Afternoon Quickie: Good Hair

Today at lunch I got a question I haven't heard in a long time, not since I cut my hair into a bob almost two years ago. The girl at the counter asked, "Is that your real hair?" I can't lie, that lil comment made me smile, like "Yes! I got it back!" But then came the other comment... "Oh, you got that good hair."

-_-

I don't know what to do with this comment. I can't really be mad at someone for saying this; after all, they are trying to give me a compliment. But "good" hair implies that there is such a thing as "bad" hair, which simply isn't true. There are different textures, some which appeal more (to some people) than others or may seem easier to handle. But "good" is determined by the quality of care. Anyone can have "good" hair if they learn what their hair needs and not attempt to do things that should be done by professionals (coloring, relaxing, etc.) on their own/without consultation.

Of course, I can't go into this little shpeel every time someone makes the comment. Usually I just smile awkwardly and say thanks....


Do you say anything when you hear "good/bad hair" comments, or do you tend to let it slide? If you do speak up, what do you say? Let me hear your thoughts. Maybe I'll have something to come back with next time!

A Refresher

When I moved into my new office last year, I inherited a plant. I have no idea what kind of plant it is; it's green with big ol leaves... *shrug* It sits in the corner by the window, and because I have my back to it most of the time, I usually forget that it's there. Sure I see it in the background of my in-office photo shoot pix, but I don't really see it. Inevitably, someone will come through the office and point out the fact that the leaves are limp and dangling over the side of the pot, hanging on for dear life. Eventually I water it and the next day, voila! You'd never know it had a near-death experience.

I feel like there are some areas of my life--heck, all our lives--that need watering. I'm guilty of getting so caught up in what I'm doing that I neglect the things in the corner. Some of it's major, like my pursuit of my own spiritual truth or belief. Some of it isn't major in the affect-you-for-all-eternity kinda way, but still shouldn't have been pushed to the side. Like my voice. I wonder where I would be if I continued to sing after high school and became a classically trained musician. Well I don't know, but I could at least begin voice lessons, get it back to where it used to be. My voice--and my spirit--could use a refresher.

I'm sort of in a down swing right now (bonus for me that I'm now able to pick up on my mood shifts, where as before it didn't really hit me until after someone pointed it out) but I'm trying to take steps to actively pick myself up. I think about how good I feel after a great revival (the last one we had at our church was awesome) and the plant in my office that is thriving now off a little bit of water, and realized that I need my own revival, a complete refreshing--mind, body, spirit... all that. Now that I know, I've got to do.

Buying Into (and Out Of) the Beauty Myth

For the longest, I felt like there was a hierarchy of beauty. It was never explicitly stated, but the attitudes and actions of those around me lead me to this belief. It was always:

1. pretty light-skinned with long hair
2. pretty light-skinned
3. light-skinned with long hair
4. light-skinned
5. dark-skinned with long hair
6. dark-skinned

From childhood, I knew I was near the bottom of the totem pole. Then in high school/college big booties got thrown in the mix and I was even lower. According to the messages I received, my saving grace was my thick long hair. I may not have been pretty (because everyone knew dark-skinned girls couldn't be pretty!) but at least I had "good hair" that would cause someone to look my way... unless, of course, the light-skinned girls they looked at first were interested...

Somewhere along the way, I want to say in college, I shook the notion that the only desirable thing about me was my hair. Yes, I still had it long and kept it silky smooth with a perm but I begin to believe in the other aspects of my own beauty. Inner and outer. Amazingly, when I opened my eyes to the truth, I realized that others saw it too. I wasn't alone! Yes, dark-skinned girls could be cute. Yes, even the ones without a big ol booty. And yes, I was one of them! Yes, Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus!!

O_O Okay, maybe not the last one; I got caught up in the moment.

My point is this: we've all been fed nonsense about what constitutes beauty. Whether it was from family, the media, significant others... Some of us absorbed more of that thinking than others, but it doesn't mean that you have to continue to buy into that. Regardless of your skin tone, hair texture (or how you wear it), size, whatever... if you don't see the beauty in yourself, you can't expect the world to do it. Yes, we've been bombarded with the European "standard" of beauty, but it's a myth! There is no "standard" of beauty. Hello, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder!" Learn to love what you see in the mirror (even if you want to tweak some things), whether or not it fits other people's definition of beauty.

I Used to Love You

Valentine's Day, that is.

In elementary school, Valentine's Day was right up there with Christmas! I loved going to school on that day... It was full of arts & crafts, music and sweets. Heaven for a fat little artiste such as myself. There was no doubt that something would be in the little paper basket that hung over the side of the desk. And don't let there be a real card in there, not just the little tear-out cards that came in the box with the cartoon characters on it... Baaaaaybeh, that meant you were fancy! Someone liked you enough to spend a whole dollar on yo card. Go 'head! And since I went to a Christian school, we got all the love scriptures: "God is love," "For God so loved the world..." "Greater love hath no man than this..." etc.

But then I grew up. Went many V-Days without anyone special. Grew up some more and got my heart broken a couple of times. Went through the bitter phase. Grew up even more to get to the content phase. And now, Valentine's Day just doesn't mean anything to me. I don't hate the holiday--I grew out of that in college. But I'm not ecstatic about it either. It's just another day. Even now that I'm in a relationship, it's not that big of a deal. We do things for each other throughout the year, so whether one of those acts happens to fall on 2/14 doesn't make it any more special to me than the other 364 days of the year.

I used to love Valentine's Day, more than most other days. But now, it's just a day like every other day.

Except my birthday. That day is still special.

Home Ownership Matters

Some people who are on the fence about buying a home may be asking themselves, "Besides the obvious benefit of having my own place, what difference does owning a home really make?" Well, in the grand scheme of things, it makes quite a bit of difference. Need proof?

The National Association of Realtors has created this flyer to outline the impact that home ownership has on individuals, communities, and this country. You can download the flyer here.

The comments are open, so feel free to discuss the points you agree or disagree with. Maybe you have some benefits of your own that you would like to share!

Tori's Tips for Terrific Twistouts

To have a great twistout, you have to start with great twists! It's been a year since I started doing my own hair, and the first style I attempted was two-strand twists and the subsequent twistout. Over time, I've developed my own little method for perfecting the twistout.

end of January

1. Twist on dry or semi-dry hair, not wet
I kinda stumbled across this, but I swear it's made all the difference in my twists and twistouts. When I first started doing my two-strand twists, I did them right after washing while they were still wet.  Doing this kept me from getting the most out of my twists for two reasons: 1. I couldn't correctly estimate how much hair I was using, so I ended up with fewer, fatter twists than I wanted, and 2. I wasn't ready for how the twists shrank once they dried. On top of that, it took forever for the hair to dry! Now I usually do my twists when my hair is completely dry. If I want to do it after washing, I'll let it air dry about 85% if I have time, or if I'm in a rush I'll spray it with heat protectant and sit under the dryer for a few minutes.

2. Keep your twistout style in mind when deciding the twisting pattern/parts
Instead of just twisting willy-nilly and waiting to see what happens, have a picture in mind of how you want your hair to look. This is more so for the front of your hair than the back. Will it all go straight back? Parted down the middle? The way you part your hair and the direction of the twists will determine how your twistout looks for at least a day or two so keep that in mind.

3. For a "big" twistout, wear twists longer
This is something that I just learned when I did my last twistout a few weeks ago. When I wear my twists only for a day or two, my twistouts are generally smooth, sleek, and not as big. It took a few days of wearing the twistout to get the big hair, but by then I was losing definition. However, this last time I wore the twists for four days. Even with the conditioner and wearing my bonnet at night, I could see the twists starting to puff up. (They were also a little frizzy from the weather). Once I took the twists down, I was amazed at the difference. Three-day twistout hair on day one! So if you're going for a sleek twistout, 1 or 2 days should do; go longer if you want to go bigger.

4. Seal twists with an oil
When I first started doing twists, I used Cantu Shea Butter to seal them. I thought this would give them shine and hold. Not so much. What did give them surprising hold and a good deal of shine was a mix of coconut and olive oil. You may want to experiment with different essential oils to find what you like best, but I would encourage you to incorporate an oil into your twists, especially on the ends.

5. Keep your twists conditioned and scalp well oiled
Just because twists are considered a protective style, that doesn't mean you don't have to do anything! Get a good spray leave-in conditioner such as Carol's Daughter Black Vanilla and get a hit daily. Your hair will thank you! And don't forget your scalp, because you can't have healthy hair without a healthy scalp. Apply your favorite oil to make sure it stays moisturized, especially during the winter. My favorite product for my scalp is We Rock Roots Rock Therapy, though I can also be found resorting to Sulfur 8 from time to time. What can I say? It works for me...

6. Trim your ends before unraveling twists
I haven't been doing this, but I did it on Sunday when I washed my hair and did a chunky twistout. Trimming the old, thin ends of the hair gave it a cleaner, more shapely look. Usually my twistout would include a little haze of random ends shooting out everywhere, looking frizzy and a bit unsightly. Considering that I was about due for a trim anyway, I decided to go ahead with it myself. That extra five minutes made a world of difference for me.  This is also the easiest way to dust your hair, IMO.

What are your fool-proof tips for a great twistout? Speak on it!

On Marriage... Again

Bartender and I have had several discussions on marriage. Although he seems to be opening up to the idea of marriage, there was a conversation that left me thinking. (Let me stop here and note that I have not been trying to convince him to marry me; I've got too much pride and too many options to beg for something like that! LOL) The majority of the conversations have been about why he was fearful or weary of marriage. He gave the typical "Women change/stop giving head/having sex on the regular" excuse for the longest, before finally saying that the commitment was huge and not something that he'd want to go into lightly.

Understandable.

But then he asked me, "Why do you want to get married? What's the benefit for you?"

Initially I wanted to dismiss it as a silly rebuttal, but once I thought about it I had to ask myself the same thing. Really, what is the benefit of me getting married? If I was thinking of starting a family, I would definitely want to be married; but kids are out. Can't really say it's for the financial security; I'm working on that on my own. Plus the likelihood of marrying someone whose credit is as high or higher than mine is low, so that would mean I'd take a hit. I love the emotional security that marriage is supposed to afford, but we all know that marriage is no guarantee of that (just like not being married doesn't mean you won't have it). Tax break? Meh, from what I've read it doesn't amount to a whole lot. I've got insurance from work, got guns for protection. And of course I could look at it from the religious standpoint of needing to be married to do the do without working about eternal dayumation and hell fire, but considering my... evolving religious beliefs, I'm not sure how that ties in. Plus, wouldn't marrying just to have sex be wrong? While I still need a man, what is the need for a husband?

But like so many things, even though I feel like I don't need it, I want it. The "want" of marriage for me is knowing that I have such a strong connection (spiritually, physically and mentally) with someone that he is willing to say "You make me so happy that I want to stand before God and the world, vowing to make this work until I take my last breath."

Bartender says I'm still young and naive to how the world works. I tell him that marriage, like anything else, is what one makes of it.

pic courtesy of iamsassychic.com

Morning Randomness: On Handwritten Letters

Since my parents preparing for their move whenever they finally decide on a house I've started the process of cleaning, packing, and throwing things away. I'm tackling my room in sections, because somehow, over the years, I've accumulated a lot of stuff.

While going through a drawer that I'd basically forgotten about, I ran across a big yellow envelope. Even though I hadn't seen or thought about it in years, I knew exactly what it was. The envelope is filled with notes and love letters from back in the day when keeping in touch wasn't just a Facebook post or tweet away. Some of these were passed to me in high school (one of which was from a female friend. I didn't realize was an "I like you" note until way after the fact.) Some were mailed from old boyfriends and interests. A few quick notes from a friend going through Naval training.

One was a note left stuck to my front door... That one was kinda special. It was from my first. Years after he moved away, the summer after I'd graduated from college, he was in town and stopped by to see me. Unfortunately, I was out on my job hunt. He left a quick little note:

"Hey Tori, this is [Mr. Magic Voice's real name].
Every time I try to see you, you're nowhere to be found.
I miss you."

It was cute and a little cheesy that he made it rhyme and... I dunno. It was special to me.

I kinda miss the anticipation of getting a letter from someone I love, the feeling of knowing that they took the time to sit down and write--not type--something just for me.

New Homeowner Tool

from HomePath.com

On January 6, Fannie Mae launched WaysHome^TM, a new interactive video to educate homeowners about their options to avoid foreclosure, motivate them to make the right decisions, and encourage them to seek help. WaysHome is part of Fannie Mae's Know Your Options^TM consumer initiative to help today's struggling homeowners and is available on KnowYourOptions.com.

Overview
A unique and innovative learning tool, WaysHome allows homeowners to put themselves into real-life situations and make decisions -- then see the consequences of these decisions play out in front of them. Through WaysHome, homeowners can:

• Participate in an interactive video simulation.


• Select a character and go through the simulation "playing" that character.


• Follow characters as they encounter financial hardships and challenges that affect their ability to pay their mortgage.


• Choose different paths based on real-life situations.


• Experience the positive outcomes or negative consequences of their choices (i.e., if they avoid taking action, foreclosure may be their only option).


• Learn about options that may be available to help.


• Discover the right paths to avoid foreclosure, know their options, and find their way home.

Benefits to You
Our research shows that many homeowners still don't know about -- or understand -- their options to avoid foreclosure. In fact, many homeowners who are seriously delinquent or in foreclosure have little to no contact with their mortgage company. WaysHome is designed to bridge that gap and encourage homeowners to take action before it's too late.

Make-up Break Pt. I

Lately *well, it was lately when I started this post... in November* I've been on a makeup/tool shopping spree (which is about to be halted unless I can find a sponsor LOL) and I've had some hits... and some misses. My focus has been mostly on the eyes. They say the eyes are the window to the soul right? Well what's a window without some beautiful treatments? :)

1. Eco Tools Bamboo 6-piece Eye Brush Set

From the site:

THIS EARTH-FRIENDLY SET SHOWS RESPECT FOR THE PLANET:

Highly sustainable bamboo handles

100% cruelty-free, soft taklon bristles

Labeling the brushes made this an instant win!

Recycled aluminum ferrules

Natural cotton and hemp cosmetic bag

Reusable storage pouch

I picked this up for three reasons: it was cute, it was cheap, and I was tired of using the little sponge applicators that come with eyeshadow. My favorite thing about these brushes? On the handle it states which brush it is. That is great for a make up novice like me, because I wouldn't know the smudge brush from the shade brush, the crease from the highlight, and I'd be blending with whatever I grabbed. Although I don't have any other brushes to compare them to, they are a win in my book. The application is a lot easier and better than with the sponges, and at about $7.00 at Walgreens, they didn't hurt my pocket so I'm more likely to go with these than the expensive designer brushes I've seen.

2. Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer (shade: Sin)

 

from the site:

This miracle eyeshadow primer is unmatched by any other in the beauty industry! The genie in this bottle fulfills three wishes: eyeshadow that lasts, more vibrant and lasting color, and absolutely NO creasing. Apply Primer Potion to lids before shadow application. It dries down almost instantly (and invisibly), creating smooth lids that are super powered eyeshadow magnets. 

The formula is full of silicone, which you beauty mavens know makes for a smooth and silky application. Packaged in a pretty genie bottle, our Potion applies with a magic wand and flocked applicator.

I think my expectations for this was a bit off. I assumed that a primer automatically meant that it would make my shadow colors really pop. I didn't really get that, or at least not how I expected. It didn't make much difference on my lid, but under the brow it did too much. Gave me a very clownish look. No bueno. I also have issues with application. Maybe it's just that I'm not used to it, but the brush totally threw me off. I ended up with too much in some places, not enough in others. Definitely a hassle when trying to get out the door in a hurry. However, this primer is not without merit. It kept my shadow from wearing off, which is great considering that I'm usually on the go from the time I put it on in the morning. I'll continue to use primer, but I don't think I'll be dropping another $18 a pop on this one. In the meantime, I'll be adding NYX Jumbo Eye Pencil in Milk to my artillery. According to what I've been reading/YouTube videos, that is THE thing to have to make those colors stand out. We will see!

 

3. Revlon Illuminance Creme Shadow (shade: Va Va Va Bloom)

Note: this is NOT Va Va Va Bloom. This is Black Magic, the one I really want to try.

From the site:

Discover an endless spectrum of luminosity. Play with all 4 shades and watch your eyes light up a new way every time!  

 

Va Va Va Bloom. I have no idea why this thing wont let me
turn the picture right side up! :-/

I had no real reason for buying this. It was an impulse buy. I was in Wal-Mart and said "oooh pretty colors!" and got it. I was surprised to see that they were cream shadows. Seeing this, I figured, "I bet these colors really pop!" Um, not so much.I had to put a ton of it on to see it, but then that meant creasing. The colors looked great in the packaging but on me they looked rather dull and blah. I think they would be awesome on someone with light skin, but they just didn't do it for me. Not even with the primer. I'm torn because I want to try some other shades but I don't want to be disappointed! The pallets I'm really feeling are Black Magic, Wild Orchids (although I probably won't try it since it looks a lot like Va Va Va Bloom), Precious Metals, Copper Canyon, and Twilight. I can't remember how much it was (my bad) but I don't believe it was more than $8. And since it was cheap, I may have to hunt down the Black Magic and give Revlon a second chance.