Last night, after being accused of being secretly married for the umpteenth time (don’t ask) I had a brilliant idea. Wouldn’t it be great if there was a certificate of singleness? It sounds silly, but think about it! What if you could avoid the drama of unknowingly being the other woman (or other man) simply by verifying a document? I mean, marriage is verifiable by the license (and yes, I am well aware that nobody actually carries their marriage license around; we’re talking hypotheticals here, people!).
Picture it: after a little bit of flirty convo with the guy at the coffee shop/bar/bookstore/wherever, he decides to holla.
Him: So, can I call you sometime, maybe go out to dinner?
You: Yeah that would be nice…
Him: *grinning*
You: One thing though. I gotta see your certificate.
Him: *nervous laugh* Certificate? Girl I got a degree!
You: *dry laugh* You know the certificate I mean! Let me see your certificate of singleness.
Him: Aight. *pulls out certificate* There, see?
You: Dude, this expired two years ago. What’s up with that?
Him: Well, you know… I just haven’t gotten around to renewing it…
You: *pulls out phone to scan via app* Yeah…. It says this is null and void. Deuces!
You: Yeah that would be nice…
Him: *grinning*
You: One thing though. I gotta see your certificate.
Him: *nervous laugh* Certificate? Girl I got a degree!
You: *dry laugh* You know the certificate I mean! Let me see your certificate of singleness.
Him: Aight. *pulls out certificate* There, see?
You: Dude, this expired two years ago. What’s up with that?
Him: Well, you know… I just haven’t gotten around to renewing it…
You: *pulls out phone to scan via app* Yeah…. It says this is null and void. Deuces!
Okay, I know there may be some kinks in my plan, but I still think it’s pretty freakin brilliant.
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