RIP Patrice Oneal

[caption id="attachment_1911" align="alignleft" width="248" caption="at the roast of Charlie Sheen in Sept. 2011"][/caption]

Yesterday I got some sad news. Patrice Oneal, comedian, passed at age 41. Patrice was hands down one of my favorite comedians (who, in my opinion, didn't really get the shine he deserved). He was irreverent, sure to piss someone off, and always funny. If you've ever watched any of VH1's "I love the" series, you can attest to that. I first came to know about him from the short-lived Shorties Watching Shorties, a 2004 Comedy Central show featuring Patrice Oneal and Nick DiPaolo as comic-critiquing babies. His smart mouth made me want to see more from him. Fortunately he would go on to be featured on a number of shows, and in February 2011 he had his first one-hour special, Elephant in the Room. Just a few months ago I turned Bartender on to his comedy. We would sit there laughing until we cried at his completely raw standup.

Patrice struggled with diabetes for years, and died from complications of a stroke he had in October. He will certainly be missed, not just by his family and close friends, but fans like me who loved his work and in some way could relate to his battle.

Morning Quickie: The Grind vs. The Flow

Several weeks ago a series of tweets caught my eye. Here I am almost two months later and it is still at the forefront of my mind.



I know a lot of people use the now cliche "rise & grind" to indicate they are working, hustling, something productive. Occasionally I've done it too. And yes, sometimes work for me definitely involves some pressure and friction! But I don't want my life to be about grinding. Why should it be? Not to say that "flowing" will always be smooth. Anyone who has seen or been down a river knows that there are calm points where you simply float along and some rough waters where you have to give your all to keep going. But the water still follows the path that it's meant to take. My goal is to do the same. "I'm pursuing my goals and I FLOW in my Purpose."

 

featured image courtesy of jefflynchdev.wordpress.com

Things My Future Husband Should Know: About the In-law Situation

Okay dear, there are some things we need to discuss about our families. Since I am an only child, marriage is an opportunity for me to (hopefully) get the family I didn't have growing up. I'm praying that you have at least one cool sister, preferably around my age, who will be more of a sister to me instead of just a sister-in-law. I want us to bond like my mom and aunts have. In my mind, I see me and your sister(s) having girls' night out, taking road trips, and shopping like teenagers.

And maybe, if I'm lucky, your parents will be fun-loving, wine-drinking, friendly folks who would rather have a good time enjoying our company instead of arguing and fussing. That way we can go to my parents for dinner on serious, religious holidays like Easter and live it up at your parents' parties for Christmas and New Years. And your mom can show me how to cook your favorite dish from your childhood so I can surprise you with it on your birthday.

Yup, that would be nice.

Of course I know that kind of luck may not come my way. You may be an only child like me, or may have a bunch of brothers, or your sister may not like me because she's a raging b*tch for some unknown reason. And maybe your parents are super-conservative like mine (I pray this isn't the case though) or just don't like to do much. That's fine. All of that is really not important in the grand scheme of things. But there are two things that will cause us to have major problems.



1. Blatant Disrespect
I've been fortunate enough to get along with most of my exes' families. And out of all the moms I've met, only two didn't like me. (Admittedly, one of them did have just cause.) That being said, I have always tried and will try to stay respectful and cordial to your family even if we cannot be close. It's just how I was raised. But should I feel disrespected unfairly, I expect you swiftly to put your foot down. (And don't question it when I tell you about it. You already know I want this fairytale ending; why would I make something like that up?) Otherwise, I'll be forced to show that other side of Tori that I've kept hidden even from you. Nobody wants that. Oh yeah, since I'm going out of my way to be nice to your family, I expect the same. Even when I vent about them, that doesn't give you an excuse to down them unless it's legitimate.

2. Popping Up Unannounced
Since you've made it to Hubby status, you already know how I am. I enjoy my uninterrupted time in my space. I don't want to be bothered before 10 AM or after 9 PM unless we're having a party or something. And if you're there, who knows when and where someonething may go down. Literally. That being said, make sure your family knows to call before they visit. I will not be very hospitable if they arrive while I'm trying to. (See what I did there?) In fact,  I probably will not open the door. Yeah, it's rude I know. So if you don't want your folks to get their feelings hurt, make sure they know the rules about visiting.

If we can avoid those little things, we're good! I know I'm marrying you, not necessarily your family, but I want things to be as smooooth as possible. Don't you?

Morning Quickie: A Little Humor for a Gloomy Monday Morning

I've been in a little funk lately. (that's usually the case when my posts fall off. Sorry 'bout that.) But I can always count on something online to tickle my funny bone. And since I'm a bit of a nerd when it comes to gadgets, this video gave me a little laugh. So I had to share it with you! Enjoy!

[youtube E_n5GCZ3Nwo]

Morning Quickie: To Cut or Not to Cut?

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="203" caption="my short hair inspiration"][/caption]

Lately I've been obsessed with short hair cuts. (And purple hair, but that's a different post.) Maybe because my hair is at a length now where I have to take serious care of it & put thought into styling or it looks a hot mess. Maybe because by the time I did the big chop, I was already past the TWA (teeny-weeny afro) because I transitioned for 10 months. Mostly I think it's because I miss those wash & go days and the time when one bottle of product lasted forever!

Anyway, I'm seriously considering whether to cut my hair next spring/summer. Even though it is growing like crazy (length check coming soon... probably) and I love long hair, I'm just not feeling it as much as I should. So I wanna switch it up. The drawback? People's reactions. For many of us, long hair is equated with beauty. I've previously discussed my own hangups with seeing myself with short hair after having long "pretty" hair be my redeeming feature for so long. And my father and grandmother both exclaimed that I "look so much better" with long hair and said "promise you won't cut your hair anymore" after I got rid of my permed ends. I didn't make that promise, and I know neither of them will have anything positive to say.

But hey, at the end of the day, it's my decision. Other people's long hair hangups don't have to be mine. My only concern at this point is finding a cut that fits my full face.

Are you all "long hair, don't care," "short hair everything," or "whatever works"?

My 7 Link Challenge

Last week I received a challenge from Q (of Thank, Q! and the Talk2Q radio show) to share seven posts that you may have missed. With all of these gems I write, how could I possibly narrow it down to just seven?! Okay, okay, let me stop acting brand new.

I decided to reach all the way back to 2010, when I was still hosting two blogs on Blogger. I've imported the posts from The Eclectic and The Good Hair Diaries to KnQ, but since there are so many I'm sure some have gotten "lost." So here are a few that I want to highlight.

Faking It
No, it's not about that. It's about choosing authenticity, not being a knock-off.

The Talk--America's Doing It Wrong
Yes, this is about that. I was surprised to see the effect of attitudes towards sex in America versus European countries.

#Thingsblackgirlsdo and Other Self-Deprecating Bullsh*t
Basically it's just what the title says...

Could You Be a Sisterwife?
Based on a series of conversations with friends.

A Natural Newbie's How-To Guide
A few tips to help those who are going natural avoid mistakes.

Tori D.'s Guide to Interviews & Job Fairs
Written after having one too many WTF? moments at job fairs around the state.

"Addict"
I figured I'd throw a little poetry in there.

 

Hmmm, now who do I want to pass this challenge along to? There are a lot of great bloggers that I follow, so it's hard to choose! But I'd love to see posts that I may have missed from the following:

3_DOLLS of D.O.L.L.S.

KurlyBella of K is for Kinky

LidiaAnain of Lidia-Anain.com

If they decide to share their 7 posts, I will be linking back to it here so that none of you miss it!

Big thanks to Q for including me in the challenge. This little trip down memory lane has been fun!

Thoughts on the Mississippi Elections

On yesterday, Mississippi voters came out in surprisingly high numbers to cast their vote. It is speculated that the proposed initiatives are what boosted voter turnout. Here are my brief thoughts on last night's results:

Initiative 26: The Personhood Amendment

Y'all already know how I felt about this. I wasn't sure how this would turn out; after all, Mississippi is a really conservative state in the middle of the Bible Belt. So it was a relief to see that MS 26 was defeated with 58% of voters rejecting the idea. Actually I'm surprised the numbers weren't closer. Mississippi is showing some progress! Although I don't think we've seen the last of these amendments to essentially make abortion illegal, the rights of women and families are safe for now.

Initiative 27: Voter ID

This one shocked the hell out of me. Mississippians overwhelmingly voted in favor of this amendment, which stated that voters would need to present a government issued ID to vote. How overwhelmingly? Try 62%. 62%. I have to wonder what was going through the minds of those who voted for this. Of course there were some that knew exactly how this would affect future elections. But I have to think that the reason this didn't pass is because people were unaware of what this really means. I believe that many people simply bought the "voter fraud" excuse (which, by the way, has failed to materialize) and thought "well we have to show ID at other places (businesses) so it's the same thing." They didn't consider the disenfranchisement on those who do not have government-issued ID (which happen to be way more blacks and Hispanics than whites). It's proof that you can't just blindly go in and press yes or no. These issues are important and need to be taken seriously; due diligence must be done.

Gubernatorial Election

I can't say I was disappointed here. To be disappointed means that there was some expectation, and as much as I wanted Democratic candidate Johnny Dupree to win, I knew the odds were not in his favor. Republican Phil Bryant won with 61% of the vote. (Sidenote: he has such a slimy, sleazy, "good ol boy" vibe. Which means he'll fit right in with most of these politicians.) One thing that did amuse me was the fact that so many people thought Dupree (who was the first black mayor of Hattiesburg and first black candidate for MS governor) would have won if all the black people in Mississippi had voted. This kind of thinking is similar to those who felt that African-Americans "won" the vote for President Obama. As of 2010, African-Americans only make up 37% of the state's population. So even if every eligible black voter came out and pressed JOHNNY DUPREE, it would not have been enough on its own. And guess what? Not all of them would have voted Democrat! Shocking (and confusing), I know, but it's true. In fact, I know a black man who said he doesn't vote along party lines and voted for Bryant because he felt he was best suited for the job. Again, I didn't understand it, but it just goes to show that you can't assume that all black people are voting Dem, or for the black man. It is what it is.

However, I will say this: the fact that Mayor Dupree made it as far as he did and had such a strong grassroot campaign (pushed by younger voters) shows that we are making some strides. And I am thankful for that.

So those are my two cents on the matter. Feel free to share your thoughts and feelings on this election (or the elections in your state).

Occupy Wallstreet: Where Do We Stand?

This post has been severely delayed, mainly because I am not quite sure of my feelings on it. When it comes to Occupy Wall Street, I admit to talking out of both sides of my mouth.

On one hand, I think its great. For far too long, large corporations and big banks have thrown money at politicians to have laws worked out in their favor. It appears that favor can be bought and sold, to the highest bidder of course. This leave those who don't have a couple extra million to spend out in the cold. The Occupy movement calls on government to be responsible to its citizens, not corporations.

But then again I have to wonder why these protests were nonexistent when it was mainly minorities that were suffering. After all, poverty and high unemployment (and underemployment) is nothing new to the Black community. African-Americans have been the victims of predatory lending for years. Many of us have been unable or barely able to pay for medical treatment, student loans, etc. In the all too common "laugh to keep from crying" way, dodging bill collectors has become a running joke. Yet the majority of Americans turned a blind eye to what was going on, or they felt (like many of the bankers and big businessmen feel today about Occupiers) that we were just too lazy and needed to simply get a job.

And then I have to wonder where someone like me fits in. I'm nowhere near the 1% but my story doesn't compare to many of those who proclaim to be the 99% (and there are some tearjerkers there). True, I am basically living from check to check, can't quite afford to move out of my parents' house (at least, not into the kind of place I want). I don't make as much money that it seems a Master's degree would afford me. But this doesn't surprise me. I was prepared as a child to face this because I am black and I am a woman. So even though I am frustrated with the situation, it's not as if it's something new to me due to a down-turned economy. It's just life...

So are the Occupy movements just a momentary outcry from those who were once spoiled by privilege? Will there be any benefit to those who have been the victim of corporate greed for years and not just in the past year or two? Or will they be forgotten when/if there is an upswing and the protesters are pacified with jobs? Time will tell.

A Sickly Tori Cannot Keep Up

My apologies for the woeful lack of posts last week. The sniffle season struggle is real! I was housebound and feverish for several days last week, and my attempts to get posts (or anything) written were total fails. Now I see the importance of having a couple of days worth of posts ready. And if I were the type to write ahead oaf time instead of procrastinating on everything, that wouldn't be a problem. I'll try to work on that y'all. In the meantime, this is whats going on:

I've decided to start making and selling button earrings. Pix will be posted soon to TGHP  so getchu some.

I'm sorta kinda doing NaNoWriMo. Probably should've gone into it with some kinda plan, outline or something. Instead my story is just kinda going any way the wind blows. Really if I just make it to 50,000 words by November 30 Ill be proud of myself.

I got a promotion! Really its just a title change to go with my increased duties that I've had for several months now. But I'm excited anyway. I'm not quite so entry-level anymore. ^_^

Okay, this whole post has been me me me. What has been going on with you guys? Tell me something good!