Morning Quickie: Gallon People & Pint People

Last night, while taking a much-needed break from working on my jewelry, I managed to catch the last little bit of Oprah’s Lifeclass Tour. Deepak Chopra’s segment had ended, and T. D. Jakes was on next. If you follow me on Twitter you know I was all over his lifeclass last week on living with purpose. This time around he was talking about forgiveness. I was in and out of the room so I missed a lot (got the DVR set for the rerun though!), but I heard one thing about expectation that hit a nerve.

“When you expect someone to love on a gallon level and they are a pint person, you’re going to be frustrated the rest of your life.”

Basically, don’t expect more than what a person is capable of. I know I’m guilty of that from time to time, even though I try hard not to have any expectations at all. (IMO, expectation leads to disappointment, in case you didn’t know.) And while I don’t believe myself to be a gallon person (maybe half a gallon at the most lol) I have had instances where what I was given (time, love, communication, etc.) was just not what I needed. If you’re expecting anything from another person (romantically or otherwise) make sure your expectations match their capability.

Morning Quickie: An Arrest is not Justice

On yesterday, it was announced that charges were being brought against George Zimmerman for the shooting death of Trayvon Martin. The charge would be second degree murder, and Zimmerman turned himself in. He may be out on bond as early as today.
His parents have said that they are pleased that an arrest was finally made, and that was the justice that they asked for. However, I can’t say that I completely agree with that sentiment. True, this is a step in the right direction, but an arrest in and of itself is not justice. (After all, how many people who have committed crimes have been arrested and nothing else?) Justice, IMO, would be the conviction of this murderer. Justice would be a thorough investigation of the Sanford Police Department and proper disciplinary action if it is found that there was foul play involved in letting him go free (which I believe there was). It would be taking a second look at the Stand Your Ground laws  to better define “self-defense” so that it can no longer be used to muddy the water when a killer is called to the carpet. Justice would be an honest look at the cold hard facts about how profiling and discrimination affects so many in this country and putting measures in place to discourage and prosecute these acts.
Will all of that happen? Some of it might. Some of it probably won’t. But I am happy that there is finally a step in the right direction in this case.

Four Tips From My Foray Into Entrepreneurship

One thing that I love (and sometimes loathe) about business is the fact that there is soooo much going on behind the scenes to make the process look easy. I have learned that in each of the areas I’ve dabbled in–real estate, freelance writing, and currently jewelry making. Don’t judge me! While becoming an entrepreneur seems fun (and no lie, it is!) it is also more work than you may think. Here are four tips to help you out.

1. To be a successful entrepreneur, you need to know more than just your craft.
For many who are just starting out, they have to be everything in their business. Accountant, PR/marketing specialist, secretary, etc. Of course, you knew that already. What you may not realize, however, is that there are parts of the job you love that cross over into fields that you never even considered. For example, when I decided to try my hand at selling handmade jewelry, I knew that I’d need to know about different techniques, where to sell, and keeping up with the cash flow. I was not expecting to get into photography. Sure, I had to take pictures, but that’s simple, right? No, not if you want it done right and you’ve never done more than point and click. So now, along with learning more about the jewelry business, I am also reading as much as I can on photography. Never anticipated that!
2. Learning = growth. To grow your business, you can never stop learning.
One problem that some new business owners encounter (especially those who are making and/or selling products) is that they get complacent in what they know, so they never branch out to discover what they don’t know. It is important to keep up with the trends in your market and in your given field. This helps you stay ahead of the curve and in the game. There is always a new tweak, technique, tool, etc. that can improve what you do and help you expand your product offering. Sidenote: Don’t confuse this expansion with diluting your best product or service to offer many different ones that turn out to be mediocre (this happens more often than you may think). You must make sure your key offering remains strong!

3. You need a mentor.
It may not even be a mentor in the traditional sense. When I started in real estate, I had a traditional mentor who became my broker. She showed me the ins & outs and basically lead me through a rather confusing field.  Now that I am in a new profession, I find that I have gravitated to “mentors” online; those who are successful and have shared how they got to where they are. Although they are not hands-on with me, I am still able to take their nuggets of wisdom and apply it to my own work. Whether you have someone who holds your hand through getting your business off the ground or are following someone from afar, choose someone–or two or three–as your mentor and learn from their successes and mistakes.
4. Know when to call for backup.
So you have come to a point where you just cannot handle everything by yourself? Congrats! This means either your business is growing or you have identified an area that could become problematic if not handled correctly. If your situation happens to be the latter, don’t beat yourself up over it! Realize that it is an opportunity for improvement. When it’s time to enlist others for help, evaluate your needs, cash flow and available options. Only you can determine whether you need someone to work with you full-time, part-time, or on a contract basis.
If you have started a business, what other tips would you share with would-be entrepreneurs?

Quote of the Day

This morning I was having a text convo that is becoming fairly common with this particular individual. It got me to thinking how sometimes we just like a person because of their looks or personality (which is fine). But how often is there a level of admiration? How often do we find that the object of our affection does more than make us feel good, but instead motivates us to be great? Even though I’m not in a relationship with this person, I can say without hesitation that his influence and words make me a little more careful about what I do and say. He says I have the same positive influence on him, which definitely put a smile on my face.
The conversation made me think of the following (anonymous?) quotes, so I had to share them with y’all.

The best love is the one that makes you a better person, without changing you into someone other than yourself.

 

If the relationship doesn’t make you a better person, you are with the wrong one.

Morning Quickie: A Dream Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
 like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

- Langston Hughes, “Harlem”

I am just under a month and a half away from being 27 25 3.0. Even though this isn’t one of those “big” birthdays, I feel pressured to come to terms with some things, mainly the growing likelihood of not realizing some of my dreams and goals. Some of them I have already put to rest, like the desire to become an author. I still want to publish the book of poetry just because it’s on my bucket list. But the next Zora or Toni I am not.  Other goals are in their death throes, like the probability of me moving out of state within the next few years or buying a house before May 15 (unless I can find a good paying part-time job and save up some big money between now and then).

The funny thing is that I’m not that upset about letting go of some of the goals I had. With some I realized the timing wasn’t right, others I simply outgrew. Yet, in the place of old dreams, new ones have blossomed. New goals, this time with definite dates, are in my sights. I’m learning that although not all dreams come true, I don’t have to give up on all of them because a few fell through.

So what happened to my dreams deferred? Some have indeed dried up like a raisin in the sun; yet others have given way to bigger and better ambitions.

No matter what setbacks you have encountered, remember that some of your goals are still attainable. Keep going!

Justice for Trayvon

"What do you call a black man with a Ph.D.? Nigger." - Malcolm X

What do you call a black boy with Skittles & tea? "Suspicious."

If you don't know the story of Trayvon Martin, here is the quick and dirty: Trayvon was a 17-year-old boy who was walking back to his dad's house on Feb. 26 after going to the store. He was followed by George Zimmerman, self-appointed neighborhood watch leader for the Sanford, FL community, because he "looked suspicious." Although he was warned by the 911 dispatcher on the phone not to follow the boy, he did. He accosted him. George Zimmerman shot and killed an unarmed boy who was almost half his size and trying to get away from him. (more facts on the case along with sources here)

George Zimmerman has not been arrested.



 Zimmerman has claimed self-defense, and police have cited Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law as an excuse for their inaction. The Stand Your Ground or Shoot First law is an extension of the Castle Doctrine, which states that the home is a person's castle & they have the right to defend it using deadly force if necessary. Twenty-eight states have this law. In addition to that, 18 states have "Stand Your Ground" which extends outside of the home and eliminates a person's responsibility to try to walk away from a potentially threatening situation. If you have "a reasonable belief" that your life and safety is in danger, you can use force to defend yourself, even deadly force.

However, in this case, that is bull. Trayvon carried nothing but snacks, no weapons. He was walking away from the man. According to ABC News, a friend was on the phone with Trayvon minutes before the shooting. She recounted the boy trying to get away from a man who was following him. Does that sound like a threatening situation to you? Only if you see Zimmerman as the threat. To pursue and harass a young man--still legally a child-- accost him and then shoot him when he yelled for help & tried to defend himself, and then claim self-defense is sickening and a slap in the face to common sense. Even sicker is that this man is being taken at his word, with barely a peep from the local police department. Fortunately, public outcry has prompted the Department of Justice, US Attorney's Office and the FBI to investigate.

Although I heard this story last week, I figured surely the police would do the right thing and arrest George Zimmerman. Yet here we are, nearly a month later, and no arrest has been made. The thing that put me over the edge was hearing the 911 calls from neighbors. Three neighbors called about the brewing confrontation, and you can clearly hear this boy calling for help seconds before the gunshot. Hearing that last desperate cry moments before his life was snuffed out broke my heart. It made me think of my cousins, nephews, frat brothers. Men who, whether they have on a hoodie & jeans like Trayvon or a suit and tie, have that unmistakably "suspicious" brown skin. So even if they are somewhere that they have every right to be, they still have to be on guard against others who feel as if they don't belong there. And yes, the same is true for black women as well, we catch hell too. But not as violently as our brothers, it appears.

This case has the potential to set a dangerous precedent, especially in the states that have this Shoot First law. If we turn a blind eye to the violence against this one black child and let it go under the ruse of self-defense it could open Pandora's Box. While some may say "This was just an isolated incident. Zimmerman was crazy, most people aren't like that" I would like you to ponder this. Despite the claims of America being "post racial" after 2008, instances of racially motivated violence, hate speech, discriminatory legislation and racially insensitive behavior in schools and places of employment have increased. Make no mistake, the monster that is racism never died, but the "fear" (of what? hmm) and hatred felt by many now outweighs the political correctness to keep their prejudice under wraps (at least in public). For some, the hatred is so potent that they would attempt to follow in Zimmerman's footsteps if they felt they could get away with it.

None of us want to believe that we live in a country that claims "freedom and justice for all" but lets a huge injustice like this occur. But how can we deny it when we've seen it before? And we see it now, staring us in the face, daring us to do something about it. So help do something about it. Along with signing the petition for Zimmerman's arrest, here are three other ways we can help bring justice for Trayvon Martin.

Quote of the Day

  “Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”    -Unknown

I don't think about death much. After all, it's another part of life. But here I am, still feeling all sorts of ways about the passing of my grandfather this weekend. On one hand, it's terribly painful knowing that I won't get to see him again, hear some of his stories or be teased about getting fat. On the other, I'm glad that he isn't in pain and is at rest. And I'm proud to be a descendant of such a wonderful person. They say the good die young; I say the great outlive most. He died just a month shy of his 102nd birthday. RIP Robert Davis, Sr. You will live forever in our memories.