The fat girl says, "Uh... derrrr...."

Half a point if you said "Moo," I guess.

According to a study funded by funded by the National Institute on Aging, National Institute of Biomedical Imaging and Bioengineering, National Center for Research Resources, and the American Heart Association,

A new study finds obese people have 8 percent less brain tissue than
normal-weight individuals. Their brains look 16 years older than the brains of
lean individuals, researchers said today... "The brains of obese
people looked 16 years older than the brains of those who were lean, and in
overweight people looked 8 years older," [UCLA professor of neurology Paul]
Thompson said.

(See the article here.)

Now before I start, let me say that I am neither denying that this study is valid, nor am I saying that there is nothing wrong with being at an unhealthy weight. I know that is not true, and although I don't believe the lie that everyone is supposed to be skinny, I do believe that each of us has a healthy weight and we should strive for that. Regardless of if that leaves you wearing a size 6 or 16.

That being said, there are some points that make me believe this study may be flawed. One is the age of the participants. The article says that all participants were over the age of 70. I wonder what the findings would have been had the participants been in their 20s, 30s, 40s... Would the results have been the same, or is it possible that some of the more common causes of dementia and the like in older adults had a hand in the study?

It would also be interesting to know whether or not all of the participants had been smokers, drinkers and/or drug users (prescription or otherwise) at any point in their lives. What effect could these variables have had in the loss of brain tissue? According to various studies, we've been told that drugs and alcohol have a damaging effect on the brain. And from the long list of side effects rattled off at the end of prescription drug commercials-- as well as lawsuits resulting from various illnesses/deaths that have occurred from medicines-- it's not an unreasonable assumption that some medicines can have an adverse effect on the brain. And considering again that these participants were up in age, the chance that they are on at least one sort of medication is pretty high. Was that taken into consideration for this study?

Thirdly, I would like to know whether all of the participants were the same ethnicity. why, you ask? I assume the study used the participants' BMI as the determinant for whether they were obese, overweight, or normal. However, according to this recent article, the Body Mass Index may overestimate obesity in African-Americans. As far as I know, this is still being studied. However, if this is correct and the study used African-Americans in the study as "overweight" or "obese" based on BMI, the results would be skewed. Therefore I think it's important to know the makeup of the group of participants.

As a pretty smart fat girl with no apparent brain impediment, I have to give this new study a skeptical side-eye.

Your thoughts?

Today's Randomness: "Is that a challenge?", Update on the Upgrade and Daddy Issues

"Is that a challenge?"
I've come to realize that I've become a person who likes to prove people wrong. (Ikey Baybee can attest to that, as I prove him wrong on a daily basis LOL) Sometimes I will go to great lengths just to fulfill this compulsive desire to be right and to win. And occasionally I end up doing something good for myself in the process. I was sick of my long boring hair but didn't build up the courage to cut it until I heard this incredibly stupid comment, "You're not gonna be cute without your hair and your boyfriend isn't gonna like you!" *record scratch* WHAAAAT?! Is this second grade? I chopped it soon after that. Now I'm choosing to go natural because people are telling me that either I won't look "right" with natural hair (whatever that means) and that it'll be too hard for me to maintain. So of course that means I gotta do it & have to make sure my lil fro is on point whenever I do the big chop. AND I'm more motivated to get into shape to combat the ridiculous stereotype of all Zetas being fat, black and ugly. (Ugly? Have you seen this face boo? And yes I'm black but I wear my cioccolata amara skin proudly. But fat? Holla at me in a few months...)

Update on The Upgrade
Speaking of making changes, so far The Upgrade is going well! (What upgrade, you say? How dare you not click here and find out what I'm talking about!) Right now I am focusing on two things: organizing and un-cluttering (my space, my mind, my life... lol) and becoming fiscally responsible. I admit that I'm a hoarder and not the neatest person. *hangs head in shame* But even so, I realize that I tend to be calmer and think clearer when there is some form of order and simplicity in my surroundings. The fact that I stay in a relatively crowded, cluttered space can't be good for my psyche, so I'm working to improve that. And as far as the money thing... Well how can I expect to be trusted with a better salary if I can't be a good steward of what I already have? (Yeah, that's Bible; I read occasionally lol) Besides, I can't truly be on my "Grown woman ish" if my bank account looks like I'm still receiving a measly allowance! Not good! lol

Daddy Issues
Something else that's not so good: my relationship with my father. It's no real shock that we aren't close, but I am slightly surprised that it's affected my subconscious the way it has. Over the last several years, I've had a recurring dream, but only recently realized that it was the same dream with changes in minor details. The main elements are always the same: My mom, dad & I are at our old house (the one I grew up in as a kid). Something random and minute sets my dad off and he and I get into it. During our argument, he turns his anger towards my mom as she tries to mediate. We usually get in each others' face, sometimes actually throwing blows. I always warn my mom that she needs to get out and leave him while she can, that she doesn't need to be with him. She never listens. I always wake up as he raises his hand to hit her. I don't know what the hell these dreams mean or why I keep having them. As much as I can't stand my father, he's never been physically abusive, so why would I dream that? I had the dream again last night and woke up in tears. I really don't even know who to talk to about it.

Okay, I think that's enough random rambling from me tonight. I need some rest. Deuces.

The BET Buyback Project

*Note: This is not something that I've actually put into motion... yet. I don't even know if it would be possible, but if someone knew how to get the ball rolling, I'd definitely be down. For now, though, it's wishful thinking.*

Over the years, I've heard various comments concerning the state of BET. Comments of disgust, disappointment and frustration over the fact that an entity that claims to represent an entire segment of people would do so in such a poor fashion. I've read articles, blog posts, message boards, etc. that reflect many Black people are just tired of the overwhelmingly negative images that are being portrayed. (Need proof? How bout this. Or this. Or try this, this, or this for starters.)

So this past Sunday I got to thinking: what if a group of young black people who were tired of what BET has become decided to do something about it? What if we (whoever and however many people "we" would entail) pooled our money, time, talents and resources to buy BET back from Viacom? What if we decided to make it "ours" again, revitalize and rebrand it to show the world that there is more to African-Americans than the limited, stereotypical characters that they are used to seeing. After all, other media outlets show enough of that.

Now, being that I am not a television exec, nor have I studied the television industry or researched it, I couldn't tell you how we would go about this or how it would be structured once "we" bought it back. But I do know what Tori D. would like to see on the new and improved BET: (BTW, I know you liked the rhyme I threw in there!)

• Playing a wide variety of music that reflects our diverse culture while "pressuring" (for lack of a better word right now) artists to create more positive/non-degrading music


• another Teen Summit-like show where teens & young adults are given creative freedom & control


• shows that highlight successful Black people without being fake or pretentious (I'm looking at you, Harlem Heights)


• more highlights of our history, beyond slavery all the way up to today's history-makers


• (if they just must be included) preachers who are actually concerned with spreading the gospel and reaching out to people, not hawking their goods to make a quick buck


• quality original movies (use the channel as a platform for producers, writers, actors, etc. who may get shut out of traditional Hollywood studios. besides, how many times can you show Baby Boy every month? sheesh!)


• a decent awards show


• regular dialog on the state of Black America, race relations, etc.


• a news program that highlighted current events and economic/financial matters


• a focus on healthy living and health issues that disproportionately affect Blacks


• community involvement and promoting viewers to get involved


• programming designed to help build the character, intellect and self-esteem of our youth

Maybe all this sounds old & boring to current BET fans. However, there is a way to be entertaining without being ignorant or --dare I say-- coonish. Shouldn't BET portray us as we really are?

What do you all think, am I crazy? Do you think something like that would not only be possible, but successful? If not this, what do we do? Or do we just let BET sink lower and lower with no intervention?

Quarter Life Crisis: Take Two

I think I'm ready to talk about it now. When I tried previously, it basically just came out as this random, frustrated jumble of a temper tantrum. I think I'm able to do a little better now.

I have three main issues that are f'in with my head right now. They are actually all kinda related in a way, so I have a feeling that once I resolve one, the others will work themselves out.

Issue #1: I still do not know what I want to do with my life.
I am getting my MBA, should be finished next December. Why I'm getting it, I'm not entirely sure, except for the fact that I was told once I get it I'll be able to get more money if I continue working for the state. (However, that has been suspended until God knows when due to this lackluster economy, so I have to ask again, why am I doing this?) Thing is, I don't plan on working for the state for long. I never planned to. So now what? My professor from last semester put the PhD but in my ear. Do I pursue that? Do I really want to be in academia? Do I want to do research? (Hell no.) I'd love the breaks that would come with being a professor and assuming I got hired by a pretty good school, I'm sure I'd love the salary that goes along with it as well. But is that me? About as me as sitting in that cramped, windowless cubicle at my current job I guess. And what about real estate? I'm still interested in that, but... I'm hesitant. What if I suck at it? I already know that I'm not the greatest salesperson if I'm just trying to push something on a person, but maybe it would be different with real estate since buyers usually have some idea about what they want. But what if it's not different? What if I really just don't have what it takes? Or what if I start that and then realize that I hate it? Then what? There's only so much starting over one can do, right?

I'll let you in on something. My baby is making moves. He knows what he wants to do and is getting his ish together. Every time we talk he's talking about it. He's excited. He's following his passion. And I'm very happy for him... But I'll be honest, I am a bit jealous. (Don't judge me!) It makes the stark contrast of me not knowing what the hell I'm doing even more of an issue to me...

The other thing about what he's doing: if he's successful (which I'm sure/hopeful he will be) he'll be in VA indefinitely. So
Issue #2: I don't know how long this long distance relationship is going to be long distance.
We had a plan. A plan that essentially stuck me in MS for several more years while under the impression that he would be moving somewhere a bit closer and soon our LDR would be a medium-distance relationship, or maybe just a regular dayum relationship. I stuck to my end of the deal and stayed my ass in MS at this job and in this MBA program when I really wanted to just pack up and go somewhere. Now it looks like I may have just trapped myself here alone. Like I said, I'm happy he's doing his thing, but now it's like, where does that leave me, and us? After almost two years I am still not feeling this whole "see you when i can" thing. I don't like seeing him a total of MAYBE two weeks out of the year. I hate not being able to really be there for him and have him be here for me like I want. I need something definitive to look forward to and I don't have that. If love had a purgatory, this would have to be it.

Although my friends and family have always said "Don't go running after a man," I still want to pick up and move. Just sell the little bit of stuff I've got and go. Find a place up there and look for a job once I get there. One problem though.
Issue #3: I don't make enough money.
Not enough to pick up and go. Not enough to get out of my parents' house and into my own spot. Not enough to pay bills and still have enough money to eat by the end of the month. Ever heard that term "broke as a joke?" HARDY-FREAKIN-HAR BABY!! I've just gotten to the point where I could save a little bit of money about two months ago. Second month of saving: had to dig into the savings account. So how am I gonna pick up and go across country when I can't even go across town? I have been applying to some better paying jobs around here. So far, no callbacks. Today I applied for a position at my current job. Not the increase I was looking for. Still not sure if I'd be able to afford an apartment, utilities, car note & other bills if I took it, but a little increase is better than nothing I guess. Here's hoping that something comes through...

I just feel like if I could get something going on just one end maybe the other puzzle pieces will fall into place. I've been praying for direction, but either I don't speak God or God don't speak to me, cuz so far I got nothin'. Trying to remain patient though, because I don't want to make the wrong move. However, I keep thinking of this quote:

"Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice." 

So am I cautious or am I cowardly?

IDK, I just need this QLC to be over quickly... I'd hate to have it spill over into my MLC :-/

Midday Randomness: QOTD

“Even the wisest woman you talk to is ignorant of something you may know, but an elegant woman never forgets her elegance." 

Oliver Wendell Holmes

Blacks & HBCUs (Pt. II: Is it the institutions, or is it us?)

Last week I pointed out some of the misconceptions about HBCUs that I have heard purported by blacks. Maybe these ideas were put in their heads by someone who was "guiding" them, perhaps they come from their own experiences or observed experiences or others. More than likely, however, they are steeped in the negative stereotypes that we as Blacks have endured for years.

But what about the numbers? Men lie, women lie, numbers don't, right? *snicker, eye roll*

So do we do worse at our own schools? Well according to some statistics, such as the one from this USA Today article, the percentage of blacks who graduate from HBCUs within six years averages about 37%. Yes, this is a dismal figure. (I won't go into how I don't believe this is a fair or accurate number, since this does not give consideration for students who transfer, whose education takes longer than 6 years for whatever reason, deaths, etc. We'll just roll with the numbers we've got.) However, our counterparts at PWIs don't fair much better. The national graduation rate is only 41%.

So that brings me to another issue: Is it really the institution we attend, or is it us? The "us" that I speak of is the black community as a whole. Those of "us" who have graduated, HBCU or PWI, do we encourage our classmates and those that come after us to continue working towards their degree? Those of "us" who have dropped out or for whatever reason did not graduate, are we planning on pursuing that degree at some point or have we already found gainful (legal) employment? Those of "us" who are in any sort of leadership capacity: are we extolling the importance of higher education and stressing that their are many possibilities and opportunities that become available through education?

How do we encourage young blacks to stay in school? The Root has an... interesting article on "Making School Cool." Is it enough? Is it effective? What more can be done?

And what, if anything, are we doing for our institutions? Many suffer from lack of funding which leads to a myriad of other issues (of which I am honestly just too lazy/sleepy to get into right now). What contributions are we making?

Trip Down Memory Lane

Although I would never wish to go back to high school, there is one thing that I have missed since the day I walked across that stage: the choir. Yes, I'm still in the choir at church, but it's just not the same. There was nothing like giving an amazing performance that moves people even when they don't understand the language! And the feeling of getting up in front of other groups--mostly white groups who assumed that this almost all-black choir wasn't really 'bout nothin--and not only blowing them away but taking EVERYTHING at competitions? Nothing like it!!

So since I'm feeling a bit nostalgic, I pulled out some of my old music and threw a mini concert at Casa de Tori D. Since I'm not brave enough to put my own singing up on here, I found some videos of my fav choral and madrigal pieces. I really wish I had video of our choir (Murrah High School '00-'03, I can't vouch for the rest of yall! lol). We had the BEST choir director in the history of directors, IMO. Mr. Browning put his SOUL into teaching and directing us, and you could see it in his movements & facial expressions as well as the collective movements and expressions of the choir as we followed his lead. Good times man, good times...

Oh yeah, the videos!

" Die Nacht ist kommen" Petrus Herbert, 1566



"Vita De La Mia Vita" Chanticleer (first song that ever made me seriously want to sing something other than gospel/r&b)



"Paratum Cor Ejus" A. Vivaldi (to 2:10)