Soooo just in case you haven’t read this gruesome story, here’s the long & short of it: A Miami man was shot and killed by police officers while attacking another man. And by “attacking,” I mean he was eating his face… literally, taking bites out of the man’s face…. while naked. Yeah, let that marinate. Somehow the victim survived (although according to reports he is virtually unrecognizable) and word is that the attacker was on some kinda super cocaine/LSD mix. While this only deepens my fear of drugs (because I just know I’d end up like the naked chomper, or on YouTube in the midst of a bad trip), it also poked at another fear that I dismissed as silly until now.
The zombie apocalypse.
Don’t laugh! I didn’t always think this was a possibility. Zombies were just found in campy horror movies, right? But between the CDC’s blog post on being prepared for a zombie apocalypse and History Channel’s “Zombies: A Living History”–both of which came out last year–the wheels got to turning. Sure the CDC said it’s preparedness post was really about any type of outbreak or epidemic, but I get the feeling that was the government’s way of telling us something without really telling us. (I may be a tiny bit of a conspiracy theorist; so what.) And then “Zombies” described how certain chemicals, which some countries/groups may already have ready to use in biological warfare, could cause “zombie-like” symptoms. That was enough for me to sit up and pay attention. Now with this story? It’s confirmed: I need to get my ZA squad together.
So who makes the cut and who is automatically disqualified? This may sound cold & calculating, but in a case like this, it’s survival of the fittest! So here goes:
1. The elderly, disabled, and small children can’t come with. I know, I know; I said it was cold! But truth is, they would be an added liability and the squad can’t afford that. Of course, the exceptions would be my momma and any kids I may have. Maybe just my favorite kid, I dunno… (jokes!)
2. I need 2-5 slower fatter people, depending on how long we expect this thing to last. Yes, it seems to go against logic, but I need to be assured that I can outrun somebody in the event that we have to retreat instead of fight.
3. Everyone on the squad has to be comfortable with weapons. I’m talking guns, knives, blunt force objects. If you’re too squeamish or just can’t handle the idea of knocking the undead’s head off, you can’t be a part of Team Tori.
4. Definitely need a person/people who are good with electronics and mechanics. Know how to hot wire a car? Good! Can you rig up radios, cell phones, etc? Awesome, you’re in. And even though I can’t really explain why I feel like this is important, I do. Plus it’s my squad, so…. yeah.
5. The squad can always use someone who knows a thing or two about hunting & gathering. Considering the fact that we may have to abandon the cities and deal with a limited food supply, we need to know how to set traps for game and which plants are okay to eat. It would suck to avoid getting your face eaten only to die from not knowing that the flower you ingested was full of poison.
Forget it, I just need Katniss, Peeta & Gale on my squad.
So who am I missing? What kind of folks would you want on your team? And are you not at least a little freaked out?
The zombie apocalypse.
Don’t laugh! I didn’t always think this was a possibility. Zombies were just found in campy horror movies, right? But between the CDC’s blog post on being prepared for a zombie apocalypse and History Channel’s “Zombies: A Living History”–both of which came out last year–the wheels got to turning. Sure the CDC said it’s preparedness post was really about any type of outbreak or epidemic, but I get the feeling that was the government’s way of telling us something without really telling us. (I may be a tiny bit of a conspiracy theorist; so what.) And then “Zombies” described how certain chemicals, which some countries/groups may already have ready to use in biological warfare, could cause “zombie-like” symptoms. That was enough for me to sit up and pay attention. Now with this story? It’s confirmed: I need to get my ZA squad together.
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| the crew from Zombieland |
1. The elderly, disabled, and small children can’t come with. I know, I know; I said it was cold! But truth is, they would be an added liability and the squad can’t afford that. Of course, the exceptions would be my momma and any kids I may have. Maybe just my favorite kid, I dunno… (jokes!)
2. I need 2-5 slower fatter people, depending on how long we expect this thing to last. Yes, it seems to go against logic, but I need to be assured that I can outrun somebody in the event that we have to retreat instead of fight.
3. Everyone on the squad has to be comfortable with weapons. I’m talking guns, knives, blunt force objects. If you’re too squeamish or just can’t handle the idea of knocking the undead’s head off, you can’t be a part of Team Tori.
4. Definitely need a person/people who are good with electronics and mechanics. Know how to hot wire a car? Good! Can you rig up radios, cell phones, etc? Awesome, you’re in. And even though I can’t really explain why I feel like this is important, I do. Plus it’s my squad, so…. yeah.
5. The squad can always use someone who knows a thing or two about hunting & gathering. Considering the fact that we may have to abandon the cities and deal with a limited food supply, we need to know how to set traps for game and which plants are okay to eat. It would suck to avoid getting your face eaten only to die from not knowing that the flower you ingested was full of poison.
Forget it, I just need Katniss, Peeta & Gale on my squad.
So who am I missing? What kind of folks would you want on your team? And are you not at least a little freaked out?
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