I did it! (Kinda)

Several months ago I made a post about a flat twist updo that I wanted to try. The inspiration was a video by YTer SimplYounique. When I first discovered the video I attempted to copy the style; no luck. But I happened to watch it again on last Saturday night and realized that the problem wasn't just that I didn't know what I was doing when trying to flat twist. It was that I was trying to do too few twists, resulting in... well, there were no results because it wouldn't twist!

This time around I did smaller twists and the results somewhat resembled the style she did! Of course, with this being my first real attempt at flat twists, they were not nearly as neat as they should have been. But that didn't stop me from wearing them Sunday and Monday!

I was reeeeaaaally pleased with the front

front left stuck out a little

 

front right looked great IMO

side view

[caption id="attachment_1028" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="the back"][/caption]

Next time I try this I think I'll make the following changes:
1. after twisting & pinning the top, I'll put them into a ponytail. Then when I twist the back I'll incorporate them into it to make a tiny bun (or if that doesn't work I could cover it with a rounded claw clip)
2. Using coconut or olive oil when I twist. Dunno why I didn't think about that. Frizzies are not the business!
3. Having cute bobby pins strategically placed throughout the hair
4. Using a comb to secure the back. I used almost all my bobby pins and was still uneasy about it staying in place.

Pandemic: The Adult Temper Tantrum

Wasn't cute then...

There is a disturbing trend in our society that has exploded within the last few years. More and more, people are flying off the handle about things, whether they be as insignificant as a .50 price hike on their favorite food at Taco Bell or as major as losing a job. And of course you can't forget the celebrity hissy fits, of which Charlie Sheen and Chris Brown are currently leading the way. Every other day there is a new story or video of someone freaking out and destroying property, assaulting others, or just making an ass of themselves by running their mouths and making threats. Meltdowns are mainstream thanks to camera phones and the web, and there appears to be some unspoken contest to see who can spaz out the best... or worst.

I will admit, I wish adults were given a pass to throw a temper tantrum once or twice a year. A full out, on the floor, kicking screaming yelling crying fit! (In fact, I would've used mine last night after realizing that I may have to delay getting my own place even longer than I thought... Another post for another time.) After all, life is stressful and always bottling those frustrations gets to be a bit much. Nowadays everyone is under pressure: the haves & have nots; the educated & the ignorant. People need an outlet for their frustrations, which is understandable. But is there ever anything that justifies going ape sh*t over a burger? (Literally, this chick and her friends look and act like monkeys in this video.)

Have people always been this crazy but we just looked away instead of gazing in amusement? Couldn't be; I would've seen some of this live and in person a couple times in my twenty-something years if that was so. Instead I think what

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="...not cute now"][/caption]

we're seeing is a combination of things. One is the culmination of what happens when children are raised with the idea that they are entitled to what they want when they want it. I've seen kids fall out in the store and instead of getting a butt whooping, they get whatever toy or candy they wanted. Ummmm no ma'am, no sir. That wasn't going down in my parents' house. Although I hated it at the time, it taught me that I couldn't always get my way. Now that I'm an adult I can accept that and resist the urge to flip tables. But if you never get that lesson when you're young, how do you handle all the NOs life throws at you when you're older?

Second is the acceptance of bad behavior. It's on our televisions all the time. Celebs acting out in real life. "Reality" shows highlighting fights, drama, and behavior that would normally be considered unacceptable in society. When this is what you take in, you're bound to become desensitized to it (it no longer shocks you) and/or feel that it is okay to do. As the preacher said Sunday, "What we laugh at today, we accept tomorrow." Someone throws a chair on TV in a fit of anger? Well hell, I can throw one when I'm pissed too! (Slightly off topic: I wonder if this is why most of the McDonald's now have chairs bolted to the floor? Guess there were one too many "I said no pickles heffa!" *chair into the register*)

It would be wonderful if adults could remember their roles as such and follow the rules of polite society... at least in public! But I fear that as time and technology progresses, the world will be privy to even worse actions and attitudes. However, I do have one request. If for some reason I forget myself (and this post) and have a public temper tantrum of my own, please don't record it and post it online.

 

11 One-Ingredient Face Masks

11 one-ingredient DIY face masks on Shine

A lot of naturalistas are no stranger to getting in the kitchen and whipping up something for their tresses. Well guess what? In your fridge and pantry there are goodies for your skin as well! Now if you're lazy (like me) you may not be crazy about experimenting with different recipes, finding what mixes well with what, etc. But the good news is that there are little items that we can use as face masks, no recipe needed! Some of these were no surprise to me: I've used honey before (great at fighting monster zits, BTW) and heard about using avocado and raw egg white. But some of these really shocked me! I think I'm going to put some to the test and see what really works.


So what do you say readers? Which of the face masks should I try first? Which, if any, will you be trying?

Doing The Most vs. Doing Too Much

Lately I've been wondering if I've been doing too much to try to make it. IMO, there is absolutely a difference between "doing the most" and "doing too much."

For me, this is doing the most:

Working hard, or "grinding" as so many people claim to do. While I haven't quite stepped into the role of entrepreneur (yet) I realize that to get where I want to be, I have to do things that I don't necessarily want to do now. So I endure a job I don't like, persevere through a career I love that is at a stand still due to the economy, and daily come up with new ideas of how I can turn my real passions (writing and the arts) into viable means of income.

But I'm afraid I may have fallen into doing too much:

I wonder if this is me. Focus has always been hard for me and it's no different now. I know the end result that I want, but getting there is proving to be more difficult than I envisioned. So I try to take on more and more to make up for what isn't happening that I think should be happening. So far, this has lead to being super stressed, constantly tired, and getting a bunch of nothing done.

Does that mean I'm not built for the kind of dreams to which I aspire? Or am I just doing too much for the moment and need to pace myself? At this point, the answer eludes me. I've slowed down on some things: put chartering a NBMBAA chapter on hold, kinda dropped some of my sorority obligations (which I feel terrible about, but there's not enough Tori to go around), cut out the tiny bit of social life that I had. And although I don't have a choice with the job and career, I am weighing my options on the other ideas to figure out which is the best for me presently.

I'd hate to get burned out from doing too much before I get to show the world what I can really do.

Five Worst Clutter Culprits

If you've ever put a home up for sale, you know that presentation is everything! Even if you don't use a staging professional, you know that at the very least the house should be neat and clutter-free. But wow, most people discover there is a lot more clutter in their home than they realize, and it can be overwhelming!

Blogger Sheri Reed lists her five worst clutter culprits:

1. Paper (Guilty! I have mail, work paper, papers dealing with other projects, etc. in piles)

2. Clothes (Well, more so shoes in my case)

3. Magazines (this is one I had bad a while ago, but I canceled all subscriptions and started looking at everything online. Much better now!)

4. Toiletries

5. Recipes

Are you guilty of any of these? Or do you have something else that is cluttering your space? You've seen my confessional! The good news is that it can be handled! Click here to get Sheri's tips on how to handle these clutter monsters.

Houston, We Have a Problem

Saturday night, something shifted concerning my relationship. It seemed kinda minor at the time, but two days later and it's still bothering me.

Bartender and I were talking, and somehow the topic of foreigners came up in the convo. I don't really remember what he said, but I responded, "Oh my God, you sound like a friggin Tea Partier!"

"Huh?"

"You sound like a Tea Partier!"

"Tea Partier? What do you mean?"

"You mean, you don't know about the Tea Party?"

"Yeah, I know about the Boston Tea Party when they threw the tea in the ocean, but it sounded like you meant some new party that took on that name."

"Umm yeah, I do!"

So then he gives the excuse that he's not really into politics. Neither am I, but dang, they've been everywhere since President Obama has been in office! Then he said he doesn't watch the news. At all. I side-eyed the hell outta him. I've never thrown shade so hard at a significant other who was still a significant other. I refrained from asking him if he was aware of the earthquake and tsunami that happened in Japan the day before, or the recent uprisings in Egypt and Libya. My head and heart couldn't take it.

because O_O and O_o aren't even enough for this one

I'm guilty of not being as aware of some of the things that go on in the world because I don't like watching the news either, but I do watch it at least once a day. And I'm reading news articles throughout the day at work, when I'm not blogging/tweeting/doing side work instead of actually working. I keep up if for no other reason than the fact that I don't want to be left out and looking stupid when others are discussing current events. Plus, I realize that I need to know what's going on and how I may be affected.

Why doesn't he get that?! And how the heck did I miss this before falling for him? Am I one of those stupid smart women who go through that whole "love is blind" crap?

So now I'm stuck in a quandary. Do I let it go or what? Even though it doesn't seem like much, apparently to my subconscious this is a big deal. Otherwise I wouldn't still be peeved about it. Then again, maybe it's just much ado about nothing. After all, it's not like he's stupid. Our discussions of history and philosophical conversations are great; however, willful ignorance is never attractive. And speaking of attraction, being able to discuss and debate issues with an SO is so sexy to me! That mental stimulation translates to sexual stimulation for me (which is why I'm careful who I debate LOL) and that's missing... So if/when the physical attraction wears off, then what? Yeah we share the same humor and have a good time together, but is that enough?

When he saw how dismayed I was with his lack of concern about the world--or even the country--at large, he said, "I guess I need to change that huh?" -_- Sir, you are ten years my senior. You are the proverbial old dog that cannot be taught new tricks. Besides, if the change is only for me, there are three possible outcomes: A: you revert back because you weren't interested in the first place; B: you end up resenting me; or C: both.

This whole little incident made me wonder if we could truly fit into each other's lives as well as we think we do. Could he really fit in and hold his own with my colleges when I'm at dinner parties and charity events of various orgs? (I'm thinking about the future right now y'all.) Would he even want to? And even though I'm used to him and his ways, how much of the IDGAF attitude could I take? How long would it be before his hood friends rubbed me the wrong way? Or worse yet, what if they rubbed off on me and caused me to make missteps career-wise?

I know I can't have it all, so I'm trying to push out the thought of "he'd be perfect if..." After all, I'm sure he has some "ifs" about me too. But the real issue is figuring out what's important enough to walk away over, and what's small enough to overlook. Right now, I really don't know which one this is.

National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day

image courtesy of theredpumpproject.org

"I don't want to know."

"Ignorance is bliss."

"If I have it, there's nothing I can do about it."

There are plenty of excuses one could give for not knowing their status, but none of them are plausible. Knowing your status is a vital part of the fight against HIV/AIDS, and we as women cannot afford to turn a blind eye to it. Women, especially minority women, are disproportionately affected by this horrible disease. Want proof?

Every 35 minutes, a woman tests positive for HIV in the United States. Though much progress has been made in the areas of HIV/AIDS prevention and treatment, women still represent 27 percent of all new AIDS diagnoses, with African-American women making up an overwhelming 66 percent of that number. In 2006, teen girls represented 39% of AIDS cases reported among 13–19 year-olds. Black teens represented 69% of cases reported among 13–19 year-olds; Latino teens represented 19%. (source*)

If anyone is going to take the charge to turn these numbers around, it has to be us. It may not be quick, may not be easy, but it can be done. Here are a few ways you can do your part:

• Get tested! It's pretty painless, free, private and doesn't take long at all. Even if you spend a while waiting, it's worth every minute to know your status. Need to find a testing place? You can click here to find a testing site by entering your zip code.


• Encourage others to get tested, especially young women. From what I've seen in the past, getting tested has a stigma to it. I've heard comments as I & a group of other young women walked into a testing site located on my college campus that we must've been sleeping around with all of Jackson and only hoes needed to get tested. Not true. It only takes one unprotected encounter with one infected person to contract it. Whether you've had 1 or 100 partners, you need to be tested. Share this with others who may have some hesitation about going.  And share with your partner(s) too. We have to create a culture in which going to get tested is as normal as going to the doctor for our annual check up.


• Adhere to the advice we've been given about AIDS since practically Day 1: do not have unprotected sex unless you are in a monogamous sexual relationship and both of you have been tested. Heck, even then wrap it up! If you or your partner have multiple partners, use condoms with each and every one of them. And if you use intravenous drugs (lawd... Imma hold my tongue on that for now) do not share needles.

Please, do your part so that next year and in the following years, the stats on NWGHAAD show that we are making strides to end this thing once and for all.

*For more statistics and resources, visit The Red Pump Project


Now, let me share a personal testimony. *cues organ*
The first time I got tested was one summer in college. A testing site was set up and one of my friends called and asked did I wanna go. I said sure, why not. When my turn came up, I filled out the questionnaire, answered the lady's questions as she drew the blood and went back to wait. I can't lie, I was so nervous! By the time I got called back for the results (about 10 minutes or so) I was actually shaking. The lady doing the testing read me up and down; she seriously ministered to me about the things I was doing (things I did not include on the questionnaire) and why I was doing it. I was moved to tears y'all, so much so that she had to come back out and tell the others that were with me, "It's okay, she's negative!" LOL Her words really struck a chord with me. I didn't change overnight, but the change did come, and I believe it was partially because of what she told me that day. I can't remember her name and may not even recognize her if I see her, but I am truly thankful for her.

Essential Oils

I'm looking for information on essential oils. I know about some of them, like jojoba and rosemary, but I want to dig deeper to find what other oils are out there and what they do. So far, the best information that I've found has come from Esoteric Oils. It includes information about various oils and gives a couple hair care recipes. The info is not limited to hair care; there are links about alternative medicine and treating various ailments with oils.

Please note that I am not endorsing anything sold by Esoteric Oils, nor have I tried any of their products/recipes. This is just the most comprehensive list that I have found to date. If any of my readers know of other sites (or better yet: books!) that provide information on essential oils, please hit me up in the comments or via email. I'd appreciate it soooo much!

On Being a Woman

You may or may not know this, but March is Women's History Month. In fact, today is the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day, "a celebration of the economic, political and social achievements of women past and present that is observed around the world." It is great that women everywhere are taking time to recognize and honor the achievements of other women, great and small.

I have been blessed to be surrounded by strong women who make great strides daily. Of course there's my mother: her high school counselor didn't even present college as an option, however she went, excelled, and is now over the accounting department in on of the state's largest agencies. My big momma, who worked tirelessly for years to provide not only for her children and grandchildren, but for countless nieces, nephews, cousins and neighbors. My twin cousin, who is pursuing her Master's in a field where women (especially Black women) haven't been prominent for very long: engineering. And my broker, who at less than 10 years my senior is living the dream I want--owning my own real estate firm.

Aunts, cousins, sorors, family friends... The caliber of women I am around astounds me!

There are constant reminders that being a woman is not synonymous with being weaker, less capable, or more vulnerable. Proof that a woman's worth is not in her womb. At this point in my life I have come to truly appreciate the duality that I am afforded by being a woman. My soft, feminine, nurturing side is just as appreciated and celebrated as the traditionally "masculine" traits and interests. My hope is that others around me, especially the girls in my life, will see something in me that makes them proud to be a woman as well.

Be a Better Buyer!

Just as there are good agents and not-so-great agents, there are good buyers and buyers that can use some improvement. Ideally, during the process of finding a home, the buyer and the buyer's agent work as a team to find the property that meets the client's needs. This may not always be an easy process, but there are ways that you can make it smoother for all involved.

1. Be honest about your finances.
You should already know your credit history and score before you begin looking for a home. If there are delinquent accounts, recent bankruptcies, etc. that could affect your credit-worthiness, it is absolutely futile to try to keep this away from your agent. It will come out when you try to get approval (or preferably pre-approval). While you don't have to go into the who, what, when & where of your financial situation, be honest and realistic with your expectations.

2. Know what you're looking for.
Shopping blind may be alright when buying shoes, but even that can lead to over-shopping... And you still may not get what you really need! Think about your needs: size, school district, general location, etc. Then think about your wants. Prioritize both lists so that you know exactly what you're looking for.

3. Don't major in the minors.
Paint can be changed. The layout of the house cannot. When you look at houses, it can be easy to get distracted. Whether you're looking at the current owners' furniture and pictures or disgusted by the horrible wallpaper, you must realize that those things are minor (and when it comes to the owners possessions, they are irrelevant unless they are including the furniture in the sale). Remember that list from #2? Keep that handy and refer to it when looking at houses.

4. Do your research.
You're not expected to know as much as your agent, of course. No one expects you to know the ins and outs of the home buying process. However, a good buyer is an informed buyer. Check out the articles on sites like Realtor.com, Trulia.com and various real estate company websites for great information. I also present my first-time buyers with a great book that explains the steps to the home buying process. Just remember: the resources are there, but they do no good if you don't take the time to actually read them!

Natural Hair Apparel

Even though it's only March, it's starting to warm up here in Mississippi . That means more casual outings, which means a need for more casual clothes. As I do more reading and searching the web for natural hair information, I often come across sites with cute tees, totes, etc. celebrating natural beauty. I wanted to share some of them with y'all just in case you wanted to buy me a birthday gift.

I love this Retro Chic T-shirt over at RegionUSA.com. Only thing I wonder about is how long the image would last. I've had bad luck with tees that had that kinda foil-like detailing on it. One or two washes and it was over! But of course this could be a lot better quality than what I had. I hope so, cuz I really want this shirt!

 

CafePress has tons of cute natural hair tees. I love this Kinky tee and how the word was used as an anagram. The word nerd in me is pleased!

 

This super cute "No exception" shirt is also from Cafe Press. I feel like I should wear this to church for all those older folks who say I look soooo much better with straight hair!

Through Twitter, I discovered YoungBlackNappy. They have a variety of tees, and I'm gonna get my hands on the "Naturally Sweet" and "Pick Pocket" shirts. I love "A mother's love" too. That may be next on the list.

Back to CafePress. I found this I *heart* locs gym bag. It's a simple little design but I fell in love with it!  I am a sucker for a fine man with locs. I can't get it tho. The BF just had to cut his locs recently and he's still a little touchy about it! LOL Maybe I can get it when he's not so sensitive...

 

Soapbox Theory is one of the few sites I've seen that had apparel for men and women, and surprisingly my favorite design is one that is for men! The BP (Black Power) Stance design is awesome. Would be great to have a curvy female figure for a women's shirt!

Goddess Zuri has several lines of t-shirts, many of which have a natural theme like this I'm a Natural tee from  the beau-tees line. I love the creativity behind one line especially, the Sorori-tees. They have a natural spin for all four of the NPHC sororities, and one for non-Greeks as well! Only one complaint: it looks like they ran out of ideas by the time they got to my beloved Zeta. -_- I like the design on the Delta tees much better.

Zazzle, like CafePress, has plenty of natural-themed shirts, bags, pins, etc. This Afros are Love tee is among my favorites. In fact, I really like most of the designs under Bushy Baby! Apparel. I haven't found out for sure, but from the design I want to say its the same person who did the "regret" pic that I love. Anyone know for sure?

I know I'm missing some great ones. And I've seen some in the past that I cannot find online. That gives me the sads. LOL Tell me what I've missed! Surely my readers know of some great pro-natural apparel that they're keeping secret :) You can tell me, I promise not to show up in the same place as you with the same shirt!

By the way, one of my projects that I'm working on (besides a new website and book) is a line of natural tees. It's still a little ways off, but I wanted to give y'all a heads up!