap
From TGIN:

Our luxurious Olive Oil soaps have added organic Shea Butter. Our shea butter soaps are amazing and rich in olive oil, coconut oil and plant botanicals. They produce a rich  lather and will keep your skin soft and supple all winter long.  Contains no preservatives, animal products, petroleum products, parabens or lauryl sulfate.

I didn't really have high hopes for this particular product. After all, soap is soap is soap, right? Wrong! There is definitely a difference with this soap. As soon as I lathered up, I could feel it moisturizing my skin thanks to the natural oils infused into the soap. After the shower, my skin wasn't left feeling tight or dry like it normally does with regular soap. It made me think of the Dove soap commercials, where they show how it's supposed to moisturize your skin. Well I've tried Dove, and TGIN's soap has it beat, IMO.

I do have two minor complaints though. I hoped that this soap would work for my face so that I could possibly skip adding an additional moisturizer after washing. Instead, the soap ended up breaking my face out. Must have been the oils. No biggie; after a day of going back to my usual Clean & Clear my face was back to normal. The other thing was the scent. I think I'd rather have had an unscented bar than the lemongrass scent. If you've never smelled it, it is a crisp, earthy scent. Not bad, just not me. I will be ordering the White Tea & Hibiscus or Ginger Peach scent next time.

 

Shea Butter Lip Balm (Peppermint)
From TGIN:

100% natural lip balm, made with shea butter, coconut oil and olive oil.

The biggest issue that I have with lip balms is that most of them simply sit on top of the lips instead of actually moisturizing them. Fortunately I did not get that feeling with the TGIN lip balm. It wasn't heavy or greasy, which is always good. Would've been nice to get the little tingle that I was looking for, but it's only peppermint scented. It didn't do any miracles, but then again I didn't expect that.  Overall it's a solid product that I would use on a regular basis.

I really like TGIN's shea butter line. Whether you are a stickler for using 100% natural skin and hair care products, or if you just want products that work, I would recommend that you give TGIN a try.