Tuesday, September 15, 2009

"Dear White Women" (An open letter)

Dear White Women,

Before you begin reading this letter, I encourage you to discard the ghetto, attitude-laced, stereotypical "angry black woman" voice you may hear in your head. This is not that type of letter. Instead, think of it as helpful advice; a sort of "The more you know" moment.

There are several things that I think we need to clear up. Things that you do that come off.... well, a bit racist. Now I'm sure you don't intend for it to seem that way. You probably even have black friends! And that's good for you. However, for those who you don't know, there are some things to keep in mind. Here are a few of them:

  1. Nobody wants your cheap, ugly purse. Okay, maybe someone does, but the majority of us, including ME, do not. So if I happen to sit two seats down from you in the waiting room at the doctors office, there's really no need to immediately grab your purse and clutch it for dear life. Even if you had a HOT Prada or something, chances are you're pretty safe in that setting, what with the camera and dozens of people around. That move makes you look like you believe all black people are horrible, violent monsters who want nothing more than to knock you over and take your raggedy bag of mints and tissue. And you don't really think like that, do you? Of cooouuurrse not. So do better, 'kay?

  2. Making statements like "It's too many of them" when in a crowd of black people makes you look crazy and will get you all kinda side-eyes. Since this was an elderly lady, I'll try to just chalk it up to dementia or something. But um, get ya Nana when you're out in public.

  3. I am not trying to take your black boyfriend/husband/boo/baby-daddy. Neither am I mad that you're with a black guy. That being said, what's with the mean-mug? Next time, unless something is said or done, save it boo.

  4. No, you cannot just come up to me and touch my hair!! Self-explanatory.


I hope you find these tips useful. They may just help you get along a little better next time you happen to interact with someone of another race, no matter how frequent that may or may not be. :)

Sincerely,

Tori I was nice this time D.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Some females make it hard for good women

After watching these two clips, I am almost speechless. This woman's stupidity is baffling to me. Just like usually a woman scorned becomes jaded, so do men. Women like this are poison. Harsh, but true. And I wouldn't be surprised if she was one of those females who always laments that there are no good (black) men out there. SMH Just watch.



I'm Not Feeling It

I'm at home today, partially because I didn't feel all that great this morning; partially because I found zero motivation to get up and go to work. I am absolutely drained! So instead, I'm working on stuff for class (kinda... it's a slow process), resting, and reflecting on some things. Main thing I've realized is that I can't count on other people for my happiness and well-being. If I want to be happy, it's solely on me. Although it's nice to turn to them, I can't count on friends, family or my boyfriend for that. Eventually there comes a time when they aren't around and you gotta make it happen for yourself...

IDK, I'm rambling and not making much sense. I'm feeling so many ways right now and its coming out a big jumbled mess. I'll try this again later. :-/

Thursday, September 10, 2009

HELP WANTED!


I need a new stylist.

For several years (dating back to high school, maybe even middle school--can't remember) I have had a great stylist: my aunt. She has a salon and began doing my hair after my father quit doing it for me & my mom. She's a really good, old school stylist. She doesn't do many new styles ("new" being mid-'90s to now lol) which is cool with me since I've never been one to follow trends-- I've always been a wrap girl.

However, for all the great work she does, I'm not sure if I should stick with her while I transition into natural hair. Not that I don't think she can handle it; I'm quite sure that she can. The thing is, she doesn't want me to go natural and is not really helpful or supportive in my endeavor. Last year when I first told her I what I wanted to do, she straight up laughed in my face (the whole shop did, actually) and told me I wouldn't do it because my hair is too thick and I don't know how to take care of it. Then after a few months when I didn't know what to do with it, her advice was to get a touch up. Kinda counter-active to what I was trying to do, no? This time around, she just kinda grinned and said "okay."

My thing is this: I don't want to deal with any kind of discouragement from the person who is supposed to be helping me. After all, this is my hair we're talking about; whether I want to perm it, transition it to natural or shave it all off, I need someone to work with me. I need positive, helpful advice about what products to use, how to take care of it between salon visits, etc. I'm finding a lot of stuff online and it is helpful, but I need someone to see what type of hair I have and what works for me.

In my search for a new stylist, I've only found ONE salon here in Jackson that claims to specialize in natural hair. I know other black salons probably have someone who could help, but I want to be in an environment where I'd be comfortable, with other women who have gone through or are going through the process I'm undergoing.

Am I putting too much thought into this? Should I just stick with letting my aunt do my hair? For others who once wore relaxed hair and have gone natural, did you stick with your stylist, select a new one, or start doing everything yourself? I'd love to know!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Yes, it's another hair blog

After all of my tweeting, debates on message boards and Facebook, and polling friends who have made the switch, I have decided to try to go natural again. I tried about a year ago. You can read about my fail here. But this time I'm ready, and I'm more determined than ever! So I figured I'd chronicle my journey here. So welcome!

The Why

  1. I want to prove people wrong who said I either can't do it or won't look good with natural hair

  2. I want to discover the hair that God gave me (I've been permed since I was 3 or 4, so I have no idea what my hair is really like)

  3. I just want something different.


This is not because

  1. I feel the need to prove that I'm super black (my skin can tell ya that) or think that there's anything wrong with having relaxed hair

  2. I have damaged or unhealthy hair (quite the opposite; my hair is thick, was long until a couple of weeks ago, and very healthy)


What it (this blog) is

  1. A place to keep track of my progress

  2. A place for the info, misinformation, etc. that I find

  3. place to gather ideas from any naturalistas and stylists who may wander across this blog


As of last Friday, I've gone six weeks without a touch-up. Yes, I'm at ground zero. The last time I got a perm was on July 24 when I got my hair cut. I went from this to this:

My thinking was that I maybe able to transition a little easier with short hair than I would with long hair. Last time I got really frustrated because I didn't know what to do with my hair while it was in transition. I'm thinking that I can do rods, twists, etc. easier with short hair, so maybe I'll have more options. Anyway, of today, this is what it's looking like:


Don't laugh at that last picture. It's been a long, tiresome day!

So... here goes. I'm excited :) Let's do this!

I am a Part of the Problem... Sometimes


As much as I love my people, as much as I hate seeing negative images of our people, I've got to be honest. I am not 100% vigilant against all of the evil, negative stereotypes that the media puts out about blacks, women, or black women 24/7. I may never be 100% all the time. I doubt anyone is. Or, if they are, I couldn't deal with them. They would be pointing out the bigotry, hatred and lies constantly and my self-diagnosed adult ADD won't allow that.

But I digress.

My point is this. I can admit--neither proudly or ashamedly--that sometimes I am a part of the "problem." I watch Real Housewives of Atlanta. I watched Real Chance of Love (first season; I've gotten worn out on these dating shows). Although I may not watch BET (save when they show reruns of The Game) I will occasionally sit down to watch a Tyler Perry movie.

Know why? Sometimes I just want to be entertained, dammit. I laugh at crazy, stupid people regardless of their race. And yes, I will laugh at ig'nant black folks just like I laugh at ig'nant white, Asian, Latino, etc. folks. I'm an equal-opportunity asshole. Doesn't being the watch-person for all things racist and wrong get a bit tiresome? I'm not knocking it nor saying it's not important. Thing is, I deal with it daily. I'm well aware that things are not all kumbayah between everyone. But sometimes I want to escape; not deal with it when I'm not dealing with it.

In my opinion (and remember, this is just Tori D.'s word so it really doesn't count for much) watching a show doesn't reinforce stereotypes. The way you live, the way you act, the way you conduct yourself; these things determine whether you feed into the stereotype.
So although I would like to see more positive images of black women on television, I strive to be the positive image for those who watch me.

But this is just my lil opinion. What are your thoughts on the matter?

Monday, September 7, 2009

12 Things The Negro Must Do For Himself

Saw this on a couple of other sites and wanted to share and get opinions on it. After reading this I was anxious to learn more about the author. Click her name for some info via Wikipedia on her; I'm still looking up more.

by Nannie Helen Burroughs

(Circa Early 1900's)

1. The Negro Must Learn To Put First Things First. The First Things Are:
Education; Development of Character Traits; A Trade and Home Ownership.

The Negro puts too much of his earning in clothes, in food, in show
and in having what he calls 'a good time.' The Dr. Kelly Miller said, 'The
Negro buys what he WANTS and begs for what he needs.'

2. The Negro Must Stop Expecting God and White Folk To Do For Him What He
Can Do For Himself.

It is the 'Divine Plan' that the strong shall help the weak, but
even God does not do for man what man can do for himself. The Negro will
have to do exactly what Jesus told the man (in John 5:8) to do--Carry his
own load--'Take up your bed and walk.'

3. The Negro Must Keep Himself, His Children And His Home Clean And Make
The Surroundings In Which He Lives Comfortable and Attractive.

He must learn to 'run his community up'--not down. We can segregate
by law, we integrate only by living. Civilization is not a matter of race,
it is a matter of standards. Believe it or not--some day, some race is going
to outdo the Anglo-Saxon, completely. It can be the Negro race, if the Negro
gets sense enough. Civilization goes up and down that way.

4. The Negro Must Learn To Dress More Appropriately For Work And For
Leisure.

Knowing what to wear--how to wear it--when to wear it and where to
wear it, are earmarks of common sense, culture and also an index to
character.

5. The Negro Must Make His Religion An Everyday Practice And Not Just A
Sunday-Go-To Meeting Emotional Affair.

6. The Negro Must Highly Resolve To Wipe Out Mass Ignorance.

The leaders of the race must teach and inspire the masses to
become eager and determined to improve mentally, morally and spiritually,
and to meet the basic requirements of good citizenship. We should initiate
an intensive literacy campaign in America , as well as in Africa .
Ignorance--is a millstone about the neck of the race. It is democracy's
greatest burden. Social integration is a relationship attained as a result
of the cultivation of kindred social ideals, interests and standards. It is
a blending process that requires time, understanding and kindred purposes to
achieve.. Likes alone and not laws can do it.

7. The Negro Must Stop Charging His Failures Up To His 'Color' And To
White People's Attitude.

The truth of the matter is that good service and conduct will make senseless
race prejudice fade like mist before the rising sun. God never intended
that a man's color shall be anything other than a badge of distinction. It
is high time that all races were earning that fact. The Negro must first
QUALIFY for whatever position he wants. Purpose, initiative, ingenuity and
industry are the keys that all men use to get what they want. The Negro
will have to do the same. He must make himself a workman who is too skilled
not to be wanted, and too DEPENDABLE not to be on the job, according to
promise or plan. He will never become a vital factor in industry until he
learns to put into his work the vitalizing force of initiative, skill and
dependability. He has gone 'RIGHTS' mad and 'DUTY' dumb.

8. The Negro Must Overcome His Bad Job Habits.

He must make a brand new reputation for himself in the world of
labor. His bad job habits are absenteeism, funerals to attend, or a little
business to look after. The Negro runs an off and on business. He also has a
bad reputation for co nduct on the job--such as petty quarreling with other
help, incessant loud talking about nothing; loafing, carelessness, due to
lack of job pride; insolence, gum chewing and--too often--liquor drinking.
Just plain bad job habits!

9. He Must Improve His Conduct In Public Places.

Taken as a whole, he is entirely too loud and too ill-mannered. There is
much talk about wiping out racial segregation and also much talk about
achieving integration. Segregation is a physical arrangement by which people
are separated in various services. It is definitely up to the Negro to wipe
out the apparent justification or excuse for segregation. The only effective
way to do it is to clean up and keep clean. By practice, cleanliness will
become a habit and habit becomes character.

10. The Negro Must Learn How To Operate Business For People--Not For Negro
People, Only.

To do business, he will have to remove all typical 'earmarks,'
business principles; measure up to accepted standards and meet stimulating
competition, graciously--in fact, he must learn to welcome competition.

11. The Average So-Called Educated Negro Will Have To Come Down Out Of The
Air. He Is Too Inflated Over Nothing. He Needs An Experience Simila r To
The One That Ezekiel Had--(Ezekiel 3:14-19). And He Must Do What Ezekiel
Did

Otherwise, through indifference, as to the plight of the masses, the Negro,
who thinks that he has escaped, will lose his own soul. It will do all
leaders good to read Hebrews 13:3, and the first Thirty-seven Chapters of
Ezekiel. A race transformation itself through its own leaders and its
sensible 'common people.' A race rises on its own wings, or is held down by
its own weight. True leaders are never 'things apart from the people.' They
are the masses. They simply got to the front ahead of them. Their only
business at the front is to inspire to masses by hard work and noble example
and challenge them to 'Come on!' Dante stated a fact when he said, 'Show the
people the light and they will find the way!' There must arise within the
Negro race a leadership that is not out hunting bargains for itself. A noble
example is found in the men and women of the Negro race, who, in the early
days, laid down their lives for the people. Their invaluable contributions
have not been appraised by the 'latter-day leaders.' In many cases, their
names would never be recorded, among the unsung heroes of the world, but for
the fact that white friends have written them there.

'Lord, God of Hosts, Be with us yet.'

The Negro of today does not realize that, but, for these exhibits
A's, that certainly show the innate possibilities of members of their own
race, white people would not have been moved to make such princely
investments in lives and money, as they have made, for the establishment of
schools and for the on-going of the race.

12. The Negro Must Stop Forgetting His Friends. 'Remember.'

Read Deuteronomy 24:18. Deuteronomy rings the big bell of gratitude.
Why? Because an ingrate is an abomination in the sight of God. God is
constantly telling us that 'I the Lord thy God delivered you'--through human
instrumentalities. The American Negro has had and still has friends--in the
North and in the South. These friends not only pray, speak, write, influence
others, but make unbelievable, unpublished sacrifices and contributions for
the advancement of the race--for their brothers in bonds. The noblest thing
that the Negro can do is to so live and labor that these benefactors will
not have given in vain. The Negro must make his heart warm with gratitude,
his lips sweet with thanks and his heart and mind resolute with purpose to
justify the sacrifices and stand on his feet and go forward--'God is no
respector of persons. In every nation, he that feareth him and worketh
righteousness is' sure to win out. Get to work! That's the answer to
everything that hu rts us. We talk to o much about nothing instead of
redeeming the time by working.

R-E-M-E-M-B-E-R

In spite of race prejudice, America is brim full of opportunities. Go after
them!