Wife Advice: Whose (If Any) Do You Take?

The other Sunday at church I heard a bit of “advice” that I can honestly say I’ve never heard before. While mentioning how Abraham sent his servant out to find a wife for Isaac and how Rebekah offered the servant and his camels water (Gen. 24 if you care to read it), the preacher said, “If you want to be a wife, you have to be a wife before you become one. The Bible says, ‘A man who finds a wife finds a good thing,’ not a man who finds a woman and makes her a wife.” There were plenty of amens and applause of agreement. I wasn’t sure about it.

This flies in the face of the “advice” that I’ve heard repeatedly over the last 27 years, telling me and other young ladies that we “shouldn’t be acting like a wife if you aren’t one.” After all, the logic of this guidance goes, if a man is getting the benefits of having a wife without actually saying “I do,” what’s his incentive to put a ring on it? So you act like a girlfriend until you become Mrs. So-and-So.

BUUUT… There is yet another bit of council out there that says “you don’t know what it is to be a wife until you become one.” So how do I even know if I am stepping out of the girlfriend lane and into the wife role? After all, I don’t know what is and isn’t “wife” duties. Except sex, of course. Which, according to what I heard a few Sundays ago, I should definitely be doing; I want to be a wife, after all. But, wait, wasn’t I supposed to be saving that for after marriage? (Whether I did or didn’t is neither here nor there!) So what/where is the line? And since everyone has different expectations of what a wife does/doesn’t do, whose standard do we apply?

This is one reason why I do not take most relationship advice seriously. Just because someone has an opinion on the best way to maintain a relationship doesn’t mean that I should apply it. Others may use it and it works perfectly for them, but since relationships are made of individuals and no two individuals are alike, it is more than fair to say that what works for some couples won’t necessarily work for others.

If I were to give relationship advice (laughable, I know!) it would be simply:

1.       Know who you are & be yourself. Don’t conform to someone else’s ideals

2.       Know (or at least have a good idea of) what you want & don’t expect someone else to change who they are to fit your ideals

And, by the way, that advice would be to everyone. Men and women. How dare these supposed “relationship experts”—most of whom are only experts in their own minds—hurl all this advice to women and say nothing to the males? As if women are the only ones in/trying to be in relationships! I’ve never heard anyone utter anything about how a man should act if he wants to be a husband.  But whoooooo that’s another topic for another day.

Do you listen to all the advice floating around concerning relationships? Are there certain people’s advice you follow wholeheartedly? Or are you kinda stubborn like me and determined to do it your way—screw-ups and all?