Seriously, it looks like it's not budging an inch. I know, I know, I just got this cut about four weeks ago... but I'm ready for it to start growing! So far it looks like I've got the same little bit of new growth that I had when I first posted a pic of my hair. I'm tempted to start experimenting with some of those products that claim to make your hair grow, but I'm a little apprehensive since I am admittedly not a "hair person" (i.e., I dunno what I'm doing). Plus my aunt/hairdresser says that they don't work anyway.
What say you? Have you used any of these creams, shampoos, oils, etc. that claim to promote hair growth? Did they work? Help a sista out. I'm still not quite used to having short hair!!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Who Am I Without Him
Guess what people? This is my last little catharsis post! Back to our regularly scheduled randomness tomorrow (or whenever lol)
This is for the best. I get to focus on school and real estate with no distractions. I'm going to be dedicated to getting into shape (not to attract anyone, just to make myself happier and healthier). I'll channel my passions back into my first loves: music, writing... heck, maybe even fashion design again. This is prime time to be selfish. I've been selfish about the wrong things, but it's time to correct that.
For the past week or so, and especially the last couple of days, I have been trying to come to terms with something: My best is not good enough. At least, it's not always good enough for everyone, even when I'm foolish enough to think that someone could be satisfied with me.
I keep thinking that maybe if I wasn't fat... If I hadn't cut my hair... If I was smarter or prettier or more interesting or more powerful or more decisive or more or less something I wouldn't be sitting here trying to work with my eyes overflowing with tears. Maybe if I had been better somehow he wouldn't find it bothersome to be with me. If I'd sacrificed more maybe he'd see how much he meant to me and how much I was willing to do for him and he'd want me. Perhaps if I'd been willing to drop everything and move up there he'd see... But I'm not more than what I am.... And sometimes someone wants more.
That's kind of a hard thing for me to accept. I mean dayum, you know what kinda blow to the ego it is when you say "Ta-da!" and present the very best you have to offer, only for the person you want to be like "mmmmm, nah, I think I'll pass." It kinda makes you back up and say "Oooooh wow, really? Let me look at this ish again!" At least, it does for me. Thing is, I don't open up too quick or too easy to many people. But when I do, I go all in. What can I say? I'm a true Taurus: passionate, loyal, and adverse to change. Why should things change when they are good the way they are? And as far as I knew, things were good.
Basically I did what I always do: I became so involved with him that I lost focus of who I am and what I want. Not a good practice, FYI. It's a hard habit to break, but trust me, I am better than I was in the past! But now I'm forced to answer the question "Who am I without him?" When I first began asking this, it was from a negative, pitiful standpoint. "Who am I without him? I must be nobody, I've got nothing." However, the more I think about the situation and my new-found singleness, I am taking it a different way.
On this evening, what would have been our second anniversary, I am determined to truly find out who is Tori D. As I stated earlier on twitter, it's time to focus on the super awesome amazing individual that I am, not the super awesome amazing girlfriend that I could be. This is something that I know I should have done earlier in my life, but better late than never. I've gotta get in touch with my "star player," myself. Not just until the next man comes along, but throughout any other relationships I may embark upon. I hate this feeling of being lost and not knowing what to do. I can't be lost if I already have my own direction.
Basically I did what I always do: I became so involved with him that I lost focus of who I am and what I want. Not a good practice, FYI. It's a hard habit to break, but trust me, I am better than I was in the past! But now I'm forced to answer the question "Who am I without him?" When I first began asking this, it was from a negative, pitiful standpoint. "Who am I without him? I must be nobody, I've got nothing." However, the more I think about the situation and my new-found singleness, I am taking it a different way.
On this evening, what would have been our second anniversary, I am determined to truly find out who is Tori D. As I stated earlier on twitter, it's time to focus on the super awesome amazing individual that I am, not the super awesome amazing girlfriend that I could be. This is something that I know I should have done earlier in my life, but better late than never. I've gotta get in touch with my "star player," myself. Not just until the next man comes along, but throughout any other relationships I may embark upon. I hate this feeling of being lost and not knowing what to do. I can't be lost if I already have my own direction.
This is for the best. I get to focus on school and real estate with no distractions. I'm going to be dedicated to getting into shape (not to attract anyone, just to make myself happier and healthier). I'll channel my passions back into my first loves: music, writing... heck, maybe even fashion design again. This is prime time to be selfish. I've been selfish about the wrong things, but it's time to correct that.
Part of me says I should've put this in the blog that no one ever sees, but I needed someone to see it so that 1) I know that I am not the only one who has gone through this and that 2) it can possibly be a help to someone in the future.
So, there you have it. I've made my peace with it.
This post brought to you by Chris Botti & Jill Scott "Good Morning Heartache" because this song is freakin' awesome!
Good Morning Heartache - Chris Botti featuring Jill Scott
So, there you have it. I've made my peace with it.
This post brought to you by Chris Botti & Jill Scott "Good Morning Heartache" because this song is freakin' awesome!
Good Morning Heartache - Chris Botti featuring Jill Scott
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
My People on Love
sorry yall, bear with me! i'll be on to more randomness soon!
A happy but miserable state in which man finds himself from time to time; sometimes he believes he is happy by loving, then suddenly he finds how miserable he is. It is all joy, it sweetens life, but it does not last. It comes and goes, but when it is active, there is no greater virtue, because it makes one supremely happy.
Marcus Garvey
Everybody need a partner to stand right by their side. Not only down for the good times. But also down through the bad times.
Will Smith
I have learned not to worry about love; but to honor its coming with all my heart.
Alice Walker
Love is like a faucet, it turns off and on.
Billie Holiday
Love is or it ain't. Thin love ain't love at all.
Toni Morrison
The sweetest joy, the wildest woe is love.
Pearl Bailey
The things we truly love stay with us always, locked in our hearts as long as life remains.
Josephine Baker
A happy but miserable state in which man finds himself from time to time; sometimes he believes he is happy by loving, then suddenly he finds how miserable he is. It is all joy, it sweetens life, but it does not last. It comes and goes, but when it is active, there is no greater virtue, because it makes one supremely happy.
Marcus Garvey
Everybody need a partner to stand right by their side. Not only down for the good times. But also down through the bad times.
Will Smith
I have learned not to worry about love; but to honor its coming with all my heart.
Alice Walker
Love is like a faucet, it turns off and on.
Billie Holiday
Love is or it ain't. Thin love ain't love at all.
Toni Morrison
The sweetest joy, the wildest woe is love.
Pearl Bailey
The things we truly love stay with us always, locked in our hearts as long as life remains.
Josephine Baker
Don't Fight It!
One thing that I've always had a problem with, even after getting a fresh perm, is getting my hair to do what I want it to do. It's always had a mind of its own. When I want it straight, it goes curly. When I want to wear it up, it refuses any and all association with anything that can make that happen. It frizzes at the thought of rain.
Lately, however, I have been trying something new: letting my hair do what it wants to. It does it's own thing anyway, so why fight it? Instead, I'm trying to work with it. I won't lie, it is a little frustrating to me, especially now that I've cut my hair. Before, I could just say "forget it!" and throw my hair into a ponytail. Now... not so much!
In the past week, my hair has done whatever, even after washing & setting it. I've done
What's really been surprising to me is that when I let my hair do what it does, I get more compliments than when I wrestle with it forever! Who knew?!
Monday, September 28, 2009
Senseless Killing
That is all I can call this. A boy is KILLED over NOTHING. I could not stop crying as I watched this video because all I could think about was "Is this what my younger cousins will have to deal with as they grow up? Is this the kind of world I would want to bring children into?" Where are we failing? What are these parents teaching their children? What is NOT being told and shown to them while they are young and impressionable? What has them thinking that this type of behavior is okay? Why is this mentality so rampant in our community?
I have so many questions and so many feelings right now about this but I'm utterly speechless... This is insanity.
A few links concerning the beating and arrest of suspects:
Huffington Post
CNN
Chicago Breaking News
I am currently looking to see if there is any way to make a contribution to his family or if there is anything being done in his name for teen violence prevention. If anyone finds anything before I do, please let me know so I can share it.
A few questions
just a lil catharsis post... if you can't laugh at your own troubles, you don't get the right to laugh at others, IMO. and i do a lot of laughing at others...
As a newly single woman, I've decided to bypass the whole mopey period (or not really bypass it; I was in it for the last week even before the official split) and jump back into the single girl game again. But before I do, here are my top three questions that need to be answered. After all, I'm a little rusty :)
1. What is the official "hey I'm single now!" ringtone? Last time I was single it was Trina's "Single Again." And of course I know "Single Ladies" but I'm tired of it (even though I sing it energetically when I hear it... and even though I think this video is hecka cute ^_^). Please tell me there's something else!
2. Where do you gals usually go to meet guys to kick it with? I don't do clubs. Definitely not doing churches because 80% are gay* and 60% are married*. (Yes, you read those number right; you do the math! lol) I hear work is an okay place, but there's nothing here but women and old white guys... What are my options for meeting cool, non-wannabe-thugs (that may possibly be willing & able to buy some drinks and pay some bills.... lol)
3. Has anyone invented a lame-nigga repellent yet? If not, they need to. I'd do several varieties: Bitch-nigga-be-gone, Lil-dick-away, married-man-move-on, etc. I'm sure there's a market for that.
So ummm, yeah. These are my questions! Let's go with these answers and tips and whatnot! =D
*these figures were pulled out of my butt just this morning. idk if there is any fact to them. but it seems like the numbers may not be far off.
As a newly single woman, I've decided to bypass the whole mopey period (or not really bypass it; I was in it for the last week even before the official split) and jump back into the single girl game again. But before I do, here are my top three questions that need to be answered. After all, I'm a little rusty :)
1. What is the official "hey I'm single now!" ringtone? Last time I was single it was Trina's "Single Again." And of course I know "Single Ladies" but I'm tired of it (even though I sing it energetically when I hear it... and even though I think this video is hecka cute ^_^). Please tell me there's something else!
2. Where do you gals usually go to meet guys to kick it with? I don't do clubs. Definitely not doing churches because 80% are gay* and 60% are married*. (Yes, you read those number right; you do the math! lol) I hear work is an okay place, but there's nothing here but women and old white guys... What are my options for meeting cool, non-wannabe-thugs (that may possibly be willing & able to buy some drinks and pay some bills.... lol)
3. Has anyone invented a lame-nigga repellent yet? If not, they need to. I'd do several varieties: Bitch-nigga-be-gone, Lil-dick-away, married-man-move-on, etc. I'm sure there's a market for that.
So ummm, yeah. These are my questions! Let's go with these answers and tips and whatnot! =D
*these figures were pulled out of my butt just this morning. idk if there is any fact to them. but it seems like the numbers may not be far off.
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