Wishlist

Although I'm not big on the holidays, I'm always up for getting stuff! (And I'm not so grinch-tastic that I don't give gifts as well... but only to a select few!) My short wishlist this year is mostly comprised of hair & beauty goodies that I either can't splurge on right now (pockets are kinda tight) or would feel bad about if I bought them now, but would definitely accept if someone gave them to me. After all, I'm not a product junkie if someone just gives them to me, right? Right. So here is what you can send your favorite blogger (who? me, of course!) if you're full of the holiday spirit.

1. Wen haircare system I've been curious about Wen since I started transitioning, but I have yet to try it. I'm a bit skeptical of its claims to work on all hair types, but nothing like putting it to the test to be sure.

2. Huetiful hair steamer Since starting my transition, I've read several blogs that mentioned hair steaming. I didn't really think too much about it, but that has since changed. Since it's gotten cooler, I can tell a huge difference between how my hair looks and feels when I first wake up and after I take my shower. The steam has it so soft and big! It would be awesome to get the benefits of steaming my hair while deep conditioning, but usually when I DC I'm doing a million other things so I never just sit in the bathroom. With the Huetiful hair steamer I could set it up in whatever room I happen to be in and let it do its thing while I mindlessly watch tv do something productive. And sure, I'll take the facial attachment as well!

3. A Denman brush I've still never seen one in real life. LOL Yes, I've checked Sally's, but the times I've been they didn't had them. So I don't even know which one to get! And I refuse to order it online, seeing as I have no idea how it feels and whether it would be worth it. Yeah, I've heard they're great and all, but still... But if you wanna pass it along to me, I'll take it!

4. A Sephora gift card I've fallen in love with Sephora, y'all! There's only one little Sephora around here, tucked away in a JCPenney's. That is the only thing I visit that particular Penney's for ('cuz that location's plus size selection sucks). Now that I've found out they have Carol's Daughter products and well as a buncha yummy delicious makeup to try out, I need some extra funds specifically for Sephora!

5. A phony pony that looks like it's natural hair that's been blown out. Most of what I've found has been either shiny super straight ponytails, or puffs that look duller, tighter, and all around worse than my hair. There is this one ponytail that I bought, not too straight, sorta wavy. But I dunno how well it will work considering that it's rather shiny... We'll see. I still need more though; gotta switch it up!

So that's my little wishlist. Got anything on yours related to hair and/or beauty?

Quotes of the Day: On Adversity

Today some developments came up that have me reconsidering the direction I want my career to follow, and whether I want to remain with the real estate company I'm with or go for broke & work strictly for myself once I get my broker's license next year. Until I can think a bit clearer to write a post that actually makes sense, I'm trying to lift myself up with some quotes instead...

“Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.” Arthur Golden

“Things that were hard to bear are sweet to remember” Seneca

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” Henry Ford

“Seeds of faith are always within us; sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth.” Susan Taylor

“There is in every true woman's heart, a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.” Washington Irving

“Opposition is a natural part of life. Just as we develop our physical muscles through overcoming opposition - such as lifting weights - we develop our character muscles by overcoming challenges and adversity.” Stephen R. Covey

“Adversity is the diamond dust Heaven polishes its jewels with.” Thomas Carlyle

(all quotes courtesy of thinkexist.com)

random: i want

i want to teach business; real life business skills that people can use.
i want to instill a hunger for business and entrepreneurship in little black kids.
i want to be successful in real estate.
i want to work for myself.
i want to sit on my butt and let great real estate investments take care of me.

i want to paint.
i want to write.

i want to love.
i want real love.
i want a real, lasting love that doesn't end with me asking "WTF?"

i want a house.
i want a house that i can decorate and where i can throw cocktail parties and intimate sleepovers.
i want a home.

i want knowledge.
i want to know a little bit of everything.
i want to share wisdom with the world.

i think i want too much.

i want it all.

The Talk--America's Doing It Wrong

Did your parents ever sit down and have "the talk" with you?

When I was 16 my parents asked if I had any questions about sex. I didn't. There was no discussion of how it works, methods of preventing pregnancy and STDs, the emotional issues that go along with it. They simply reminded me that sex was "wrong" and "don't do it." Yeah, I knew that I'd been told sex was bad (but magically became good once you say "I do") but that didn't stop me from doing it-- two years prior to the non-talk "talk."

I've asked a couple of my friends, and none of them recall having the notorious talk that parents are supposedly so scared of. (Maybe they're so scared that they skip it altogether?) There was the "don't do it" speech for most of them, and the "we're just gonna put you on birth control & hope for the best" move for a few others. While this passive approach may seem like the answer for apprehensive parents, how is it working out for the kids?

Well, it looks like it's not. Not for teens in America, at least. Research recently done by sociologist Amy Schalet compares the difference in approach to teen sexuality in America and European countries. In her article, "Sex, Love and Autonomy in the Teenage Sleepover," she states, "American adolescent sexuality has been dramatized instead of normalized."  The results of this? A high rate of teen pregnancy, abortion, and transmission of STDs. Advocates for Youth provide these figures:

 

 

Schalet cites two main reasons for the stark differences in approaches to teen sexuality: religion and economic security. As a whole, the U.S. has a tendency to be more devout than our counterparts in the Netherlands, hence more conservative views and beliefs. As far as economic security, she reasons, "Like most European countries, the Dutch government provides a range of what sociologists call 'social' and what reproductive health advocates call 'human' rights: the right to housing, healthcare, and a minimum income. Not only do such rights ensure access, if need be, to free contraceptive and abortion services, government supports make coming of age less perilous for both teenagers and parents.

What are some of the differences found in approaches to sexuality?

• Adults in France, Germany, and the Netherlands view young people as assets, not as problems. Adults value and respect adolescents and expect teens to act responsibly. Governments strongly support education and economic self-sufficiency for youth.


• Research is the basis for public health policies to reduce unintended pregnancies, abortions, and sexually transmitted infections, including HIV. Political and religious interest groups have little influence on public health policy.


• Youth have convenient access to free or low-cost contraception through national health insurance.


• Sex education is not necessarily a separate curriculum and is usually integrated across school subjects and at all grade levels. Educators provide accurate and complete information in response to students’ questions.


• Families have open, honest, consistent discussions with teens about sexuality and support the role of educators and health care providers in making sexual health information and services available to teens.


• Society weighs the morality of sexual behavior through an individual ethic that includes the values of responsibility, respect, tolerance, and equity.

I find it ironic that our society is still so conservative about some aspects of sex even though sex is everywhere, 24/7. Is it that we've demonized our natural sexuality to the point that we are in effect helpless against its power? By not looking at sex/sexuality for what it is--a natural desire that can be both healthy and fulfilling when done/used responsibly--we have left ourselves open to a myriad of problems that can be prevented.

main source: Consequences of U.S. and Dutch Approaches to Sex

Morning Quickie: My Hair is Soft Again!!

You know, last week in one of my posts, I discussed how the change in weather had caused my hair to be a bit dry. I used Suave Almond & Shea Butter conditioner as a leave-in until I was able to find a good leave-in. (BTW, I used the Suave when doing my twists recently, and they came out great! You can see a few pix of it on TGHP, and I'll be doing a post on it soon.)

The other day I dropped by the Sephora counter and was pleasantly surprised to see that they now carry Carol's Daughter! I've been saying I was going to try their products for a minute now, but I hadn't. I figured now was the time. I was tempted to get the Hair Milk that I hear so much about, but something else piqued my interest: the Black Vanilla Leave-In Conditioner. The label said "Hydrating refresher and detangler for dry hair." I figured "It's only $12, let's give it a go." The first couple of days I used it, I couldn't really tell much difference because I still had my twists in. When I finally took them down and used it, my hair was so soft!

Then yesterday, I got the bright idea to mist my hair before using the Carol's Daughter. I used the same mist that I'd used on my hair the night that I did my twist: a simple mix of coconut oil, olive oil and water (I didn't use measurements, just eyeballed it). Y'all... OMG... I never knew hair could be that super soft. I couldn't keep my hair out of it because I couldn't believe it. I love love love the results. The Black Vanilla Leave-In is a light mist, so it didn't weigh my hair down and it wasn't drippy. Also, it smells so yummy! I don't have a single bad thing to say about it. Now I'm anxious to try some other CD products!

BTW, here are the list of ingredients (courtesy of carolsdaughter.com):

Water (Aqua), Polysorbate 80, Glycerin, Panthenol (Pro-vitamin B5), Sodium Hyaluronate, Sodium PCA, Butylene Glycol, Lavandula Angustifolia (Lavender) Flower/Leaf Stem, Lonicera Caprifolium (Honeysuckle) Flower Extract, Lonicera Japonica (Japanese Honeysuckle) Flower Extract, Salvia Officinalis (Sage) Leaf Extract, Calendula Officinalis Flower Extract, Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein, Hydrolyzed Wheat Starch, Hydrolyzed Corn Starch, Potassium Sorbate, Citric Acid, Caramel, Fragrance (Parfum) 

Planning, Preparation & Payoff

At the beginning of the year I wrote a post about 2010 being my year of planning, preparation and payoff. There were several things that I wanted to accomplish and I was determined to either start or complete this year; some personal, some professional. Many were goals that I wanted to reach within the year, while others (the "planning" and "preparation" goals) are stepping stones to much grander goals. Thankfully I can say that I am on track with most of my goals!

I'm all set for graduation in December if this macroeconomics class doesn't kick my butt. Be prepared to see Tori D., MBA all over urrythang I touch from then on!

I've pulled together a great group of young black professionals to start work on chartering a Jackson, MS chapter of the National Black MBA Association. (By the way, if you're in the Metro Jackson area and interested, email me at TDWhitley@gmail.com. Thaaaanks!)

My real estate business is taking off. This is especially big to me because, as I've stated before, this is not just a job but a career for me. And for me to be doing any business at all with the economy like it is and with my limited resources... it's huge. God's favor is all over that.

Despite my flightiness and lack of focus, I've come up with a career plan that would make retirement within 15-20 years a possibility. That way I could focus on my non-profit and do some creative work, all while bringing in passive income--which is the best kind of income there is, IMO. Now if I can stick to the plan, instead of suddenly deciding I want to do something else, that will be a true payoff in and of itself!

I've been able to completely rid myself of some dead weight. I'm talking exes, old "friends" who really did nothing more than bring me down, old hurts and disappointments that slowed my progress. Strange how I actually feel lighter now that I'm done with all of that. That lightness is both a payoff from learning to be honest (brutally, sometimes) with myself and others, and preparation for "the next best" whatever to come along.

But of course, not everything has gone as planned...

I didn't stick with my workout routine. The payoff was supposed to be shedding X number of pounds by my cruise in June. Didn't happen. I stayed fat and happy. Found another "workout" though, and it feels good to "work out" on the regular. What? O_o I'm all about the exercise over here...

I have yet to get and stay organized. This is an ongoing thing for me, but I haven't given up on it!

I didn't stick with the plan to focus solely on myself... For the entirety of this year I've been more or less (okay, really more) booed up. I said I was going to take a break from relationships and such, but this current one just sort of happened. But this time, seriously, once it's over, it's all about me, myself and I. There's no potential-beau in the background this time, so I guess that means it'll be time for that break... IDK.

So there you have it! I'm happy to see the progress that I've made and I can't wait to see even more growth, progress, and positive moves. What upward motion have you made this year? Share it!

Interview with a Natural

Last week I asked for submissions of pretty much any kind, and thankfully I've already received one!  Julie was an inspiration and encouragement for me when I decided to go natural. She has so graciously offered to share a bit of everything with us concerning her hair, so here is her story in her own words and pictures.

 

Transition Story:

before starting the 1 yr protective styling challenge

This is actually my second time around going natural.  The first time was in 2003 when just the idea of going natural was interesting to me.  I didn’t really know what I was doing though.  The first thing I did was to get some color.  I thought by adding color, it would make my hair look interesting, but I now see that it added to the reason why I went back to chemicals.  Since I wasn’t up on how to actually STYLE natural hair or what products to use, I kept it in an afro puff.  After a while, you get kinda tired of puffs and you want to do something else.  I didn’t know how to braid my own hair, or even twist it, so I got bored quickly.  That lead me to straightening my hair, which lead me to trying a texturizer….next thing you know, I succumbed to the creamy crack. *insert violins*

This time around, I planned for it.  Since I was pregnant with my first child, I decided that it would be a good time to start transitioning (January 2008).  I was all about the roller sets and the half wigs.  I kept it up for about 8 months when the anticipation and the excitement about being totally natural finally got to me.  My husband and I did the BC a few days before my birthday in August (I say my husband because he helped me cut off the hair I couldn’t see in the mirror).  I’ve been straight hair free ever since.

 

Product Rant:

Dr. Bronner’s Pure Castille Soap (Hemp Peppermint).  I decided when I started transitioning that I would stick to products that had the most raw, organic, “natural” ingredients as possible.  I heard such good things about this product that I was excited to try it.   I was expecting my hair to be clean, but soft.  WHAT A MISTAKE.  My hair ended up being so dry and so coarse it took a couple of WEEKS for my hair to feel soft again.  I took a look at the ingredients (AGAIN) and don’t know what it could have been that made my hair so dry, but it did not like it AT ALL.  Now, I’m saying this to discourage others from using it. I’m just saying it did not work for MY hair.

Instead of using a strict regimen,
Julie trims her ends on a need-to basis.

Product Rave:

One time HELLO HYDRATION from Herbal Essence!!  That is the BEST conditioner I have had the pleasure of using!  I’ve tried cheapo conditioners, average conditioners, and the “luxury” conditioners.  They are pretty much all the same, but for some reason, my hair really takes to HELLO HYDRATION.  It’s the perfect detangler and with some coconut/olive oils, a great deep conditioner.

 

Product Recipe: (I don’t do measurements; I just put whatever I feel like adding into my stuff)

My leave in conditioner:

Sally’s generic Infusium 23 Leave-In Conditioner

Coconut Oil

Olive Oil

Rosemary Oil

Peppermint Oil

Glycerin

Aloe Vera Juice

Kinky Kurly’s Knot Today (if/when available)

Emu Oil

Pre-wash/Deep Conditioner:

Hello Hydration

Olive Oil

Coconut Oil

Cover hair with a plastic shower cap and a hot damp towel/turban for 30 minutes

 

Why did I go natural?

Honestly, I got tired of my hair constantly coming out.  It seemed like at one time I had more hair on my bathroom floor than on my head.  My hair was straight, but it was limp, flat, breaking, and boring.  I started doing research online as to what I can do to stop hair loss.  I started seeing all of these women who had natural hair and the funky, cool styles they were able to do with their hair.  I told myself that I didn’t have that “mixed hair look”, so like a lot of other women, thought “it wouldn’t look right on me”.  But as I did more research, I saw natural women who had my type of hair.  I thought…hmmm….maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.  I had a cute face, so at least I can play it off if it doesn’t work out with hats, scarves, or accessories!

Reactions from friends/family/co-workers/etc?

APL (arm pit length)

You know, the only real negative reactions I got were from my parents.  Understand now, my hair was very short when I got my first BC.  My mom just didn’t understand why I would want to be look like a boy. They are from the old school where women should strive for long hair and men kept their hair very short. She then asked me what “my plans were”.  My plans?  “Yes”, she says.  “What do you plan on doing to your hair when it grows out?  Do you want to keep it in an afro?  Are you getting DREADlocks?!?!”  Do you want to be a Rasta?!?”  All I could do was LOL!!!  My dad didn’t really have anything particularly bad to say, but he didn’t think it would look “nice” if my hair was short and nappy, especially going to work.  I didn’t take offense; I know that my parents have never seen images of modern natural hair styles.  There frame of reference was from the 60s/70s.

For the most part, I’ve gotten positive feedback from everyone including co-workers, strangers, and friends.  My husband absolutely loves it.  But then again, he loves anything that’s not a weave!

 

How has being natural affected your life?
It has definitely made me more aware of what I am putting into my body.  Being an “ingredient reader” has spilled over into what I eat and drink.  I am also very cautious about what I do with and how I do my child’s hair.  I want to make sure that she has a deep appreciation for her God-given curls.

 

Questions/Comments/Concerns about being natural?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I LOVE BEING NATURAL!  It’s not an easy road, but it’s the best road for me!

One of her protective styling options