“Who taught you to hate the texture of your hair? Who taught you to hate the color of your skin? Who taught you to hate the shape of your nose and the shape of your lips? Who taught you to hate yourself from the top of your head to the soles of your feet? Who taught you to hate your own kind? Who taught you to hate the race that you belong to so much so that you don’t want to be around each other? ... you should ask yourself who taught you to hate being what God made you.”
Friday, January 21, 2011
Who taught you to hate?
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
ghosts of exes past
It started again, as it so often does.
This time, it began with an innocent "Happy holidays" email.
Then it was an email to check on me, because he knows that this season is rough, considering what happened.
That lead to me looking him up on Facebook, just to see what he's been doing.
Then came the texts with the pet names....
Psycho Ex and I go through this back and forth periodically. It starts off like this, then we become friends again. I let my guard down and we get close. I realize he's trying to have his cake and eat it too--again--and tell him to kiss ass. We don't talk for months. Then an email....
Yesterday it was a "Thinking of you" text. After I didn't respond, I got this today:
*sigh* WHY LAWD?!
I want so bad to cuss him out and make him hate me, but something in me stops me from doing that. I can't say I still love him, but I did, and that truth is what makes it so hard. In some other relationships I realized that it was just infatuation so it was no big deal to say eff it. But even when I told him to lose my number there was still some hesitation. And this was almost a year after the big blowup that happened years after we were done!
But this time, I'm ready to end this little back and forth. I haven't engaged in any conversation other than a "same to you and your family" to the Happy New Year/hope all is well texts. I just can't get sucked into the back and forth. Every time I see his (unsaved) number pop up, I think about his wife and have 101 questions. Does she know he still feels this way about me, still contacts me? Has she just accepted that that's the way it is? How does he rationalize his actions in his mind? If we were together, who would he be texting on the side? Would I be so blind?
The answers to those questions really don't even matter at this point. This is a chapter in my life that should have been over long ago. You can't run from the past, can't undo it. But he's a lie if he thinks I'm ready to repeat it.
This time, it began with an innocent "Happy holidays" email.
Then it was an email to check on me, because he knows that this season is rough, considering what happened.
That lead to me looking him up on Facebook, just to see what he's been doing.
Then came the texts with the pet names....
Psycho Ex and I go through this back and forth periodically. It starts off like this, then we become friends again. I let my guard down and we get close. I realize he's trying to have his cake and eat it too--again--and tell him to kiss ass. We don't talk for months. Then an email....
Yesterday it was a "Thinking of you" text. After I didn't respond, I got this today:
I know u told me not to contact you again but i do still think about you and always hope you're doing well. Really impossible for me not 2 think of u.
*sigh* WHY LAWD?!
I want so bad to cuss him out and make him hate me, but something in me stops me from doing that. I can't say I still love him, but I did, and that truth is what makes it so hard. In some other relationships I realized that it was just infatuation so it was no big deal to say eff it. But even when I told him to lose my number there was still some hesitation. And this was almost a year after the big blowup that happened years after we were done!
But this time, I'm ready to end this little back and forth. I haven't engaged in any conversation other than a "same to you and your family" to the Happy New Year/hope all is well texts. I just can't get sucked into the back and forth. Every time I see his (unsaved) number pop up, I think about his wife and have 101 questions. Does she know he still feels this way about me, still contacts me? Has she just accepted that that's the way it is? How does he rationalize his actions in his mind? If we were together, who would he be texting on the side? Would I be so blind?
The answers to those questions really don't even matter at this point. This is a chapter in my life that should have been over long ago. You can't run from the past, can't undo it. But he's a lie if he thinks I'm ready to repeat it.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
On Marriage: An Epiphany
 |
| This? Eh... eventually. |
I've realized something that I guess I hadn't really thought about recently. It wasn't a slap-me-upside-the-head a-ha moment... just a subtle realization.
I've always had this time line in mind about when I wanted to be married and possibly start a family. I wanted to be married by 25. I figured that if I decided to have kids, this would allow my husband and I about three years together, just the two of us. Pop the first kid out at 28, second at 29 or 30. Tubes tied at 31. Ya like how nice and neat I had that worked out, don't you?
But here I am, a few months shy of 26, and I've discovered that I'm okay with the fact that life has not gone according to my plans. In fact, not only am I okay with it, but I would be okay with not getting married until sometime in my 30s. I have so much I want to do right now, things that will require my time and attention over the next couple of years. And while I know it's possible to do the things I want to do while married, I don't think I want to. Instead, devoting myself fully to seeing my dream come to life is what appeals to me. Then I can make that lifelong commitment to my husband. And I've already pretty much settled in my mind that I won't be having kids. Although I had a laundry list of reasons not to have them, I said if the right guy came along in time, I'd be open to it. Well that window has passed! LOL Which means there's even less of a rush to get married.
Of course, if Mr. Right came along today and soon wanted to make me Mrs. Right, I wouldn't fight it. Like I said, it's not impossible to pursue my career goals and be in a serious, committed relationship. And yes, there is a little lingering fear about potentially missing out on marriage all together since this seems to be the ideal age to do it. But... it is what it is. Whenever it happens, should it happen, I'll be okay. Even if it's not today.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Natural Newbie Giveaway!
Hello everyone! If you're new to this whole natural thing, have I got a goodie for you! Chris-Tia Donaldson, author of Thank God I'm Natural, has offered a copy of her book to one of my awesome followers! TGIN is a great reference tool at any stage of the natural journey, but I found it especially useful when I was just getting started. It's full of great tips, scientific info and product recipes. (You can find my review of her book here) In addition to that, I will also be giving away a surprise goodie: winner's choice of jewelry or hair accessory.
The rules for this contest are very simple:
1. Either a) be a transitioner, b) plan on doing the BC in 2011, or c) be a natural newbie--for the purpose of this contest, that's 12 months or less completely natural. Clearly this is on the honor system, but be honest! There will be other giveaways open to everyone, trust :)
2. Follow this blog through Google Friend Connect. Just hit that little button to the right.
3. Submit a short entry about your reason/inspiration to go natural. You may also submit a picture, whether it be pre-BC, post-BC or a picture of someone whose hair you admire. Submissions should be sent to toridblogs@gmail.com.
It's as simple as that! Entries must be submitted by January 18, 2011, and a winner will be announced on Friday, January 21, 2011. So hop to it natural newbs!
Psssst! Want another chance to win? Follow me on Twitter! (Leave a comment here so I'll know to count your follow as an entry). And for yet another way to win, tweet the following:
I entered @kinxnquirx Newbie Giveaway! Have you? http://is.gd/k5vyW
The rules for this contest are very simple:
1. Either a) be a transitioner, b) plan on doing the BC in 2011, or c) be a natural newbie--for the purpose of this contest, that's 12 months or less completely natural. Clearly this is on the honor system, but be honest! There will be other giveaways open to everyone, trust :)
2. Follow this blog through Google Friend Connect. Just hit that little button to the right.
3. Submit a short entry about your reason/inspiration to go natural. You may also submit a picture, whether it be pre-BC, post-BC or a picture of someone whose hair you admire. Submissions should be sent to toridblogs@gmail.com.
It's as simple as that! Entries must be submitted by January 18, 2011, and a winner will be announced on Friday, January 21, 2011. So hop to it natural newbs!
Psssst! Want another chance to win? Follow me on Twitter! (Leave a comment here so I'll know to count your follow as an entry). And for yet another way to win, tweet the following:
I entered @kinxnquirx Newbie Giveaway! Have you? http://is.gd/k5vyW
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The Blowout
Two Sundays ago I finally got the time (and the nerve) to straighten my hair. It was a little daunting to me, as my hair hadn't been straightened since late February/early March. But I figured why not? The weather was cooperating, and it's not like I'd been keeping my hair in a protective style anyway. It was as good a time as any. I took to blogs and books, trying to determine what the best route would be. I finally decided on the following method:
1. Wash and clarify.
I washed with my usual Optimum Oil Therapy moisturizing shampoo. (I think it's sulfate-free, but I'll have to double check that...) Then I followed up with a lemon juice & warm water clarifying treatment I saw in Thank God I'm Natural. Let that sit for about 10 minutes, then rinsed. Honestly, I didn't notice too much difference between when I clarify and when I don't. However, from my understanding, the difference wouldn't have shown at that point anyway.
2. Deep condition and detangle.
I applied my coconut and olive oil conditioners and let that sit for about 45 minutes. My plan was to go for about 20 minutes with the conditioner under the dryer, but I was too lazy to pull it out. (Sad, I know LOL) After letting it sit, I sectioned off my hair and got to detangling. Fortunately, it was relatively smooth going with minimal shedding. The exception, of course, is that odd patch of hair on the crown of my head that defies all typing, regimens and logic. That section took a lotta time and patience that I just don't have. Eventually, I got through it and rinsed. My hair was feeling all kinds of soft, smooth and slippery.
3. Blow dry and flat iron. (I.E., turn it over to Momma)
I wanted to tackle this beast on my own. I figured I might as well learn how to do it for myself... But what I learned is that straightening is something best left to the pros. Or at least to someone who can see what the heck they're doing. After blow drying about half of my head, I turned it over to my mom. When blow drying, I sprayed each section with both Carol's Daughter Black Vanilla Leave-In and Frizz Ease Heat Defeat. When flat ironing, my mom gave it another hit of the heat protectant. She also insisted on using a little bit of spray oil . I can't see where it hurt or helped.
I swear my mom was born to straighten hair. It did really well Monday and Tuesday... Wednesday the weather didn't wanna cooperate with me so it got a lil puffy. It was kinda down hill from there. By Sunday I had it slicked back with a phony pony attached.
I love the results, but it's not something that I'd want to do on the regular. I missed my curls too much!
1. Wash and clarify.
I washed with my usual Optimum Oil Therapy moisturizing shampoo. (I think it's sulfate-free, but I'll have to double check that...) Then I followed up with a lemon juice & warm water clarifying treatment I saw in Thank God I'm Natural. Let that sit for about 10 minutes, then rinsed. Honestly, I didn't notice too much difference between when I clarify and when I don't. However, from my understanding, the difference wouldn't have shown at that point anyway.
2. Deep condition and detangle.
I applied my coconut and olive oil conditioners and let that sit for about 45 minutes. My plan was to go for about 20 minutes with the conditioner under the dryer, but I was too lazy to pull it out. (Sad, I know LOL) After letting it sit, I sectioned off my hair and got to detangling. Fortunately, it was relatively smooth going with minimal shedding. The exception, of course, is that odd patch of hair on the crown of my head that defies all typing, regimens and logic. That section took a lotta time and patience that I just don't have. Eventually, I got through it and rinsed. My hair was feeling all kinds of soft, smooth and slippery.
3. Blow dry and flat iron. (I.E., turn it over to Momma)
I wanted to tackle this beast on my own. I figured I might as well learn how to do it for myself... But what I learned is that straightening is something best left to the pros. Or at least to someone who can see what the heck they're doing. After blow drying about half of my head, I turned it over to my mom. When blow drying, I sprayed each section with both Carol's Daughter Black Vanilla Leave-In and Frizz Ease Heat Defeat. When flat ironing, my mom gave it another hit of the heat protectant. She also insisted on using a little bit of spray oil . I can't see where it hurt or helped.
I swear my mom was born to straighten hair. It did really well Monday and Tuesday... Wednesday the weather didn't wanna cooperate with me so it got a lil puffy. It was kinda down hill from there. By Sunday I had it slicked back with a phony pony attached.
 |
| the back after momma finished. why do the gray hairs always stick out?! |
 |
| Monday |
 |
| Tuesday |
 |
| Wednesday |
 |
| phony pony time! |
I love the results, but it's not something that I'd want to do on the regular. I missed my curls too much!
Up-Do! French roll with bang
For several months now, I've wanted to wear my hair up. There are only so many times I could look at the puff, fro or twist out. I've attempted different styles but it just never really worked out for me. Sad, right?
Well, on Wednesday evening I was going through my blog roll and saw that Jenelle at Kinky Curly Coily Me! had done a YouTube tutorial on an up-do.
Of course I had to try it, so I got in the mirror and went to work. It took a little time and manipulation, but I finally got it. I figured out that I couldn't "roll" my hair to the left, though that's the way I've always tried it. Once I tried rolling/twisting it to the right, it was simple as could be. I also had to make a few minor changes.
I don't have any plain hair combs (how is that?) so I had to use a buttload of bobby pins. This was good and bad: good because I definitely had a secure hold, but bad because they had my head itching! Another change that I had to make was with the sides. I couldn't twist the sides; for some reason that just didn't work out for me. I ended up making a smaller french twist up top, then did some pulling, tucking, and pinning until I was happy with the look I had. And I definitely had to hit those edges with some Eco Styler.
Over all, my approach was a bit haphazard, but I was pleased with the results. I was able to wear it Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Unfortunately I couldn't quite get that roll going today. (I had to take it down before bed last night; the pins were killing me!) Here are the pix, but you'll definitely want to check out the tutorial to get a cleaner look. What's the verdict on this one? Although I didn't do a flower with this, I think I'll add my decorative combs to the french roll next time...
Well, on Wednesday evening I was going through my blog roll and saw that Jenelle at Kinky Curly Coily Me! had done a YouTube tutorial on an up-do.
Of course I had to try it, so I got in the mirror and went to work. It took a little time and manipulation, but I finally got it. I figured out that I couldn't "roll" my hair to the left, though that's the way I've always tried it. Once I tried rolling/twisting it to the right, it was simple as could be. I also had to make a few minor changes.
I don't have any plain hair combs (how is that?) so I had to use a buttload of bobby pins. This was good and bad: good because I definitely had a secure hold, but bad because they had my head itching! Another change that I had to make was with the sides. I couldn't twist the sides; for some reason that just didn't work out for me. I ended up making a smaller french twist up top, then did some pulling, tucking, and pinning until I was happy with the look I had. And I definitely had to hit those edges with some Eco Styler.
Over all, my approach was a bit haphazard, but I was pleased with the results. I was able to wear it Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Unfortunately I couldn't quite get that roll going today. (I had to take it down before bed last night; the pins were killing me!) Here are the pix, but you'll definitely want to check out the tutorial to get a cleaner look. What's the verdict on this one? Although I didn't do a flower with this, I think I'll add my decorative combs to the french roll next time...
 |
| The back. Not the neatest or the best, but I was happy with it! |
 |
| I wasn't aware that that part was so visible... oops! |
 |
| Makes for an interesting side profile, no? |
 |
| Close up of the front |
Saturday, January 1, 2011
31 Day Reset: Day 1
I am participating in Rosetta Thurmond's 31 Day Reset as a means of giving this year (and my life in its entirety) a defined purpose and direction. Although I am working on this daily, I will not be sharing all of the exercises here, as I feel some of it may be deeply personal. But those things that I am willing to share will be right here for the world to see.
For day one, we were challenged to come up with a personal mantra. It could be a scripture, quote, or something that we created. It simply needed to speak to us and be a theme for us to keep in mind during and after this challenge. For my mantra, I chose to paraphrase a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson. It says:
"What lies behind [me] and what lies before [me] are small matters compared to what lies within [me]."
This quote helps me to remember that I already have everything within me to achieve success, happiness, love, and fulfillment. Now whether I tap into it is up to me, but the potential is there just as it is in each of us.
For day one, we were challenged to come up with a personal mantra. It could be a scripture, quote, or something that we created. It simply needed to speak to us and be a theme for us to keep in mind during and after this challenge. For my mantra, I chose to paraphrase a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson. It says:
"What lies behind [me] and what lies before [me] are small matters compared to what lies within [me]."
This quote helps me to remember that I already have everything within me to achieve success, happiness, love, and fulfillment. Now whether I tap into it is up to me, but the potential is there just as it is in each of us.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)