In our society women are given a free range on emotion, with the exception being anger--that is the realm of the male. We somehow are supposed to swallow everything, be quiet and calm and accepting of whatever craziness is hurled at us. A lot of us (myself included) internalize this way of thinking & decide to "go along to get along" since it's easier. Why not just suppress the negative feelings and "deal with it" through shopping or cleaning or overeating or drinking!
But this bites us in the ass. When we do get angry and decide that it's time to say something, or even simply passionately disagree about whatever the topic may be, most men and even some other women will categorize it in one of two ways. Either you're a bitch, cut and dry, or (the lesser of two evils) you're PMSing. Because anger is so unpleasant. And of course a lady strives to be pleasant at all times. After all, aren't women here to please everyone?
No.
Women have just as much right to express their frustrations as our male counterparts. So why do so many feel that frustration must be due to some hormonal imbalance as opposed to a legitimate gripe? It's nothing but a means for folks to pass the blame and not take responsibility when they've wronged or hurt a woman, intentionally or otherwise. Pride (another emotion that society lets men have but question in women) wont allow them to say "I'm sorry" so instead the woman has to be made to feel unstable, emotional, hormonal, crazy.
And the most frustrating part? Once this accusation is made & you get pissed off at that, the retort is "see, I knew it." WTF kinda circular ass, Sarah Palin brand logic is that?
Heres a radical idea that you may or may not have thought of. Perhaps it isn't that the woman you're dealing with is some extreme bitch or going through some hellified pms. Maybe, just maybe, the issue is YOU. Maybe you are annoying or stupid or just downright mean and have actually earned the ire you're receiving. It's likely that you'll never admit it, probably haven't even considered the possibility. But it could still be true.
I think I should become a sacrificial lamb of sorts and just express anger and frustration indiscriminately. Yes, it goes against my (usually) calm, peaceful nature. Yes I'll be seen as the stereotypical "angry black woman" that I can't stand. Yes, I'd be labelled a bitch by some. But hey, the way I see it, that's got to be better than being told what I think and feel are nothing more than a byproduct of a biological process.
Ooh dear girl, again, see what expressing yourself on a blog can do. I can tell you that I feel exactly the same on this topic. Even more so about the "crazy" label.
ReplyDeleteThinking back to my most recent outburst, it's quite unfortunate that I let my be angry at pms time which makes it harder to separate.
But you're right, women feel angry at a variety of times it's just, if we strike out against a usually peaceable persona it freaks people out.
Surely if we are so deeply affected by pms the world would grind to a halt every 28 days??? And men being the 'rational' gender should be able to see how illogical this is even more so right?
At least we're not alone