Beauty Is In the Eye of the... Experts?

 

The standard of beauty, according to some scientists



Yesterday, over on OHN, I read a post about experts in Britain proclaiming that 18-year-old Florence Colgate might be the world’s most beautiful woman. The article (posted originally on Gawker) mostly states that this is because of the “scientific ideal” of distance from her ears to eyes and between her eyes and mouth. And I have read before about how scientists and psychologists coming up with some kind of way to determine what “ideal” beauty is based on how people react to pictures (but whose ideal, what pictures were shown & who they were shown to, IDK). Yet at the end of the article, it says “Florence has all the classic signs of beauty… She has large eyes, high cheekbones, full lips and a fair complexion.” No surprise that Ms. Colgate is young, blonde, blue-eyed, and thin. Yes, for many, she is the standard of beauty.

Today I read that People Magazine has named Beyoncé the world’s most beautiful woman. She has a beautiful smile, always looks flawless, and her figure is stunning–my words, not People‘s. Although the magazine’s title-holder changes from year to year and isn’t based on any particular science (that I’m aware of) it holds about as much weight as the opinion of the “experts.”

Bey, post-baby

No doubt, both of these women are attractive. But why do we feel compelled to hold up anyone as the “standard” or the “most” attractive? Why do we not actually believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Instead of celebrating everyone’s beauty, we select a few people and say “This is what beauty is. Oh, you don’t measure up? Too bad!” Of course it’s nothing new. But just because we’re used to it doesn’t make it a good thing. We as a society (and especially as women, seeing as how we are the ones constantly bombarded with the message that we aren’t enough as is) should learn to accept and embrace our differences and “imperfections.” No one will meet everyone’s standard of beauty, because we each have different ideals. But to someone, to many, you are beautiful inside and out. And you don’t need an expert to tell you that.

After the Fact

Once again I’m having a conversation with an old flame and it’s come back to the “you deserve…” “I wish I…” “I’m sorry I didn’t…” comments. I guess that hindsight really is 20/20.
The thing is, I’m tired of hearing that. What is supposed to be accomplished by this “confession”? Am I supposed to just be elated that someone finally gets it, even after they dogged me out? Is it supposed to validate me in some way (“hey, turns out you didn’t deserve to be treated like shit!”)? Is it supposed to be the key to open the door back into my good graces? Is there supposed to be some element of closure or resolution or some other emotional crap that I’m missing?
It’s amazing to me that this clarity doesn’t come about until after they’ve moved on to another relationship or even gotten married. I’ve asked what changed between then and now, because it ain’t me. (Actually, I kinda take that back. I have changed; I’m not nearly as sweet or open as I was in the past.) So far, no one has really given me an answer, just some old “seeing things clearer” BS.

i started to paste my pic over Tina's, but that would've taken effort... lol But the caption still stands!

Honestly, the first one or two times I got these remarks from old boos, I was smug. After all, they were seeing just how silly they were for letting me slip through their fingers. Ha ha! I slightly reveled in saying “well, you leaving me just made room for bigger and better, so it’s cool!” But after a while it became “here we go again” and I was wondering what I wasn’t doing right in the first place since obviously they couldn’t see what they had until it was too late. Of course I’m not so disillusioned as to think that I am the best thing to walk this earth, but still… I knew I was a good woman, so why didn’t they?
Now, I’m just… pizzled (that’s pissed and puzzled). Kinda confused because I really don’t know the point of telling me all this way after the fact; a little angry because I feel like it’s assumed that everything is all good after their “my bad.” I just… I don’t get it.
Ladies & gents, if you’ve ever given the “if I’d known then what I know now” speech to an ex, can you explain to me what you hoped to accomplish? Did it work?

Morning Quickie: Gallon People & Pint People

Last night, while taking a much-needed break from working on my jewelry, I managed to catch the last little bit of Oprah’s Lifeclass Tour. Deepak Chopra’s segment had ended, and T. D. Jakes was on next. If you follow me on Twitter you know I was all over his lifeclass last week on living with purpose. This time around he was talking about forgiveness. I was in and out of the room so I missed a lot (got the DVR set for the rerun though!), but I heard one thing about expectation that hit a nerve.

“When you expect someone to love on a gallon level and they are a pint person, you’re going to be frustrated the rest of your life.”

Basically, don’t expect more than what a person is capable of. I know I’m guilty of that from time to time, even though I try hard not to have any expectations at all. (IMO, expectation leads to disappointment, in case you didn’t know.) And while I don’t believe myself to be a gallon person (maybe half a gallon at the most lol) I have had instances where what I was given (time, love, communication, etc.) was just not what I needed. If you’re expecting anything from another person (romantically or otherwise) make sure your expectations match their capability.

Morning Quickie: An Arrest is not Justice

On yesterday, it was announced that charges were being brought against George Zimmerman for the shooting death of Trayvon Martin. The charge would be second degree murder, and Zimmerman turned himself in. He may be out on bond as early as today.
His parents have said that they are pleased that an arrest was finally made, and that was the justice that they asked for. However, I can’t say that I completely agree with that sentiment. True, this is a step in the right direction, but an arrest in and of itself is not justice. (After all, how many people who have committed crimes have been arrested and nothing else?) Justice, IMO, would be the conviction of this murderer. Justice would be a thorough investigation of the Sanford Police Department and proper disciplinary action if it is found that there was foul play involved in letting him go free (which I believe there was). It would be taking a second look at the Stand Your Ground laws  to better define “self-defense” so that it can no longer be used to muddy the water when a killer is called to the carpet. Justice would be an honest look at the cold hard facts about how profiling and discrimination affects so many in this country and putting measures in place to discourage and prosecute these acts.
Will all of that happen? Some of it might. Some of it probably won’t. But I am happy that there is finally a step in the right direction in this case.

Four Tips From My Foray Into Entrepreneurship

One thing that I love (and sometimes loathe) about business is the fact that there is soooo much going on behind the scenes to make the process look easy. I have learned that in each of the areas I’ve dabbled in–real estate, freelance writing, and currently jewelry making. Don’t judge me! While becoming an entrepreneur seems fun (and no lie, it is!) it is also more work than you may think. Here are four tips to help you out.

1. To be a successful entrepreneur, you need to know more than just your craft.
For many who are just starting out, they have to be everything in their business. Accountant, PR/marketing specialist, secretary, etc. Of course, you knew that already. What you may not realize, however, is that there are parts of the job you love that cross over into fields that you never even considered. For example, when I decided to try my hand at selling handmade jewelry, I knew that I’d need to know about different techniques, where to sell, and keeping up with the cash flow. I was not expecting to get into photography. Sure, I had to take pictures, but that’s simple, right? No, not if you want it done right and you’ve never done more than point and click. So now, along with learning more about the jewelry business, I am also reading as much as I can on photography. Never anticipated that!
2. Learning = growth. To grow your business, you can never stop learning.
One problem that some new business owners encounter (especially those who are making and/or selling products) is that they get complacent in what they know, so they never branch out to discover what they don’t know. It is important to keep up with the trends in your market and in your given field. This helps you stay ahead of the curve and in the game. There is always a new tweak, technique, tool, etc. that can improve what you do and help you expand your product offering. Sidenote: Don’t confuse this expansion with diluting your best product or service to offer many different ones that turn out to be mediocre (this happens more often than you may think). You must make sure your key offering remains strong!

3. You need a mentor.
It may not even be a mentor in the traditional sense. When I started in real estate, I had a traditional mentor who became my broker. She showed me the ins & outs and basically lead me through a rather confusing field.  Now that I am in a new profession, I find that I have gravitated to “mentors” online; those who are successful and have shared how they got to where they are. Although they are not hands-on with me, I am still able to take their nuggets of wisdom and apply it to my own work. Whether you have someone who holds your hand through getting your business off the ground or are following someone from afar, choose someone–or two or three–as your mentor and learn from their successes and mistakes.
4. Know when to call for backup.
So you have come to a point where you just cannot handle everything by yourself? Congrats! This means either your business is growing or you have identified an area that could become problematic if not handled correctly. If your situation happens to be the latter, don’t beat yourself up over it! Realize that it is an opportunity for improvement. When it’s time to enlist others for help, evaluate your needs, cash flow and available options. Only you can determine whether you need someone to work with you full-time, part-time, or on a contract basis.
If you have started a business, what other tips would you share with would-be entrepreneurs?

Quote of the Day

This morning I was having a text convo that is becoming fairly common with this particular individual. It got me to thinking how sometimes we just like a person because of their looks or personality (which is fine). But how often is there a level of admiration? How often do we find that the object of our affection does more than make us feel good, but instead motivates us to be great? Even though I’m not in a relationship with this person, I can say without hesitation that his influence and words make me a little more careful about what I do and say. He says I have the same positive influence on him, which definitely put a smile on my face.
The conversation made me think of the following (anonymous?) quotes, so I had to share them with y’all.

The best love is the one that makes you a better person, without changing you into someone other than yourself.

 

If the relationship doesn’t make you a better person, you are with the wrong one.

Morning Quickie: A Dream Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
 like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

- Langston Hughes, “Harlem”

I am just under a month and a half away from being 27 25 3.0. Even though this isn’t one of those “big” birthdays, I feel pressured to come to terms with some things, mainly the growing likelihood of not realizing some of my dreams and goals. Some of them I have already put to rest, like the desire to become an author. I still want to publish the book of poetry just because it’s on my bucket list. But the next Zora or Toni I am not.  Other goals are in their death throes, like the probability of me moving out of state within the next few years or buying a house before May 15 (unless I can find a good paying part-time job and save up some big money between now and then).

The funny thing is that I’m not that upset about letting go of some of the goals I had. With some I realized the timing wasn’t right, others I simply outgrew. Yet, in the place of old dreams, new ones have blossomed. New goals, this time with definite dates, are in my sights. I’m learning that although not all dreams come true, I don’t have to give up on all of them because a few fell through.

So what happened to my dreams deferred? Some have indeed dried up like a raisin in the sun; yet others have given way to bigger and better ambitions.

No matter what setbacks you have encountered, remember that some of your goals are still attainable. Keep going!